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Getting back to Lord
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Posted by: 9h8o7l6y54
[COLOR=sienna][FONT=times new roman] The past few years have been so hard to understand. Never like anything it before in my life. I have tried to keep up my relationship with the Lord while being angry at Him at same time & loosing all these people & all this stuff, capabilities & such. It all started in Aug. 2000 with being yelled at & has been a rollor coaster ride ever since. I am very angry at myself & another person who will not listen to me, never has. I have tried for years to get out of this relationship, but they just don't hear me, think everything is just fine no matter what I say or do & life goes on & on & on & on & on with the person. Try to leave & end up in worse situation with my family or once was church involved, but it was not a good thing, too dangerous a place to be, trust me in this, I had my wild days when young & know danger. My son was so scared. I wouldn't have minded if it hadn't been the worse ghetto in city for hating whites, I am white, & this is very prejiduce city, otherwise, but had problems from very 1st night & each night after & getting worse. Please excuse me, am in pain right now. Pain comes to me from out of nowhere, can't control it, so excuse me please. These 3 that I am angry at, the Lord, me & friend or whatever, is not sexual no more, so whatever. That's one thing I don't get, if someone didn't let me have sex, I would figure they didn't want me, would gladly, quickly leave, but this person, no, it has been many years & they still talk about it daily, hope for it, but. Talk about something that makes me feel bad, the guilt I feel laid on me for something don't want to do with them. I am not, well, was a very affectionate person at one time, but now, well would like to be, be we don't touch. I have spent a lot of time on my family these past few years, but everyone has moved, one at a time so no longer have the monthy visits. I have shut myself off from most other people because am afraid of them. Most people don't understand me nor will they try to. I never learned how to talk to people, never learned small talk or what most people talk about. I guess have spent so much time with my warped family, well, it does rup off lol. I have spent so much time with drug dealers too, they have been some of my best friends & don't know if I have an addiction to anything & everything i touch or if it just a reaction to pain, for when not in pain, don't go to my crutches. Before that in 2000, yes, I smoked pot, my best friend was a dealer, but gave myself 3 a day & saved up, didn't smoke that much. He died during all this mess & had quit, but something made me go back to it with a vengence. I mean, I am trying to keep it down to 6, trying & it is hard. I even have a drink now & then to quiet myself down when won't make me worse, which I am afraid of alcohol. This is very bad for me, not only is it sin, but I have real bad asthma too. Yea, you should see me try to smoke one, you would be asking me why I do. I smoke cigs too, but that is something want to deal with later for has been a problem since 9 & am, well, if I don't get rid of this anger, I won't be able to stop either. I don't want to be mad at the Lord, but want to understand is all, a few answers is all. Job did not get the answers he expected, not as to why, just how great & awesome God is & Job wasn't. Humbled before Him. Yes, I want to be humble before Him again & take life as He gives to me, however it is with gladness, knowing even the stuff that seems bad has it's work for His glory if I obey & let Him lead. No, I am not perfect, that is what I did, am doing now & what I need prayer for. If I can get rid of this anger, was not angry person before all this, then I can stop this other stuff & get rid of it for good. I have prayed about this for many, many years & about this relationship I don't know how to live with anymore. Thank you very much
Posted by: alexx
father...i lift this person up before you today...for you can see and understand exactly what is going on in their life...father please help this person...this person needs direction and love and understanding...this person needs to get past alot of misdirected anger...father open their eyes to the truth and to the source of their pain...father wrap your arms around them so they can feel your love and know their pain doesnt come from you....i ask that you work in this persons life and sort through some things to make the situation clearer so a clear path of recovery can be laid before them...in jesus name i pray amen
Posted by: ninababy73
Precious Lord, I pray in agreement with my dear sister before me. I pray for Your will to be manifested in this person's life and that will submit wholely to You. Remove and destroy all that is not of You, anger, drinking, smoking, etc and replace it with Your love and peace. In Your mighty name, the name that when called changes lives. Amen
Posted by: GA5966
I pray that you will help this person to find someone in their geographic area who can help them. Someone who can physically sit down have coffee with them and talk and help them deal with these issues. Someone who can give them what your word would have them do for deliverance. I pray father that you send them that person to encourage and understand them. In Jesus Name, Amen