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I need to send my husband a reply to his email.

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Posted by: thornygrace

After I wrote this post, a e-greeting by Maya Angelou came to my mind that speaks of love that is waiting. I can't delete the post here but I believe God answered my question.

It is hard having ony email to communicate and my husband goes mmany weeks between checking his email. I have written far too many begging him to come home and begging his forgiveness for whatever I have done. (He has not been very clear on that.) I knew that this email could not be like those.

I am done begging him and I am done apologizing. I have decided that when he comes home that I am not going to be passive and groveling and just grateful he granted upon me the blessing of his presence.

I love my husband. I want a good marriage. But I know him. He does not respect people who grovel. I need to be myself and let him know I love him but that I have some things I want from him too.

God is teaching me to stop needing my husband to "not" leave me. He is telling me that I need to be the kind of woman my husband would want to come back to. And he hates submissive kind of talk from me. I think I have been handling this situation poorly.

I think some advise I have followed out of desperation because the author said she guarnteed it would work. But no one but God knows what is best for me. I can listen to advise and receive and give support and suggestions. But I don't think it is right for me to try to become someone I am not.

I am a very strong minded intelligent professional liberated American woman. My husband fell in love with me for these qualities (at least this is what he said.)

It is time for me to stop being a pathetic puddle of a person in my own personal pity party and start being more authentically myself. I am submissive to God.

I am and have been kind and noncontrolling of my husband but I have never in my life been a "meek" person. This does not mean that I am not "standing" for my marriage. It just means that the advise God has had me give others about personal dignity that is not the same as "pride" is something I need to follow.

If I want my husband to show me more respect, than I need to show myself some respect as well. I won't try to control him by begging him anymore. If he wants to come back he is more than welcome. My life goes on with or without him.

I hope I don't upset anyone. I just have this inspiration right now and it just flew out of my fingers onto the keyboard.

God loves me. He created me. He is healing me and wants me to have my deepest desires (as long as they are not things that would distract from Him.) He also loves my husand and he brought the two of us together for a reason. I believe that it was for me to learn to love and forgive. And to not cling in the process. For my husband he is being taught that he must fulfill obligations and be responsible for himself and for his choices. He is teaching my husband to stop running away. I am praying that this also means my husband stops running from God too.


Posted by: Annie7

Lord,
We thank you for the wisdom you have imparted and I pray that you will continue to show her the right steps to take every inch of the way.
Please convict her husband that divorce is wrong and that you hate divorce and let their relationship be healed.
Please let forgiveness of each other come into the picture to stay and may they have a relationship together with you, dear Lord, and go to church together.
Please let her feel in her heart how she should act and let this couple learn to love and respect each other again. And to trust also.
In Jesus' name we pray,
Amen.


Posted by: Delight

Dear Thornygrace,

I’d rather call you ‘Grace’ coz I’ve noticed that you are very very graceful I your writings and sharings.

You are right when you say that it is time to stop being a pathetic puddle of a person in my own personal pity party. God loves you very much and you are very precious in His eyes and HONOURED. (Is. 43:4)

It’s beautiful how the Lord has revealed His way to you ad thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.

Lord has asked you to take your eyes off the storm and fix them on Him. And you have said a BIG amen to that one.

He sure brought you two together and blessed to be together. Let Him do the talking to both of you in this silence coz He is very much the mediator between you two.

“GOD, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage.” (Malachi 2:15)

Let the Lord Himself bring him home to you coz he hates tearing apart of the "one flesh' of marriage. (Malachi 2:16)

Until then let Him mould you in to becoming the beautiful praying wife that He dreams of making you

Thanx again for sharing this revelation dear. It set me praising the Lord for such wonderful guidance.

I shall fast on my words this week so that the floodgates of communication may be open between you and your husband.

Love,

Hasanthi


Posted by: thornygrace

Hasanthi,

Thank you for your reply. I bought the book by Dr. Dobson that I saw on Amazon.com called "Love must be tough for marriages." It was when I read the description and the reviews of the book that I started feeling a better shift inside of me.

Then I was reading a link that Ericka posted that had in their a description about not manipulating God or our husbands by thinking that we all have to be miserable in order to get our husband's back.

I have had a lot of negative things happen to me in the last six months and I have started to get negative and to dread each day. But I remember that while weaping may last in the night, joy comes in the mornaing. I need to start each day with joty because my Deliverer is here right now.

