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now i'm begging- i feel the time is right!

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Posted by: Copper

i have this burning feeling inside that God is working,
i feel it,
don't understand how to explain it, but i feel God is working on my husband,
i'm usually right, in the past, could sense the Lord's presence in our lives,
like Him waking me to pray for tom,
and then tom calling
anyway,
just begging,
for you to pray, pray like never before for God to show tom His Will, His ultimate desire!!!!
for a Damascus experience like not other that God would be able to use tom andi. thank you and God blessYou. me, i'm getting on my knees tonight and annointing spiritually every part of my husband, praying for God to send angels by the hundreds to pour upon him, to send the Holy Spirit to annoint him, to touch him physically, spiritually, to just pour upon him God 's love, God's will, God's desires.
oh i just feel it coming on!!!!!!!!
kimberly


Posted by: ramonah

Kimberly, I know that feeling! I am sure you are right. I am praying in agreement with you. God bless you both.


Posted by: cuti4u34

HEavenly Father,

I stand in agreement with Kimberly and I thankyou ahead of Time for answered prayer and for everything you have done in Tom and Kimberly's life. Thankyou Lord that they will continue to praise and glorify you. IN JESUS CHRIST NAME, AMEN!! AMEN!! AMEN!!


Posted by: Copper

please pray for tom.


satan is on my back,
so i feel God must be working on tom,
it seems,
when God is working in his life, satan comes harder on me.

thanks,
kimberly


Posted by: slpdx2

I am standing with you Kim!!


Posted by: StarChilde

Please know that as I read your request, & even now I am praying for you, for your request in the best way I know of~ praying in the spirit, the perfect will of God for your situation~



through all prayer and supplication pray at all seasons in the Spirit, and with this in view, keep alert with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints, Eph. 6:18


Posted by: JeriRose12

This blood's for Tom:




~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004


Posted by: JeriRose12

This hug's for you....




~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004


Posted by: JG

This is Pastor Jerry and I am praying for you right now.
Dear Kimberly:

This is Pastor Jerry and as you requested I am praying for you and your marriage right now

Remember we really do care for you.

Pastor Jerry



Posted by: Copper

thank you jerry,

thank you.

i'm just trusting God.
that is all i can do,
but i have total faith in Him,
He is miraculous,
is teaching me this!
kimberly

pleaseprayinagreementwith me
my prayer i wrote for my dear husband i will not give up


Father, first I ask you to forgive me my sins, Father you know what they are. A few I truly need forgiveness for are for ever looking down upon my husband, for comparing him to other men, for criticizing him for his past choices, for considering other men, and Father most of all for disrespecting him by saying anything to anyone else about our personal problems. God I ask you to forgive me for not being the wife that you tell me to be in the Bible, God please continue to teach me how to be that kind of wife, a wife who manages her home, who respects her husband, cares for her children, and leans upon You and Your word. God, please forgive me also for any and all other sins I have committed, any lies I have told, any mean thoughts I have harbored for others, for my selfishness, for my conceitedness, for so much God. I am sorry. I am also sorry for having ridiculed my husband, when he was so open and honest with me before. God for this I am most sorry, because Lord, I see now how impressive that was on his part, to be honest with me, and You , mostly You Father. God teach me how to truly love Tom in the right way, not just the way I think is right. God teach me to be honest with him in all things, how to communicate with him, how to have fun with him. God I pray you give he and I some way of talking more, of having more fun, of forgetting and forgiving the past. God I wish I could make it all go away, and can’t but I know you can Lord. Lord please continue to change me and teach me the things that I have been so stubborn to change or recognize I need to change. Thank you for teaching me God, all of these things, and I pray that even if Tom never chooses to come home, which I know God you have promised me he will, but it is his choice, and I pray that no matter what Lord, you keep changing me. God, these are changes in me that are necessary no matter what. Father, I pray you also give me the strength to stay changed once he comes home, not to fall into my old habits, my old ways. God it is so hard to change habits I’ve had for 30 years, but Lord, I know with your help, I can and will do it. So, Lord help me stick to it. Lord, help Tom and I both to realize that there are things we both need to change, and it will take time and patience for us to do so, and to not expect too much out of each other in the meantime. But, to love each other for trying. Father show me Your will for my life, whatever that may be. God I pray You would grant me discernment and eyes like yours through which to view all of this and Tom. Lord, grant us both strength against temptations and help us not to compare each other with others. God, I know that when he was seeing the ow, I was silently comparing him to other men I worked with, and I am so sorry, even lately, Father I have done this. I am so sorry for this, for I must concentrate on all of his wonderful points, so that I will not be tempted to do wrong things. God I am so lucky to have ever had a husband like Tom and I thank you my Father for giving him to me. I love him so much. God, thank you for giving me love for him, I have never loved someone like I love him, and thank you for teaching me how to do this. Lord, I pray you would give him a newfound love for me as well, and give us a newfound hope for a better future. Lord, I am devoted to both you and Tom, let us not be stagnant, but give us a new dream, a new outlook on life, help us to trust each other in all things, help us to grow in each other, and help us to learn how to have fun again with each other. God I pray you would keep molding us both, and give us hearts that are open to being molded. Lord, the next part of my prayer, you know by heart, but I’m gonna say it again. Lord,

Tom said he was saved. If he indeed was so, draw him closer to you. He was one of your children, if even just for a few minutes. Rescue him like you rescue a lamb from straying his flock.

Lord, give his mother, family and a I a supernatural love for him, even though we are all angry and upset. Let him know that we love him but do not condone this, nor do we understand what is going on or why he is choosing what he chooses.
God, help us to respect him in every decision he makes, me for him being my husband, for his mother, for him being the oldest man in their family, the leader there as well.

