Why isn't God there for me when I need him ?
I am just listening to the story of one guy who is a missionary today but he wasn't always christian.
He used to go on drug parties every night and one night he and his friends took a lot of LSD and he became scared and he saw demons and stuff and then he cried to God for help in his thoughts, he didn't say anything and God clamed him and gave his this feeling of peace.
But I never have that and this is so frustrating. I am also often sad,depressed and when I pray to God nothing happens.
Why does God distinguish between this guy and me ? Am I not worth it ?
What advantage do I have from a God who doesn't help when I need him ? I could as well have no god at all.
Just like a plant needs the sun I need love and I never got the love which I needed cause at home everything sucks and my parents got divorced when I was 7 and I never got over it and this is why I'm such an emotional wreck today and I am plagued by fears and paralyzed by anxieties.
That's really great. I am often sad and depressed for no reason. My soul is an abyss and I will never be normal again cause I cannot forget the past. There are a lot of things in my subconscience which I don't even know about, all I know is that I never really got over the fact the my parents got divorced and that my mother moved out.
I don't remember much of that time but I know that I wrote letters where I said that I wanna die, imagine what must be going on in a little kid when it writes such stuff.
Man, I'm a wreck and I just don't understand why God isn't even there for me to show me his love. What would it take for him to let me feel his love ? It wouldn't cost him anything.