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Need Prayer / Advice

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Posted by: Emmaus007

Well, after so much that has happened to me and with so much that has been said to me by my wifes own family and my own, I think I will allow my wife a divorce if she truly wants one.

Don't get me wrong by any means. I still love this woman more than anything in the world. She is my wife and is the one that I truly feel that God put on this earth for me to spend the rest of my life with. But all I keep hearing from her family is how much she wants a divorce from me, and how she is telling all these lies about me and such as I feel it is just a means for her to try and justify her sinful living now (adultery in a Gay lifestyle). She confesses that she knows what she is living as is completely wrong by God's word. She tells them how much she really misses the kids (in which they are telling me how much she cries about it). But she is also very adimant about how she is saying she will never return to me. She is very convinced that she has been dead to our marriage for a very long time now, of which I was trying to explain to her that she has only been decieved because of her own disobediance and rebellion to God's word ever since she was struck with this "illness" (bipolar disorder) and especially because of all the ungodly counseling she has been receiving from her couselor that she had. But not to suprising to me, she refuses to listen to this. She is telling her family that she was living a lie with me and that the "feelings" for women were just becoming too strong to ignore and that if she would have stayed with me in this marriage any longer she knows she would have been dead because of trying to ignore them.

She has made the statement that she is much happier in sin than to be following God's word. She is saying that she has a peace about her now. But as I listened to all of this, I am confused. If she is truly at peace with all of this, the why is she so sad to be apart from our children? If she is so sad, then why is she using every available person that will help her to keep tabs on what is going on in mine and the kids life? Not only that, but I went back and re-read the letter that she left me, and she keeps telling me that the reason she started pushing me away more and more was because of how she was becoming more Gay and didn't have those feelings for me anymore or could give herself in that way anymore. She says how guilty it made her feel to be pushing me away so often that she felt that it was better for her to remove herself from mine and the kids life as she chose to go and live this new lifestyle and feelings that she can't ignore anymore. But through out this whole letter, she continued to address me as babe, hon, sweetheart, etc. A friend of mine even read the letter and even he said that she is of two minds with the way she wrote the letter.

Now I am at the point, from just all the stress and so emotionally drained, that I finally told her family that if she truly wanted a divorce that bad, that she needs to be the one to do the paperwork so long as she is willing to surrender all custody of the kids to me. I told her mother that I don't want the kids exposed to that lifestyle that she has chosen, of which her mother said she agreed and it sounded reasonable to her as well. Her mother went even further to say that my wife doesn't want custody of the kids, but I then informed her that obviously my wife still isn't possitive of what she "really" wants because of how I just talked with my wife's sister the other night, and she was telling me that it was going to be a fight in court. Of which her mother was surprised for such comments, and she is confused herself now. Her mother did say that they don't agree with what she has done or is living as now, but they still love her and will support her for her happiness (her family are not christians)

Please understand, that I don't want a divorce from my wife, but now I am starting to wonder if I must give her one, just so that she can finally be truly alone "in the wilderness" so that God will truly be able to work on her. I still pray that if she "does" go through with the divorce, that she will eventually return to us in true repentance and through that true repentance be transformed and seek restoration and seek marriage with me again (before it is too late). The kids and I have gone through "Heck" with her for the past 3-4 years. A real emotional roller coaster that has left us all scared emotionally and mentally, especially with what she has done to us now.

But even with all of this, I still pray that it is God's will to deliver her, restore her with him through true repentance and transformation, and as such to seek us out and seek restoration through the persuit of marriage to me again. But if not, then I pray that he will send somebody our way who will love me and my children complete and whole. I know that by God's word I have every reason to divorce my wife and to be able to remarry without worry of adultery. But I must admit once again, that my hearts true desire is for my wife to return and seek restoration by God's word, whole and complete. I truly don't want a divorce, but I understand as well, that I must give this up to God and let him be in control of the situation.

Believe me that this is one of the very hardest things for me to do right now, because of my love for my wife and for my desire to restore my marriage by God's word. But I now surrender my marriage and current situation into God's hands complete and whole. I will continue to pray for my wife, even if divorce is what must come. My eyes are hurt so much from all the tears that I have shed as a result of this decision. But I feel I must start living my life for me and my childrens life right now as if she may never come back (even though my heart yearns for her return).

I could really use some prayer from everyone about this right now, if not some advice if I am looking at this wrong and about to make a big mistake. I don't want the enemy to gain a victory here, but instead I want God to be in complete control of this. I am looking for his face in this, for his will, and his grace. And I have never really been one for patience (proof of my need to grow in him). I acknowledge that all I can do for my wife is pray for her, and that I must leave it in God's hands, because you can't help or change anybody unless they want to change or be helped. And unfortunately you have to let them hit rock bottom first and then you have to let God deal with them. I did take my wedding ring off last night, but after about 15 mins to half an hour, I immediately put it back on. Please pray for me or if you have any words of wisedom to prevent me from making a mistake, I would greatly appreciate about now.

I am a man torn in two right now.

