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Originally Posted by Praying For Restoration
The night before last, I cried through half of the night with sorrow.
I am really in a financial bind, feeling sadness over the divorce going through (even if at other times I can be full of faith), and missing my husband. I have been praying and praying that God would move my husband to help us financially beyond the child support amount, without my asking. I have been praying and praying for some movement in our relationship. Last night we saw him for visitation. When I dropped my daughter off, she ran off to the park and he stayed at the car to talk to me! Instead of me just leaving, we walked over to the park and he kept on talking and talking and talking to me, obviously eager to share with me from his life! When the conversation would stall because our daughter was saying something to us or asking us to do some other thing for her, I would silently pray, "Lord, if you want this to keep going, please have him start talking again." I used to be one to fill all the spaces with my own talking, (um, none of you would expect that of me, right??? LOL!) and it is quite an exercise for me to just be patient. Every single time, he started talking again. He was telling me about his work (he runs his own business) and his recent triumphs there. I was able to be supportive, happy for him, etc., by the grace of God. It is hard to be happy for someone telling you how much money they are making when you are wondering how you will pay your car insurance and rent, KWIM? But God was so faithful and helped me. So, after awhile I left and was praising the Lord. As I walked away I asked him about where to meet, and he in the past has said I should meet them in the parking lot of the mall, where I would just pick up our daughter and go. But this time he asked me to meet them inside at the play structure.  When I got there, I was sooooo wiped out that I had almost called him to say I wanted to meet in the parking lot instead, but I knew the Lord had provided this opportunity, so I went in instead. As I walked up, he turned and saw me and got this HUGE smile on his face! The second I sat down, he started talking and talking to me again.  This time it was spiritual things. For those of you with kids, you know how it is to try and talk with a five year old around? You get interrupted every two seconds with something or the other, and I'm so glad my daughter got to see her parents together having such a good time talking. Anyway, every time that would happen, where in the past he would have just stopped talking, almost like he'd rather have not been talking, this time he kept on trying to find ways to start up the conversation again! Praise God! Before, he would be saying, "I have to go now." and leave abruptly. Last night, our daughter was saying she was so thirsty, so he asked me if we could go get smoothies. In the past, he would be very domineering about all decisions made concerning our daughter. Last night, when our daughter asked something about what she could have to eat, he said with great deference and respect, "I don't know, that is up to your mother, I think she is a better judge to know what to do about that." I almost fell over!!!!Another thing I've been praying about are some important bills that are in collection now, that are medical bills for our daughter and could cause her not to have care in the future. While we were talking at the play structure, he asked me if I'd found some dresses for our daughter. (I had told him before I had bought her some summer clothes, but had had problems finding dresses, which she loves.) All of a sudden he says that while he has some money, he wants to give me extra this month so I can buy dresses for our daughter, and could I round up those medical bills so he can pay them! He added with urgency that they really needed to be paid!!! Hallelujah! You must understand, this is from a man who would not give a CENT to me that was not ordered by the courts! I went the first many months after he left with only one check given to me. But the Lord is working on his heart and softening it! The Lord is placing us in the priority list of his heart, and when receiving a large check from a job yesterday, we were in the first of his thoughts for what to pay out of a large list of bills! Praise God! Thank you God! And it isn't over yet! Afterwards, we were parked on opposite sides of the mall. Our daughter didn't want him to leave yet, so I offered to drive him from our car to his. He had to jam his body into the back seat, because her carseat takes up the middle half of the seat, sitting up on his hip -- definitely not comfortable, although he tried to tell me he was plenty comfy. When I got to his car, he stayed in the car to continue TALKING TO ME about spiritual things! Hallelujah! He stayed through almost two CD's of music playing all the way through! The night was also peppered with him teasing me and playing with me about things he knows about my personality. Things he used to tease me about. I came home praising and praising and thanking and thanking my most merciful and loving Lord. My husband is going to meet us at my apartment and drive over to see the townhome my daughter and I are moving into, when he comes to get our daughter this weekend. I am praying that this new place will be a place that feels comfortable to him and that he will begin coming over to visit (something he has not done at our old place -- largely my fault for being restrictive in punishment of him). God is soooooo good and soooooooo merciful. I am in awe of his kindness! I see He is rebuilding this relationship bit by bit. I am praying that I am in a special place in my husband's heart, set above his friends and such, and that he will move more into actually "dating" me sometime soon. For now, the friendship is definitely building, and of course, I have no idea what he is actually feeling in his heart. He also said something that reveals he is praying for me -- which is something I've prayed he would do for many months now! If I could only communicate what a tremendous MIRACLE all of this is. If you all could only come along to six months ago, a year ago, and see the hatred, the darkness, the scoffing, the complete closing out of each other, the inability to look at one another, the battling, the punishing, the "I'm not going to let you see me", the utter removal of him from our life, the hopelessness . . . we too had people on both sides saying to give up, to move on, that this was unfixable. But our God has different ideas! His ways are not our ways! He is good and He does good! And He IS restoring my marriage and I will praise Him! And it is ONLY HIM that could help a woman who was just divorced by her husband two weeks ago yesterday, to still have hope, to not be bitter, to show unconditional love, to cry out to God and allow Him to work -- it is ONLY him and ONLY to HIS glory. Oh Lord, thank You! I am excited to see Your hand at work! I await Your timing and Your miracles! In Jesus' Name, and to His Praise! Amen!  |
