Pages: 1

heavy heart

(Click here to view the original thread with full colors/images)

Posted by: MaryTemp

I am awake right now when I should have been to sleep hours ago, however right now I feel I have a heavy heart, as something has truly hurt me deep inside and I am having the worst time just letting it go! I have asked Jesus to help me carry this, but nonetheless my hurt remains.

As some of you know my husband was involved in a car wreck and our car was totalled. So now we have been without a vehicle for 2 weeks today; because we have no idea what insurance coverage this person has, and we had none because we were just getting back on our feet due to my husband being unemployed for 2 months.

Anyway it is so hard to do the things we need to do and right now we are relying on the kindness of family to help my husband get back and forth to his job, and even for rides to get groceries. I have had to postpone all of my Autistic child's speech and occupational therapies that are needed twice a week because it seems that no one in my family will help me. Shands hospital needs to set appointments for my daughter Caitlin's Neurology, Gastroenterology and opthamology clinics, but I had to tell them I have no way to get there! My 7 year old is still having the knee problems and is on crutches, the docs think possible osgood schlatter and they want her seen by the Orthapedist ASAP, but again no way to get there!!!

My sister was kind enough to agree to give me a ride to get groceries yesterday and I waited all day for her to show up. However, when she was supposed to come she suddenly called and told me that she could not take me because She and her husband would miss the movie they were going to see "Starsky and Hutch'! I was so very wounded, because it felt like she did not care about me.

I am a person who always puts others before myself, so when my sister behaves like that I guess I cannot understand. Another sister who lives 30 minutes away is very selfish of her time as well she is always complaining that she needs more time for herself, This sister does not have any children yet and is very spoiled.

When I had my car I was helping my elderly grandmother who is 94 years old and homebound. She has no one to help her and does not have a car to get to her doctors appointments or groceries. She lives 40 minutes away, yet I always found a way to help her, and I helped her cheerfully. I guess I cannot understand why some people are so selfish of themselves.

If anyone has a reason to be tired it would be me, but God always keeps me going. I am have 4 classes in college this semester (luckily they are distance learning) I homeschool my 2 oldest kids, I take care of an Autistic child (ALOT of WORK), and of course my baby. On top of this I always find it in my heart to help others, and these same people who I have also took in and helped in the past choose to ignore my suffering. I am just so hurt right now, I feel as if I am all alone and have no family.

Will you please pray that the Lord will send me another car and that my sisters will learn to be better stewards? They need to know how to give of themselves and put themselves in someone elses shoes. They need examples of what it is like to be a christian, because they do not seem to have a clue. Thank-you so much for standing with me on this. It means alot to me, as I am hurting so much about this.

Yours in Christ,
Mary


Posted by: akabezalel

Hi Mary:

I know how you feel, we were 3 years without a car. I took the bus to most places but I live just 2 blocks from the stop so it wasn't too bad getting in and out, I bought one of those little granny carts and would do my grocery shopping a little at a time. Yeah, the bus costs and is slow but it is better than not making appts. etc... If you are close enough, go by bus if you can.

Most states have a law that says that home schooled children may be tutored or receive therapies at home by the professionals they would have at a school or therapy office. My sister has fragile, quadriplegic children (CP) and the teachers and therapists come to the house several times a week because the kids are too fragile to go to school.

You may want to call your public transport department and see if there are alternative ways to get the children to the Doctors Appts. Often there are shuttles available that take people from their doors to the Dr. and back again.

I know this is going to sound hard, believe me I had to do it. Do not rely on Family help you. Strangers are more likely to help than Family. You will go through a time of mourning the loss, not of your family but of your belief that family is supposed to help you when you need it. Losing that basic belief hurts worse than any other betrayal of trust. I know.

Call your City hall and ask if they know of any resources for transport or delivery of Groceries.

Here in Washington, there are stores that will deliver to shut-ins, you may want to call around, especially to the store you shop at the most.

Call your social services and ask if they have any resources available to you... it never hurts to ask! What can they say? No?... Yes?... nothing frightening in answers like that.

Have you contacted your church or neighbors or friends; to find out if someone can help one or two days a week? Especially for the Dr. Appts.

Try the YMCA also. Local food banks also have lists of services that you can make use of even if you do not need the food.

