Purity Matters
I started out writingabout “Fornication and the Bible,” but it kind of segued into purity issues so closely related.
I will start with the meaning of Fornication: consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other (from the Merriam Webster on line dictionary), which means it also includes adultery. Because this is so common even between “Christians” who are dating, I was led to write from a Biblical perspective on this topic.
Now, what does the Bible have to say about this?
16 So Jesus said, “Are you also still without understanding? 17 Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? 18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. 19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. 20 These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.” (Matthew 15:16:17 - 20)
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” (Mark 7:21 - 23)
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them. (Romans 1:28 - 32)
25 But concerning the Gentiles who believe, we have written and decided that they should observe no such thing, except that they should keep themselves from things offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality (fornication in other versions).” (Acts 21:25)
9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. 12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (1 Corinthians 5:9 - 13)
13 Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Corinthians 6:13)
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)
21 lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced. (2 Corinthians 12:21)
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:16 - 25)
3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them. (Ephesians 5:3 - 7)
5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. (Colossians 3:5 - 7)
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
5 But I want to remind you, though you once knew this, that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. 6 And the angels who did not keep their proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the judgment of the great day; 7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. (Jude 1:5 - 7)
14 But I have a few things against you, because you have there those who hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit sexual immorality. 15 Thus you also have those who hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I hate.16 Repent, or else I will come to you quickly and will fight against them with the sword of My mouth. (Revelation 2:14 - 16)
20 Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. 21 And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent. 22 Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds. 23 I will kill her children with death, and all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works. (Revelation 2:20 - 23)
20 But the rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands, that they should not worship demons, and idols of gold, silver, brass, stone, and wood, which can neither see nor hear nor walk. 21 And they did not repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts. (Revelation 9:20 - 21)
6 And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. 7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. 8 But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:6 - 8) (whoremongers, Old King James, sex with whores)
14 Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. 15 But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie. (Revelation 22:14 - 15) (whoremongers, Old King James -- sex with whores)
These are only New Testament scriptures, and I know there are many more in the Old Testament. They were stoned for having sex before marriage in Old Testament times (if not repentant). We now live under grace and God allows time for His Holy Spirit to convict us and gives us a chance to come to repentance in Jesus Christ for our sins.
So what is marriage? Some say it’s just a piece of paper, so why not live together? Well, even by state laws you have to live together seven years before it’s considered common law. But, historically, all marriages start with weddings. I have been doing research on the history of weddings. If we start with Adam and Eve, they were married by God. Now, people are married by those who represent God, as in a minister. As Christians, of course, we want to chose a Bible believing minister. If you look at the earliest “weddings” it says things like Isaac brought Rebecca into his mothers tent (Genesis 24:67)…but there are no details of what the “wedding” actually entailed. Jacob had an actual wedding ceremony of some kind -- twice. And, later, when the maids were given to him as wives, obviously there were weddings, since it doesn’t say they just slept with him but became his wives. Solomon had wives and concubines…so weddings occurred. As to this whole area of multiple wives (why were they allowed in the Old Testament?), I can only say, in the beginning God said, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (not wives).” And, in the New Testament one wife/husband was taught by Jesus and the writers of all the books and epistles…so we must conclude that only one mate is God’s plan for all of us.
So, bottom line, unless you stand up before God and man and make some sort of public commitment statement that you are now going to live as husband and wife/wife and husband, you should not be having sex. For those who say marriage is “just a piece of paper,” to them it is only a piece of paper. Marriage doesn’t mean covenant and commitment to them. Because they regard it as “just a piece of paper” divorcing is probably much easier as well…since divorce is just paper as well (a huge stack of it, from what I’ve seen). And divorce is hated by God…and he says not to divorce unless your mate commits adultery. So…marriage is to be taken seriously. If God hates divorce, then obviously he LOVES marriage, and He favors the wedding ceremony that says you are married. The Jewish wedding ceremonies lasted a week from what I’ve heard. The couple went in the bedroom to consummate, while the guests continued to celebrate in the outer rooms. Jesus did His first miracle at a wedding. So how can we say He is not pro-wedding, thus marriage? So, though I can not find an exact scripture that says what constitutes marriage, I can find plenty that say sex is only for those who are married…and we all know marriages begin with some kind of ceremony.