Thank you and God Bless.


Posted by: tucker

I can feel your pain but I feel there is hope for you and your marriage.

You need to go to a site called: www.restoreministries.net

Order their book, not the e-book (which is cheaper), and read it! It will help you tremendously which way you should go, God's way. My marriage has not been restored yet, but I have not lost hope and am standing on the Word of our Lord.

This book is all bible based and is very helpful. Trust me, I have read lots of books on this subject and none made sense for everything as this one has.

Let me know, you won't be sorry.

God Bless you and keep the faith.

Tucker


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Emmaus,

I'm so sorry you are going through so much, and I am soooooo supportive of your desire to see your marriage restored. I KNOW God is able and can do it, regardless of what your wife is saying. Remember, she is the mouthpiece of the enemy right now, she is not herself.

I second what Tucker said, except I'm not sure why not the ebook as it is the same as the hardbound and you could get it immediately.

Yes, my friend, you are making some serious mistakes. You must stop talking with her family. The enemy is using them in his whole plot. You are right though, to say you will not stand in her way (if she wants a divorce), but ONLY IF YOUR WIFE BRINGS IT UP IN CONVERSATION WITH YOU. Please do nothing to encourage her to file. There is a whole way to handle the "D" conversation, and there are other things to say, and I highly recommend you connect with Restore for help with that.

When I say stop talking with her family, don't be rude or mean, but just don't give ANY information about what you think, or anything. Just avoid it. If they keep pressing, say something like, "I'm so thankful for your concern, but I'm feeling lately like I just need to take those things to God and not dishonor my wife by talking about them with others so much." In the same way, DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM ABOUT HER. Do not seek out any information on her, what she is doing, what she is saying, except that which comes to you. Ask God to filter all of this for you and handle the info. You can't really know what is true and what isn't, how well they are representing her or not. The enemy is definitely using them to further his plans for your family.

Restore Ministries has dealt with marriages going through similar things as yours, have helped thousands upon thousands of people and will be able to help you right away. I know I sound like a commercial, but this is what I've been working with, and they point you straight to the Bible and help hold your arms up as you pray!

I'll be praying throughout the day.