Lord, give us grace to let go, Give us grace to not lay judgement and God, let Tom know I truly am sorry for ever condemning him, ever yelling at him, ever telling others about our private lives and his downfall, ever disrespecting him, ever not being the Godly wife he needs,

And God, please help him to see that I just didn’t know how to do or be the person he needed. Lord, help him to see I am not perfect, but that you are working on me. God, I pray you help us to see we need to lift each other up, not put each other down, that we are to cheer each other on, and love unconditionally.

Lord, we are here to build each other up, not break each other down.

God, I pray Tom’s heart is softened toward me, and that he begin to have respect for me, and love, how I wish he truly loved me.

Lord, give us grace and endurance to continue to pray for Tom, my prodigal, our prodigal, and to never cease as the Bible says , pray without ceasing, God help us to never give up.

Lord, this is important, please send a great famine to tom, on whatever or whomever it is that he is depending on instead of you, I ask, I beg, that you would dry this up just like a famine. God, I pray for disillusionment of the things that draw him away from you and hold him as prisoner. God, I pray that these things no longer give him any pleasure, that they would grow old and dull. Father, I pray that they would become like bitter roots in his mouth , and that nothing would quench his thirst but You.

Lord, I pray that he would come to himself. I pray he would realize that something is wrong and missing in his life, not me, but You God. You. I pray that the sin if there is any would not close his spiritual eyes.

Lord, I pray that he would repent. I pray that he would be broken free and delivered like he was before from the prison he is in. God, I pray that any and all demonic forces be bound from pressing in upon him, from coercing him and influencing him. God, I pray you free him like you did all the people I read about in the Bible. Lord, several of them never even asked you to do so, you just did it. Lord, I pray if it be your will that Tom ask for your help, that once night, when he is all alone, he would look up and just reach to you for help.

Lord, I pray that HE WOULD HAVE THE ABILITY TO ACCEPT YOUR GRACE GIVE TO HIM AND THAT HE WOULD FINALLY FEEL WORHTY OF YOU OH LORD, LORD, I KNOW HE DOES NOT FEEL WORTHY OF YOU FOR HE TOLD ME SO HIMSELF, PLEASE GOD, BRING HIM TO A PALCE WHERE HE KNOWS THAT ALL SINNERS COME TO YOU, AND HELP HIM TO FORGET THE WORDS I HAVE YELLED AT HIM, OTHERS HAVE SPOKEN TO HIM ABOUT HIM NOT BEING ABLE TO CHANGE, LORD HELP HIM TO REALIZE THAT HE CAN DO THIS , THAT YOU WILL HELP HIM TO DO THIS. GOD BREAK THROUGH THE WALL THAT HAS BEEN BUILT. FATHER, HELP HIM TO SEE THAT EVERYONE FALLS, EVERYONE HAS THOUGHTS THAT YOU WOULDN’T APPROVE OF AND EVERYONE CAN COME TO YOU.

Lord, please pour out your blessings upon him my prodigal husband when he returns to you Father. Lord, bless him spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially. Lord, I pray for the church, that they accept him when he returns and do not lay judgment upon him, also for his family and me, to never lay judgment, but do accept him, love him, and thank you God for the chance to have him in our lives again.

Lord, I pray that all of these things would be done in your name, and God I will pray this prayer each and every day, each morning, giving Tom again to you ,each day until I see it happen. God I trust and believet hat when we ask for something that is in your will, I understand that Tom is free and may choose to not accept You, to accept me, but it is your will that we all come to You, so therefore when I pray for something in your will and believe it to be so, I have utter faith, perseverance, dependence, and yearning for it to be so. Lord, James 1:5-6 say ‘that when he asks he must believe and not doubt, he who doubts is like the waves of the sea, tossed from the east to the west’ and 2;17-18 says ‘Faith without action is dead.’ Lord, I am having faith nd acting upon it that no matter how long it takes, for Psalm 27:11-14 says ‘teach me your way…I am confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord,…wait for the lord be strong and wait.’ so Lord, I wam waiting upon you, you have told me to wait. I am going to be patient, trust In you. I am getting closer to you Lord, and need to do so, so that when tom does come home, I will not act the way I did last time again. God, he needs me to love and respect him, to have confidence in him and his capabilities, his decisions, his manlihood, Father, help me to be strong in you and do this. Lord, I asked this last time, for you to help me to make this change in me, these changes, not just to get tom back, but for You God. Show me how to live for you, how to live in this world for You, how to fit into this world and live, but yet stand apart. How to love and have fun in this world, but to keep you in my heart. How to stand against the storms, in You. God, search my heart, know my motives, for the Bible says You do, Lord, I want what you want, I want my husband back, my Godly husband, but Lord, I will not give up myself in You to get it, nor will I falter and give up praying for him to get it, nor will I fall for satan’s scheme’s to get it, if you want Tom home, God you will bring him home. Period. I want tom to love and know you Lord, and to know that he is not perfect, none of us are, Lord, help him to see how great your love for him is, and that we will all fail him, every one of us humans,

Only You never fail us. Lord, I tried hard to be perfect for him, and it didn’t work. God, if I live for you, first , find myself in you, first, then and only then will I ever be a good wife for anyone.

Thank you for teaching me Father.

Thank you for your promise to bring Tom home,

The see is planted, he accepted You, now we must wait for it to grow.

Lord, help me to remember that only You can change a person, I cannot impress upon or try and change someone, if they don’t want to. Lord, help me to remember my place, as a wife, not a mother, not a person whom must teach my husband. God, I am to be his friend, his lover, his housewife, his confidant, someone he can trust with all of his heart. Lord, this is what I desire, help me to let go and let You work with him. Thank you for teaching me this God.

