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Again

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Posted by: tatiana_bueras

OK here is the deal, I don't know if any of you read along to the comment I put in someone elses prayer. But I sometimes feel I am trying too hard to please my husband, and not that I don't like to please him but I sometimes get hurt while in the process. It all started when I found out my husband was looking at porn in the internet. Yes I got really mad he even made me cry, but I looked on the bright side, I said it's just a way of him trying to learn new things. So I went along with it, we bought a few videos you know what kind. At first I felt comfertable, but then I started to feel with an urge to throw them away, it took me about two days to finally throw them. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not by going along with what my husband desires. Is it wrong? The truth is I want to give him EVERYTHING so that he won't have to look for it anywhere else!


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Hi Again, Tatiana,

I just read your other post you mentioned. It is not your fault that he looked at porn, nothing you did or didn't do caused him to look at this stuff. This is a HUGE problem in our culture right now and a big door the enemy is trying to make into your marriage.

Your best "weapon" is prayer. You've got to go to war in the spirit for your husband, for your marriage and family. That is great your husband was so repentant so quickly. Remember, we war against not flesh and blood, but against powers and principalities.

I'll pray for you tonight.

Blessings,

Erika
~~~~


Posted by: taszman

I'll say a prayer for you too, Tatiana. Internet porn is an easy temptation for anyone to fall into. Have faith!

Eric


Posted by: ownmyheart27

Quote:
Originally Posted by tatiana_bueras
OK here is the deal, I don't know if any of you read along to the comment I put in someone elses prayer. But I sometimes feel I am trying too hard to please my husband, and not that I don't like to please him but I sometimes get hurt while in the process. It all started when I found out my husband was looking at porn in the internet. Yes I got really mad he even made me cry, but I looked on the bright side, I said it's just a way of him trying to learn new things. So I went along with it, we bought a few videos you know what kind. At first I felt comfertable, but then I started to feel with an urge to throw them away, it took me about two days to finally throw them. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not by going along with what my husband desires. Is it wrong? The truth is I want to give him EVERYTHING so that he won't have to look for it anywhere else!



Tatiana,Don't worry...trust in God and pray faithfully...your husband will change for the good...believe me it works...


Posted by: ownmyheart27

Quote:
Originally Posted by tatiana_bueras
OK here is the deal, I don't know if any of you read along to the comment I put in someone elses prayer. But I sometimes feel I am trying too hard to please my husband, and not that I don't like to please him but I sometimes get hurt while in the process. It all started when I found out my husband was looking at porn in the internet. Yes I got really mad he even made me cry, but I looked on the bright side, I said it's just a way of him trying to learn new things. So I went along with it, we bought a few videos you know what kind. At first I felt comfertable, but then I started to feel with an urge to throw them away, it took me about two days to finally throw them. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not by going along with what my husband desires. Is it wrong? The truth is I want to give him EVERYTHING so that he won't have to look for it anywhere else!

I'll pray for you...Don't worry my little sis...


Posted by: thornygrace

Tatiana, I replied to your comments in the other thread too.

I work with sexual addicted men (as a counselor) and I can tell you that going along with him is being codependent and will not help. Eventually one level is not stimulating enough and they move to other more negative things.

Sister you did the right thing by throwing those tapes out. I threw out a CD that my husband had downloaded porn onto (and I guess he didn't think about how he labeled the CD!)

I don't agree that the answer to solve marital problems is to be passive about everything. Yes, I do agree that women as a whole have a tendency to try to control men and nag at them to change this and change that and we can be very disagreeable about stupid minor things like toilet seats and such things. I believe that it is better to try to live at peace with our husbands (and for that matter everyone) and this means not trying to have things go the way we want them so much.

However, by being peaceful with our husband's about things that we dont' really need to be in control of we are maintaining our dignity.

I do not agree with giving up our dignity to "please" anyone. (I am not referring to pride here. Pride comes before the fall, remember.) I am saying that if my husband wanted me to do something that would humiliate me if anyone found out about it, I would be giving up my dignity and I would refuse to do it.

(Generally, my husband is conservative as I am except for the internet porn which is actually not like him. So I will give an example that is not from my life but from the life of someone I met on line a couple years ago.)

This woman wanted to please her husband. She was afraid of his leaving her and he knew it. He was not saved and used her fear to hurt her. She believed he enjoyed the power it gave him. He started with making her watch porn on pay per view. Then he got movies. Then he asked her to do the things in the porn. When she objected to some of the unwholesome things he said "Well, I'll just find someone else who will" and then left her for a couple days. She paniced and when he called she begged him to come home and he said only if she would do these things. She agreed and he came home and did them to her. Then he started bringing other men and women over and making her do things with them. Finally, he made her make amature porn and he sold this for profit. This is when she contacted me and asked for my advice because she learned what I do for a living.

My advise was to regain her dignity at all cost. Even to the cost of the marriage if that is what it took. (although I did advise her not to seek divorce, but instead to go and live with her parents and work and build a life but to not date and to pray that her husband changes.)

I realize your situation is not any where near as bad as this other woman's but my advise is to maintain your dignity. It is so much easier to maintain it than to try to regain it.

What I tell myself is would I do this thing to please my husband if I knew it would not please my Savior? If it wouldn't please my Savior, I don't do it. (I know that is not the advise some people who minister to those seeking marriage restoration give. With any advise, I suggest very strongly that you seek God's will for your situation. God knows more than anyone else. Seek a feeling of peace within. That is the Holy Spirit letting you know you are on the right tack.)