Blessings,

Erika
~~~~


Posted by: Emmaus007

Thank you So much Tucker and Erika. I have order the kit and joined the membership.

I really do want my marriage restored by God's grace. I feel I have already made so many mistakes with wanting my wife back. The first time she called (the day before mothers day) the kids were spending the night at friends houses as therefore she didn't get to talk to them and in which I was able to "unload" on her what I was feeling by all that she has done. By the time I finished talking to her (or by the time she hung up an hour later) I could feel the sensation of defeat pouring through her side of the phone instead of the slight smugness that she started the conversation off with. At first (for a while now at least) I felt good about that, but now I look back on that with regret. I should have showed unconditional love towards her even though I was hurt. The second time she call was on the 17 of May. She called at 9:30 at night, kids were already in bed, and on top of that, when I asked what she wanted to talk to them about, she became arrogant (sp) with me and this prompted me to quote 1 cor 5: 9-13 on her. (as I already shared with you all) It broke my heart to do that, but I really don't want her conversing with the kids because of how hurt they already are because of what she is living as and doing. I don't want her to try to make them turn against the beliefs my wife and I had raised them up to believe (the word of God) about the homosexual lifestyle being against God.

I admit my own pain over all of this, and I admit my own weakness and impatience for wanting restoration. Our marriage for the past 17 years has been a mess for one thing or another (mainly to both of us being disobediant and stubborn to God's word). But after I had an affair on my Wife 5 years ago, it was at that time that God brought me to my knees hard. It was then that I dedicated my life purely to my wife and my kids. But unfortunately my wife was still fighting God's word with her own disobediance. Yes, my wife did forgive me for my affair, but once she started seeing this counselor that she had (the one that was giving her ungodly counseling) the affair was brought back up and all the pain with it as well. This counselor apparently brought up all the pain so effectively that my wife made the comment to a dear friend of ours, "my counselor and I have been talking about the affair that Roy had, and now I don't think I can forgive him unless I have an affair as well to get even with him!" Like I said, real bad situation with my wife's "illness" and the counseling that she was getting from this counselor.

So many people are telling me that the reason that I have put up with so much from my wife these past 4 years and with what she has been playing with, and is now living as, is due to my guilt that I carry from having had the affair. But in truth, I don't feel Guilt has anything to do with it. I am truly seeking the fulfillment of God's word!! Yes, I do have an inside understanding of what may be going on in my wifes head (affair wise, not the Gay feelings) and I know how that can blind you even more so to God's word and will. So much in fact that Satan controls your actions and thoughts in such a way and you feel like your in control and truly making all the choices yourself, when in truth you are actually a slave/controlled by the sin/Devil. But unfortunately you don't see the truth of your own disobediance/rebellion that gave satan control of you until you hit the lowest of lows. That is why sin is so destructive, because the truth of it is that satan controls you through it, even though you think you are really in control of it all. It is through our disobediance and rebellion of following God's will, that we surrender our will to satan, and then he has a field day with us. It doesn't cost him a thing, but can cost us everything.

Even after all of this, and what ever my wife is involved with, I still want her back in fulfillment of God's word.

I have order the kit and plan on starting to read it all and to start applying all of its principles even if I may not agree with it. If it is all godly based, then I feel compelled to do it without question. I just pray that through it, through God's word, my wife will return transformed from her old self (as I am transformed through just following out of faith and obediance for restoration) and into a new woman of christ truly focused on God's word and will, seeking his way in restoration and repentance for the unification of our marriage once again.

I was starting to doubt about moving from where the kids and I currently live. But now I am looking and following through with what I believe is God leading me on getting myself and the kids out of here. Too may people know about what has happened, and the kids and I are embarrassed and humiliated greatly by it all. Not only that, but if and when God should return my wife to us, this will not be the place for us to heal correctly and mend. Her mother lives here (of whom has been a thorn in our marriage) to include too many bad memories and bad influences around us here. I truly want a fresh start for me and the kids, and through prayer, for my wife to return to us and to be able to get a fresh start for her and our marriage away from all accusation, condemning eyes, and "loud" whispers.

I don't know how long it will take for God to work on her, but if it is his will for her to return to us, I want it to be in a new area, hence a fresh start for all of us. Somewhere "FAR" away from her family and mine, to include all the people that know of our current situation. Because I truly feel in my heart that if we are to remain here, it would be too hard for us to put things behind us with all the memories associated here (like I said, Lots of Baggage). So along with all that has been said, I will also need prayer for being able to find a job in colorado, since this is where I truly feel God is leading me to Go and get a new start.

Currently some dear friends of mine and wife are opening their doors for me and the kids to stay with them while I get settled with trying to find a job and all, but I would rather not be a burden to anybody like that, and would prefer to have a job already establish by the time mid-late July comes about. I do want my marriage restored, but I know I must trust this to God and seek his will. At least I will follow what teachings that are part of the kit and if it is not God's will for my wife to be returned to us, then at least it will help me prepare for who ever it is that God has chosen for me and my kids in the future. But once again, the Lord knows my hearts desire is.

I still welcome any other words of wisdom.

Thank you so much and God Bless.


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Hi Emmaus,

I'm SO happy you ordered the books and joined the fellowship! I'll pray you get an especially good fit for your epartner -- I think somehow especially for the guys, having another fellow who will partner in prayer with you and email back and forth is especially helpful. (And keep talking with us here too!)

You are obviously an incredibly thoughtful man who loves God and loves his wife. Two things I'm struck with upon reading your last post in particular:

1) It is God's will to restore your marriage. He hates divorce, wants no one separated, wants your children to have an intact family, wants both you and your wife healed, transformed, and living for Him together!

2) What an awesome testimony you are going to have, as NOTHING is too hard for Him! Someday, you two are going to stand up before others and testify to God's grace, love, power, mercy, and restoration. You are going to testify to His deliverance, and how He restores many times over what the enemy has taken away.

~~~~~~~~

Bless you for your conviction about the phone call with your wife. Definitely pray scripture over her in your prayer closet, but for now, if she calls, just be kind, unconditionally loving (as you said you felt led to be), and don't try to convict her of anything. You definitely want to be the safe space for her. Return a blessing for this curse that has happened to you, it will be like heaping hot coals upon her head! She will be so stunned she won't know what to do! (And will notice the changes in you!) And the Lord will bring conviction upon her. From your postings, I sense she still does have feelings of conviction.

Have you done any spiritual work regarding the affair you had? A door was opened to the enemy then, and I'm sensing that things weren't completely cleared up if the counselor was able to open a door like that.

The Lord is going to take you on an amazing journey of personal transformation and experiencing His love and mercy in a deeper way than ever before!

Gotta take the next load over to my new place. Blessings, upon blessings! God is so good! He will restore!


Posted by: laurie131

Emmaus007,

I know your pain. My husband is involved with another woman. It's something nodody can understand until you go through it. Your wife knows she is not following God's word. May the Lord bring the Holy Spirit upon her and she will realize that she belongs with her husband and children. I pray that this family will be re-united soon! I ask this in Jesus name.
I am praying for you. God bless you.

Laurie


Posted by: Emmaus007

Erika...

What do you mean by spiritual work since the affair?? I am not following on this.

At the time, when I had the affair, I was heavily plugged into the church with the chior and musical plays of which we did (I was always giving of my talents to God in that area prior to my affair) to include teaching in sunday school of which I pulled out after my affair because I didn't feel right teaching at that time especially after the affair.

