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what do i do? what can i do, besides pray?

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Posted by: Copper

i wrote him a prayer, from the power of praying wife book, and gave it to him last night, he has done nothing but curse at me since, then he just came home, bought contact lenses- three months worth, new jeans, and cologne and cds. same as this summer!!! i am not fearful, just feel he is doing something he shouldn't. i wish God would do something. anything. oh please, please pray a hedge on him!!!! his name is tom, call him by name, please.
thank you.


Posted by: StevenHenderson

Jesus, please make Tom make a decision. Please teach him a lesson that will change his life for the good. We care for him. Please hedge him in with Your mercy and show Yourself to him. In Your name, Amen.


Posted by: slpdx2

I did the whole bible study "Power Of A Praying Wife" with a great group of women. My husband is not saved YET, but it was a geat source of help to me. I never really told my husband what I did in the study guide. I may have if he was saved, anyway, I did see him once or twice looking through the book. I just relied on the Lord to do the work and did not give my husband anything. But the ord saw to it that hubby saw it. Anyway I thought I would share the scripture I stand on daily:
Got this from a web site some where:

Won over without words
1 Peter 2:21-3:2 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

We all have our office. What's anointed for you might not be anointed for me. The Lord gave the word, great was the company of the preachers. If your husband just got a sermon from a Sword Bearing Preacher on the street...... then goes home. The Lord knows he doesn't need another recital... Rather, if the same word is there carried out in truth, there is true conviction. WE don't always know, but the Spirit always does! Hallelujah! Amen.


Father, thank you for giving us your peace about what we are to do. You always know just what's best! God bless us each and every one. Forgive us for leaning to our own understanding. Bless our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, have your own way, you are able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask or think. Thank you Father! In Jesus' name, Amen.



Posted by: thornygrace

Copper,

I think you need to pay attention to something dear friend, That quote from "some website" is from restoreministries.com the same place I suggested to you.

I know you want some change in your husband. (And boy, can I relate!) But honestly when you try to get him to change everything just gets worse and worse. Please consider turning this situation over to God and letting Him solve it for you. This would mean that you stop doing anything at all to try to "get through" to your husband. Just be kind and gentle as Jesus and let God take care of any confrontation or correction.

When you let God take care of your husband then you can focus on you and your healing. Take your anger and frustration to God but don't show it to your husband. Let God do the work.


Posted by: czynka

Dear Kim, you poor darling, my heart is breaking for you sweetie.
I agree with Kris, (slpdx) .... ppleeeeeeeaaaaase try your very hardest NOT to go by what your eyes see. What you see might be true. it might not. Instead of sticking to the negative things you (think you) see , stick to the Lord. Remember that what you proclaim with your mouth, often happens...we can actually speak things into being....speak positive things out over Tom and your marriage. Tell GOD sweetie. Tell HIM how you feel. I really feel strongly that the answer to this is to decide to take a complete u-turn, get your eyes off Tom, and on to Jesus. Focus only upon Him. ONLY upon HIM !!

It is not a matter of nodding yes in blind obedience to your husband, of course we should be submissive, but we are also to pray about how we handle certain situations...and let the Lord guide us as to how we should react to our husbands about it. How we approach him about it. Dont just nod your head and agree with everything he says !!! That is just plain naive ! This is all handled in that book you're talking about, the Power of a Praying Wife. Doesnt the title say it all sweetie ? There is POWER in the prayers a wife prays. Take Stormie's advice ...pray about it first !

Kim, you said to me that if we could we'd get that quilt out and curl up together and cry and talk and pray together. Well we can do that in the Spirit, so get the kettle on and lets get started ! I am praying for you Kim...so are we all, but please take time off from observing and analising all that Tom is doing, and spend that time with the Lord. By constantly looking at what Tom is doing, you're wasting valuable time with the Lord, actually standing in the way of what the Lord wants to do, in Tom, but also in YOU sis !!! Look at it this way, by watching Tom's every move, does it make you feel better? Does it bring you closer to God? i dont think so sweetie...it just makes everything worse and you go over and over and over every tiny detail in your mind until you make yourself crazy. You cannot change anything by observing him.
But GOD CAN. And He will..if you let go ...REALLY let go, and trust God to work it out for you. Use this time to build up your rel;ationship with God, l;et Him strengthen you, and confess the things that are good, that are positive. Confess Gods promises over Tom and your marriage.

Kimberly, i feel i have to say it , but youre heading for a burn out if you carry on this way, this is NOT your responsibility, it is Gods. Let him take over...pleeeeeeaaaaasssssseeeee try sweetie. Ill be praying for that.

i love you Kim, we all do, and we're all here for you. Glue your sights on the Lord sis.