Most of the scriptures on marriage in the Bible say “--and gave her to [whomever] as his wife.” There is not a lot of description or detail on the wedding ceremonies that took place. But we know what current wedding ceremonies entail, so it seems obvious we would engage in a ceremony of this type.
I am not just talking about something the state calls “legal.” I am talking about the promises made to God that back the signed piece of paper. The promises couples make to God and each other that they will stay together until death or the Lord’s return. I am not talking about a bunch of goopy talk that says stuff like, “Your dreams are my dreams” (not that they shouldn’t be)…but I am talking about a determination in one’s heart that says “I will never leave you, because God puts couples together to stay together until the end.” And also, I am talking about determining to live out marriage according to the commands of scripture to husband and wives (husband loving wives, wives submitting to husbands and so on).
We are to obey the governing authorities (Romans 13), so it is correct to be married with the state’s backing. But before we would get the signed license, we must be sure it is God who has called us to be with this person. God is the one who chooses our mate for us. Just as he brought Eve to Adam, in His timing, so we must let God bring our mate to us in His timing. It was God who said it was not good for Adam to be alone…so we must let him say about us. Let him chose when and who we are to marry. Until that time, we are to remain sexually inactive and to remain sexually inactive with that person we are to marry until a wedding takes place. In today’s society, the laws of the land for marriage include getting a marriage license, and, in accordance with Romans 13, we must obey those laws to be really and truly married. So we do need that piece of paper. But it is not a contract that keeps us together it is a COVENANT and a COMMITMENT. Our love for God extends to our mate, and our commitment to God is shown by our commitment to our mate and our marriage.
This commitment starts in our single years. We remain sexually inactive, because to have sex before we meet and marry our mate, is to cheat on them. And there is the whole area of porn/sexual content in our entertainment choices. All can be forgiven, including actual
intercourse. God will give us a second chance, and He can make our first sexual encounter in marriage as if it was our first one (even if we have had sex before). But many of us have fantasized sex or virtually experienced it through reading a sex scene or watching a sex scene or listening to a sexual lyric or looking at porn. And this fills our minds with images that cause us to feel sexually aroused…when only our mate should be sexually arousing us. So this is a whole area (including masturbation) that causes us to be less than pure. So, when young people make purity vows, they also need to consider how to avoid entertainment that will arouse them. How much are these images in music, movies, magazines, internet and videos things that have caused us to cheat on our mates (before or after marriage)? This is an area of struggle I have dealt with over the years, as these kind of images are just EVERYWHERE and we have to work constantly to avoid them. Is it not just about as wrong to fantasize or virtually have sex with that model, singer, actor/actress, story character, video dancer or whoever else as with a real person you are dating?
Same goes into marriage. Sex is between a married couple, period. They should not say it’s okay for them to watch a movie with a sex scene, because they are already married and it’s okay for them to have sex so they won’t be tempted. Would you go over to your neighbors and watch them have sex by this same argument? Hardly. So, why is it okay to watch in a movie, magazine, etc.? (I by no means am saying I do not struggle in this area, because I have over the years).
No-one on this planet can say they are 100% pure. But as purity is a goal for Christians, then we must pray to be pure and we must do all we can to stay pure. I have prayed about it here and there, but I have not gotten serious enough. I will do okay for a time, not looking at or listening to or reading about anything sexually stimulating. Then, I am flipping over the TV channels, and I see a movie that looks interesting…and I get hooked…and in a while a couple is kissing passionately…and removing clothes…and getting into bed…and so on…. Even the kissing passionately part can be sexually arousing. So, it’s better not to watch.