Father Water his seed,

Lord, I beg you, If it be your will, do thus so quickly.

In your name and thankful heart I pray,

Amen.


Posted by: Copper

ok guys.

last time he came over,
we had that episode.
that i can't talk about,
the one where i saw God working.

ok.

well,
i've called three times sense then,
and emailed,
and nothing.

he isn't answering my calls.

so i guess i just wait,

so,
I'M BEGGING FOR PRAYERS.

i'm so worried for him,
he was in church Sunday,
i know he heard the message,

i'm just praying God is working.

anyway,

talk to yall later,
please, please pray,

his name is tom.
he has brown hair and hazel eyes,
if that helps.

luv,
kimberly


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

Thank you Jesus for taking complete care of
all of this in you..




Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

For you copper Rest In The Hands of God






Posted by: flowerchild

Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper
i have this burning feeling inside that God is working,
i feel it,
don't understand how to explain it, but i feel God is working on my husband,
i'm usually right, in the past, could sense the Lord's presence in our lives,
like Him waking me to pray for tom,
and then tom calling
anyway,
just begging,
for you to pray, pray like never before for God to show tom His Will, His ultimate desire!!!!
for a Damascus experience like not other that God would be able to use tom andi. thank you and God blessYou. me, i'm getting on my knees tonight and annointing spiritually every part of my husband, praying for God to send angels by the hundreds to pour upon him, to send the Holy Spirit to annoint him, to touch him physically, spiritually, to just pour upon him God 's love, God's will, God's desires.
oh i just feel it coming on!!!!!!!!
kimberly


Dear Kimberly:

May the Lord continue to work on your marriage! I thank God for your motivation, your faith, your willingness to trust HIM! I pray Father that your will be done for Kimberly, Tome, their family. Father, keep moving, you are on a roll! In Jesus' name I pray, amen!

Blessings,

flowerchild :-)


Posted by: Copper

thank you my friends.


please keep praying,
i know it is working
cause the devil has been on me all day
i think that he does this when he can't get to tom.
thanks,
kimberly


Posted by: Copper

hi guys.


well.
my husband emailed me that he didn't think we should talk or email for a while, and he feels it best if i see other people, just not my ex husband, because he thinks i deserve a better guy.

i was devastated, but i believe God is working, this is why he cried last week when he came over.
i just emailed him back a long email saying i did not agree with a seperation or divorce but that i had to face reality, that if this is what he wants then i will not beg, and that as the husband and man of our family, i would honor and respect his wishes. that i meant my vows, andtherefore would not be dating others but prayingfor he and i, and some other stuff about taking his left over items to his mother's house. my bestfriend who went through this with her husband, she cheated on him, said that her husband finally saying he was facing reality had an affect on her. he told her he loved her and wanted her, but that she needed to come get her stuff and that he would not pay for the papers, but if she wanted them she would have to do all of that. so that is kind of what i did, without the papers stuff. i prayed over it, and now, i'm just gonna leave him alone. period. his coming around the past three weeks, three times just for ml, made me feel used, and he knows this. anyway, itis totally in God's hands now.
i also told him if he ever came home the slate would be wiped clean, i didn't want to rehash the past out, just live and be happy. so, the open door is there. i also told him that i gave my ex four years to make things right and he didn't and i had read inthe Bible that you were not to go back to a first wife, so i think that means husbands too, so i would not be giving him another chance and he need not worry,
don't u think it is funny how he can say he is worried about me seeing my ex again, or that he would get mad at that, and then inthe next sentence tell me it was time to date other men.
totally ironic.
anyway,
he said thank you for the prayer and nice emails but he didn't want to give me false hope, or didn't want me getting angry at God for him never coming home.
i truly believe God is working, i htink he is trying to convince himself about coming home.
so i 'm just backing up and giving God space.

please pray for him, for us, for me. i still have no job, and desperately need one , to take care of my children. i'm just exhausted. trying to find God's strength.
i thank you so much,

my life is completely in God's hands.

luv you all,
me




Posted by: Copper

please pray for our situation


everyone is telling me to go on with my life,
to ofrget him,
i am trying to stand strong
but feel like i'm having to fight off all of my neighbors, friends, family, ect
as well.

noone understands, but one couple friend,
i hate this.


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

Jesus move mightly in all of this




Posted by: spacecowby76

Dear Lord,
Please comfort Kim as she struggles through this season.I too, know her pain as do many friends here on this board.We all join together in asking you to touch Tom's heart & allow him to see the wrongs he is doing.Hit him where it hurts God...in his heart.It may sound cruel but maybe it's time he hit bottom & get hit upside the head Father.For only then can he reach up for You & all Your glory.Grant Kim,strength & wisdom to get by while You work.Hold her in Your hands God & let her feel your love.Bless her Father for being so strong & faithful & not giving in to Satan or his temptations.Reward her for being a truthful servant to You.Please God,give her the marriage back she has fought so hard for.Don't let Satan & his minions win this battle.We all believe in Your power God.Bless all of us on this board that are standing for our marriages.We want to be able to tell everyone how YOU not us..... restored our families.All the glory & praise go to you dear God.Please touch us all!!!!
I ask this in Your holy,blessed,precious name,
Amen.
I'm with ya Kimberly!!!!!! You know where I am if ya need to talk.
Rob