Then after the affair, I mainly was focusing on my wife and children and getting right by them. Then it was about 6 months to a year after that, in which this new job was sent my way. It was paying me about 6-7 dollars more an hour than I was already making. I first I thought it was a major blessing. But now in light if current situations and in hind sight... it was the worst thing for me to except because of how much time it took away from my being with my family. Along with that, but when my wife was struck by this "illness" after about 6 months after receiving this new job, it prevented me from ensuring my family was getting to church (I guess that is when Satan saw that he no longer has such a major grip on me any more and therefore went on to attack my wife). Like I said, at first I thought it was a blessing from God because of the increase in money for my family. But now with all that has happened during the last 4 years of this job (coincidentally - my wife has had this illness for the past 4 years) it prevented me from ensuring that my family was going to church (since because of this Job I has mostly kept me away from being able to go to and being involved with church) and with this "illness" (spiritual warfare) my wife went to church less and less - hence Satan working on her.

Now that I look at the whole thing, it wasn't a blessing from God - but a deception from the devil by him flashing more money in our face and we bought off on it. Which is why now I am praying for God to send me a new job fast (forgive my impatience and spiritual immaturity) so that I can get the kids and myself out of here and fast so that we can get away from all the ungodly influences and memories from here. Hence so that I can finally focus on getting myself and my children regrouded by God's word and principles in our lives again. Even if it means taking a job that pays less, I have now learned the hard way, that more money does not keep a family together....only God does. I don't want this job anymore.. it has costed me far more than it provided.

Also, remember in regards to the counselor.... my wife was already 3 years into her "illness" by the time she started seeing this new counselor, so she was already "heavily" beat down by satan mentally, spiritually, and emotionally in this battle by the time she started going to this counselor. So it is my belief because of her already being beat down this much and hard for the past 3 years, it really didn't take much on the counselors part to bring it back up that past hurts... much less for the counselor to have started to pushing upon my wife that she needed to "explore" these feelings (the Gay lifestyle) like she would (to my understanding) every other appointment or so. That, along with the fact that this was suppose to be a christian counselor that was "using" God's word during some of these sessions but mainly pushing worldy beliefs upon her. Not to mention certain people that would contantly be telling my wife on the internet, that Religion and Medicine don't mix for healing. Like I have said, to include Kristie, lots of anti-God works that were put into place on this situation.

Along with that, I keep hearing so much mentioned about annointing..... How do you annoint?? What is the process and prayer that goes along with it?? What should I be annointing (me, kids, house, bed, pillows??)?? Is there some special oil/water that I am to be using for annointing?? How often should I be annointing myself, the kids, the house, her side of the bed, etc, etc...I would really like to know more about this so that I can start applying it to my household.

p.s. If you guys havn't caught on by now, I have no problems talking or asking questions by the length of my posts.... I am really seeking God's purpose here like a flood to bring myself and my walk up to speed to where I should have been a long time ago for my families sake.... and for the sake of my wifes salvation.


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Hi Emmaus,

I've got to answer quickly, as I am moving this weekend to a new place.

Spiritual Work can be a lot of things.

Firstly, you have to be sure you've gotten right with God about it. Ask Him to show you if there is any sin involved there still that you need to deal with.

There is no way to answer this quickly and really get the info in, but just to give you something to be thinking on, a door was opened to the enemy in your marriage when you had the affair. That door of sin has been what the counselor (and others) could use to gain access to harm your marriage and family.

Spiritual Work can include lots of things (such as):

Fasting
Praying Scripture over your marriage and family
Pleading the blood over your marriage and family
Binding the enemy and his demonic powers away, asking the Lord to fill those places back up with his Holy Spirit, and to SEAL that place so that the evil spirits cannot return.
Asking for forgiveness.
Pulling down strongholds.
Praying in the Spirit over certain things.
Of course, Praise and Worship! (He indwells our praises, and we are changed in His presence -- so are our marriages, circumstances, health, finances, etc.!)
Living as much like Jesus as you can.
Asking Him to help you.
Asking the Lord to show you anything you need to know, to deal with that sinful time and your own spirit, and all that has happened since that time.
Breaking the one-flesh bond that was made between you and the other woman.

Another great author to read is Liberty Savard. Here is her website: http://www.libertysavard.com/ I'm currently reading the book, Shattering Your Strongholds

I saw you asked about fasting on another thread. You will get info from Restore on that, and fasting is commonly done there. The entire Restoration Fellowship fasts every Tuesday and Thursday and prays together.

You can fast from "any good thing" that you will truly miss. (tv, sweets, internet, all media, etc.)

You can fast on water only (some people do juices and tea only)

A Daniel Fast is a fast on water, fruits and vegetables, and brown rice.

You can fast one day, which I was taught is from sundown one day to sundown the next. (you get to eat dinner at the end of the day)

A three day fast is for favor (as was done by Queen Esther)

A week long fast represents completion.

Forty day fasts, if I remember right, are usually called by the Lord for some major breaking of things like generational curses.

You need to seek the Lord as to what kind of fast he wants you to do, and must, IMHO be called by Him to do one of the more extended fasts. I have not yet made it past three days.

Fasting helps to kill our fleshly natures, to humble ourselves before the Lord, to change things in the spiritual realm. You can do a word search on fasting, fast, fasts at www.crosswalk.com to find the scriptures on fasting. You can also search for fasting on google and get some interesting articles.

I hope that helps some.

Back to moving boxes! Blessings!


Posted by: Emmaus007

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! ! ! ! Now I finally feel I have something solid to go on. In truth, after the affair, I did eventually break all ties to the other woman... but the only thing that I have been in bondage to hard and heavy that I know affected my marriage afterwards and now slaps me in the face hard... and I mean hard... is my addiction to pornography that I was still fighting with this whole time. And only now do I see the door that addiction was holding open still, hence, how it most likely kept the affair open in my wifes mind this whole time.

OMG. I feel like such a major I D I O T ! ! ! ! !. If I do lose my wife completely, it is due to my own ignorant fault. My own stupidity and weakness of my flesh. Just looking at this fact now makes me want to do a 40 day fast just to break away this bondage complete from within me. To cast out this demon from within me forever. I look at this and ask myself, "how can I pray for the demons that are in my wife to be lifted from her, if I have a demon within myself still." Only now can I see why my prayers have not been so effective. Only now I see why I have been so easy for spiritual attack this last month while I have been praying for my wife. I too am still controlled by this bondage/demon within.

Please everyone. Pray for me on this. I want this bondage that I am fighting to no longer be a fight. I want complete and pure victory. I need to be freed from this now so that my prayers for my wife will be effective in her being delivered from what ever demons are in control of her as well.

Also, how do I go about annointing my house to cast out what ever evil spirits may still be dwelling there now?? I want to cast them out now and forever. I want complete and pure freedom from this so that my prayers for my wife will be more effective and powerful for her. I love her with all my heart, but only now can I see how my complete love for her has not been there because of my addiction to pornography has stolen enough of that love from her. I feel like such a major I D I O T ! ! ! ! ! But my love for my wife is greater than my shame in this. Please tell me what I must do for annointing my house and for annointing of anything else that I must do for mine, my childrens, and my wifes sake. I want my marriage restored and I don't care what other changes I must make in myself to do this. I want to be transformed. I want my old flesh to die completely!!! I want to truly be a man after God's own heart that upon my wife looking upon me or hearing my voice, she would be driven to want to return home to me and the kids beyond her control.

Please pray for me.. and please provide any information about annointing that you, Kristie or anyone else might have. As I have said, I have been luke warm in my walk for a long time, but I feel the importance and need to become scorching hot and fast for the sake of my family as a whole.


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Emmaus,

God is going to do GREAT things, Hallelujah!!!

The thing that first comes up for me, as I read your post, is that YOU are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and you've got to get that clean. I would be more concerned about that than annointing your home, although that is a wonderful thing too.

Kristie has posted a very specific annointing practice on another thread -- maybe the "for Copper" one?

What I do is pray over some oil, and pray that I am cleansed from all sin, confess anything I can think of, worship and praise the Lord and invite Him to come and indwell and reign in my home. Then I go from room to room and anoint all the entry and exit doors and windows. I personally make a cross at the door posts and top of the door. When annointing myself or child, I just make a cross on the forehead while praying. I don't know if there is a lot of detailed scripture on exactly how to do this, and it isn't the oil that does it, as my pastor teaches, but the obedience to do this. (He said his father used to grab whatever there was in the kitchen -- even Crisco! -- and anoint him and his brother, and they became two of the most incredible servants of God!) I also walk the perimeter of the property or rooms, worship and praise, and pray along the lines of scripture that everywhere my foot steps is our territory. And pray however you feel led. If there are issues your family faces right now in specific (like homework issues, friendship issues, definitely purity stuff from what you said) pray about those.

You are the spiritual head of this family, and one-flesh with your wife. It is VERY important that you get yourself clean before the Lord, and dive into that on fire relationship you are talking about. Not to get your wife back (although it is important to that process), but because you love God and want Him first in Your life. You've seen the wages and consequences of sin, and I hear you that you don't want this anymore. God is going to do GREAT THINGS, brother!

I'm just dancing up a storm here, so thankful and excited about what God is going to do in your life and family!

Also, your working on this will DEFINITELY affect your children's lives as they grow. Porn and sexual sin opens some major doors to the enemy, and God is going to close them all for you, seal them, and fill you up with the Holy Spirit! Praise God! My pastor has taught us that sexual sin is so pervasive and huge because it is so deep, so personal, so important, AND part of the example of how God loves his church! Satan LOVES to make a mockery of this, and to cause us to stumble in this area, making us feel dirty, disgusting, and addicted. It goes down to the root of who you are, and affects how you then relate with your spouse too. If your wife knew about this, she definitely has got some baggage to deal with from it.

But remember, nothing is too hard for God! He is the GREAT HEALER and He will help you get this deep root out of your self, your marriage, your wife, your family! Praise God!

I am soooooooo excited for you, and SO in AWE of our Lord! Remember, getting yourself straight with the Lord, so in love with Him, so close -- that is the most important thing here. Focus on that, and ask Him what He wants you to do.

Good things are coming, Emmaus. Good things are coming!

P.S. And thank you for your honesty and frankness about this. I am sure others will be helped reading that someone else is dealing with this problem too, and God is going to use you richly in their lives!


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmaus007
THANK YOU SO MUCH ! ! ! ! Now I finally feel I have something solid to go on. In truth, after the affair, I did eventually break all ties to the other woman... but the only thing that I have been in bondage to hard and heavy that I know affected my marriage afterwards and now slaps me in the face hard... and I mean hard... is my addiction to pornography that I was still fighting with this whole time. And only now do I see the door that addiction was holding open still, hence, how it most likely kept the affair open in my wifes mind this whole time.


Emmaus, when you say you broke all ties to the other woman, what do you mean exactly?

When I was writing about breaking that relationship and getting right with God, I mean in the spirit. Of course, breaking off relationship with her in the physical world was important, but is only the first step to being free. That author/teacher I mentioned, Liberty Savard, has some specific teaching and prayers to break the one-flesh union that was made with that other woman. You may also need to pray something like that over all the pornographic "relationships" you've had, as lusting after a woman is the same as committing adultery with her in your heart.

I also wanted to comment again on annointing your home -- I didn't mean to make it sound unimportant. I think it would be a great thing for you to do, if the Lord leads you to do it. However, it is so important to get the temple of the Holy Spirit, you, clean and anointed!


Posted by: Copper

hey emmaus,

i have to admit, and i'm sorry, i didn't read all the above,---i shoveled nine trailer fulls of mulch today, and i'm literally exhausted,
but,
i did read the first one by you,
and the thing that struck me,
is you sound just like me,
a couple of days ago,

he did this he did that he is saying this or that.......

it is really alot easier when we just step back and say, ok God, i'm NOT watching this. period.
God what are You doing?
what are You saying, what are You planning,

ya know?
i know, this might sound rude, kristie and alot of others had to get tough on me too, and believe me, i fought it the whole way.
i'm so much more at peace, just watching God.

try it.
luv, copper


Posted by: Emmaus007

When I say I eventually broke it off... it was broken off immediately... it was the bondages that too longer... the need to hear her voice (but not pursuing her... I mean that... I didn't seek a realationship after that)... the thoughts of her.... God helped me in these areas... But physically it was over immediately. He did this by helping focus my mind on my wife and kids.... focusing on being active with them... and if the OW did enter my mind.. I went to my wife and sat by her.. if not laid my head on her lap and would cry at times while watching TV and saying many silents prayers to be free of that bondage. I cried alot during that time.. .. not because I missed the other lady as weird as this may sound with what I have said already.... but because I had failed in honoring my vowes to my wife and kids.... and mainly to God. But because I had been decieved and blinded by Satan is such a way, that I truly felt that it was what God wanted for me follow through with. Hence, leave my wife, divorce, and then try to get my kids to live with me and this OW... we had even talked about more children... I was so blinded and deceived... even though I knew what I was doing was Wrong.... my heart was telling me different and as such, because I wasn't looking at God's will.... I was independent of God's will, that Satan took control of me and guided me into those actions and allowed me to believe that I was truly in control. I bet this sounds familiar to some of you that read one of my postings that I did for my wifes deliverance... I will post it again..

Quote:
I know and belive the truth that is before me Kristie... my wife is under demonic control... I have also found the truth in this through a book that I am reading. It is Called..."The Strategy of Satan - How to detect and defeat him" by Warren W. Wiersbe. I just finished reading a section the other night that showed me how satan and his demons finally got complete control of my wife.. let me share it with you..

Quote:
SATAN'S PURPOSE - TO MAKE YOU INDEPENDENT OF GODS WILL

Man is a dependent creature. He must depend on God ("for in Him we live
and move and exist," Acts 17:28) and on his fellowman in order to stay
alive. The essence of sin is to seek to be independent of God. It is to make
ourselves the Creator instead of the creatures (Romans 1:25) It is to
believe Satan's lie, "You will be like God." If Satan can get you to act and
think independently of God's will, he can then control your will and control
your life. You will think that you are acting freely, which is part of Satan's
deception; but actually you will be acting under orders from the ruler of this
world.


As you can see, this book and passage hit me hard.... because of my own personal experience with the truth of what it is saying. I know first hand what it is like to be deceived in this manner. And once again, I see how I have still be deceived by this truth in yet another form. It is this reason why I want to be freed of this demon that haunts me forever. I knew I had broke the relationship with the OW... but I didn't truly realized the truth of my looking at porn as yet another Affair... and it has been one that has been going on far longer then the Physical one ever did.

Now I see the truth of the door that I opened... and because of that door being opened... it has now lached itself unto my wife.. and has control of her as well.. if not worse.....

Even now after reading your posting and reading this posting that I am writing....my eyes are weeping uncontrollably and my body is quivering and shaking because of talking about all of this... but I know it must be said. For now that I see the truth of the pornography it explains why I was struck by other Temptations of being allured to the flesh. Tempeted but ran from it....I refused to ever have an affair on my wife - remember I didn't see the truth that by looking at porn, I was still having numerous affairs through porn - I tried breaking from it numberous times.

I even begged my wife to pray for me - of which she never did... she always told me that I know right and wrong and should be able to control myself. (Can you see what I mean by rebellion and disobediance of Gods word on both my wifes part and myself?) She never understood the power of being in bondage to it. Even though I know that if her eyes open back up to God she should understand more than clearly now with how Satan placed her in bondage with homosexual feelings and thoughts when she was hit with her "illness" (bipolar disorder). But I know that she won't understand the truth of what I am saying until she is delivered from the demons that have control of her and is restored in true repentance to God and her mind made clear of her illness.... Man can't do this for her... only God can.

I love my wife.... and I know that this is all my fault for having opened the doors for satan to enter my house... now I am dedicated to getting myself right complete... and to pray hard for my wifes deliverance.... and for her to be returned to myself and my children..... I don't believe anybody else will understand my wife or myself (other than God) than us - with all that we have gone through together. I know that upon her being brought back to repentance and God's will, that we will probly be the only ones who will truly be able to support each other (other than God) and to still love each other by God's will correctly..... BY GODS WILL, and HIS DESIRE. And that is what I seek .... I seek the face of God. I seek healing... I seek deliverance and restoration.


Posted by: Praying For Restoration

My Brother,

The Lord has you in His ever capable hands . . .

Lord Jesus,

I lift up Emmaus before You. Please come and be his aid and comfort this night. Lord, I thank you for the brokenness that comes with conviction, for it is from this that You grow amazing and wonderful things. You never leave us in our pain, but You come immediately and wash us clean with Your blood, Your love, Your precious Holy Spirit. Oh thank You Lord for Your love, for Your redemption.

Oh Lord, I know my brother is longing to see things made right in his marriage and family. I know he longs to be right before You, to walk in Your ways. Equip him and help him to withstand the enemy. Come Lord, come and clean away this former addiction. We declare it broken and destroyed now in the name of Jesus! We pray Lord for Your Holy Spirit to come and fill Emmaus up to overflowing! Come Lord! We bind the enemy and all evil spirits away from him now in the name of Jesus Christ and by His blood, as He has given us the authority to do so! Seal him with Your Holy Spirit, and equip him to withstand temptation. Surround him with your warrior angels and a hedge of protection.

Lord, any time he is tempted, we ask that you would fill him up with Your truth of what pornography truly is. Who the author of it is. What is really happening in those women's lives. Why the enemy seeks to destroy Emmaus and so many others this way. Let the "face" of it come off and all the destructive, hellish components of it be revealed to him. Let him desire Your light, being right before You, more than anything else.

Lord, I also ask for your healing. I am sensing a lot of pain in this area, and I ask that You would come and bring your healing. Bring your comfort. Reveal out of the darkness what needs to come into Your light. Restore Lord God. Restore into wholeness what the enemy tried to make a mockery of. Restore a clean heart to Emmaus. Clean, and free! Full of joy!

Oh thank You Lord, thank You for helping him to make this connection today. For hearing his cries of how he so strongly wants to see his family healed, his wife delivered and redeemed. Oh thank You Lord! You are SO good! Thank You!

I praise You for all You are doing in this marriage. For all You are doing in Emmaus. Raise him up Lord. Raise him up from this situation. Heal him. Prepare him. Oh Lord, bring him into all You have for him.

We love You Lord.

In Jesus' Name,

Amen


P.S. Emmaus, I may not be on the board for awhile, or anymore. It is the Lord who ministers, but if you want to write or update me for prayer requests, you can write me at Praying_4_Restoration**yahoo.com That should be the "at" sign in the middle there.


Posted by: Emmaus007

OK... It got to share this with you all. With everything that has been going on of late, I really feel God moving in my life like never before (even through this adversity my children are going through with my wife).

Yesterday was truly a day of enlightenment for me and of awakening as you can tell by my previous posts. But it didn't end there. Last night while I was driving around with my kids, I was thinking about how my kids and I really needed to find a new church and all because of how members at the baptist church that we attend have been approaching me and telling me of how they think that I am crazy for believing that my wife is currently under demonic control with her illness and everything else that is going on with her. Along with that, some have even told me that they truly believe me to have issues of my own for this belief and that some are now saying that they believe that I most likely was abusive to my wife. I fact, I have found out that one of them was the one that called CPS on my because of how I believe that this illness and everything else that is going on with my wife is demonicly related. Lots of attack by the evil one... and now through my own church. And as I have said to all of you before, as God is my witness, I would die or harm myself before I would ever allow myself to even try to hurt her. I am not that type of man or will ever allow myself to be as such. I love my wife to death and can't phantom ever doing that to her. My own pastor there doesn't believe that what my wife as done is of demonic nature and is only a result of the illness and that she will be back as soon as she has a "crash" as a result of the illness. Needless to say, I have lost serious faith in that church with how I have been treated and with all that has been happening as a result of some of the members treatment towards me. Well as a result of that, and this desire to be freed of this demon that haunts me with the temptations of pornography, I was praying hard for God to show my his will and his way.