There are all kinds of services out there, you just have to find them... I love a good hunt for information!!! Use your imagination! People and organizations keep some of the strangest information! Some of which has absolutely nothing to do with their business.

And... Look at it this way, this period of time that you are without a car is teaching you how to do things most people never dream are possible and one of these days you will be able to help someone who is in a similar situation and save them the stress and anguish that you feel right now.

Just remember, when you are riding with someone always offer to buy them some gas. They may not take it but there are times when someone may well need it and they are giving you a ride even if it hurts them. When I give rides and someone insists on paying me, if I have enough gas, I usually just have them buy me an iced tea at some fast food place.

One thing to remember... this is a test... this is only a test... if you pass it you do not have to take it again... and this too will pass!

Father, please be with Mary today and comfort her. Quiet her mind and drop the information she needs into her mind in gentle drops that she can handle without panic or fear. Holy Spirit, I release her to You to take her so far into her walk with Jesus that she cannot see the problems, only Jesus. Keep her focus on seeking the Father's Face not on her worries. Father, please bring someone to her who will give her rides until You supply her with a car. Teach her to be content with the circumstances she finds herself in so that her children can learn how to deal with big problems from her example. Give her wisdom and peace, Finances and health. Father Bless her and heal her husband of the damage that he has sustained and heal her 7 year old of the problem with her bones. Father, in the name of Jesus I rebuke the Autism that holds her son in its grasp I loose it from his mind so that he can have clarity of thought and mind, I break it off of him Father.

In the Name of Jesus! AMEN!


Posted by: MaryTemp

Hi Carol,

Thanks for the words of encouragement and beautiful prayer! I have been through worse things believe me, I am just hurt at my sisters' lack of consideration, especially when I have done so much for them in the past. Deeply hurt. I do not live in a city and there are no busses here. Our nearest grocery store is about 10 miles away.

My Autistic daughter is in pre-k at a public school and although she receives limited therapies at her school, she is also prescribed by her pediatrician and neurologists to have private therapies. We do not have YMCA here, so that will not help, and this is not the first time I have been without a vehicle either so I do know what it is like, unfortunately as I went through the same thing a little over a year ago when our van's transmission died and we ended up being homeless for almost year because my husband could not get to work and lost his job. I never want to go through that again and I have immense empathy for people who do not have a home.

My dad does try and help, but he is 74 years old and going blind. He also needs me more right now and I am unable to get to him or my grandma. My sisters need to care more about dad and grandma, I wish they would. I need them to.

My daughters appointments are 2 hours away from here at Shands Hospital, so it is just tough. Five year old has a leaky gut, and her intestines are impacted so it is important. She also has Epilepsy, in addition to her Autism. She was damaged by her MMR vaccine when she was 16 months old. She was a normal baby and then regressed, started having seizures and lost her ability to feel pain.

When she was 2 she stepped on a broken glass christmas bulb in our garage, and I found bloody foorprints all over my kitchen leading to her, she was all cut up. She never cried, she didn't even wince. I knew then that something was terribly wrong. The Lord has brought her through so much and I believe that she is being healed. She has made tremendous progress and is very intelligent. Her teachers tell me that she will be in a regular kindergarten class next fall. This is a long way from two years ago when they offered me no hope and I was told she was on the level of an 11-12 month old baby in her cognitive development.

I trust in God to find a way out of this obstacle!!! I am still believing for my miracle to be manifested!! God has carried this family through so much already!!! Praise his Holy Name!!!

My husband is spending $60 a week to pay his mom for her gas since she is the only one driving him back and forth to work. I know it is hard on her too because they both work different hours and that is why they are going through gas like crazy.

Another thing that is hard is that my mother in law only has a small pick-up truck and I have 4 little girls that I need to take with me when I go places, so it is really hard on me not having my car, very hard. I wish I were in a big metropolitan area, unfortunately everything is spread out here in the country where I live.

But Prayers do work and I know the power of prayer, so I know that these prayers will be answered. I also believe that God already knows my situation and will not give me more than I can handle, So I do have Faith. The way I feel though, you can never have too many prayers said for you, it is a powerful thing and I am appreciative of you standing by me Carol!!! Thanks for praying for me!!!