Personally, I ascribe to the don’t kiss until my wedding idea. I don’t want to compromise with my future mate or another…because I think the best possible marriage will be based on making sure our relationship does not center around the physical relationship. I am praying it is based on a Holy Spirit in our spirits connection. That should be what draws us together…not physical attraction. I believe God will allow us to have physical attraction, but that is not what a good relationship should be based on. (Again, if I am basically fornicating with the person in my entertainment of choice, am I not already compromising with another?)
So, WHY does purity matter?
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8
And at some time or other I’m sure some sexual image or content has clouded our sight from seeing God.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
5 Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, 6 from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk, 7 desiring to be teachers of the law, understanding neither what they say nor the things which they affirm. 8 But we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, 9 knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine, 11 according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God which was committed to my trust. (1 Timothy 1:5 - 11). Of note here, is that the righteous person should not have to be told fornication is wrong.
22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. (Hebrews 10:22) We draw near to God by being pure.
27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. (James 1:27)
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:13 - 17)
22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, 23 having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, 4 because
“ All flesh is as grass,
And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.
The grass withers,
And its flower falls away,
25 But the word of the LORD endures forever.”
(1 Peter 1:22 - 25)
2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. (1 John 3:2 & 3)
So, God desires His children to live pure lives and this is how they will walk in close relationship with Him.
In the Old Testament Job made a covenant with his eyes…so he wouldn’t look at a maid (Job 31:1). And this leads to another aspect of this whole area of purity. If people are going to walk in purity, should they be dressing in ways that lead others to think impure thoughts? Women are told to dress modestly in 1 Timothy 2:9 and to have chaste conduct in 1 Peter 3:2. So, if a man is in church or a Christian function and he has to make a covenant with his eyes…something is wrong! (I can’t do much about the women of the world who refuse to cover up). Likewise, for men. Don’t wear tight clothes and muscle shirts. Cover up the parts of our body that we would only want our mate to touch in the bedroom. If a person on a date with you would be sexually aroused by touching a part of your skin that your clothes are not covering…then make sure that part of your body IS covered! It might do to examine yourself in the mirror before leaving home. If your appearance is sexually suggestive, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHSE.
If you are struggling in any of these areas, they all come down to one thing: LOVE FOR GOD. Do you love God enough to be obedient to His Word? Jesus is called “The Word of God” in Revelation and The Word in John. So, do you love JESUS enough to be obedient to His Word?
Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church and of His faithfulness to us and our faithfulness to Him. We are to be sold out to Him and have NO OTHERS before Him. If we are having sex outside marriage, that person is taking God’s place in our lives. We are doing as they did in Jeremiah…going after foreign gods and lovers and treating God as the one to go to when a crisis hits. We use that person as our source for satisfaction (one of those broken cisterns out of Jeremiah) rather than going to God for our satisfaction. Sex is a gift from God to enhance marriage and conceive children. It was never meant as a pursuit of pleasure. Psalms says at God’s right hand our pleasures forevermore. GOD is to be our source of pleasure! So if any of us our struggling with these matters, we need to repent before God and we need to learn to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength! Only then, are we able to love our neighbor (that person we might date or our future mate or our mate) as ourselves. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us love is patient (would wait for marriage for sex). Also, it does not rejoice in iniquity but truth (fornication is iniquity; the truth is we are not to be sexually involved with someone we aren’t married to.) Marriages should look like 1 Corinthians 13. It starts before marriage with loving our future mate enough not to cheat on them by having sex with someone we are with now. And it continues after marriage by being faithful to our mate.
If we are going to remain single…which I have so far…then we must maintain our vessels in honor (2Timothy 2:20 & 21). We are to sanctified as vessels to be used for God. There will be temptations, but God will make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). As one of my favorite preachers said singles still have hormones. But this does mean we have to give in to the temptations. When my thoughts get on sexual thoughts, I do something spiritual: pray, read the Bible, listen to Christian music, watch a movie that upholds Christian principles, read something Christian, meditate on God and His Word. And soon my mind if off those thoughts. I have began avoiding the channels that show “those kind” of movies and programs, because it seems harder to turn the TV dial then to deflect my thoughts. And, an image is a lot harder to get out of my mind than just a thought.
