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Thoughts of killing myself...please help me...

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Posted by: Nikki

Last night all I could thin about were ways I could kill myself and how I wanted to tape the whole thing and make Jeff watch every second just so he could hurt as much as I do right now. I know this isn't what God want's me to be thinking, but I'm just sick of everything. I need him to show up and touch Jeff. The only thing that prevents me from killing myself is my daughter. Without me she has no one and I really want to watch her grow up and live her life. I'm really trying to find the words to say to God, but I'm at my end. Can you please help me. For all those who don't agree with my situation please keep your negitive comments to yourself. I beat myself up enough as it is and I don't need anymore. I come here for help and prayers...not to walk away feeling worse. Please be kind!


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

This spirit of blindness from the opression you are in is going to be broken in Jesus name right now so you can see the truth in Jesus more clearly, In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazereth I come against this spirit of blindness over nikkis spirit and mind and spiritual eyes with the blood of Jesus right NOW, I COMMAND THIS SPIRIT OF BLINDNESS TO LOOSE ITS GRIP ON HER LIFE RIGHT NOW AND ON JEFFS LIFE THAT THYE MAY BOTH SEE THE TRUTH IN WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND SEE THE LIGHT IN JESUS AND NOT DARKNESS ANYMORE...Jesus replace where this blindness was your healing anointing and balm comforting nikki right now, let her fell you placing a new mantle of your anointing being placed on her life in all she does, with the sword of the spirit right now I come against the spirit of lying accusations that keep coming to her mind and thoughts and command them to BOW now to the name of Jesus, touch her mind with your hand Jesus and let this oppression be lifted off of her even now from the anointing that is all over her even now..breathe all over her nikki Jesus with your shekinah glory and love speak to her the love you have for her letting her know she will be raised up to be a mighty warrior in you to change this world!!! satan you are crushed in this situation right now...

Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are noble, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise think on these things
Philippians 4:8


Let Jesus guide you through this storm, you need to be right now soaking in his presence as to let the darkness and oppression that is on you fade away from being in Gods presence and his anointing, just go and pray and lay there in Gods presence and let him speak to you the love he has for you while you play worship music..

The Love he has for you below in Scripture
Isaiah 49
16Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands; [O Zion] your walls are continually before Me.

Isaiah 51
16And I have put My words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of My hand, that I may fix the [new] heavens as a tabernacle and lay the foundations of a [new] earth and say to Zion, You are My people.

Isaiah 51
15 But I am the LORD thy God, that divided the sea, whose waves roared: The LORD of hosts is his name.


Posted by: GA5966

Dear Nikki,

First off I don't know your situation. I wouldn't say anything to hurt you if I did. If you need someone to talk to feel free to e mail me. Now, I am going to be straight forward with you. First thing is taking your own life will only worsen your problems. Jesus can help. Someone cares and will be just an email away. I am not always on but I check frequently my mail. Ga5966**yahoo.com

Dear Jesus,
Nikki needs your help. Father you know her situation and you see her right where she is. I pray that the demon putting thoughts of suicide in her mind would leave in Jesus name. Amen

Nikki write me anytime. I will listen I promise. You are not alone in this.


Posted by: Copper

Oh Father God, so many are hurting, lord. Hear our cries, Father, I pray you be with nikki right now and help her realize there is a purpose for her being here. God, please help her sustain her, and love on her. Father, send an angel of mercy to care for her now. Thank you Jesus, amen.


Posted by: Nic and Julie Drew

Nikki I know things seem like they will not get better but they will. I was in a similar place in my life at one time. I am not just someone saying oh it will get better. I have been on the same end of the stick as you are. I was once left with a 9month old child and did not want to go on living. Sometimes I would just lay in the floor and ask God to take me because I could not go on living any more. Then just about when I didn't feel like I could even move my little girl would climb up on me and kiss me and imideatly I knew that I had a reason to go on living and that even if I did not even want to I had to because there was a inocent person who needed me desperatley. You have to keep going and take it from someone who has been there the pain will eventually stop and you will not want to die anymore. That child that you have is the most important thing right now. Put all of your time into God and your child and you will pull through this. I am call to intercessory jprayer and I will pray for you until I feel a breakthrough for you. If you need to talk to someone check out my web site at www.geocities. com/water1035/CEPIP.html and click on my prayer line. It may also help you to check out the first page of my web site. God can change everything for you. Don't give up I've been there.