Posted by: Debi16

Hi Kim,
All I can tell you is, this is very normal. Our friends/family don't want us to hurt anymore, they think by moving on we will be suddenly "okay". Even Christian friends and family will succumb to satans voice and tell us to leave, divorce, etc. I have been told I am delusional, stupid, a doormat, hallucinating, using God to make excuses...I could go on and on. In the beginning, I let it get to me. At this point I go into this incredible "sermon" of God's promises and His word to us on the subject of marriage and turning the other cheek, etc. I can't force them to believe what I believe, but I let them know I am following God's Word and no one else's. I am through seeking their answers in my marriage. If I am given advice that lines up with the Lord's, then I am blessed and thankful, but if people are being satan-led, I pray for them and go on my way. I don't know if that helps, but it seems to be true for everyone suffering relationship problems. Those closest to us just want us happy.
I pray that God will bring you to another realm of His understanding and allow you to get beyond people's opinions. I pray you will seek only His will for your life and marriage. In Jesus name! God be with you!
Debi


Posted by: kasi64

hi kim, i am still praying for you honey!!! please know that and know that it will be okay because GOD IS OKAY!!!


Posted by: Copper

hi guys,
thanks for all the advice,

but right now,
i think i'm just gonna step back and do nothing,
absolutely nothing,

just asking for you to pray for him,
that is all.
thanks.
and me, to be strong,
this is the hardest,
worst thing,
i have ever endured.
i feel God in it, today, though,
so weird,
some days He feels distant,
some days closer.
i am finally getting the attitude,
ok God,
if You are gonna do this,
You are gonna do it,
nothing i do is going to change this,
i've tried everything, and nothing is working.

kimberly


Posted by: ANOINTED WARRIOR

You said you tried everything have you done this yet?


Pray once for your husband then left it in Gods hands resting in his hands knowing he will perform the prayer you requested.. when you do this I believe I see a miracle happening..but there has to be complete and total rest in him in knowing God will be faithful to carry out the prayer you prayed just once..For are God does not need a hearing aid he has heard your prayer request for your husband the very first time you were going to even think about praying for him... Yes its true the more you pray the more you will get Gods attention, but now maybe he is waiting for you to do your part in waiting and resting in him completely in knowing he will handle it from the very first prayer you said.
God Bless


Posted by: Copper

oh my gosh,

CHRIS!

that is what i did last night,
until i woke up this morning in the middle of a bad dream about tom,
and then,
just prayed God would take that feeling out of the pit of my stomach,
and all day today,
i am just going to pray for more faith,
for God to teach me faith,
and yes,
Chris,
you are so right, this is where i felt convicted last night and this morning,
in the area of needing to just pray once and leave it with God.
i feel a miracle coming on as well.
oh Chris,
is it not cool how God shows us all what He wants,
and then confirms it through others.

thank you, for always following Him Chris,
thank you.
kimberly


Posted by: Copper

i had to add something, chris,

in the back of my head, i keep feeling like no he is not gonna come back, i feel like i've let everyone including tom himself convince me of this, this is what i feel God wants me to get out, my dreams are even saying so, i'm praying so hard for God to help me get this out.
it is because, it is so true that the three years we were together, we were never happy, never, but it is because we have been battling these demons, you know, he has been battling his demons forever, and i guess i'm realizing that before God can restore our marriage, God and tom have to deal witht hese demons, and i truly and starting to believe that is why God took him away and that is why it is taking so long, and that is why heis being so very very mean. anyway, it is just too weird chris, that you said that above, especially when that has been on my heart, to just pray once, and give it tooGod, for real. i start my new job t oday, so perhaps it will be easier to let go, this past week of not working, was very difficult, and i know i pushed tom too much, it is good to keep my time busy, and off tom and even just focusing on God.
isn't it weird, how God speaks to us, that still small voice is so for real! isn't it? there is one thing i have learned mostly through all of this, and that is how much i love God, i'm so ready to go home, right now, totally right now.
anyway,
just wanted to say all of that,
thanks Chris!
kimberly


Posted by: Copper

just wanted to say,
that i'm just quitting this,
and giving it all to God,
if God wants us back together,
He will make it happen,
i am continuing to pray for him,
for us,
for me,
and mostly for God's will in my life,
but other than that,
i'm letting go.
i love my husband,
but he is pushing me further and further away,
and only God can fix this now.
thank you for your prayers,
kimberly


Posted by: Copper

i feel God is moving,

i'm stepping back Lord, i know only You can do this, only You can get the glory.
thank you my Father,
amen


Posted by: Copper

Father God, i pray you continue to guide me through this,

give me strength against temptation, and Lord lead me in Your ways, in every aspect ofmy life, God i give myself to You, igive up Lord,
if my husband is to ever come home, only You can do it, i give him totally to you Father , i give up, totally.
God, if you want to bring him home, it will be your way in your time.
me


Posted by: Kristie

Kimberly,
As was said to you in the beginning, it would never happen as long as you had your hands in it. You have to let go before God can do anything with Tom..and anything you do that puts yourself in the middle of, hinders God from moving on Tom. You have to step out from between them and let them go one on one..that is why God took him into the wilderness, remember, to get you out of the way from hindering Him. You had this down pretty pat at one point, but then something caused you to pick it up again..to start contacting Tom, calling, emailing, pouring your heart out to him once again. I think if you reflect and really think back on what started that, you will find satan there in some form. God is trying to transform you so that you will not be driven to interfere or react to anything, and He also has to set Tom free from the enemy. You have to let him go and let God have him and just stay out of it completely. When God needs you for something, He will let you know..but until then..back off and out of it. I think you find that things happen much quicker for you that way. :-) Hugs!