But
I am talking about in non-dating situations, since I don’t believe in dating (at least not getting alone with a person, where no-one is present). I, personally, have not been on a date in over or about seventeen years. I don’t intend to “date” anyone until I feel that spirit connection, so I will just remain solo until such a time. I know it will be considered extreme, but my advice to people who are dealing with sexual temptation issues is to not get alone with the person you feel tempted with. In Song of Solomon it says three times not to stir up love before it’s time. So, I would say if being alone with that person is going to lead to feeling tempted, DON’T BE ALONE WITH THEM.
To sum up the matter:
13“ How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin,
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own,
And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man,
And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
(Proverbs 5:13 - 23)
So, if ANY of your actions might lead you to compromise sexually and have sex with ANYONE other than your mate, avoid those actions or situations.
I will start with the meaning of Fornication: consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other (from the Merriam Webster on line dictionary), which means it also includes adultery. Because this is so common even between “Christians” who are dating, I was led to write from a Biblical perspective on this topic.
Now, what does the Bible have to say about this?
16 So Jesus said, “Are you also still without understanding? 17 Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? 18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. 19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. 20 These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.” (Matthew 15:16:17 - 20)
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” (Mark 7:21 - 23)
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; 32 who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them. (Romans 1:28 - 32)
25 But concerning the Gentiles who believe, we have written and decided that they should observe no such thing, except that they should keep themselves from things offered to idols, from blood, from things strangled, and from sexual immorality (fornication in other versions).” (Acts 21:25)
9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. 12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.” (1 Corinthians 5:9 - 13)
13 Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Corinthians 6:13)
18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. (1 Corinthians 7:2)
21 lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced. (2 Corinthians 12:21)
16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:16 - 25)
3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; 4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. 5 For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not be partakers with them. (Ephesians 5:3 - 7)
5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. (Colossians 3:5 - 7)
3 For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 8 Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
5 But I want to remind you, though you once knew this, that the Lord, having saved the people out of the land of Egypt, afterward destroyed those who did not believe. 6 And the angels who did not keep their proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the judgment of the great day; 7 as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire. (Jude 1:5 - 7)
14 But I have a few things against you, because you have there those who hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balak to put a stumbling block before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed to idols, and to commit sexual immorality. 15 Thus you also have those who hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I hate.16 Repent, or else I will come to you quickly and will fight against them with the sword of My mouth. (Revelation 2:14 - 16)
20 Nevertheless I have a few things against you, because you allow that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, to teach and seduce My servants to commit sexual immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. 21 And I gave her time to repent of her sexual immorality, and she did not repent. 22 Indeed I will cast her into a sickbed, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of their deeds. 23 I will kill her children with death, and all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works. (Revelation 2:20 - 23)
20 But the rest of mankind, who were not killed by these plagues, did not repent of the works of their hands, that they should not worship demons, and idols of gold, silver, brass, stone, and wood, which can neither see nor hear nor walk. 21 And they did not repent of their murders or their sorceries or their sexual immorality or their thefts. (Revelation 9:20 - 21)
6 And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts. 7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. 8 But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” (Revelation 21:6 - 8) (whoremongers, Old King James, sex with whores)
14 Blessed are those who do His commandments, that they may have the right to the tree of life, and may enter through the gates into the city. 15 But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie. (Revelation 22:14 - 15) (whoremongers, Old King James -- sex with whores)
These are only New Testament scriptures, and I know there are many more in the Old Testament. They were stoned for having sex before marriage in Old Testament times (if not repentant). We now live under grace and God allows time for His Holy Spirit to convict us and gives us a chance to come to repentance in Jesus Christ for our sins.
So what is marriage? Some say it’s just a piece of paper, so why not live together? Well, even by state laws you have to live together seven years before it’s considered common law. But, historically, all marriages start with weddings. I have been doing research on the history of weddings. If we start with Adam and Eve, they were married by God. Now, people are married by those who represent God, as in a minister. As Christians, of course, we want to chose a Bible believing minister. If you look at the earliest “weddings” it says things like Isaac brought Rebecca into his mothers tent (Genesis 24:67)…but there are no details of what the “wedding” actually entailed. Jacob had an actual wedding ceremony of some kind -- twice. And, later, when the maids were given to him as wives, obviously there were weddings, since it doesn’t say they just slept with him but became his wives. Solomon had wives and concubines…so weddings occurred. As to this whole area of multiple wives (why were they allowed in the Old Testament?), I can only say, in the beginning God said, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife (not wives).” And, in the New Testament one wife/husband was taught by Jesus and the writers of all the books and epistles…so we must conclude that only one mate is God’s plan for all of us.
So, bottom line, unless you stand up before God and man and make some sort of public commitment statement that you are now going to live as husband and wife/wife and husband, you should not be having sex. For those who say marriage is “just a piece of paper,” to them it is only a piece of paper. Marriage doesn’t mean covenant and commitment to them. Because they regard it as “just a piece of paper” divorcing is probably much easier as well…since divorce is just paper as well (a huge stack of it, from what I’ve seen). And divorce is hated by God…and he says not to divorce unless your mate commits adultery. So…marriage is to be taken seriously. If God hates divorce, then obviously he LOVES marriage, and He favors the wedding ceremony that says you are married. The Jewish wedding ceremonies lasted a week from what I’ve heard. The couple went in the bedroom to consummate, while the guests continued to celebrate in the outer rooms. Jesus did His first miracle at a wedding. So how can we say He is not pro-wedding, thus marriage? So, though I can not find an exact scripture that says what constitutes marriage, I can find plenty that say sex is only for those who are married…and we all know marriages begin with some kind of ceremony.
Most of the scriptures on marriage in the Bible say “--and gave her to [whomever] as his wife.” There is not a lot of description or detail on the wedding ceremonies that took place. But we know what current wedding ceremonies entail, so it seems obvious we would engage in a ceremony of this type.
I am not just talking about something the state calls “legal.” I am talking about the promises made to God that back the signed piece of paper. The promises couples make to God and each other that they will stay together until death or the Lord’s return. I am not talking about a bunch of goopy talk that says stuff like, “Your dreams are my dreams” (not that they shouldn’t be)…but I am talking about a determination in one’s heart that says “I will never leave you, because God puts couples together to stay together until the end.” And also, I am talking about determining to live out marriage according to the commands of scripture to husband and wives (husband loving wives, wives submitting to husbands and so on).
We are to obey the governing authorities (Romans 13), so it is correct to be married with the state’s backing. But before we would get the signed license, we must be sure it is God who has called us to be with this person. God is the one who chooses our mate for us. Just as he brought Eve to Adam, in His timing, so we must let God bring our mate to us in His timing. It was God who said it was not good for Adam to be alone…so we must let him say about us. Let him chose when and who we are to marry. Until that time, we are to remain sexually inactive and to remain sexually inactive with that person we are to marry until a wedding takes place. In today’s society, the laws of the land for marriage include getting a marriage license, and, in accordance with Romans 13, we must obey those laws to be really and truly married. So we do need that piece of paper. But it is not a contract that keeps us together it is a COVENANT and a COMMITMENT. Our love for God extends to our mate, and our commitment to God is shown by our commitment to our mate and our marriage.