(((HUGS)))


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

QUOTE: what do i do? what can i do, besides pray?

Enjoy life in Jesus

Be Still And Know That He Is God

and Wait upon the Lord no matter what,

Jesus might be waiting for you to do one little
simple thing and then BAM he is going to send
you your breakthrough... Don't stay in the territory
of the unknown, stay In Jesus who knows whats in
the unknown!!

also worship God despite what you feel for then you
are truely worshipping God...

Dont sit around waiting for something to happen SEE IT
happenning in the spirit realm already then grab it with
your eyes of faith and walk in it.. we serve a supernatural God
so lets start living in the supernatural....

See some including myself are making IDOLS from the troubles and
worries, we seem to always be swimming in them and enjoying them because it is so much easier to just jump into depression then joy because Joy you have to yield to but depression the devil throws on us and we catch it. We are to have no other gods other than Jesus alone, so lets all start getting rid of the gods of troubles and worries in are lives and quit worshipping them and lets all start having one God only JESUS...God Bless


Posted by: Copper

thanks guys. i will try. i'm doing better, but it is just hard- it is almost as though he is trying to hurt me. anyway, i will try.

i love you all sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!
love kimberly
have 2 get to work now. i hope u all have a good day, and i'm still lifting u up to the Lord!!!


Posted by: Donna C

My dear Kimberley,

You have been given some really good advice here, please listen to it. You push and push Tom to be a Godly man and I pray that he will be, but it has to be of his choosing and not because it’s what you want. As Kris said, the Lord made sure that her Husband got to see her prayers. I would think that being able to read something in his own time and make up his own mind about it, had more effect on Kris’s Husband than if Kris had some how made him read it.

I also agree with Carrie-Anne, that you should not be a ‘yes woman’ to your Husband, marriage to me is an equal partnership, but by the same token, it does not mean you should try to force your Husband to do something that he is not ready to do.

Please give everything over to the Lord for him to deal with. Give him every knot that is in your stomach, every worry or care that you have. He is there for all of us and wants us to be able to lean on him.

My Dad (to differentiate between my Heavenly Father), is a wonderful man and I can go to him with anything and everything. He will do anything that he can to put things right in my life, but my Dad only has a limited number of things that he can do, because he is Human. I try to have the same Father/daughter relationship with God as I do with my Dad, but I know God can fix a whole lot more than my Dad can!! Try to look on God as your kindly Father, who you can go to with anything and everything and know that even though he is not right in front of you in Human form, he is with you, trying to dry your tears and make everything good for you. But you have to let him help you and not get in his way. Think about it, if I asked my Dad to clean my car and each panel he went to wash, I stood in front of, how long to you think it would take Dad to get the job done?? This is only like you asking God to clean your marriage and then getting in his way.

All through the vigil, I kept getting a passage for you, Galations 6:1-5. Verse 5 says ‘for each one should carry his own load’. To me, for your situation, this means that you should let Tom find his own way to God, it is his load to carry.

Kimberley, know that we are all here for you and praying for you, but help us out here girl!!

Big hugs to you.

Donna x


Posted by: JG

This is Jerry:

Dear Kim I am praying for right now



Posted by: tambo#1

I went through the smae thing... AND as i was reading your post it was if I was revisting my past!


I know for a fact that if you hang in there your coming out!

Now when GOD brings you out don't return there!
All I'm saying is once He saves or moves him You be steadfast with the will of God!!!!

God smile on you in a special way is my prayer!!!


Posted by: slpdx2

Quote:
Originally Posted by thornygrace
Copper,

I think you need to pay attention to something dear friend, That quote from "some website" is from restoreministries.com the same place I suggested to you.

I know you want some change in your husband. (And boy, can I relate!) But honestly when you try to get him to change everything just gets worse and worse. Please consider turning this situation over to God and letting Him solve it for you. This would mean that you stop doing anything at all to try to "get through" to your husband. Just be kind and gentle as Jesus and let God take care of any confrontation or correction.

When you let God take care of your husband then you can focus on you and your healing. Take your anger and frustration to God but don't show it to your husband. Let God do the work.


Could not remember where I saw it. My thyroid sometimes causes some memory loss. God Bless.


Posted by: ninababy73

Kimberly, my heart just breaks for you. But you keep praying, our prayers just don't richocet or bounce back. They are heard by the Almighty God and He answers them. satan is smiling for a minute, but God WILL wipe the smile off of his face. Tom can not escape a praying woman. Incidentally, I love the Power of a Praying Woman. I have read it over and over again, and I can tell you from first hand experience, life does change when you pray.


