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Online Bible |
2 Timothy 2:6
The husbandman that laboureth must be first partaker of the fruits.
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Posted by: Jerry Gaffney on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 06:21 PM
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THE NIGHTMARES WOULD COME. I RE-LIVED FATAL ACCIDENT AND CRIME SCENES. THE DIFFERENCE BEING, THAT WHEN I ROLLED THE BODIES OVER, I WAS LOOKING AT MY WIFE OR KIDS, OR GRANDKIDS
Dear Jerry,
You said that you wanted our testimonies of how the Lord has changed our lives since you've been here. Well, here's mine. Feel free to use it for Christ.
A little history is in order at this point. You call me a "policeman". Well, not anymore. This year was my final and fortieth (40th) dealing with emergency services. I started "officially" searching for lost people in the woods, on behalf of the county when I was fifteen years old. I also started doing ambulance attendant work at sixteen years of age, and continued with that for twenty-five years. I have also served as a Clallam County Deputy Sheriff, both as a "reserve" and as a "regular". I have also served as a city marshall and county search and rescue coordinator. I am still certified as a high angle (cliff) and heliocopter rescue person. I have trained and worked German shepard and bloodhound tracking dogs. I am certified (state) mantracker.
I give you this background, not to "blow my own horn", but, to try to give you an understanding of the emotional and physical trauma I've dealt with all of these eyars. You're not supposed to get "emotionally involved", but I did. That's probably why I was so good at what I did.
I have received several commendations for my work. I cared. I still care.
I also tried to carry the burden on my shoulders. THIS WAS A VERY BAD MISTAKE. You know the type. "I can handle it." "It will go away". Well, now, I realize that when satan decides to destroy you, he doesn't just "go away". He is a thief that takes away all joy and peace of mind. He definitely can "fold, spindle, and mutilate."
FOR THE LAST YEAR, OR SO, MY NIGHTMARES AND "FLASH BACKS" WERE BECOMING MUCH WORSE. This year, for instance, I could not "do" the Easter cantata. I couldn't stand the "blood".
For the last month, before you came, I had turned to writing, trying to come to grips with it all. I wrote just short pieces, trying to put my feelings on paper. I let a writer-friend of mine read a rough draft about a SUICIDE I COVERED. He awoke at 4:30 A.M. the next morning with NIGHTMARES, AFTER SIMPLY READING IT. He said it was one of the strongest things he had read, because it was true.
I had became very withdrawn. I couldn't sleep. When I did, THE NIGHTMARES WOULD COME. I RE-LIVED FATAL ACCIDENT AND CRIME SCENES. THE DIFFERENCE BEING, THAT WHEN I ROLLED THE BODIES OVER, I WAS LOOKING AT MY WIFE OR KIDS, OR GRANDKIDS. Believe me, you wake up screaming! Things were very "black"
And then, you came. I went forward for prayer. I felt it was my last chance. You prayed, and THE JOY OF JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT CAME BACK TO ME. I heard a voice saying "Let the dead bury the dead....", over and over. The voice gave me instructions not to worry about the carnage of the past, for I had done all I could. I was to look forward. Like the young man in Matthew, I was to "let the dead bury the dead, and follow Jesus. Which I have. And, I will continue to do so.
It is my wish and prayer that I may continue to serve Jesus, and bring peace of mind and joy to the hurting.
Thank you God!
Thank you Jesus!
Thank you Holy Spirit
Your brother in Christ
Vernon M
Port Angeles, Wa |
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