Posted by: Copper

yes, i know,
u are so right kristie,
i see the pattern now, but now,
i am fearful, of when and where and how i will know,
that the time is right,
cause i definately feel God telling me to stay back for now,
except yesterday, when i ran into tom,and called him,
i think that was to allow me to know he needed prayer yesterday,
but the call was quick,
anyway,
i do know, and by my verses given to me by God that i must step back,
cause right when i pray and give it all away, this is when satan goes at my head again, trying to figure tom out, and then i just have to rebuke him, get him out of my head.


kristie, i luv you you just don't know how much, and missed you so much, please tell us how you are doing too, ok? i think of you daily. bigtime.

isn't it weird how when we really trust, really trust, we just know God is doing what we ask?
i know that God is telling tom i love him, without me having to tell him, you know?
but you know what,
i know beyond a shadow of a doubt

that God is telling him that,
i don't have to,

cause, this love i have for him is not,
NOT from me

i am a person who doesn't put up with anyone's
and i mean ANyONE's s*** if u know what i mean
so, God has to be telling him how i love him,
cause God is providing the love,

so i can rest easy
i'm not worrying anymore,

this is God's deal.
totally.

i'm through sweating through it,
i've road the rollercoaster too much
taking it into my hands,
i'm through,
even when tom comes home,
i'm not riding this rollercoaster,

and when the devil comes at me and tries to put me back on the ride,
i'm rebuking him and jumping ship.

God will take care of his sheep,
you know?

anyway, i'm herre to get closer to God,
not be tom's mommy.

and i love him, yes, dearly,
that i think is what hurts the most,
to have such a true love,
i know this is how God feels,
to be left out of such a connection,
to be not spoken to for weeks,

oh how he must hurt, forthere are millions of us doing it to HIM!


yuck, i feel like such a dweeb and scum for hurting Jesus and our Father so much,
and i'm so ready to go home.

i can't wait to go home.


Posted by: Kristie

I am good sweety, do not worry about me, I am a diehard...or maybe that should be a dienot! The devil wont be tromping on me anymore...he may try, but he wont make a dent in this exterior anymore. He will not be using my husband anymore as a weapon against me either, I will not stand for it..I will rebuke him so hard that it will send my husband flying out into the wilderness! If Kevin wants to be a fool for the devil, then he can just go out there and be a fool and get it away from me. I refuse to let anyone hinder my relationship with God! I trust in one thing for sure, if I have to take the garbage out to curb for the last time..if that turns out to be Gods will in this..then God has something better to replace it with, and I will be blessed for it. When you know you are blessed by the Lord, it does not matter in what form the blessing may come, if you are blessed..then nothing can take you down. I am blessed and highly favored by God, I know this. I am a daughter of Zion, I am precious in Gods sight, I am a Esther, a Ruth, and God has His angels lift me up so that my foot will not be struck upon the rock. I love Kevin, Gods love flows through me for Kevin, and I do not want to see him destroyed, I want only to see him redeemed and made whole. But...for the first time, I can say that however that need be done, whatever it takes to be done, so be it. If he has to go clear to deaths door to see the light, get the message, then so be it..take him there Lord. I will stay by his side and love him through it, I will not betray him, forsake him in his time of need. I will even suffer with him, afflict me as well...whatever it takes..do it Lord, do not delay! I pray and seek over Kevin daily, and daily God repeatedly shows me despair and destruction. Repeatedly God speaks to me that Kevin forever hears but never listens, therefore He will destroy him. I seek harder..because it is like..destroy him God? Then I play Moses, "Do you have to destroy him completely God? Then He repeatedly shows me the scripture about the grapes who still have juice in them, therefore He will not destroy them completely. God keeps giving me a Rhema word through His written word over Kevin..and it is basically that Kevin is about to reap all he has sown because it is the only way he is going to truly and completely seek Gods face and root. Kevin is just one of those people that have to go all the way to deaths door to get the message clearly and heed it. He is still being arrogant and self serving. Gods grace and mercy is not sufficient enough to make Kevin grateful and desiring to turn his life around...he is forever hearing but never listening, so he is now going to hit a low that he has never known before, as low as he can go..low enough that it is life or death..his choice..and it is going to leave a lasting impression on him, so when he is brought out of it, he will never forget and stray off the path again..he will know a fear of the Lord his God! Whatever it is will be hard on me, I know that..but I am ready..I am even as willing as to suffer with him physically if need be..to accept infliction of whatever it is to get him where God has tried more delicately to take him and he just was too prideful to go easily. That is Gods love flowing through me for Kevin..the willingness to suffer with him to save his soul. I am flesh and blood..that is martyr stuff and martyrs only come through Gods love, will and strength. I happen to like being painfree and uninflicted...so that is Gods love flowing through this vessel He is using to reach a lost person, a lost sheep, one of His own that the devil has taken hostage, one that is needed in service to the kingdom, that can have an affect on multitudes of others. It is a assignment placed upon me for the kingdom, and I will fight the war with whatever weapon it takes to win..if that is being inflicted right along with Kevin, then so be it. I would lay my life down for anyone to find Christ for that matter. I guess that is just the gift of love, which is my gift God graced me with. We all have one of the gifts of the spirit, and I have known for a long long time that mine was love. I used to call it a gift curse..because it seemed to hurt me more then it helped others. But...I realize now that when it comes to serious battle with the enemy..it is a powerful weapon, when it comes to standing and praying someone out of his clutches..it is the only weapon that can stand up to the task. Some gifts are meant for growth in the church body, like tongues and intepretation of tongues, discernment of spirits, and so on. I used to think that my gift really served no outward purpose in the kingdom, it was just a inner thing..loving others, having a giving spirit, being a shoulder for others, reaching out to help others. Very much unlike say the gift of tongues and interpretation where you actually are used to serve a task in the church that is a service to all in the body of the church. My gift forever felt more like a doormat experience. Now I think I understand it more, and why it is important. The bible says the greatest of the gifts is love. I used to say how it sure did not feel like the greatest, it just felt like a lot of abuse and pain. :-) But..I guess God using you to flow His love through for others..to pull them out of the enemies hands, to free the captive, and save a soul..that is pretty great! I just didnt know the extent of the gift back then..but I sure do now. Tongues would have been easier! lol! But anyway..we have to let God use whatever resources He must to save our loved ones..even if they hurt. If we can lay our lives down for them to be saved..then surely we can just let go of them for however long it takes to fix them..think about it that way..how much easier is it to let go for a bit versus dying for them? Should feel like a cakewalk actually in comparison. You have the promise of return from God, remember..His word will never return to you void...try to think of this as a vacation..time to reflect upon yourself and find yourself..pamper yourself..grow, get plenty of rest..truly..because you may just have a more ferious battle to fight when he returns. Sounds like a bummer..but remember, Kevin went out to the wilderness four times so far..and he may just be ready to take his fifth trip anytime. With each one I grew more and more. Times when I felt I could not grow any more, God showed me differently. I can say that I cannot imagine another growth spurt ahead..but I know that I am not close to what I can become, that I will never be close to what I can become. As long as there is time to grow...I have levels to grow into. We can never reach the perfection of Christ..and we could go through many lifetimes of growing in effort to do so and still never reach that level, it is beyond our ability. We will forever fall short of the glory of God. Luckly for us it is not being Christ like that brings us Gods favor, but just the effort we put into reaching the goal of being Christ like. It is our heart that He peers into and sees and knows us by, what is in our heart is our measure. I would do anything for God without hesitation, nothing He could ask of me would I flounder, I love Him too much..He is my life, and I do not exist without Him..so I know that I am His daughter of Zion, and I am highly favored by Him. He has let me know that, and that is all I need in this world. He is the lover and keeper of my soul and nothing else matters, nothing can touch me, I am under His wing. He has very good things for me ahead..I am blessed, and all will call me blessed when they see His mighty hand in my life....whatever that turns out to be, and I am anxious for it! :-) You too are blessed...look with joy towards it, and do not fret about what man does..not even the man named Tom. No need to sit and want for peace in death in Christ..you can have peace now, here on earth..you are highly favored and highly blessed..start living like you are. Name it and claim it girlfriend..you are a daughter of Zion! :-)