And already there is a move. I got person who agreed to refer more sexual offenders to see me. (Right now my ministry to sexual offenders is what I am living off of, but I have some about to finish my long term intensive program and my income will go down.) I have a meeting set up with about 15 people all of whom may refer people who are not sexual offenders to me. And just a few minutes ago a Church that I felt would be an excellent place for me to move my practice into called me back and I had a wonderful talk with the minister and a meeting is set up for the morning.

I know that my positive attitude is what God needs from me to move in my life. I have not opened the doors for his movement within me.


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Hi Thornygrace,

I'm glad some referrals and locales are coming through for you, that's wonderful news!

I wanted to address some things in your original post that I believe are very important. I think the author you are talking about is the same one whose work I often talk about, and I disagree with some of how her work is being represented here. She does not suggest we are to be groveling or pathetic. And she also doesn't teach things with a "guarantee" that they will work. She often addresses questions about that saying that what works is applying the word of God and surrendering ourselves totally to this process. She discourages telling your spouse you are submitting to them, as she says most men hate hearing that. She also says that if we've apologized to our spouses for our own sin in the relationship, to stop, and not discuss it again unless they bring it up and need to discuss it again. She does not teach that we are to apologize over and over again (unless something happens that we need to apologize for), and teaches that this season is about going before the Lord, rejoicing in Him, glowing with His love for us, and growing into who He wants us to be.

What I follow from what I've learned in her books comes straight from the Word of God. Meekness, having a gentle and quiet spirit, submitting to our husbands -- all of that is straight from the Word. I tend to be a pretty dynamic woman, am a "brainiac", as I affectionately call myself, and struggled with the whole discussion of meekness. Anyway, I realized (and also read something in one of the books), that there is a difference between a meek spirit and one's personality. Personality must come under the guidance of the Lord's principles and teaching, yes, but He made my personality and yours, and as long as I'm keeping His ways sovereign over my personality, there is no shame in it. KWIM?

I am finding what I've learned to be liberating, and healing, bringing me into wholeness.


Quote:
Originally Posted by thornygrace
After I wrote this post, a e-greeting by Maya Angelou came to my mind that speaks of love that is waiting. I can't delete the post here but I believe God answered my question.

It is hard having ony email to communicate and my husband goes mmany weeks between checking his email. I have written far too many begging him to come home and begging his forgiveness for whatever I have done. (He has not been very clear on that.) I knew that this email could not be like those.

I am done begging him and I am done apologizing. I have decided that when he comes home that I am not going to be passive and groveling and just grateful he granted upon me the blessing of his presence.

I love my husband. I want a good marriage. But I know him. He does not respect people who grovel. I need to be myself and let him know I love him but that I have some things I want from him too.

God is teaching me to stop needing my husband to "not" leave me. He is telling me that I need to be the kind of woman my husband would want to come back to. And he hates submissive kind of talk from me. I think I have been handling this situation poorly.

I think some advise I have followed out of desperation because the author said she guarnteed it would work. But no one but God knows what is best for me. I can listen to advise and receive and give support and suggestions. But I don't think it is right for me to try to become someone I am not.

I am a very strong minded intelligent professional liberated American woman. My husband fell in love with me for these qualities (at least this is what he said.)

It is time for me to stop being a pathetic puddle of a person in my own personal pity party and start being more authentically myself. I am submissive to God.

I am and have been kind and noncontrolling of my husband but I have never in my life been a "meek" person. This does not mean that I am not "standing" for my marriage. It just means that the advise God has had me give others about personal dignity that is not the same as "pride" is something I need to follow.

If I want my husband to show me more respect, than I need to show myself some respect as well. I won't try to control him by begging him anymore. If he wants to come back he is more than welcome. My life goes on with or without him.

I hope I don't upset anyone. I just have this inspiration right now and it just flew out of my fingers onto the keyboard.

God loves me. He created me. He is healing me and wants me to have my deepest desires (as long as they are not things that would distract from Him.) He also loves my husand and he brought the two of us together for a reason. I believe that it was for me to learn to love and forgive. And to not cling in the process. For my husband he is being taught that he must fulfill obligations and be responsible for himself and for his choices. He is teaching my husband to stop running away. I am praying that this also means my husband stops running from God too.



Posted by: jlfirefighter207

Dear Lord,

Thank you for giving our sister wisdom in her situation. As you know, I experienced the same thing. I thought I was giving my relationship up to You and I realized that I wasnt. When I gave it totally up to you, miracles started to manifest themselves. Praise You, dear Father, for the miracles that your daughter will start receiving. Thank you, God, for your continued intersession in the relationship and thank you for your love, kindness and guidance.

In Jesus' precious name...Amen, and Amen...

Hang in there, dear sister...God will take care...JL