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What I have learned from God in the first few hours of the fast.
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Posted by: thornygrace
What I have learned from God in the first few hours of the fast.
God led me to read a book not about marriage restoration. As I was reading it some of the words just popped out. Then I felt the Lord speaking to me. (I stopped reading). God was told me that I need to pray for my self and not just for marriage restoration. I need to pray because God is using this time to refine me like silver in fire.
In fact, God spoke to me about what he meant by “hardness of heart”. Here is the biblical reference:
Matthew 19:8
He said to them, "For your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
I had trouble understanding that fully. Was he saying that mankind, as a whole is hard hearted? I have a commentary called “The Hard Sayings of Jesus” and I had been reading about what Jesus said about the divorce. The author had made it sound like divorce was allowed because people as a whole were hard hearted.
But as I was listening to God last night he told me to remember the verse:
2Chron 7:14: “If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal their land.”
Humble is discussed elsewhere in the bible:
De 8:2: "And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments, or not."
Ps 18:27: For thou dost deliver a humble people; but the haughty eyes thou dost bring down.
Ps 149:4: For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with victory.
Isa 57:15 : For thus says the high and lofty One who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite.
I believe that what God is saying the “hardness of their heart” is the lack of humility.
To be humble is to be open to God’s work in our lives. To stop pointing our fingers at our spouses and what they have done wrong, how they have hurt us, how they have sinned. To not over emphasize the work of the enemy by only praying that he be bound without praying for God’s work in us to be complete.
All of us in the vigil are being tried in the fire. God wants to find out what our faith is. God is also putting us through a desert experience to humble us. If we focus on how we need to change and let God deal with how our spouses need to change, then we are being humble.
It is also humble to seek God’s forgiveness. We have all done somethings wrong in our marriages. We have said things we should not have said, we have done some things we should not have done. Sin is sin. It is not right to say that your spouse’s sin is worse than yours so you don’t need to seek forgiveness. (And I doubt any of you really believe that deep within, but are you ignoring your own sin while pointing out your spouses? )
Mark 11:25 "And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against any one; so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."
My husband has told me before that he thinks I have a forgiveness problem. I have heard him and was working on forgiving people more. There has been a lot of growth for me in this area. That does not mean there is not more work to be done.
I asked God to tell me how I was being hard hearted and he told me it was my bitterness.
I don’t like admitting to bitterness. It is a “bitter pill to swallow”. (Come on, keep your humor!)
Feeding unforgiveness so that it takes root inside of our spirits causes bitterness. It is a stronghold. We have a painful thing happen to us, and we don’t forgive. We become bitter.
Hebrews 12:15: “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
God brought to my memory the phone call I made right after I found out my husband was not returning from his trip. I called a local church that I have referred women to who were going through a divorce because I had heard they had a divorce support group. I called there to find a support group for separated women. (By the way, there isn’t any in my community.)
The woman immediately became angry and shrill and told me to immediately close my bank accounts and file papers of separation at least. She told me to protect myself and she was incredibly angry. (She was angrier than I was.)
Then I went to a Christian web site that I had been to off and on. I asked for some wise counsel on how to best deal with what was happening to me. I wanted someone to pray with me. Almost every single person who responded to me told me to immediately leave and divorce my husband. I told them that I was not going to do this because of the vow I took to stay with him through sickness and in health, in good times and in bad times. This was a bad time and I had already vowed to stay. The administrator of the board had to stop the attacks that came to me. (And there were some that did not attack of course, but they were by far the minority.)
The point that I want to make is that our culture has been infected with a bitter root. People have been hurt in relationships that led to divorce and now those people are bitter and they are encouraging others to protect themselves from all hurt, even if this means not doing what God has commanded us. God lets us feel pain in life that is fire. Pain is part of the growing experience. (Or part of our destruction. It is our choice.)
It is hardness of heart to assume that when a marriage has bad times the answer is to protect oneself and walk away. God has a work to do in each relationship and with each one of his children. Times of trial by fire and/or times of being in a desert experience are the times when God may be best able to do the work that is needed in each of our lives.
Why? Because these times result in our being humble. We see that we can not fix the problems we are facing and as we should have done all along, we seek His help. He had been there all along of course, wanting us to communicate with him and let Him show us the path to take.
As we fast and pray these days and in the days to come. I encourage you to ask God to show you the sins you have done in your marriage and to forgive you. I encourage you to ask God to show you if you have bitterness and to heal you of the bitterness inside.
I have fed my bitterness with repeating and playing over and over in my mind all of the things my husband has done wrong or said that weren’t true. I am living alone during this time and I have walked around my house and yelled at my husband and cut him down and told him how bad a husband I thought he was. I even said: “How dare you tell me to change!” (When in fact he even apologized for saying that in a later communication!)
I fed my bitterness by telling close family and friends all about what has happened including all of the things my husband did that he shouldn’t have. I told them about all the hurt I was feeling and of course, they all agreed with me that all of this was my husband’s fault.
Later, when I did receive some Godly counsel one of the first things I was told was not to discuss my husband’s weaknesses and behavior that I don’t like with anyone but God. By then it was too late. Even my own personal counselor had been turned against my husband. Friends and family who used to tell me how happy they were for me in my marriage now told me I should get a divorce as quickly as I could.
Now these friends and family and counselor are of no real support to me at all and I am even more alone than ever. If I had just said that my husband did not return from his trip as scheduled and then talked about my loneliness and my reflections on how I have been as a wife, things might have been different. (But due to the rampant bitterness against marriage, I might have still been left alone.)
Why is there so much divorce in our churches? Could it be a bitter root?
God is maturing me during all of this. I am becoming a better person and a better Christian. I am becoming a better counselor for others. And I firmly believe, that I am becoming a better wife. Would I have grown if I had closed my bank accounts and filed for divorce? I know I would not have grown at all.