Precious Lord, I lift Kimberly's husband Tom up before Your mighty throne of mercy. Father, remove the blinders from his eyes. He is so deceived. He thinks that the way that he is living his life is right and harmless, but Father, we know that isnot true. Father, it is my prayer that he runs from the darkness and seek Your divine light. I pray that he will change and be the husband that You have ordained him to be to Kimberly. Father, speak to her and let her know that You have her husband in the palms of Your life-changing hands. Grant her peace and serenity as the change in her husband takes place. Bless her and Tom, I pray. Amen


Posted by: Copper

my husband's exwife just brought the children over for the night, and i'm exhausted, i did something awful. she and i were talking of hubby and everything going on concerning the kids and i blew it. i spilled the beans about the affair, me getting over it, his following the Lord and then now running, everything. i blew it. i feel awful, she was just so sympathetic and talking of what she went through with him. i am scared now. he will be so mad at me if he finds out. she said she won't tell. i am scared, though. i was just so tired, and am about to pop from the stress. it is awful. i'm so embarrassed. i am so weak, and it is so so so awful. i feel awful. i told her i wanted to lift my husband up , and pray for him and have faith he will change, but i told her i am tired, and worried for our children. she agreed. i hope God will fix this, oh Lord, please fix this. amen


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Kimberly,

Sweetie, I've been thinking about you all day.

Darlin', you've got to stop handling your marriage crises in the same way over and over again. You are going down "cheeseless tunnels" (Divorce Remedy way of saying that you are doing the things that get you bad results instead of doing the things that help you to find and capture the cheese that is hidden in the maze.). The things you are doing are PUSHING your husband away. I don't want to hurt you or make you mad at me, but I HAVE to tell you this in truth and love because I know how desperately you want your marriage saved, and I want that for you too. I truly do.

You MUST STOP telling him ANYTHING like reading a prayer to him, asking him to go to church, etc. You must stop all strife coming from your side. He must no longer sense that you are judging him or looking down on him. You've got to stop telling other people all about his sins and problems as you are shaming him, even if he doesn't find out about you telling them, and the Bible says that a wife who shames her husband is as rottenness to his bones. He will look elsewhere for his sense of approval and honor if you make him feel like a zero in your eyes. Yes, he's doing things he shouldn't be, but even so, if you want him to turn back to you and your marriage, you must honor and respect him, and live with unconditional love towards him. You must go to the Lord to bring conviction to him, not try to do the Holy Spirit's job yourself and get him to feel like he is sinning.

I'm going to second, third, and fourth the recommendation to RUN to Restore Ministries. I know it costs some money, but their ebook is only something like $7! (It's cheaper than a divorce attorney, counseling, all the things that can end up coming down the road.) They also do sponsorships if money is a problem for people. I'm telling you, IT WORKS and they KNOW what they are doing! Restore has worked with THOUSANDS of couples and can help you too! I fear you are headed for a separation and/or possibly another affair if things keep going the way they have been.

You are SO smart, SO passionate, and SO committed to your marriage. I know you've gone far and above what many people would do in this world. Please know that I am not saying any of this to hurt or upset you, but because I SO want for you to not be hurting like this anymore and for you to see your marriage healed. I will keep on praying for you guys.


Posted by: Copper

i know. and i have i took all of that stuff and put it up. last night, he came home in a bad mood. i just commented on how early he was, happy like, and he went off on me. i just said wow you are earlier than usual and he went off on me saying i was accusing him of cheating! just from saying wow you are home earlier. i'm so tired of this. i have prayed and prayed and prayed. what else can i do? nothing.
why would he go off on something like that, and he has been accusing ME of cheating! it is crazy.
i've tried the just being polite and ignoring him, i've tried the blessing him and encouraging, i've tried every angle, nothing is working, he is just getting madder and more hateful, and i'm being kind!

thanks luv kimberly


Posted by: czynka

Kim, PFR is right sweetie.
You dont have to do anything, except pray and have faith. Miracles don't usually happen overnight! That is faith..pray without ceasing, hope, believe and if it doesnt happen in the time YOU think it should, dont give up..... GOD WILL DO WHAT HE SAYS, but if you give up , keep reacting to what you SEE, then satan will just keep right on playing with your mind as he's doing now. It will get you nowhere and it will drive Tom away.
Dont give up so easily and get your eyes OFF your husband and on to JESUS !!! This is a growing period for you, God is trying to get you closer to Him...perseverance..perseverane that is the word that comes to mind.
DONT LET TOM'S BEHAVIOUR THROW YOU OFF TRACK !! His behaviour is not your responsibility. No matter what he does or says..BRING IT TO THE LORD before you get all out of shape ! Only the Lord can help you control your emotions.
Kim, we are all saying this to you because we love you, and we can see that you're pushing Tom away by not leaving him alone. He is NOT responsible for the way you handle this , that is YOUR responsibility. Satan keeps on and on flinging mud at you and you always take the bait. STOP !!! oh sweetie, please, please get your eyes on Jesus and off of Tom.
Pray. And BELIEVE, the decision is yours. I think it's time you made a decision to rise above what Tom does or doesn't do...and not waiver when things dont go right straight away.
we are all praying for you sweetie.
Love you. ((HUGS))
xxx


