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help desparate need of marriage restoration and prayer especially for this weekend
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Posted by: valbkreader
hi prayer warriors,
i'm standing for a healed marriage. i have been married for 21 yeras and have 2 sons. my husband met another woman on a plane while visiting friends out of state. she divorced her husband for mine. this has been going on for 15 months now. they are now living together. we are still not separated or divorced but are in court. the lawyers and courts are eating us alive.
my husband feels everything is my fault, and i take responsibility for my part, he feels i have hurt him, beyond repair. he was injured 1/91 and retired from a job he loved in 1/93. we both got into a rut of depression.we were both home i babysat then when my sons were in 2nd grade. i went back to work 4 years ago and that's when things really got worse for him it brought home more he wasn't working. he has every tool know to mankind yet my house is a wreck. he could have kept himself so busy busy even though i was working he refused to do things about the house while he was home all day. he didn't like being a house husband. i complained too much about it. we never stopped blaming each other. i do still believe in us. there are so many rocks that make our mountain. we have said so much to hurt each other. my kids are destroyed seeing me cry and i'm not handling it well. here i am standing and trusting believeing in god but still a mess. he formally moved in with her 4/1/04 just before our 21st wedding anniversary. he "tired" to come home 4/04 but i think it was just for the court papers to be dropped . i accused him of adultery, abandonment, cruel and inhuman treatment. he wants the charges dropped under the guise of reconciliation. satan has such a foothold on him. i pray for the breaking of soul ties between him and her. i hold no malice towards her and she is in our prayers. my sons and i are suffering for his sin of adultery. i feel so discouraged right now and i pray for a breakthrough and deliverance for me. i pray for a mighty miracle in my life. i asked him to spend sometime with us this weekend. he says he loves this woman, but i think its just a safety thing. i'm praying for the lord to recreate me into the woman god wants me to be and for me to see my husband with uncondtional love and forgiveness with right now is hard. i prayed with him for the first time yesterday and gave him a couple of prayers. i pray for him to have a damasus road experience to have a repentive heart. he truly feels he has never hurt me or has done anything wrong in our marriage that all the change has to come from me. period. i pray for his salvation and hers. i pray the holy spirit with convict them both. she has grown children and is a grandmother. her kids aren't happy with this either. i feel so lost. i know he is taking advantage of the fact he knows i do still want to reconcile. i pray the lord can bring him back to him. that he will be a godly man and come back to our house. i pray and i'm thankful for all the things god has provided for me. i pray that i'm doing the right thing in standing for my marriage. in the natural it looks awful and hopeless i pray for a change in the circumstances. i do believe my husband does still love me. he really feels he can't live with me that i'm this horrible person. he feels he can't forgive me for disagreeing with me, letting myself go it was just husband wifely stuff. i don't know why i do still believe in us. i pray it is of the lord and not of me. i pray for a healing of my own heart. thank you for your prayers.
Posted by: Praying For Restoration
Hi!
I too am standing for a marriage, that has now gone through a divorce just a couple of weeks ago. I'm so sorry you've been hurting and going through so much.
My situation, as with most who come here, was completely "hopeless". EVERYONE said I should give up, move on, etc.
BUT, Praise the Lord! NOTHING is too difficult for HIM! 
When my husband first left, I made many mistakes that sent him running farther away. From your post, I sense you are making some of those mistakes too. Your heart and your desire to see your marriage restored, your self transformed, your husband transformed, a healed family for your children -- all of that is ABSOLUTELY right on! You want what God wants for your marriage and family! You want God's best! His best is NOT this other woman. His best is NOT a divorce. So that is wonderful and He will help you!
However, there are many, many Biblical principles that guide us along this path. When my husband first left, I followed much of what the world, even Christians, told me to do. He filed for divorce, but the pastors had long before advised me to get a good attorney and protect myself financially. The Bible says we are not to have court battles with each other -- in fact, it says, "Why not rather be defrauded?" If my husband wants my coat, I'm to give him my shoes, my cloak, and that chair over there if he wants it. I'm to turn and offer the other cheek. That was not the advice I received though, and what I did receive and chose to do, only made things worse.
