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John 21:8
And the other disciples came in a little ship; (for they were not far from land, but as it were two hundred cubits,) dragging the net with fishes.
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Posted by: Jerry Gaffney on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 08:43 PM
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I HAD, IN GOOD PHARISEE AUTHORITY, LIMITED WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT COULD DO IN ME. It's kind of like saying do all the works in this little part of me, but don't do anything undignified because it might be taken as unholy......
"If thou doest my will I will bless thee." These are the words that ring in my soul living with a new-found hope and joy in the Lord. Three weeks ago the same words would have only strengthened the bondage I was in.
I want to please the Lord. I believe He found me from a distance.
I would go to church. I'd pray. I'd try to be obedient. I'd try to love. Frankly, when I went to hear this man, Jerry, at the church my son goes to -- teach...I was tired. How well does a person have to do before God's blessings start showing up?
I'd been taking Prozac for about eight years for anxiety attacks. The Prozac was great. I could go to church and sit and even hear without the fear making me want to run. I admit I questioned why God couldn't heal me. I also wondered if the Prozac stopped me from normal excitement and feeling. The doctors say no; even the Christian doctors. They say it's just a chemical imbalance and the Prozac just gets the chemicals working right. I was amazed a little pill could take all that fear from me. But I still questioned if God intended me to take this stuff.
I have heard sermons on the end-time drugs that so many would be taking and wondered if this is the drug that would deceive many. Look at the millions taking Prozac and similar drugs. I could see the deception when I saw how society today expects people to look and be in control, to hold great conversations, be active, and on and on. Well, without my Prozac I couldn't make the standard! Plus where's God? I don't want to be on drugs. Why doesn't he heal me? I believe Christ died for me.
Anyway I walked into this meeting. I'd stopped taking my Prozac for a couple of weeks because of an infection. I was taking so much medication each day that I decided I'd try once more to make it without the pills. It takes a month or so for it to get completely out of my system.
The first day I liked this man but he kept talking about healings, being slain in the Spirit, jumping in the rivers of joy, etc. The second day I didn't come. I had heard about men like him and from Christian men who ran Christian Institutes. I had their books. I read them. I could see, touch and feel their truth. And I loved these men for telling the "truth" so that people wouldn't get hurt believing that God would actually touch His people in such a way. We all know God's too big... He sent His son to die for us. What else could we possibly want? Plus these guys looked good, sincere, upright, saying the right things. I wanted to be together -- whole.
Anyway mainly so not to hurt my son's feelings, but also because I knew something in my walk with God was missing, I went back to the meetings. During one of those meetings Jerry said to me, you're tired of trying. From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet this was the truth.
At that point I saw in the revelation of the Holy Spirit the Phariseees of this generation I'd been believing -- the works, the words, the failure, the failure, the failure. I then understood what the power of the Holy Spirit meant. He's alive. He touches. He loves. He's our stregnth! God sent Him for us. He's not far off.
I feel sorry for those now who limit what the Spirit can and will do in our lives. I remember being told all the half-truths that when I accepted Jesus as my Savior I received the Holy Spirit. I remembered my doubts as to why if they are in me I wasn't healed. I didn't have strength or joy in serving the Lord. But the Spirit was in.
I HAD, IN GOOD PHARISEE AUTHORITY, LIMITED WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT COULD DO IN ME. It's kind of like saying do all the works in this little part of me, but don't do anything undignified because it might be taken as unholy or something and I wanted to look all-together, whole and in control, and not be judged by anyone.
Oh well, praise God all I can say now is Lord, more, more, more and not for experience either. God IS TOUCHING, HEALING, FILLING ME WITH JOY, this is being whole as as far as the "thou does well and I will bless you," I AM NOW DOING WELL AND HE IS BLESSING ME!
Thank you, Lord, for being and doing more than we can ever possibly imagine. Now I can see the whole truth in your word. You do heal and you do anoint and touch. You are alive -- today, yesterday and tomorrow!
Charla T |
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