Posted by: Copper

and also, now he is tanning. ok. i will stop looking at what he is doing. i have left him alone, not calling him, not bothering him. i'm doing that. i am just doing things that make me happy, and it is making him madder, like i went to baseball game with son yesterday, this made him mad, he doesn't want me going. i am going to live my life and just pray and talk with God.
thank you all. i'm sorry. i am the weakest person i know. i am trying and will try to lean on God.
i love you all. a whole bunch. luv, kimbo


Posted by: mellie73

K.... you are stronger than you realize honey!!! Plus, God gives strength to the weak! Sounds like Tom is getting a wee bit jealous.
You keep on doing what you're doing- enjoy yourself- get out- go have fun. Live in peace w/ Tom and bite your tongue- just keep letting God deal with him, because He is.... I know He is!!!


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Kimberly, you aren't weak -- you are living with your husband during your stand and THAT IS HARD!!!!!!!!

I disagree with that you should just live your life and have fun -- for right now, if it upsets him, stay home. (With an attitude of honoring him, wanting to be there for him, calmness, no pouting.) You could, if you sense the time is right, humbly, meekly, gently, ask him if it would be okay with him for you to go to the game because your son needs you there. DON'T ignore your husband, that is also an "action" and sends a message (he might wonder if this is the "silent treatment", judgment, you just don't care any more, etc.). When you are being sweet and kind, giving a blessing in response to a curse -- GOOD! You are being obedient to God when you are doing that, and He will honor that! You don't want to pour it on super heavy or anything, but as you are led, in response to bad things, and with no hint of judgment at all. As Mellie said, the Lord is dealing with him, and if he gets madder, just go to the Lord about it, but not so that he can see or anything. When you are alone, and when he's doing it, just do as another wise woman on here said (was that Keisha?) and in your head, silently say, "Thank you Lord that you are taking care of that for me!"

If your husband has sensed you being critical of him, judging him, looking down on him, and such things, it may take some time of you behaving differently before he trusts you again. I know that sounds so radical when it is HIM that is being untrustworthy. I see this right now with my husband, that he has to see longterm changes in me to know that I won't hurt him anymore, that I won't be critical of him but am supportive and loving instead.

Restore teaches that we need to ask the Lord to show us our own sin, then ask the Lord for an opportunity to speak to our spouses and confess our sins, and tell them we are letting them go (I think in response if they've told us they want a divorce -- I'm not sure how they teach if your spouse is still in the home). Anyway, I feel shaky advising you on this because it is like the "telephone game" and you are getting it second hand from me (another good reason to get the materials yourself). I wonder though, if after praying about it and if you feel led by the Lord, what would happen if you gently and meekly spoke with your husband, confessing your own sins, and maybe telling him something like that you know you've put a lot of pressure on him and that you aren't going to do that anymore. That you know he is a grown man and that you know it is not your place to monitor him or sway him and that you are sorry for that. (I'm just improvising here, but you'd have to seek the Lord for the words.) And then if you follow up your talk with behaviors that have let him go into the hands of the Lord, I wonder what would happen? What do you think?

The concerns he has about you cheating . . .. You mentioned recently being tempted, right? Could he be picking up on that? It could also be his own guilt chasing him. Also, Erin Thiele at Restore Ministries talks about her husband Dan asking her over and over again near the end of their separation if she had another man -- it was the love of the Lord in her that he saw. It was the closeness she had with Jesus and how she was glowing, and finally after he pressed her over and over again, thinking she was "glowing" like that from another guy, that she told him there was someone else -- JESUS! Since your husband is probably feeling you are "holier than thou" towards him right now (from how you've described things), I would not say this to him right now, as it could sound like more of the same to him. However, I offer this to say that maybe that is part of why he suspects you? You've been fasting and praying, getting so close to the Lord. Maybe he suspects you because instead of falling apart right now you are being sustained by the Lord?

Also, so many of us see things get really, really bad right before something good happens. It could be that the enemy is on a rampage, or it could be that someone's flesh and sinful behavior is getting confronted and they are struggling with it. But you may be just around the corner from your miracle, sweetie.

When I've blown it (and boy-howdy have I ever!) and told all my husband's sins to someone, what I saw at Restore was that it was important to apologize to the person I told, saying what I'd done was wrong, and then to sincerely tell them some wonderful things about my husband and some not so wonderful things about me. The quicker I've done this, the better!

We love you, Kimberly. Please don't feel like we are coming down on you with a heavy hand. I'm so desperate for you to have the Restore materials, I'd send them to you myself if I had the money. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you today.


Posted by: Copper

wow! yall have given me alot of food for thought! i think i am being led to do another fast, and to start writing down everything that i'm learning and that my friends say. i think if i write it down, God will lead me when i need to use whatever, to be able to look back and say ok Lord this is what you want me to do right now. today, i felt such a burden for my husband, just like before when he had moved out, and he said God had made it where he could not breath one day and he thought to himself, "i better shape up, he said that he knew God was telling him to shape up or else, well that day i felt a burden for him, and today i felt it again. i hope God is talking to him, yall are right, in every way. i have got to learn to let go and let God work. i am so stupid. and weak. and just wanna take control and fix it. i too believe something is going to happen soon, and the devil is trying to make me not love him. i am going to stand, and stand strong and lean on God, and everytime the devil tests me say get behind me Satan.

i luv yall all so much, and have to cook dinner, but will read your posts again and mull over it. smooch and hugs, kimberly


Posted by: Copper

Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper
wow! yall have given me alot of food for thought! i think i am being led to do another fast, and to start writing down everything that i'm learning and that my friends say. i think if i write it down, God will lead me when i need to use whatever, to be able to look back and say ok Lord this is what you want me to do right now. today, i felt such a burden for my husband, just like before when he had moved out, and he said God had made it where he could not breath one day and he thought to himself, "i better shape up, he said that he knew God was telling him to shape up or else, well that day i felt a burden for him, and today i felt it again. i hope God is talking to him, yall are right, in every way. i have got to learn to let go and let God work. i am so stupid. and weak. and just wanna take control and fix it. i too believe something is going to happen soon, and the devil is trying to make me not love him. i am going to stand, and stand strong and lean on God, and everytime the devil tests me say get behind me Satan.

i luv yall all so much, and have to cook dinner, but will read your posts again and mull over it. smooch and hugs, kimberly


our Sunday School teacher who is his old best friend from high school is taking him out to lunch for a "talk" please pray he goes first of all, and that the Holy Spirit speaks through our friend.

also, he is again late tonight, this is thursday night, the nights he has been staying gone all night. pray he comes home, and that the devil is bound. i have prayed all day for him to be convicted. anyway, thank you and God Bless, me


Posted by: mellie73

Well, I still say, grab a gf or your kids and go watch a movie, go shopping, the park- tell him he's free to come along. I agree that you should always respond kindly (a SOFT answer turneth away WRATH- Amen to that!) but you have to be able to get out and do things too. There's a right way, and a wrong way in doing things- always.
If it's to make him jealous, don't.
1 more thing.... 2 wrongs don't make a right. Please try to resist temptation... it will only cause more problems and you don't need that. You said you "hope" God is working on him.....I "know" he is sweetie!!! I promise you He is!


Posted by: czynka

Kim sweetie, maybe this will help you...

http://www.annointed.net/Community/...ead.php?t=24108

come on sis, you CAN do it....!! Bless you, many hugs...

xxxxxx


Posted by: Copper

edited, by me. got too embarrassed about it.

just an awful situation. thanks for your prayers, kimbo


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Kimberly, Sweetie, I'm so sorry you went through that traumatic experience last night.

This is uber serious, and I am just a layperson, a sinner, walking this restoration path with everybody else. I read your post earlier and took some time to pray and think about it and hope I am able to offer something that will help you and gives glory to the Lord.

Firstly, though, you have to take everything to the Lord. Anything I say, anything any of us says, and test it by the Word of God. May nothing I say go against His will or His teachings.

So, again, take what happened first to the Lord. Cry out to God, sweetie. Tell him what happened (even though he knows) and give it to Him. I tend to try and use anything that happens with my husband as FUEL FOR HOW TO PRAY. There is obviously a HUGE spiritual battle going on here. You've got to continue to go to war in the spirit.