Posted by: Copper

pls pray for me,

i'm in a job now, where i am getting asked out , just about daily.

so many temptations,

i need to stand strong!!!


tom told me to see others,
but i know that is WRONG!!!

kristie, did your husband ever tell u to see other people?
kim


Posted by: Kristie

Never, but that was/is Kevins weakest most vunerable area. He was always panicked at the thought that I might. He was relentless in asking if I had, or was going to. Typically whatever a persons sin battle is, Kevins being adultery, it is the one thing they fear the most being done to them. Their own inability to control the sin and the guilt over it drives them to a obsession with if it is being done to them. That is why you can pretty much count on that if your spouse seems obsessed with worry of you cheating on him or her, they are most likely in a adultery situation themselves while all the worry over you is taking place. It is almost like their guilt has to be transferred over to you for them to feel okay with themselves and to keep on doing what they are doing. The first time Kevin cheated on me, I was still in nursing and working full time. He went through this thing of intense fear I was cheating on him, and it was obsessive to the point that he was calling my work and asking who was there, any men, anyone hitting on me, tell them I needed to come home. It was maddening, and I can remember we had a nurse one night from an agency on shift, a stranger to all of us, never worked our facility before, and she witnessed one of these calls. As soon as I hung up, she looked at me and said, "He is cheating on you, having an affair, that is why he is acting like that". I was like "No way!, not in a million years would he do that, he is just used to having by his side 24-7 and is very clingy." She was like "Whatever, but I am telling you that is what the problem is, mark my words." Well..it was about one week later that it all came out, and that stranger was 100% correct, he was, had been for a month or so, and it was actually his second time, the first being a one night stand and this one a month long affair where he had this girl believing he loved her and was leaving me for her. He was calling me because he was freaked out over his own situation he was knee deep in. I can always count on Kevin to act oddly when he is cheating..over attentive. When things are normal and good, he is ignoring me pretty much, secure and relaxed I guess.

But...no, Kevin was quite the opposite, it drove him nuts that I might be with someone else. Funny thing was, when he was here he never wanted to be with me. In the wilderness, he had to be with me every other day at least, going without sleep or whatever to do so. His friends used to make fun of him saying that he was obsessed with worry that someone else might tag it and was making sure no one got near it, such as any of them, in his absence. Most of his friends are single and they all have come after me at one time or another, and when they know he is gone, they all try to move right in. They have always told me that they only wish they could have what he has..and never could understand how he treats me. It was one of those good friends that I had an affair with..my fall from grace in the midst of all this mess. He still wants what Kevin has, and is one of the first to start ringing the phone the second he hears Kevin is out...as well as pursues me on the streets when running into me and is good at taunting Kevin in the streets as well, which is what brought on this thing with the gun and wanting to kill him or himself. The enemy can have a real heyday with this stuff if he is allowed, so yes....do not give n to that temptation whatever you do.

