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A friend in need of self-confidence
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Posted by: The_Philster
I met this lady last May on a football message board. We grew to be pretty good friends and, unlike every other woman in my life , when I fell for her, she didn't push me away even though she didn't share my feelings. I worked through them so that it no longer bothered me she didn't share my feelings. We've had a few arguments but have always found a way to work things out.
The thing is, she's had a rough life..she was raped when she was 16 and was in an abusive relationship for a number of years (to this day she won't admit how bad it was...and it ended almost 7 years ago). Since then she has been single because she's afraid to take a chance on falling in love with someone. Her view is that she already has to have romantic feelings for the person before she'll date...and she hasn't dated in many years.
She recently accepted an offer from her church to become a Eucharistic minister and isn't confident she can do it. She's an exceptionally beautiful woman, intelligent, and with the best heart of anyone I've ever come into contact with. She just can't see it for herself. I'm not the most religious person in the world but I want so much for her to see herself as I see her. I've begun praying for her every night and day...that she will see herself as the remarkable woman that she is. If anyone can toss a few extra prayers in for my friend Valerie it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks 
Posted by: Gizmo
Lord God I know how it feels to be neglected lord. Will you please heal valerie lord. Heal her from all the past hurts and show her how wonderful you see her lord. Open her eyes to the truth of how people really see her lord. Guide her and make the path that she needs to go on lord. Let this be a great testimony lord. Lord I know that going through things like this is trying but give her the strengh to deal with it and move on. Let her see a wonderful Guy that you have for her. Lord let her realize that all men are not hurtful to her and will be good to her. Lord heal her broken heart and show her your man for her lord. I feel that she has a hard heart towards men lord, heal her of this and make it soft again so she can be with the perfect man you have laid out for her. Lord grant the desires of her heart and allow her to feel good again. In Jesus Name Amen
Posted by: The_Philster
She's still incredibly down on herself. We belong to a football message board together and she has a thing for another member. Last year she met this guy in person and was apparently all over him. She believes he's interested in her but few think that it's true. He pushed her away and up until recently even avoided her on our message board. He made a few jibes at her which made her think that he's flirting with her...letting her know he's "still" interested. My feeling is that, since he does have a girl he's in love with and might be dating, he's toying with her.
What complicates matters is that she knows I'm still very much in love with her and with the last two fights, she started pushing me away..in much the same manner that he pushed her away. We still talk semi-regularly but there's still some distance there. I'm going down to her area in a couple of weeks and we, along with some others from the board, will hang out and catch a preseason game. The thing that has me convinced that she's still pushing me away a bit is that one, she seemed non-caring whether I came down or not when in the past she really seemed to want me around and two, she didn't want me to stay at her place when she's had other guys stay there that she's never been as close with.
I just hope that she will somehow get her feelings in order sometime soon. I'm hoping that we will get a chance to talk a bit when I'm with her.
Posted by: Gizmo
knowing what I know about people who have been raped or mulested when they were little have a very hard time really thinking someone as good as you could love her. I know because I have been mulested. I know it is hard for you maybe deep inside she loves you--ask God I don't know. If God says she does I would pray that she has healing over this rape stuff. Maybe she is going after this other guy becuase he isn't as good as you or he is playing hard to get or she thinks there is no way he will ever win him over and is trying to push you away. I hope this makes sense. Remember true love never dies and it is stronger than death so keep loveing her and praying over her--plead the blood, send angels to protect her from other hurts from guys. I will pray for you though.
Lord will you please be with this nice man he loves someone very dearly and wants her to be protected and the hurt to be healed from her. Lord this sexual sin that someone did to her really made her feel defiled lord teach her that she isn't defiled it is the man that did it that is defiled. She had no control over this and she needs healing lord. Please protect her with a headge of thorns lord don't let her get hurt by another man. Lord I think she is in a rut and thinks that men who hurt her love her and that isn't true, this man really loves her and allow her to feel it and realize it. I mean deap inside that--something will hit her you know God like you did with the guy who loves me--Make the love cover and protect her from this sin and allow her to heal. Lord thanks for this total and complete healing over her lord. In Jesus Name AMEN
Posted by: The_Philster
She's been really distant the last few months since our last 2 fights and I can't help wondering what I did wrong now. I used to be real pushy about our friendship but after I realized that it may never happen, I laid back quite a bit but she acts now as if I'm more pushy than ever. We were together this past weekend and she was really jumpy at times. We're both big huggers and she was afraid to touch me because she felt creepy when she did...but couldn't explain why she felt that way 
In an attempt to break a bit of the tension, and to close up the gap a bit between us, I (finally) apologized for overreacting to a joke she made a few months ago which started our last fight...we had a talk and she said she just didn't feel comfortable with me one-on-one and then lied and said we were never that close as friends. We talked a bit more Saturday night on the way back to her place and the conversation got even more uncomfortable when she told me she might sleep with this guy that she's friends with. While that stuff is her business, she has always made a point to say that she wants to wait til marriage, or at east until she's in a committed, romatic relationship with someone...and this guy is someone she has no romantic feelings for whatsoever. The way she talked, she was trying to make a point or rub it in my face. When we got back to her place, I only said good night and walked back to my car to go to my hotel...I don't know if I can handle seeing her again but she's everywhere I turn.