This commitment starts in our single years. We remain sexually inactive, because to have sex before we meet and marry our mate, is to cheat on them. And there is the whole area of porn/sexual content in our entertainment choices. All can be forgiven, including actual
intercourse. God will give us a second chance, and He can make our first sexual encounter in marriage as if it was our first one (even if we have had sex before). But many of us have fantasized sex or virtually experienced it through reading a sex scene or watching a sex scene or listening to a sexual lyric or looking at porn. And this fills our minds with images that cause us to feel sexually aroused…when only our mate should be sexually arousing us. So this is a whole area (including masturbation) that causes us to be less than pure. So, when young people make purity vows, they also need to consider how to avoid entertainment that will arouse them. How much are these images in music, movies, magazines, internet and videos things that have caused us to cheat on our mates (before or after marriage)? This is an area of struggle I have dealt with over the years, as these kind of images are just EVERYWHERE and we have to work constantly to avoid them. Is it not just about as wrong to fantasize or virtually have sex with that model, singer, actor/actress, story character, video dancer or whoever else as with a real person you are dating?
Same goes into marriage. Sex is between a married couple, period. They should not say it’s okay for them to watch a movie with a sex scene, because they are already married and it’s okay for them to have sex so they won’t be tempted. Would you go over to your neighbors and watch them have sex by this same argument? Hardly. So, why is it okay to watch in a movie, magazine, etc.? (I by no means am saying I do not struggle in this area, because I have over the years).
No-one on this planet can say they are 100% pure. But as purity is a goal for Christians, then we must pray to be pure and we must do all we can to stay pure. I have prayed about it here and there, but I have not gotten serious enough. I will do okay for a time, not looking at or listening to or reading about anything sexually stimulating. Then, I am flipping over the TV channels, and I see a movie that looks interesting…and I get hooked…and in a while a couple is kissing passionately…and removing clothes…and getting into bed…and so on…. Even the kissing passionately part can be sexually arousing. So, it’s better not to watch.
Personally, I ascribe to the don’t kiss until my wedding idea. I don’t want to compromise with my future mate or another…because I think the best possible marriage will be based on making sure our relationship does not center around the physical relationship. I am praying it is based on a Holy Spirit in our spirits connection. That should be what draws us together…not physical attraction. I believe God will allow us to have physical attraction, but that is not what a good relationship should be based on. (Again, if I am basically fornicating with the person in my entertainment of choice, am I not already compromising with another?)
So, WHY does purity matter?
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8
And at some time or other I’m sure some sexual image or content has clouded our sight from seeing God.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. (Philippians 4:8)
5 Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, 6 from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk, 7 desiring to be teachers of the law, understanding neither what they say nor the things which they affirm. 8 But we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, 9 knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, 10 for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers, and if there is any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine, 11 according to the glorious gospel of the blessed God which was committed to my trust. (1 Timothy 1:5 - 11). Of note here, is that the righteous person should not have to be told fornication is wrong.
22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. (Hebrews 10:22) We draw near to God by being pure.
27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. (James 1:27)
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3:13 - 17)
22 Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart, 23 having been born again, not of corruptible seed but incorruptible, through the word of God which lives and abides forever, 4 because
“ All flesh is as grass,
And all the glory of man as the flower of the grass.
The grass withers,
And its flower falls away,
25 But the word of the LORD endures forever.”
(1 Peter 1:22 - 25)
2 Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure. (1 John 3:2 & 3)
So, God desires His children to live pure lives and this is how they will walk in close relationship with Him.
In the Old Testament Job made a covenant with his eyes…so he wouldn’t look at a maid (Job 31:1). And this leads to another aspect of this whole area of purity. If people are going to walk in purity, should they be dressing in ways that lead others to think impure thoughts? Women are told to dress modestly in 1 Timothy 2:9 and to have chaste conduct in 1 Peter 3:2. So, if a man is in church or a Christian function and he has to make a covenant with his eyes…something is wrong! (I can’t do much about the women of the world who refuse to cover up). Likewise, for men. Don’t wear tight clothes and muscle shirts. Cover up the parts of our body that we would only want our mate to touch in the bedroom. If a person on a date with you would be sexually aroused by touching a part of your skin that your clothes are not covering…then make sure that part of your body IS covered! It might do to examine yourself in the mirror before leaving home. If your appearance is sexually suggestive, CHANGE YOUR CLOTHSE.