Please don't assume he'd been to the kind of place you'd said. He could have been, but he also could have been drinking alone somewhere and feeling very desperate about the state of your marriage. We don't know, but the Lord does. Give the situation to Him. Tell him about that part, ask him to surround your husband with warrior angels and take good care of him and then let him go into the hands of the Lord. So hard to do, but necessary. You can't control it anyway, and it will only drive you crazy elsewise. (I am AMAZED at the MISUNDERSTANDINGS that happened in my marriage during this last year. I was so sure of what I thought I saw, and now I am learning how very wrong I was, and he is learning that too about assumptions he made about me.)

My gut reaction is NO, don't tell the friend. If in ANY WAY your husband senses you've "set him up" with this friend, he will be angry and resistant to anything the friend has to say to him. It is not beyond God to bring a confession of what happened if that is his will. It is not beyond God to prompt this friend to ask your husband something. Go to the Lord, and ask him, if it is His will and will serve His purposes in the restoration of your husband and your marriage that the topic come up on its own, that the friend will ask the right questions, or your husband will feel convicted and need to say something. Or the friend might even say something that seems utterly unrelated to what happened, and it could bring intense conviction in your husband anyway. Ask that the Lord be present in that conversation, that He use it to move mountains in your situation. Over and over again, I've had to let things like this go into the hands of the Lord. And when I truly let it go into His hands, things happen. When I get it in my head what would be best, or try in any way to manipulate this process, things don't go well.

I also feel very strongly that you need to not tell your mother in law the things that are happening. It will get back to your husband and he will feel shamed and angry at you, bringing more and more of a divide between you

I wish I knew the reference, but there is a wonderful verse -- I'm going to go look for it, BRB . . .

"Lord, there is no one besides Thee to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O Lord our God, for we trust in Thee, and in Thy name have come against this multitude. O Lord, thou art our God; let not man prevail against Thee." 2 Chronicles 14:11

I pray that, personalized, over my situation often.



The thing I'm most struck with is this: You need to go to the big guys on this. You need to contact Restore Ministries. I know they've dealt with situations like this before, and I have not. I don't know if anyone here has, but Erin has helped lots of people who had something happen very much like what happened to you last night. It isn't that you shouldn't share with us, but you've really got to take this to the people who can truly help you, and I feel such a sense of urgency, that you need to do this right away, sweetie.

Again, I'm so sorry for what happened last night, and I am praying for you guys.



Lord Jesus,

Things are escalating in Kimberly's marriage. Lord, I don't know what this means. I don't know if her husband is becoming more lost, or if he is actually struggling with conviction and devastation. Lord, we don't know, not even Kimberly knows, but you do. Oh thank you Lord, thank you that nothing is too hard for you. Thank you Lord that you desire for both marriage partners to live a godly and upright life before you.

Lord, I pray you will be working in this husband's heart this day. Lord, let him not be in denial about what happened. Let no alcoholic haze deaden his memory of how he behaved. Let his heart be pierced through. Oh Lord, redeem this man! We cry out to you to bring him back from the brink of destruction where he is headed! Oh please Lord, reach him. Speak to him and give him ears to hear.

Lord, I pray for your healing touch and protection over Kimberly. Lord, help her to know if she is in any danger that would require her leaving. Heal her heart and body, and help her to cry out to you and give this all up into your hands. Give her great wisdom and patience Lord, give her peace as she surrenders this all to you. Help her to stop trying to control or change things by her own hand, but to truly release it all into your hands. Lord, I know how hard that is, I do, and I also have to be continually reminded to keep my hands out of things in my marriage. Oh Lord, help her, quicken her, when it is that time to just release and let something go. Flood Kimberly with your love for her, Lord God. Just pour your love out over her and help her to receive it. Oh Lord, cover her with healing, send your warrior angels to protect her and the children.

Lord, we invite your presence into this meeting with the friend. Lord, be there. Oh Lord, do your will. Come into that meeting, opening eyes, opening ears, affecting hearts, changing paths. Give the friend great wisdom, gentleness, compassion, understanding, and words directly from you. Let there be no distractions. Let her husband not feel trapped and manipulated, but like he is being handed a life-raft in the middle of the sea of his despair. Give him the courage and wisdom to grab hold of you, and never let go again. Work in his heart, help him to leap over whatever is holding him back. Release him from the bonds of his sin. Help him to see your freedom, healing, and health that you have right there for him. Help him to see you, Lord. Help him.

Lord, I also pray for healing over their sexual relationship. Lord, this is a very special gift you've given to married people, and the enemy and fleshly sin are having a "heyday" in their marriage right now. Lord, bring your spirit and control there. Bring your love and giving there. Bring your protection and blessing there. Heal any old wounds, any old memories of relationships outside of their marriage. Bring a new sense of purpose, honor, love, tenderness, respect, intimacy, closeness, selflessness into this part of their relationship. Protect them, and let there be no abuse here, Lord God. But I also pray that shame will not be used of the enemy here to put a huge block on their intimate relationship now. Lord, let there be healing here. Oh Lord, help them to seek out your healing hand in this situation. We give it all to you, Lord, knowing again and again Lord that nothing is too hard for you.