I have sacrificed my husband over to the Lord. I can do nothing to help my husband. (And helping too much was the problem all along). I have never been able to truly help my husband in the areas of his life that matter most. That is God’s job. My job is to “preach the gospel at all times. If necessary use words.” (and avoid using words!) (I am quoting St. Francis of Assisi). As I build my relationship with God, I am a role model for my husband and this has more meaning than my nagging and lecturing.
I am praying for marriage restoration; for my own marriage, for the marriage of 100+ people on the prayer list. I am also praying that the bitter root in the church against marriage restoration be exposed and that our church’s become humble and seek the face of God and turn from their wicked ways. So that we can stop the spread of divorce and the destruction it causes.
If someone calls out and asks for support to deal with a separation, or an unfaithful spouse or other marital problems, I pray that eventually the church (and I mean ALL denominations) will be a place that counsels them to work through thier trial by fire and let it refine them and to stop bitterness from taking root so that our hearts will not become hardened.
Harden hearts = divorce = destruction = bitterness = harden hearts.
Humbly seeking God = forgiveness for self = forgiveness for the pain others caused = reconciliation.
Posted by: Copper
thorny grace, wow. i am totally speechless.
you said everything, and i mean everything that God has been placing on my heart, but i didn't know how to put into words. oh wow, how God has worked through you today! thank you for taking the time to write it, even though i know you must be drawn like i am from the fast. two and a half days to go, and the more i rely on God, the more I feel peace in that he will answer all our prayers. yes Lord. especially when i read something like you just wrote, he is speaking to us all. we are united in spirit by God, we are all learning from each other, and yes, this is to draw us closer to him. The devil shall be smited!!! Yes, all of this pain is worth it. i agree. thank you sweetie,
May the Lord bless you and keep you tightly right now! amen.
Posted by: jedijeb
I so agree with that you have said, I have learned many of the same things in my trials. I really agree that the first thing that people in these situations should not have shoved down their throats is self protection, to me that is the most worldly response that can be given.
Luk 10:1 After these things the Lord appointed other seventy also, and sent them two and two before his face into every city and place, whither he himself would come.
Luk 10:2 Therefore said he unto them, The harvest truly [is] great, but the labourers [are] few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he would send forth labourers into his harvest.
Luk 10:3 Go your ways: behold, I send you forth as lambs among wolves.
Luk 10:4 Carry neither purse, nor scrip, nor shoes: and salute no man by the way. .........
Luk 10:18 And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.
Luk 10:19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.
Luk 10:20 Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.
God is our protector and our avenger, we are not to do it ourselves. If a spouse is to be smote for what they have done then God will do it. Only is God tells us to act should we act. There will be times when God may tell us to do something to protect ourselves, but it has to be His will.
Luk 22:35 And he said unto them, When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing.
Luk 22:36 Then said he unto them, But now, he that hath a purse, let him take [it], and likewise [his] scrip: and he that hath no sword, let him sell his garment, and buy one.
Luk 22:37 For I say unto you, that this that is written must yet be accomplished in me, And he was reckoned among the transgressors: for the things concerning me have an end.
Luk 22:38 And they said, Lord, behold, here [are] two swords. And he said unto them, It is enough.
Of course as we know even here the Lord protected His followers as they never needed to use the swords, even though Peter did, but even that was used for the Glory of Jesus. We go through these times to grow just as thornygrace has said, if we take it upon ourselves to do the work which God Himself would do then we will not grow. There is so much pain that we endure but it is for a good reason.
Luk 22:28 Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptations.
Luk 22:29 And I appoint unto you a kingdom, as my Father hath appointed unto me;
Luk 22:30 That ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
Luk 22:31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired [to have] you, that he may sift [you] as wheat:
Luk 22:32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.
By passing through this fire we grow, and as with Simon Peter, Satan has alot to do with what we go through. Not only did Peter go through a trial by fire caused by Satan but so did Job. Just look at how God blessed both of them after they overcame what Satan threw at them!
Rejoice as we go through these times, know that Jesus is with us and praying for us as He did for Peter that our faith will stand strong through it all and we will overcome the enemy. Remember, Jesus didn't take the easy route, if He had where would our salvation lie? Let us also remember we are not alone, just from reading the posts here there are so many who are in the same situations. I have noticed that Satan seems to be using almost the same attack on many of us and it is interesting that more than one of us have heard the same words spoken to us by the Holy Spirit during this experience. I know that most of what I have written is the same as what has already been said, but it just shows how God is working in His people to spread His word and glory.
Posted by: mellie73
I totally agree with you, and I am here to say that GOD CAN CHANGE PEOPLE!! I almost left my husband and all I did was nag nag nag, and tell him everything he did wrong, and when I gave my marriage to God, totally, I let God take control and now he's an absolutely wonderful husband who serves the Lord and is good to me & I'm so happy! He meets my needs and I meet his and we serve the Lord & mountains were moved! We came sooooooo close to separating, & I thought he'd never EVER change, but he did and BOY did he do a 360! You who are struggling in a bad marriage, there is HOPE and you keep on praying and don't ever say that God can't change someone because He absolutely can and the change will just blow your mind!! I always compliment him and he compliments me and we know we have faults but accept each other for who we are and it has made the biggest difference. Don't give up! God hears your prayers!!!! The 1st 4 yrs. were tough- the past 4 years have been AMAZING!!!! Praise the Lord He is always faithful & He hears your prayers!
Posted by: Praying For Restoration
That was awesome, thornygrace. Thank you for sharing that (and you guys too jedi and mellie!).
Very interesting thoughts on the bitter root. I am going to re-read it after I get a good night's sleep.
Blessings,
PFR