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Wasn't sure where to put this - anyone dealt with this before?

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Posted by: Gods_Fingerprints

Hello all,

I wasn't quite sure where to put this...as it is a prayer request, but also...I'm kind of just trying to figure out exactly "what it is" that I am dealing with. Okay, well first of all before I get started, I need to give a little background to explain this in an easier way. I basically started seeking after God...having grown up in a non-Christian home, and having gone to church like one time in my life, with nobody to really be an example to me for Christ. I started seeking Him...got closer and closer through His Word, prayer and worship. As I started seeking more, I even started sort of "preaching" the Word to my family and such...trying to get the truth through to them...plant the seed for God to water, and just be an example to them. So I have "confessed" God/Jesus among man in that way, quite openly.

Now to the problem, or well...whatever it is. Today I was watching a show on the TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network) channel here...and there was this program. I believe it may have been entitled "Questions And Answers" or something like that. There are some scenes...where the 'hosts' of the show basically just go out on the street or wherever, and randomly choose people to witness to, ask questions about God, etc. Kind of a show that gives us a view on "how" to reach out to others and show them that they need Jesus. And watching this today...I noticed this "feeling" came up within me, when I saw them doing that. I've had this feeling many times before, and thought I should make it known today...since it came up again.

This is really hard to describe, so hopefully the Lord will help me to get out into words what I really want to say. What I feel is a problem in me, is a part of me pulls away/feels 'embarrassed' or something like that. Usually when I see someone preaching/witnessing to others...especially huge "random" crowds like the guy on that show was doing...it gives me a feeling inside that I'm not quite sure what it is. While it is stupid and seems completely wrong on my part...in some ways I almost want to say that a part of me feels "embarrassed" and wants to change the channel or turn away, etc. when someone is preaching Jesus to others directly or talking about God's Word, etc. to just "random" people to witness to them. When I see someone doing that...I just feel strange inside, as if I am "embarrassed" about what they are doing/saying, and about what "the other people think about it" or the person for doing that. But on the other hand...I mean, that's the Word of God and the Gospel. It's awesome! So well...I guess a part of me kind of wants to know...why am I doing this, and why do I feel this way? Another thing is...when my uncle who believes has been over here and was watching a preacher on t.v. and my mother and grandmother have been here...it was like I was "embarrassed" about the message or something. But yet...in the past and even presently, I quite boldly confessed and still do confess Him before them and tell them about Him a lot. And I do not see where I have this "problem" with them in that way.

I mean, I've boldly made my stand and "preached" to my family who do not follow God. But when I have this trouble just seeing/hearing others preaching and reasoning with someone like on that show for instance....it makes me think of what Jesus said. In a summed up way, He basically said that whoever is ashamed of Him in this sinful and adulterous generation, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed of when He comes in the glory of His Father and with His holy angels. Also...there is the other verse where Jesus said that whoever confesses Him before men, him He will also confess before His Father. And of course, whoever is ashamed of Him before men...He will be ashamed of them before the Father.

But it's like...I've already done that stuff. Even when my own family reviled me for it, I knew that it was right to stand for and still of course I want to stand for it. But I'm still...having whatever this trouble is, when I "see" someone witnessing to a large crowd of unsaved people or something. But also...I must note that from the very first start of like elementary school, being "in front of people" in general was a problem for me all of my life...and moreso of a problem than it seemed to be for the other people. Not sure if that has anything to do with this in particular or not, but maybe. So I ask...and hopefully someone led by the Spirit will give me a 'word' or something, that I may know what this is. And more importantly...I want to get it dealt with and out of the way, so that I don't feel that way anymore. So now that I've tried to explain what seems to be two contrary things at work....what is this? Anybody got any views/whatever for me on this? All I ask is...please try to keep it "nice," without the quarrelsome words or anything. Thanks.


Posted by: Chimbamu

God will help you as you desire to serve Him.........!!!!!!!!


Posted by: koppen

Gods_Fingerprints....

Hello and thank you for addressing this situation... I am a daughter of a minister and I used to be embarrassed when my mother, brother, aunts, grnadparents would try to witness to someone, i think it's natural in the beginning of our walk... I was surrounded by them...LOL...but I learned from them...

I don't believe that you are embarrassed about the witnessing I think it's more of the thought of being rejected or made fun of and thats ok... I feel you need to start praying that God will help you to become BOLD...It does take a certain boldness to be able to witness to complete strangers...MY brother has that...He can walk up to anyone that God leads him to witness too no matter who they are and do it...and so can my mother...She went to see the movie "Gods and Generals" and when she came out with my aunt and was walking through the parking lot she noticed that she was walking right in the middle of 2 gangs that were about to fight.. they were cursing each other and threatening each other... t she wanted to run but the Lord made her stop ruight in their midst and she started witnessing to them as she pointed to each one of the gang members, one started cusing at her but it didn't stop her... then fighting stopped, some of them got in their cars and left but three of them walked up to her and started talking to her...they didn't repent at that moment but they listened and she planted that seed...The question is what if she had not obeyed God and kept on running to her car and they did fight and someone dies or they syarted shooting and someone or an innocent person was hurt...She would have been responsible in some way for not obeying God ... My point is some people can walk to anyone and witness and some people have to be lead by God ... We cannot be afraid of rejection, Jesus was rejected and much worse...This is something that I have to work on as well.. Jerry has spoken to me about his in here because I was offended by a person's comments in here.. He showed me what I was afraid of...God can work on you for your boldness and your fear of being rejected... I am living proof becaue God has donea tremendous job on me... I still can't walk up to just anyone and wittness but if someone curses my God in my presence I will defend my Gid and and let them know about the God they are cursing as well is anyone opens the door for me to witness to them I will walk through that door...God has a purpose for each and everyone of our souls and he is not finished working on you.. God bless you and bless you for seeing your own weeknesses... Also, remember we are of a pecular people.

Lord, I pray that Gods_Fingerprints will find her identy in You. Help her to understand her worth throught Your eyes and by Your standards. May she recognize the unique qualities You've placed on herand be able to appreciate them. Enable her to see herself the way You see her, unserstanding that "You have made her a little than the angels,and You crowned her with glory and honor. You have made her tohave dominion over over the works of Your hands; You have to put all things under her feet. Quiet the voices that tell her otherwise and give her ears to hear Your voice telling her that it will not be her perfection that gets her through life sucesfully, it will be Yours. Reveal to her that she is in the image and glory of God, and she is complete in Him, who is the head of all principalitiy and power. Giver her the peace and security of knowing that she is accepted,not rejected, by You. Free her from the self-contiousness that can inprison her soul. Holy Spirit come to her with a BOLDNESS in her walk..Help her to hear your voice when leading her to witness and it be without fear of rejection..And if she is rejected as she witnesses enable her to walk away being in the knowing that You too have been rejected and that is is ok because she obeyed You. May her true self-image be the image of Christ stamped upon her soul. Bless her for she has had the boldness to witness to her family and that she walks with You and seeks your face.

AMEN

Love In Christ Name
Kelli