Lord Jesus right now I lift up Nikki to you Father God and I praise you Lord . I bind that spirit of suicide in the name of Jesus and I loose the Holy Spirit into Nikki Father God . I ask you to touch her just like you have me Jesus. I ask that you raise her up to help others. Give her life meaming through you Lord. Fill her with your Holy Spirit Lord. I am asking you right now to Baptize her in your Holy Spirit Lord. Heal the hurts that this man has caused her. I plead the blood of Jesus upon this woman Lord and I Thank you for it Lord. I also Plead a total Psalms 91 hedge of protection around Nikki Lord. I pray that no evil will befall her no disaster will come near her tent. I praise you for all these things Jesus and I thank you Lord. Lord I give this to you now with the faith that Nikki is delivered in the name of Jesus. Praise you Holy Lord. Amen


Posted by: barbara82jean

The bible says everything you go through count it as joy. Not good or bad----but joy. Everything comes from the Father, who loves us so much. In spite of how it feels in hard times-- count it as joy. God knows that something will produce from that trial you are going through.Trust the God we serve and understand He is there with you and He has a plan for your life. Look at the end and try to see the fruit that will produce from that experience you are going through.Don't focus on the circumstance, but focus on the LORD.Trust in the Lord and He will never leave you or forsake you.

Let God change you by the renewing of your mind!!!!


Posted by: shalu

Father, I do not know Nikki's situation, but what she is going through must be so incredibly difficult. Father, You know where she is this exact moment, the exact thoughts that are going on in her head, the lies satan is telling her, convincing her that it would be better to be dead and to punish Jeff by seeing it than to stay alive. Father, I ask that You flood this wonderful woman with You presence, remove those thoughts from her Lord as she gives them over. Heal her of all hurt, the intense pain within her soul pouring Your healing balm all over her. Father drench her in Your presence and anointing Lord God. For You have a TREMENDOUS purpose and plan for her life, a REMARKABLE testimony is being birthed in her soul by the circumstances she has gone through and satan is trying to STEAL it. Father we bind the lies of the devil in the name of Jesus and I ask that You just flood her with Your truth. I pray this all in Jesus' name. Amen

Oh Nikki, you must be hurting so and I am so very sorry. I know that sometimes when going through something very difficult we think that it would just be easier if we weren't here, but that is a lie. The Lord loves you dearly and taking your life is final, that is it, the end, cannot be undone and you do not know how close you are to breakthrough, not concerning Jeff really, but concerning walking in peace while enduring the storm. And while you cannot see breakthrough or peace now, IT WILL COME. IT WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL COME, so keep fighting, do not let the waves of your storm overtake you, pull you under. I will be praying for you!!!!!

Shalu


Posted by: laurie131

Nikki,

I can relate to your situation. Just the other night I posted about the same thing. You think nobody can even begin to know what you're going thru and the pain you're enduring. My 16 year old daughter followed me around our house because she was worried about me. Reach out to the Lord and ask him to guide you and give you strength. That's what I did and I felt so much better, along with reading the posts from these wonderful prayer warriors.

Lord, wrap your arms around Nikki comfort her and give her the strength to endure this. Make your presence known to her, and surround her with angels. Sometimes it feels like you can't hear us but you have promised to never leave or foresake us. Fill her heart with your love.
I ask this in Jesus name. Amen

I am praying for you.


Posted by: Kristie

Nikki,
Been there, done that, was a long long time ago, but actually did it. Took three bottles of narcotics and went someplace where I would not be found..which was my brothers house. He was gone, out of state working on the oil rigs. Foolproof I thought. But goes to show that God is in control, and He will not be robbed of His children, will not release them to go anywhere, even home to Him, if it is not of His timing. A friend of my brothers just happened along and I remember many people screaming and trying to wake me up before slipping into death. They said that I was clinically dead when I arrived at the ER, no heartbeat, no breathing. I woke up about a week later on a ventilator and there were tubes coming from every single part of me imaginable. I had two daughters, one was only 6 months old, the other was 3 yrs old. All I could think about is what I had done to them..that they would from that time on think that I did not love them enough..that I loved someone else so much more then them that I trying to bail out on them. That they were not worthy of living for. I wondered on the surviving side of it how I ever could have found anybody or anything worth more then my girls.