Now know that Kevins sin battle is much different then Toms, although in the same circle. Kevin is totally against the other..has a real problem with it in fact. He thinks it is sick. Always puzzled me how a man could do something and then be repulsed by another doing the same or almost the same..not much different is it? But to him it is. My ex-husband use to beat me unmercibly, but God forbid he see another man beat a woman, he would beat that man senseless for it. It is like a right of passage I guess..good for me but not for you..you do not hold the correct criteria to pass this way. It seems that I recall Tom had some kind of problem with you being on the computer. I dont know why..but I recall a things said about it when he was still at home. That could be his weak point with you...it is in direct relation to his sin battle. Maybe he can be okay with the thought of dating for you, but something else freaks him out..only because it is his sin guilt area. Maybe he can rest easy with knowing that nothing beyond dating will happen for you..because of who you are, it will not get physical. Whereas physical images disturb him in some way in relation to you..is this making sense. Only you can know..you lived with the man. I am just winging it here based on how Kevin is with me over the thought of his own sin being done by me..makes him nuts.

Hope this helped in some way..brought some kind of wisdom into your circumstances that will put you at some ease with Toms actions. Luv you sis! It will be okay, stand strong!


Posted by: Copper

i have to be quick,

i'm sorry- i always feel guilty having to be quick after your such awesome letters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, i think, when tom told me to start dating again, but just not my exhusband 'cause he wouldnot treat me right', i think it is like your are saying,
that he thinks if i just date anybody, i would never get physical, but with my ex, i have two children, and he is fearful of that.

and yes, wow, you remembered the computer thing!
yes, he is addicted to the computer, all kinds of computer stuff, anyway,
you are so right on that account too,

so weird, how they act, yes, he has been paranoid for months of me cheating, i feel in my heart, yes, he fell again, and perhaps it became over,and that is why he started coming over once a week again,

and another thing, yes i believe God doesn't want us to talk right now, i felt God tell me this in my spirit, i just didn't listen, didn't want to yield. i kind of answered, well then have tom tell me, i'm not telling him, and then wammo, he tells me, and i was so mad, and then i remembered what God had whispered to me,

so , here i am
just waiting and getting closer to God,

the past two days, i have felt God telling me i need to be centering on getting my home ready, for tom's return, organized clean and such,
i'm kind of excited over that.
i'm listening to God, and just trying to learn of Him again,
so many times
i pray to God and say Lord,
you have taught me these same lessons before, and i am like Israel having to be taught over and over,
please God let this be the last time, please God.

i luv you kristie, oh so much,
and yes, God hooked us up chick!
Isn't He a cool God?

gotta run,
kimbo


Posted by: Kristie

Okay, that is twice in two days that you have said something that struck my spirit with the message, "God is getting ready to bring Tom back."

Yesterday, the fear of him coming back and not sure you wanted that or were ready, those feelings, and now the feeling like God is telling you to get ready, your house.

It is striking a cord with me because like I said, I had those same exact feelings of fear, and I explained to you what those feelings were about, but I also had God telling me, His exact words to me over and over for a couple weeks were, "Get your house in order". With those words from Him over and over there was just a knowing that came with them that He was telling me to do so for Kevins return. I even had a woman at church, a visitor to our church, come up to me and she smiled, it was weird, just looked me deep in the eyes smiling and said, "You need to get your house in order." My mouth dropped, and I just started babbling about our situation and how God kept telling me that same thing over and over because he was bringing Kevin home soon. She just kept smiling that smile..it was kind of spooky, but since I have gotten to know her more. She is a kind of a prophet, but different. God shows her things, but her biggest thing with God is the angels, He talks to her and shows her the angels in Heaven and she teaches what God shows her. Churches have her come speak about her experiences. She is a really neat lady who has had some even neater experiences.

Anyway, I ended up not having my house in order, it came a bit faster then I expected...and I guess that the other feelings of not really wanting him home yet..wanting God to keep him out there and make him perfect before bringing back around me, it kind of made me procrastinate. But, it was not a big thing, I think God was giving me that more as the notice that He was bringing him home soon, more so then God was really concerned about me cleaning the house for Kevin.

It is more of a spiritual cleaning of house, get yourself prepared within spiritually..the one thing that you are struggling with because your spirit is also feeling his return in approaching and you are not sure you are really up for it yet, therefore that fear feeling.

I think that is what God is wanting us to deal with, our spirit is sensing the return, it is getting hesitant, questioning if we are ready for that, and God is saying work through it and get ready..clean your spiritual house and stand firm and ready.

I more see that in reflecting back, because the whole time God was saying that to me, I kept thinking in terms of my house..clean, organize, and I just could not get to it, I was too busy languishing in Gods presence to tell the truth, every moment was spent fellowshipping with God. The lady who spoke to me, she told me it was spiritual cleaning, but I still thought it was my house house...it just made more sense in him coming home. But she was right in reflecting back..because he came back and my house house was not touched and it did not matter..but my spirit did..because I was still in a battle for him and my marriage, it was not over, he was not fixed, it was just time for me to get armored up and ready to take on that battle.

Something is up though, I did not want to say anything yesterday because I did not want to get your hopes built up and be wrong, and who knows how long it will be still..but He is giving you notice I think.

I love you too sissy....