Somehow, I knew there was another way (than fighting back, "setting boundaries", "not being a doormat", etc.) with the Lord, but it took me awhile to find it. Until I did, things ONLY GOT WORSE. But once I started working WITH the Lord and His principles, things IMMEDIATELY began getting better. From things my husband has said, I'm pretty convinced the divorce ended up going through because of the mistakes I made early on. (However, we continue to grow closer and closer and I'm confident we will be restored in the Lord's timing.)
Please go here: www.restoreministries.net
That is the ministry I have worked with that has helped usher in all of these wonderful changes happening in my marriage.
Through their pointing me to the Word of God, I've learned that I was a contentious wife, a wife who shamed her husband (with a critical tongue) and the word says that made me like rottenness to his bones! I also learned that the Word of God says I am to submit to my husband in ALL THINGS. I learned about the power of the tongue to curse or bless. I am still learning. Oh, there is SO much to learn! And, when all of this occured ALL of my friends would have said it was all HIM. I've learned how to go to the Lord with my concerns about my husband, and not to try and take over and be the "junior holy spirit" and direct my husband myself. (I still fail on this one and it ALWAYS backfires!) They taught me about "letting go", about spiritual warfare for my spouse, and a lot about how to handle everyday situations that come up.
If you go there, you can add your names to a prayer list. Also, you have time still to fast before you see your husband, and that would be a wonderful idea. Read the FAQ's, the Thiele's testimony (they run the ministry and have a restored marriage for over a decade now from a dead, adulterous marital situation to a healthy, thriving, blessed with more children situation!). You can get the basic ebook, God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage for $7, I think, and have it immediately. I would HIGHLY recommend you get it and study it over these next two days before your husband arrives. You can also read Praise Reports and Restored Marriages Testimonies on their site.
Praise the Lord that your husband is coming over, spending time with you, and still waffling. That is AWESOME. He still has heart strings to you and your home. Please, though, be careful this weekend. If you are trying to convince him or sway him, he will likely pull farther away.
Other resources I cannot recommend highly enough:
www.rejoiceministries.net (Charlyne Cares free email newsletter for standers)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger's latest book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (taught me SO much about the way men function and the very simple basics of what they need in order to feel supported and loved).
I will be praying for you!
Lord Jesus,
I lift up this seemingly impossible situation, full of joy, because YOU are so awesome and wonderful and nothing is too hard for You! We are turning to the God of the universe, who is sovereign, able, and merciful! Lord, we commit this marriage and family to You, and ask You to indwell this situation. Come and reign in this family. Come and heal. Come and bring your love, forgiveness, wisdom, and help in the time of trouble.
I thank you that you brought val here. It was no mistake. Thank you Lord! Guide her. Fill her up with your Holy Spirit to overflowing. Help her to love her husband unconditionally, and to be your hand of gentleness, love, and forgiveness to him. Thank you Lord, that her heart holds no bitterness towards this other woman. Thank You Lord for her obedience and yielding to You. Thank You Lord that she wants to work with You, for Your best for this family! Thank You!
Lord, be present this weekend. Guide this husband home and let no distractions or hinderances keep him from coming, if this is your will for this moment. Lord, soften his heart. Free him from deception and sin. Help him to hunger after righteousness and to do what is right in Your eyes, for this family and marriage!
Surround them with a hedge of protection, and hedge his path up with thorns Lord God, so that he will no longer be able to find this other woman, but will turn back and say, "It was better where I was before!" Lord, hasten the process of the other woman becoming bitter as wormwood and with a tongue sharp as a double edged sword. Show him the destruction he is courting, Lord God. Send your warrior angels to surround them this weekend, and keep the enemy away, in the name of Jesus. I plead the blood of Jesus over them, over their words, over their hearts, over their souls, this weekend and every day.
Oh Lord, come. Move. Move in their hearts. Show Val what she needs to do, speak to her from Your word. Come Lord, and guide her. Help her to sense You near, to worship You, to prepare her home with praise and thanksgiving! Help her to embody all the qualities of a follower of Jesus Christ as she spends time with her beloved husband.
Thank You Lord! Thank You for all You are doing, seen and unseen! You are truly an AWESOME God! Hallelujah!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen