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Please hold me up in prayer.

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Posted by: Debi16

Last night was a set back and caused me alot of pain. I am having a hard time bearing all this pain and waiting. Especially when it looks like I am still at square one!
My hubby has been staying overnight Saturdays for awhile and has been acting more like his old self...which has made me fall in love with him all over again. We have been separated 9 months now and I had been hoping that soon he would at least commit to me emotionally again. Instead I got a breakdown instead of a breakthrough!
See, we get along really great, talking, laughing, etc. We can stay up talking all night! At 3am, he wants to go to sleep, but as usual, we start talking when we lay down. Out of no where, he says he will give me the money so I can file the divorce. Needless to say, it's like having ice water thrown in my face. We were having a great time and conversation, and then WHAM!!! I couldn't even speak for a minute or two. I asked if he were in a hurry. He said no. I asked if he was interested in anyone else and he got really angry with me, telling me there would be no one else EVER and why did I always have to think he wanted someone else. I said I didn't but I had a right to know if there was and I was mainly asking because we had been moving forward (I thought) and then he drops this bomb on me. I couldn't understand WHY NOW, and he couldn't give me a reason. I told him he needed to get right with God, if only for his son. I was pretty harsh about it, in a loving way.
He is immovable, doesn't care at all how much he is hurting me, and I am crushed!!! I finally say I am going to sleep. He wants me not to be angry with him. I am not, but very hurt. This is about 5am. and then I can't sleep at all. I am just crying and I get up to pray, I sleep about an hour, wake up, cry more, sleep another hour and wake up crying again. I go to the restroom and when I lay back down, he wants to know if I am okay. I say not really. He says that all I did is toss and turn and stay glued to one little spot on the bed. I look at him, still teary-eyed and say it would be easy if I had no feelings for him. Unfortunately, God has put this unbelievable love for him in my heart! I ask if he will hold me and he says yes.
I finally fell asleep in his arms. I kept waking up and we did ML. He asked (because I was crying) if I wanted him to go. I said no, please don't. I know that he loves me too, and that makes this seem so crazy that he wants to divorce me!!! He even admitted that if he had no feelings for me, he wouldn't come over.
He is so gentle and loving and asks alot if I am okay. I want to smack him and say "why are you doing this to me???"... I have been nothing but accepting and understanding, not pushing him, pursuing him, or whatever. Leaning totally on God and letting our Lord deal with him. So why is he doing this now!!!???
When he was leaving, I was strong and didn't cry but he could tell I was very upset. He was really quiet and considerate. I don't know if I will see him at all this week or if he will come over next Sat. I broke down and went to go pray and beg God to tell me why He let this happen. He gave me scripture that comforted. I am still standing and waiting on the Lord. satan needs to get away from me and my family!!!
I am so numb right now, not knowing what to do besides pray. I hurt! I can't believe that when I was expecting something wonderful, I got something horrible!!! He is so confused! On one hand making sure I am here for him and not going anywhere, then telling me he wants to divorce and be all alone with his life! What is that about???
Please pray for me, and more importantly, for UB to be convicted in his heart that we should NOT divorce when our marriage is SOOOO very fixable!!! Pray he would accept his responsibility and committment to me and not run away anymore.
Pray for me that I am strong and continue to lean on Jesus and trust in Him for my miracle! Thanks and God bless!
Debi


Posted by: Copper

hey sweetie,

it's ok.

ok, shut your eyes, oh well, pretend cause you gotta read this,
pretend you and i are sitting in front of my big fireplace, with a warm, cozy fire going, ok? and we have a cup of hot cocoa, and some popcorn and big fuzzy quilts, and we're just having a girl night, lots of giggles and talking of funny things and anytime you miss your honey, you can reach over and i'll hug you tight, just like your momma used to do, you remember? ok, now, let it all out, just keep that happy thought, me and you, hot cocoa, lots of popcorn and giggles, and whenever you miss your hubby, pretend, me your sister in Christ is here for you in spirit, this is our special place to go to be together, and after all the fun we can have a prayer together, and sing some worship songs!
when you come here, to this board, this is your special place, we are all in this together. i know your pain, our hubbies are like so much alike, He knows that, God knows our pain, you know that, God is working, that is how come he says he wants the divorce, he doesn't mean it, ok? whenever he says something like that, it is himself feeling himself getting closer to you, and therefore he has to push away again, and put up that wall. it is safer, when he says things like that you must jump for joy!!! this is what rejoicemarriage ministries says, it means he felt vulnerable for a second, and had to convince himself yet again. it is going to be ok. i promise. this man does love you, or else he would be not having fun with you ect.
please trust God, and come have some cocoa with me and the rest of us here. i will hold you tight, and so will our Father.

God I pray for devi right now, Lord, please be with my sister, and hold her tight. Lord, she is my sister, and eve a sister texan, Lord, we have so much in comin, please bind our spirits and reach across the miles, give her love from me. Lord, I ask that you send some of the angels helping me to her right now. God, i can spare them, send her aid, love and protection, joy and love. God, please heal this marriage, break down the walls, and help her to not use her mouth with her husband, but pray the Holy Spirit says what needs to be said, thank you Jesus, for i have learned this lesson the hard way. amen.


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

Heres a word for you saying it all out of love and humility debi, stop leaning on Jesus and get to know him and his ways this way when you see the devil planning one of his schemes you will immediatlely know it is not of God, you see we have all come to know the hand of God real well and that is all we mostly seek, but God himself is saying to his children seek his face and get to know his face just as we got to know his hand when we do this seeking his face you will be so full of the glory of God from seeking him and less of you will remain and total healing to you and your life will begin to take place, think about it even I am beginning to catch on, please dont take this the wrong way I give all glory to God for everything, has anyone yet noticed I never hardly ask for prayer, you want to know the real reason why I never ask because I seek alone his face and his ways in how he wants everything done none of me and all of him, and from seeking his face he takes care of every aspect of my life literally thats from seeking his face and desiring more of him more than life itself, we as Christians have not gotten to the point where we need not only a part of God but we need EVERY single part of God and we will cry out and seek him with every fiber of are being till we see all of him and understand all of his ways in revelation he gives us from wanting to know his ways and to be taught his ways from the Holy Spirit in us, we dont do what we do because we have to or because the bible says to do it, we do it because we love Jesus and want to obey the truth and do as God says with joy and love for when we do this it brings a huge smile on his face, we do what God says because it is the truth not something we try and if it doesnt work then we stay where we are at in are old ways of doing things...Jesus loves us all so much if only we truely knew he is so passionate about every detail of are lives he is by every single one of us whispering always I love you even right when we are sinning when we think no one sees...I try to see things only from Gods eyes in how he sees it all from his perspective and why wouldnt I who cares how I see the circumstance, why wouldnt I look to the one through his eyes when he already sees the victory and outcome from the very beggining.. many hugs all will be well...


Posted by: Copper

hey sweetie,

it's ok.

ok, shut your eyes, oh well, pretend cause you gotta read this,
pretend you and i are sitting in front of my big fireplace, with a warm, cozy fire going, ok? and we have a cup of hot cocoa, and some popcorn and big fuzzy quilts, and we're just having a girl night, lots of giggles and talking of funny things and anytime you miss your honey, you can reach over and i'll hug you tight, just like your momma used to do, you remember? ok, now, let it all out, just keep that happy thought, me and you, hot cocoa, lots of popcorn and giggles, and whenever you miss your hubby, pretend, me your sister in Christ is here for you in spirit, this is our special place to go to be together, and after all the fun we can have a prayer together, and sing some worship songs!
when you come here, to this board, this is your special place, we are all in this together. i know your pain, our hubbies are like so much alike, He knows that, God knows our pain, you know that, God is working, that is how come he says he wants the divorce, he doesn't mean it, ok? whenever he says something like that, it is himself feeling himself getting closer to you, and therefore he has to push away again, and put up that wall. it is safer, when he says things like that you must jump for joy!!! this is what rejoicemarriage ministries says, it means he felt vulnerable for a second, and had to convince himself yet again. it is going to be ok. i promise. this man does love you, or else he would be not having fun with you ect.
please trust God, and come have some cocoa with me and the rest of us here. i will hold you tight, and so will our Father.

God I pray for devi right now, Lord, please be with my sister, and hold her tight. Lord, she is my sister, and eve a sister texan, Lord, we have so much in comin, please bind our spirits and reach across the miles, give her love from me. Lord, I ask that you send some of the angels helping me to her right now. God, i can spare them, send her aid, love and protection, joy and love. God, please heal this marriage, break down the walls, and help her to not use her mouth with her husband, but pray the Holy Spirit says what needs to be said, thank you Jesus, for i have learned this lesson the hard way. amen.


Posted by: Debi16

Thanks Kim and AW,
Kim, bless you for your support and the visual! I think deep down I know UB is just in bondage and satan is trying to keep him there. I know he doesn't want a divorce. How can he be so loving and sweet to me and want that? It just hurts. I just want to stay focused on God and have you guys life UB and me in prayer. I can't focus too much on that or I let satan have an opening to come torment me.

AW, I DO seek Jesus with a passion! I hunger and thirst to have ALL of Him in every part of my life. He is my everything. You said:
Quote:
we as Christians have not gotten to the point where we need not only a part of God but we need EVERY single part of God and we will cry out and seek him with every fiber of are being till we see all of him and understand all of his ways in revelation he gives us from wanting to know his ways and to be taught his ways from the Holy Spirit in us, we dont do what we do because we have to or because the bible says to do it, we do it because we love Jesus and want to obey the truth and do as God says with joy and love for when we do this it brings a huge smile on his face, we do what God says because it is the truth not something we try and if it doesnt work then we stay where we are at in are old ways of doing things...

You hit it right on the mark! I CRAVE the Lord with every cell in my body! I am learning to set my eyes upon Him and not my circumstances. I fall HARD when I do otherwise. I am not broken. God has stepped in and told me not to listen to satan's lies but to focus on my faith and His promises. Pray for me to stay strong, is what I ask. When I have godly things, I do very well. It is when I am at work or whatever that I tend to fall and lose sight of the Lord.
I am not perfect and I haven't walked with the Lord very long. I am still learning and being changed by Him. I can get weak and when I do, I tend to get hysterical and unfocused! Hard to admit, but true. So I am asking for help. I hope and pray to get to the point where I will laugh at satan's lies and tactics instead of letting him infiltrate my thoughts, and eventually...my faith.
I am hanging tough (Praise God) and not dwelling on it. Instead, I am concentrating on the fact that UB does love me, he shows it...and more importantly, I am concentrating on God's love and compassion. He is ministering to me so tenderly right now! I praise and thank our blessed Lord for His Fatherly love and faithfulness to His children! Praise His holy name!!!
Thank you for your support, guys, I appreciate it. God bless!
Debi


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

Amen Jesus that Debi is staying strong in you, release a mighty glorious baptism of your shekinah glory all over her right now, saturate her very being in your glory, overwhelm her right now with all of you..... Jesus is proud of you keep seeking him all will be well debi, your doing good..