Last night while driving through town, I happen to pass a sign showing that there was going to be a healing service in town (organized by some of the local christian churches in town). Now understand, that I had always been one to be a skeptic of such things, but that night I really felt moved and the desire to be there that night like never before. Needless to say I went there with two of my kids as I first, I really didn't know what to expect and felt awkward at first. But as the night moved on and with the service and God's word being spoken, I felt something stiring within me. I actually saw people that had pains going forward and being healed by prayer and by faith. I even saw this one yound lady who had scoliosis for the past 14 years of her life walk off that stage without a stuper to her walk nor a curve in her spine again. There were other things that I was seeing that night and it really caused a stiring within me even more than before. At first I was full of fear and doubt, but as time went on and as the "feeling" moved within more and more, I started praying along with everyone else for healing and prayed for God's promises of healing for my wifes sake as well. I walked forward at one time and asked for prayer because of how I have been so backslidden for so long in my walk especially with all that has gone on within my marriage.

By the time the service was coming to an end, they called people forward who had concerns or issues they wanted prayer for. Well, needless to say, I went forward once again (like I said, I have never done anything like this before, but I felt so moved like never before) and started talking about what is going on in my life and how I feel responsible for it all because of my addiction to pornography and how I wanted this lifted from me forever. Of how tired I was to being a slave to it and for all the open doors that it opened for the devil and his demons to enter my household and to have gotten a hold of my wife. After more discussion, they started praying for me, and asked me how badly I wanted to be lifted of this addiction?! As I started telling them how bad I wanted to be freed of this this, I started weeping right there. Two of my children by my side as I was weeping and confessing my addiction to pornography and how I held myself responsible for my failure as spiritual leader of my household and for allowing satan into the house to get a grip upon my wife and family. They started praying for me again and had me repeating their words, in which I started weeping even more than before, and when he placed his hand upon my head, I started feeling weak and my legs wobbly and was somewhat concerned that I might lose the ability to stand, but I kept praying and repeating the words, and crying still.

By the time they finished praying, I felt somethings stir within myself. I am not sure how to explain it, but all I can say is that I truly felt lifted from this addiction like never before. I felt a true peace and calm about myself, even with the situation going on with my wife. Before the situation with my wife would fill my head ceaslessly... but it wasn't like that anymore. Before I would be so worried about being tempted about staying up too late on the computer (in which I would start to be tempted) but that wasn't there either.
I just felt so much at peace... and Calm. All I could do all the way home while drive was praise God all the way home through prayer and songs of joy from my heart. My daughters just kept looking at me with such smiles on their faces. When I got home and called a friend of my wifes and mine and told her what had happened and where I had gone, she too started praising God. She had apparently had been trying to tell my wife that this is what she needed to do to be lifted up from her "illness" and everything else that came about from it. She had wanted to tell me about it as well for so long but thought that I too wouldn't listen as my wife. But during this timeframe that she has been supporting me in prayer because all all that has happened, she has come to really see where my heart and bliefs with God are at and as a result had been praying for me as well for God to show me the path to seek his face and will.

I couldn't help myself at all that night. I was just on the phone with her telling her about it all and just had such a fire buring in me for God like I haven't felt in YEARS!!!!! Like since before I was married (and I am not saying that in anyway against my wife.. far from it). Both my friend and I were just rejoicing on the phone of all that had happened and what I truly felt being led into, and with how I feel about all that is going on now. I truly feel like the Holy Spirit is flowing through me today. I admit that I was afraid that when I woke up this feeling would be gone... but it isn't. I still have that same feeling of peace and relief within me. Once again, I feel like the Holy Spirit if flowing through me like never before... and I don't want to lose this feeling. So as a result, I will no longer be going to my old church as I have lost faith in it and with many of the people within it. Instead I am now going to be attending a church called "The Potters House". It is a christian church that believes completely in all things of the Gospel and of its teachings that all "illnesses" are of the devil and that the only true healing comes from God through faith. Like so many of you have already told me, but I just couldn't understand before, I am seeking God's face and I feel like he has shown me the way now.

So please pray for me and my family, and for the restoration of my marriage, and also please Join me in giving praise to God for all that he has shown me in so little time. I truly look forward to this journey that he is taking me on and look forward to all the things to come that he will show me.

THANK YOU LORD GOD!!! You have never failed me or let me down. You have always been there to lift me up from the pit. You are the great redeemer that breaks our chains from bondage to the enemy. You are the great healer of all. No matter all that we do in rebellion against you, when we cry out your name in sorrow as ask for forgiveness, you take us into your loving arms without condemnation but of love and joy. Father, I thank you for being with me through these trials of growth in my walk with you. Thank you for picking me up when I stubble. Thank you for carrying me when I feel I can't go on. You are truly a loving father even when you must chastise us for our wrong doings. Not out of pure anger, but because how much you love us and want us to return to the fold. Father I thank you greatly through all of this and I praise your Holy and Precious Name.

AMEN ! ! ! ! ! ! !