Oh Lord, may you be glorified in all we say and do. Bring your kingdom to rule in this marriage, Lord God.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Kimberly -- I was writing my post when you edited yours. Let me know if you want me to edit mine out too.

I'm sorry for the bad timing.

Erika
~~~


Posted by: czynka

Kim, i read it too, just after you posted, and i too, am so very sorry for you.
But i do agree with PFR, try to bring it all to the Lord,...dont use it as fuel. DONT tell the friend, keep it betwwen You and God.
He has seen everything too. He really does understand. Let Him soothe your feelings .....


Sweetie, i wish i could be there with you, and hold you. You know we are ALL here for you. Hang on to the Lord sis, even if it is just by a thread of His robe...

We love you Kimberly.... xxxxxx


Posted by: Copper

it's ok erika, and cynka, sorry for the misspelling, i just edited it because i assumed since noone responded that perhaps it was too heavy.
i have never been treated that way. i came home, and felt nothing but love still, given by God over prayer all day, for him. He did NOT go to the meeting, but called and canceled. I know God is dealing in his heart. i love him so much, and i don't know why. i just don't understand why i stay, except that it is God. anyway, thank you ever so much for your prayers and caring, and kindness, and ect. i can't say enough. i have been peaceful all day, but i am good at pushing back my emotions, esp. after losing my parents to the drunk drivers. i am just really tired, and i'm asking God to please hurry up and take care of all of this, somehow. i don't know how He works (the Lord), i have given up trying to figure out my husband and how he thinks, and have given it all to God. i'm just real tired. i know God is working, somehow someway. and yes, i know he went somewhere with those guys, his boss and other managers. he said so, and besides he changed into his "club" outfit. i can deal with alot, God has granted me a forgiving and strong personality i'm just so broken inside because of watching my husband hurt. God, I just want him to turn back to You. because it hurts to see him hurt. and i don't know how i can love him so much, especially after he has done so much to me. last night was the worst ever. i thought at one point that i was going to die. really. i was so scared. what is in my husband? it has to be satan, he had the most horrible look in his eyes. i was so scared. anyway, i prayed throughout the whole thing, and asked God to convict him, and he did seem to be having a hard time staying into it. anyway, sorry to be detailed, i'm just pouring out my feelings. i think i'm definiately gonna need to see a counselor over this one. and yes, ill contact restore ministries, but i have no money right now, so maybe they can let me pay later. anyway, i luv you all so much you have no idea. just absolutely no idea. i wish you were here, because i feel so lonely, but I thank God for You. oh how I thank him for you are my friends. thank you. that would help me visualize yall when i pray for you too. anyway, have to go, luv ya, kimberly


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Sweetie, I emailed you . . .

That love, I've experienced that -- when there is no "logical" means for it to be there, but the Lord fills you up.

He will never leave you, nor forsake you!


Posted by: Copper

hi. the email address is wrong, it won't let me put the at sign, it keeps coming up as stars, but it is the sign that you press shift and the number 2, to get.

sorry, so your email prob won't work, unless u do this.

luv ya, kim


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

No worries, I used the proper symbol.


Posted by: thornygrace

Copper, I wanted you to know that I am praying for you. I agree with all the advice here especially that you need to not discuss things about your husband with real life friends and family. It will get back to him and it is not honoring him to say things he is doing wrong to others. (Even though you are telling the truth about his behavior.)

I made that mistake. When my husband first wrote that he wasn't coming back I was in shock and didn't eat or hardly do anything for over two weeks. Then I had this intense anger come up and EVERYTHING he had ever done wrong just came to my mind over and over again.

I can see that this is how s. works to steal our marriages. First he works in the media to give this idealized version of marriage and even idealized versions of some being happier after divorce. Then he reminds one spouse of the flaws in the other and perhaps triggers other weak areas such as lust. Then that spouse starts to rationalize how it would be better to leave the marriage. When the announcement is made, the spouse being left might be in shock and sadness at first, but it is very common for anger to start to build. Then s. reminds both spouses of the flaws in the other one. The one who wants to leave feels more like leaving when the one who is angry that they want to leave shows that anger or tries to convince them that they are wrong for even wanting to leave.

Then the outsiders get involved. Friends and families are also influenced by the culture that s. has worked on through media. The culture says that if someone treats you badly at all the answer is to punish them and then get away from them. So advice from family and friends is often to just leave the marriage quickly and "get on with your life." This is made worse when they are given more information about the wrong things the leaving spouse has done or is doing.

If you keep doing what you have been doing you will keep getting what you have already been getting.

In other words, try doing the least expected thing. Agree, don't try to change them, focus on changing yourself. Make ALL communications positive and nonjudgemental. Apologize and then apologize again. Don't try to "Win" in the traditional sense of "winning". Don't defend yourself, don't try to "save face". Be humble and kind.

Now, I don't know what was in the edited post. But I have a different idea about spousal or child abuse then about marriage restoration and definatly I am in disagreemetn with restore ministries in this area. I have worked with men who murdered or nearly murdered thier wives and there is no way that you being meak and humble is going to stop abuse. The answer is to leave at once and go to a safe house. I was nearly killed by a man I was only dating back in college. I wish I had gone to a safe house when he first hurt me and threatened to kill me if I did anything about it. Getting away from him and getting safe would have stopped the torment that I went through for nearly a year. (And what I went through was NOTHING compaired to what some women and wives go through in abusive live-in situations.)

I hadn't heard you mention that he was abusive so perhaps what i wrote here will apply to someone reading your thread. I know that I read threads that I don't post in and I learn a lot from what others write.


Posted by: Copper

you are so right thorny, so right.

even i have begun to think this is not what i want, i have confessed to God, and asked him to continue to give me love for Tom.

anyway, hi. well, still praying and releasing him. last night, he wouldn't let me touch him, pulled away over and over like i was hot to the touch.

please pray the devil will be bound. i truly, and please don't think i'm nuts, but i believe there is a demon or demons bothering him.

thanks, kimberly


Posted by: Copper

hi.

please help me to calm down. i looked in my husband's car, and found a note from a young girl he works with, telling him to miss her, he worked in another town while training, and to remember the song "seven days and seven nights of thunder", and other stuff, that seems wrong. i looked up the lyrics to that song, and it talks about love and falling in love overnight.

please help me, help me pray to keep my mouth shut. thanks, kimberly


Posted by: czynka

Dear, dear Kimberly.....oh get yourself over here and ill hug you to pieces
How hard it is for you right now...but there is NOTHING and i mean NOTHING that our God cannot do !!!!!
This is just the hardest thing to do now Kim, but you CAN do it..only you cant do it alone. You know what the Lord says in His word dont you?
Not by might, not by power, BUT BY MY SPIRIT !!! So try not to fight anymore in your own strength sweetie, none of us can do that for long, we will onlyend up worse than in the beginning.
Its SO very very difficult keeping our mouths shut...i know its a different situation, but i am struggling with that too, only with my daughter. If we could only glue our lips together.....but ive realised that the more i focus on what Chin is doing 'wrong', the more irritated i get, and the further away from the Lord it brings me. Lets both of us try to keep our big mouths SHUT !!
As for Tom, Kim you have to bring this too, to the Lord. Cry yourself silly, shout at Him, yell at Him, He knows darn well all that is going on...He sees your hopelessness. Fling it all at Jesus, after all, He died for this didn't He? He bore all Tom's sins on the cross didn't He? Not that i am excusing him for anything he may or may not be doing...and neither should you be That is Jesus'job.
Oh Kimberly, my heart does really ache for you, but PLEASE PLEASE...PLEASE....try to stand above this situation. It is really the only way it will be resolved...bring it to Jesus,try your darndest to keep quiet, put ALL your hope and trust in Him. He will NOT let you down.....not if you try your hardest to do what He's telling you.
God bless sweetie, be strong...it IS going to be alright.
(((HUGS)))


Posted by: Copper

Oh I'm Soooooooooooo Excited!!!

I Just Got To Sort Of Witness To A Neighbor Of Mine!!!

Wow, First Time In Like 10 Years! God Gave Me The Words To Say, And I'm So Excited!!!


I Am Ready To Live For Him, Totally, This Is So Awesome,

And Such A Blessing To Get To Do That When I've Been So Centered On Tom..

Praise The Lord!

Luv, Me


Posted by: czynka

Oh Kim i am SO thrilled for you !!!
This is JUST WHAT YOU NEED !!!


Thankyou Lord !!!!

SET HER ON FIRE !!!!!

Amen! Amen!


Posted by: Copper

we went 2 friend's hs last nt, he drank, cussed, ect. everything like before, with me there. now, he won't go to church this mrng. please pray. trying not to look on outside,
but, hard. thanks, luv me

he is slpg, can't wrt much.