Posted by: Gizmo
I am sorry to hear about this. It really does sound like your prayers are working--the storm comes when God is doing something. Sercomstances and everythings change to look like hell has broke loose. So don't give up God is working. Also I know God must be working because she is feeling unconfertable becuase of the past--she may think you will treat her the way she was treated in the past you know with her mulustaion. Keep praying that God will grab ahold of her and heal her from the past. It really hurts a woman when she is raped or mulusted--she feels defiled but in truth God revieled to me that I am not defilded but the person who forced it is defiled. I was just a victom but I don't stay the victom. It is not a mistake that you meet friends or even have converstion this way with me. It is all devine appointments becuase there are no coincidences with God. Everything is planned. I know it must hurt you to see her like this but truely she will respect you for being there for her. Show her what true love is not a deworped sort of love that she has been with most of her life. She probably feels she cannot trust a guy without getting hurt sexually or any other abuse. Just pray and be there for her that is all she needs. I hope this helps if you want any other info or other encouragement let me know okay. I really do want to help.
Posted by: The_Philster
I pray you are right...we've had some nasty fights these last few months but she's always come back to me...even though she has said our friendship is over during these fights. She's had a rough go of it with a roommate who lost her job and has stopped looking...and may move out...forcing Valerie to maybe move back home. Even with the roommate there, its' rough...they've been friends for a long time but the friendship is now on the rocks because Valerie has to do all the housework and has put so much into the place,....the work and the purchases. We're not actually fighting now but the distance between us is unbearable at times.
Posted by: Gizmo
This comes to mind--love cast out ALL fear. Love is greater than death. So if you just love her even though this hard time she will come around. If it is farther away from you that she is going to have to go sense her roomate is haveing difficulty than that could be some of the problem. I just say love her and pray for her and obey God. He will take care of the rest. I know how it feels to be in love with someone and not being able to be with them or there is a distance. God is good and he will work things out. I am also going through a time distance away from the one I love. I have resenlty been totally head from the hurt of mulustation with is very good for the one I love--it is better on him that I get this taken care of. She may have a hard time beliving that someone could love her, you wont hurt her, or that you wont cheat on her. cheat as in looking or lustin after another, porn, going out or dating another while with her, or having sex with another. Which all these are sins. Wow just realized that. I knew it up I just realized it. Well, anyway. I think she may feel this way because I would. Although we have different personalities there are the same caracteristics all girls deal with and cheating is one if they are not doing it themselves and are not sluts. Well, I better go and I am sure that she is haveing a hard time sorting out her feelings.
Posted by: The_Philster
I've been really praying hard for her for quite a long time....I'd give up just about anything for her. She has difficulty dealing with stress at times so I gave her the textbook I used for the Stress and coping class I took at college this spring...I hope she reads it and pays special attention to the note I made in the one exercise...about what I would give my life for...her and her happiness. She told me this weekend that when we touched (basically all we've ever done is hug...and she was holding my hand when she was visiting back in April) that she felt "creepy" or something. She was very uneasy around me yet I've always done all I could to put her at ease. She couldn't explain why she felt that way nor could she explain why she felt uncomfortable around me. She knows I'd never harm her and she has to realize that I'd never try anything with her as I respect her too much. A friend of mine, who has heard virtually everything thats hapened between her and me, suggested that maybe she was afraid she herself might do something if we got too close. When I was at her place in the spring, I was watching TV in her room while she was walking the dog after we got back from going out to dinner. She told me to go ahead and lie back in the bed but rather than get too comfortable, I told her I'd better not as I may fall asleep...and I gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek and wished her good night as I walked over to the room I was staying in. I never gave this a whole lot of thought in the past but after I mentioned it to someone, my mind started racing...wondering what might have happened had I gotten comfortable in her bed.
A part of me will always wish that we could have something special as more than friends...but right now I'd be happy to just have our friendship back the way it was. Last fall, she had two different guys offer to have her sit with them at the one football game she was attending. I was the second guy who offered and she took my invite over that of the other guy. We were close all weekend long...I picked her up at the airport and took her to her hotel before we went to meet some friends at a bar. We started the tradition of ordering stuff together back then which we continued to do even this past weekend...getting an order of stuff to split between the two of us. At the end of the night I took her up on her offer to share her hotel room even though I had already paid for mine and I slept on the couch in her suite. We were together the entire next day as well...she holding onto my arm as we walked across the ice in the parking lots...and huddling close together at the game for warmth...all the way until I put her on the plane back home. It was a weekend I will always treasure with her.