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I could not commit suicide. I believed hell was real!

Posted by: Jerry Gaffney on Tuesday, May 28, 2002 - 10:30 PM

By the time I was seventeen I was using street drugs. I jumped out of a second story window and broke my back in three places high on crank. This introduced me to prescription drugs.....

I have been mad at God all my life. I have had a rage brewing in me for 43 years. God had allowed me to be born into a family that didn't even want me around them. I was never touched let alone loved. It did not exist in this house; hate did.
By the time I was seventeen I was using street drugs. I jumped out of a second story window and broke my back in three places high on crank. This introduced me to prescription drugs.
I wandered into one bad relationship after another. I married five times, all but one was violent and destructive. I had four abortions during these years, and four children. And I was taking up to 500 pills (prescription) a month to control the rage inside. Yes, it spilled out on my children too many times. I would become more angry because I really loved them and life was becoming harder for me.
I could not commit suicide. I believed hell was real! I have looked for a way out all my life. Three years ago I gave my heart to the Lord. I dropped slowly all the drugs and things and coped fairly well. Yet the rage was still there. So I took one type of medication and stayed a little more controlled.
In July of this year (95) I was invited by a friend to Jerry Gaffney's revival at Neighborhood church. At first he scared me because he yelled so much. I would cringe. But I saw Jesus in him. I began to love him because he told me what Jesus said, and he did not stop until I really understood and it became life changing.
He recently spent a few days talking about how to receive God's healing physically. By the time I got home Wednesday evening I knew in my heart I was getting it! and it was going to be life changing! There is a way out!! Since then I have laid everything down. Physically, I have a few symptoms but I expect they won't be around very long.
The rage? The other day my voice began to raise like it used to and a voice spoke quietly to me and said, " This is the red flag you asked me for when you need to stop and focus on me! Stop and lean on me!"
Forty-three years!! I never knew I always had a way out! I'm on my way out....And I'm getting free.
I'm so grateful to Jerry and his wife Jan, for their obedience to God to come here to Aberdeen. My life will never be the same. And I will tell everyone who will listen that they can be free too! There is a way out!
Three of my children gave their hearts to the Lord during this revival!!!!

Jill R