There is nobody or nothing worth more then your baby, trust me. You are just in heartbreak and not thinking beyond the cause of this pain, but there are much greater heartbreaks...and if you would have done what you were thinking and God would have held on to you like He did me, which I know He would have otherwise you would not be here posting, you would have come out the other side with a greater heartbreak, one over your little girl..that you gave up on her, and worse that she would know that you did, that she was not enough to live for. That is real tragedy..much greater then losing some man.

A even sadder scene that just came to me is if you would have done such a thing, doing that to your little girl, and it was totally for nothing...because God intended on bringing that man back anyway..restoring your marriage. The devil would have won, because he would have permanently destroyed any chance of restoration, cannot restore a dead person. He would have managed to destroy more then he set out to, your life, your marriage and your little girl.

Thank God for life. He promises you life, abundant life in fact. Wait upon Him with great patience and you will obtain the desires of your heart. Take check of yourself, because your child will become what she sees from you. Think about that...your baby girl growing up and some man causing her such heartbreak that she would take her life just to try to hurt him back. That she felt so worthless that her life was nothing without him. How does the thought of your baby doing such a thing make you feel? I watched my 6 mo. old baby girl grow up and do it. She slit both her wrists and shallowed a full bottle of Lithium. I rode in the ambulance with her hearing her cry out to please let her die, that she did not want to live like this..without some man who was actually worthless..a drug addict who cheated and beat on her all the time. Watch your baby go through that and then you will know true heartbreak..and to think that maybe she just became what she saw..that her sense of worthlessness may stem from my doing what I did and forever embedding her with that sense of not being worth enough... to be worth better then what this man gives her and to be loved the way she actually is deserving of. If she was not worth enough for her own mother to choose over some man, then what is she worth to anyone else.

So you chose correctly...but do not choose for yourself..although yes, you need to have the great desire to see your baby grow up..that is awesome, but you need to see this from her eyes and her little world..she is worth more then this man..she is worth so much more that she does not even need to see you down and out over him like this. Set a standard for her, that she is number one in your life after God, and that God is number one in everything..so that she too will know God as her all. With the love of both God and a caring mom, she will live a happy and properous life knowing she is worthy of good things. ;-) God Bless you...all will be well...you have a very precious gift in your child, embrace it and live abundantly. :-)


Posted by: DespondentSoul

Dear Nikki,

So Sorry, I do not know what has happened to you- but clearly, you have been hurt badly. I am so sorry this happened to you. If I were there, I would hug you, and comfort you. Jesus wants to hold you, my friend. He cherishes you for the unique Mom and person whom you are.

Please forgive me Nikki, because I am going to probably say things that you have heard before many times. My only intention is to help you. Yes, I know that you and I are strangers- but we are spiritually related because we are siblings in Christ. I love you as a Sister. Your life is a treasure. If you could see your own life from an outside point of view, you would know the real truth- the truth is that you mean a lot to more people than you think.

Please do me a favor, Nikki- please keep thinking about your little girl. Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine how much pain she would endure if you left her alone in this world. She would be scarred for life. She would never be the same if you left her.

I have thought about suicide too, but the inevitable conclusion is that its the worse thing I can do. After all, life does not only consist of hurtful days- there are happy days as well. You will be happy again. That is what God wants for you.

I have thought about suicide many hundreds of times. Its a miracle that I am alive. Praise God! He has saved my life so many times, I cannot even begin to fathom it. I tried suicide once, in November, 2000. It was the worst choice I ever made.

I took a bottle of Tylenol PM. Mom and I had been arguing. She said that maybe I should find another place to live, and that scared me badly. It was like I was in a trance. I walked into the kitchen, and swallowed the pills.

The ambulance came. They took their time. They took me to the hospital, but they just went slowly. I could have died, but the paramedics didn't care. They didn't care at all if I were dead. I learned later that my heart almost stopped beating.

They pumped my stomach at the hospital. It was horribly painful. I had to drink charcoal. It was incredibly disgusting.

The worst part was what my poor, sweet Mom went through. Later on, after it was all over, I learned about what Momma was doing in the hospital. A Nurse explained it to me. The Nurse said that my Momma was walking around, and looked scared, like a hurt, little frightened animal. That hurt my heart so deeply. I still cry sometimes.

I learned that many people love me. I actually do have a loving family- and I began to realize how many people I would have destroyed if I succeeded in taking my own life. I felt so much remorse for what I almost did to myself. Even though I was lonely as a cloud, my life gained its sanctity very rapidly. My life became something precious to me, and I knew at that point that I could not kill myself. Only the good Lord has the right to decide when I die.