If you are struggling in any of these areas, they all come down to one thing: LOVE FOR GOD. Do you love God enough to be obedient to His Word? Jesus is called “The Word of God” in Revelation and The Word in John. So, do you love JESUS enough to be obedient to His Word?
Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church and of His faithfulness to us and our faithfulness to Him. We are to be sold out to Him and have NO OTHERS before Him. If we are having sex outside marriage, that person is taking God’s place in our lives. We are doing as they did in Jeremiah…going after foreign gods and lovers and treating God as the one to go to when a crisis hits. We use that person as our source for satisfaction (one of those broken cisterns out of Jeremiah) rather than going to God for our satisfaction. Sex is a gift from God to enhance marriage and conceive children. It was never meant as a pursuit of pleasure. Psalms says at God’s right hand our pleasures forevermore. GOD is to be our source of pleasure! So if any of us our struggling with these matters, we need to repent before God and we need to learn to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength! Only then, are we able to love our neighbor (that person we might date or our future mate or our mate) as ourselves. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us love is patient (would wait for marriage for sex). Also, it does not rejoice in iniquity but truth (fornication is iniquity; the truth is we are not to be sexually involved with someone we aren’t married to.) Marriages should look like 1 Corinthians 13. It starts before marriage with loving our future mate enough not to cheat on them by having sex with someone we are with now. And it continues after marriage by being faithful to our mate.
If we are going to remain single…which I have so far…then we must maintain our vessels in honor (2Timothy 2:20 & 21). We are to sanctified as vessels to be used for God. There will be temptations, but God will make a way of escape (1 Corinthians 10:13). As one of my favorite preachers said singles still have hormones. But this does mean we have to give in to the temptations. When my thoughts get on sexual thoughts, I do something spiritual: pray, read the Bible, listen to Christian music, watch a movie that upholds Christian principles, read something Christian, meditate on God and His Word. And soon my mind if off those thoughts. I have began avoiding the channels that show “those kind” of movies and programs, because it seems harder to turn the TV dial then to deflect my thoughts. And, an image is a lot harder to get out of my mind than just a thought.
But
I am talking about in non-dating situations, since I don’t believe in dating (at least not getting alone with a person, where no-one is present). I, personally, have not been on a date in over or about seventeen years. I don’t intend to “date” anyone until I feel that spirit connection, so I will just remain solo until such a time. I know it will be considered extreme, but my advice to people who are dealing with sexual temptation issues is to not get alone with the person you feel tempted with. In Song of Solomon it says three times not to stir up love before it’s time. So, I would say if being alone with that person is going to lead to feeling tempted, DON’T BE ALONE WITH THEM.
To sum up the matter:
13“ How I have hated instruction,
And my heart despised correction!
13 I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers,
Nor inclined my ear to those who instructed me!
14 I was on the verge of total ruin,
In the midst of the assembly and congregation.”
15 Drink water from your own cistern,
And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own,
And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD,
And He ponders all his paths.
22 His own iniquities entrap the wicked man,
And he is caught in the cords of his sin.
23 He shall die for lack of instruction,
And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.
(Proverbs 5:13 - 23)
So, if ANY of your actions might lead you to compromise sexually and have sex with ANYONE other than your mate, avoid those actions or situations.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Thank you Jesus
WOOHOO,
Thank you JeriRose. This hit right on the nose concerning alot of troubles man is facing out there.
its about time someone spoke out for God on this subject and I praise God it was you Sis.
Beautifully explained and biblically Based so well too.
God Bless you JeriRose for speaking out on this subject.
Brian- CCPosted 10-31-2009 at 09:10 PM by Christian Commando