I will pray for you. I sympathize with you. I feel compassion for you. I hope, and I thoroughly believe, that things are going to look your way. Things are getting better for you right now. Maybe you cannot see it, but the good Lord is working behind the scenes on your behalf!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Holy God,

Your eminence, my Lord Jesus, I beckon to you at this late hour. My Blessed God, your glory is an immortal Fire! Jesus, you are more beautiful than the stars on a moonless, clear night!

My Highest King Jesus, please come into principal influence in Nikki's life. Please my God, restore to her what the locusts have eaten. I ask that your angels protect and watch over Nikki and her family. Please Jesus, I ask that you rebuke the liar of the devil. He is tempting Nikki into doing something awful. But Lord, your Blood saved us all! Jesus, Praise your Holy name! My Blessed King!

My precious Lord Jesus, please touch Nikki's life right this moment! Make her a pathway to joy and peace. I pray for her to feel relief, happiness, and profound serenity in her heart. Bless her loving Heart, Lord Jesus. You make all things new, my God! Jesus, your name will be praised every night and day!


In Jesus' Holy name I pray,

Amen, and Amen.


Posted by: ninababy73

Nikki, I have been praying for you. I just want you to know that if anytime you need to write you can email me and I will be more than happy to write you back. Please know that you are never alone and there are always people out here who care about you. It is by the grace of God that I am still alive as I have tried to kill myself. I was much younger then (19); but God had/still has His hand on me.

I know that life seems like it is every bit a mess; but just know that despite what is going on in the storm, God has His hand on You. He will take care of You, because He loves You. He created You. You are His special child. When He looks down from Heaven, He looks down with love in His eyes.


Precious Lord, may Your loving mercy surround Nikki right now. Cover her with Your unfailing peace. Let her know that without a doubt that You are in her life. Father, where there is strife or confusion, may it be quiet in Your Holy Name. Cover her, Father. Love on her. Keep Your mighty hand upon her. Bless her in each area of her life. May she be blessed in her comings and her goings. May she be more than a conqueror in Your mighty name. You are awesome and deserving of all praise. In Your loving name, I pray. Amen


Posted by: Nikki

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my words. I love my little girl with everything in my soul. I can't leave her behind. I just need a was you feel ok in my skin right now. I just want to run away and hide forever. I'm afraid to go home and I just want to sleep. I just hope God still loves me and can wash me white as snow. Please Lord understand where I am and have mercy on me. Please forgive me and see me the same today as you did yesterday. Please Please Lord know that I love you and my heart wants a relationship with you. Know that I love my family and want us to be together. My family means so much to me and even the thought of losing it makes me feel sick inside. Please Lord....hear my cry and help me even though I don't deserve it. Please save my family and let them know I would never do anything to hurt them or break us apart. I have been fighting so hard to save us! Please Lord I come to you as naked as a baby and ask you to love me and protect me.


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki
I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my words. I love my little girl with everything in my soul. I can't leave her behind. I just need a was you feel ok in my skin right now. I just want to run away and hide forever. I'm afraid to go home and I just want to sleep. I just hope God still loves me and can wash me white as snow. Please Lord understand where I am and have mercy on me. Please forgive me and see me the same today as you did yesterday. Please Please Lord know that I love you and my heart wants a relationship with you. Know that I love my family and want us to be together. My family means so much to me and even the thought of losing it makes me feel sick inside. Please Lord....hear my cry and help me even though I don't deserve it. Please save my family and let them know I would never do anything to hurt them or break us apart. I have been fighting so hard to save us! Please Lord I come to you as naked as a baby and ask you to love me and protect me.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Isaiah 49
16 Behold, I have indelibly imprinted (tattooed a picture of) you on the palm of each of My hands; [O Zion] your walls are continually before Me.

Jesus will always look at you through the eyes of grace and mercy he will never change his love towards you.. What you have just went through is a huge trial that will change you for the glorious best in Jesus in sharing with others what you have just went through and you made it through ok with Jesus help, the fog of war sometimes makes it hard to see where Jesus is but his word says he will never leave you nor forsake you, and you can rest in that word and rest in him knowing all will be well and that through all you just went through he has just carried you through the battlefield without stepping on landmines and he will never change he will always carry you in either good or bad times many hugs to you nikki you will come out of this a very strong warrior in Jesus, Jesus right now blanket nikki with your shower of healing anointing in her spirit touching her mind and every part of her life...