Posted by: Copper

yes, kristie,

i think you are right, i'm a bit fearful, though, because i'm so happy, and feel so free without him here, i'm fearful to go back into that prison he puts me in, he watches every move i make, even to telling me how to cook noodles, so i am praying God will keep me strong if that is what God wants, either way, i need God's strength, i can't do this either way without His help, you know?- it is neat that you expereinces the same thing, i'm kind of like, selfish feeling, like i've got it so good, i don't want to share my time, i have time to read the Bible and not have to hide, i can pray, out loud with my kids, whenever i want play christian music till it rocks the windows, you know, it is so free here, and i pray God at least takes the cloud from tom before he returns, at least take the demons away. i can't live withthem in my home, i felt them and heard them the last time he was over here.
also,
now i don't think you are weird at all, we had a huge moth problem when tom was here, they are all gone now, but whenever he comes for visits, it takes a couple of weeks forthem to go away again, i think they are the manifestations ofthe demons, just like your flies.

another reason i think God is sending tom home, is because most all the lessons i'm learning have to do with how i acted wrong, disrespectfully to tom when he came home and was honest with me before, and how to be a Godly wife, i don't think God would be showing me these things and opening my eyes to it if He were not sending tom home,
i'm very excited,
but nervous,
about lots of things about his return.

but, i have to remember that my life is Gods not mine, to do with what He wants,
and that ultimately is the point.
God kept me from going with my parents that night for a purpose,
i think God is slowly but surely showing me the purpose he has for me.

another reason i think tom is coming home soon, is all the temptations the devil is throwing at me,
i never, NEVER get asked out, and now all a suddenthey are everywhere!
it is nuts.
nuts.

plus, the peace i finally have, different peace, just giving up sort of control, giving up either way i will be fine, cause i have the Lord.

i think we are totally at the same point.
i think tom well, i would never want this, buti could catch him inthe act and i think i would be fine.
truly fine.

God has kind of made me think lately about how to act when he comes home and tells me stuff again,
and last night i ready the neatest scriptures on forgiveness in 2 corinthians, that i had never read before, quite that way.
I think God is preparing me for his return.

and i will be so thaknful and joyous, oh so thankful,
one issue,
i must pray earnestly over, is tom's relationship with my children,
he has trouble loving them,
this is so important, that he come to at least respect them,

so many things to pray over, so much to get ready for his return,
but,
keeping God first, first things first.

gotta run again,
cleaning out the kitchen,
what fun! lol.

luv you , kimberly


Posted by: Copper

kristie,


i don't know if u r out there,
and i'm going to bed,
gotta go to church in the morn,
but tonight,
the devil is on me bigtime,
oh just bigtime,
making me feel insufficient and plain
not good enough to hold a man like tom.
please pray for me,
everyone, actually,
i hatethis when he does this.
after every high moment , being close to God,
is followed by the devil's tramplings.

oh how i despise him.


Posted by: Copper

oh kristie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!what is wrong with me?????????????????
every morning, i mean every single morning, for four days i have been waking up with this dread, this great dread of him coming home!
this isn't right!
i'm like so happy, not seeing him, like this morn i woke up knowing i'm gonna see him at church, and felt like maybe i shouldn't go!!!
that, is so totally not me!
something is wrong with me,
i'm praying and been praying all morning over it,
what is wrong with me.



Posted by: Copper

kristie,

i didn't see him in church, but the message was so tailored for him, i hope he was there.
i am wondering, my fear and worry over him coming home and messing up my peace and being able to love the Lord, isthat from God letting me release him? i hope not. i wore the dress we were married in to church today, and all the way home, i kept feeling like when i pulled in the driveway, he would be there, but he wasn't, kind of let me down, but i just prayed and gave it to God,
last night i had such a hard time, and was crying to God, and just begging God to just take me home, home to heaven, i hate this earth, and opened my Bible to see what God would say, he took me to the verses on a time to live, a time to die, a time to..... you know the ones.
He is speaking to me so good now,
i'm so afraid that will go away when tom comes home,
i'm afraid i will start to put tom first, before God again.

anyway,
i'm such a goof.
back and forth.

gotta run,
me


Posted by: Debi16

Hi Kim,
Once more our lives are mirroring each other. I am also feeling the "relief" of being free, terrified of UB coming home. I constantly seek God's will and He will lead me to scripture that is very promising and hopefull, but then I am so confused because something inside of me is saying no way, I am better off without UB, I am to this point of total release!!! And I am so afraid!!! I don't know why my heart seems so settled and okay with letting go. I want to believe it is just because I have let go of the prodigal and am clinging only to God.

Kristie, if you can help, please do! I am wanting God to mold UB into a godly man. I also want him to treat my kids as his own. Kim, our hubbys are twins, too!!!

One thing that is really tearing me apart is this confusion. When I truly believe in the Lord's Word...I always pray and read the Bible... then I do well, I am happy and confident. I feel God very near and He speaks to me through the Word. But then I hear everyone say He speaks to your heart, and my heart is telling me different. It does not line up with the Word. So, do I trust my heart or the Word??? Is it God putting the feeling in my heart, or satan, or me??? I can't believe God would contradict His Word...but that is what my heart is saying. Is this what you are going through, Kim? Does this happen to you?

I hope someone can help me to understand this. I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes. The only thing that makes sense is that maybe I have totally let go and my heart hasn't "caught up" with my spirit. My spirit says God will restore and rebuild. My poor heart is saying "it's over, move on". I wish I knew for sure so I could stop doing this crazy stuff!!! LOL. I want the peace and joy the Lord gives me when I listen to His Word and NOT my heart!
Is this crazy, or what? When can I trust both?

Anyway, sorry to butt in, Kim, just wanted to say we are in the same season, it seems. Hang in there...God will make things right with us all. We just have to wait patiently. Take care and God bless!
Debi


Posted by: Copper

oh debi,

yes that is exactly, EXACTLY where i'm at,
down to wishing he would treat my children as his own,
i fear him comng home being verbally abusive to me, ect,
but then i remember the last time he came home, and was transformed,
when reading the word and living by it, i had a different husband,
but yes, that is where i'm at, in a matter of minutes crying for joy in the Lord, joy of being close to God, and loving my husband and being free to love tom in a new way, and then fearful of his returning and the work, yes work that will be at hand, and telling God if that is what He wants i will do it, but fearing how to be different , how to have our lives different , how to continue in my peacefulness, if tom brings his black cloud home with him, so many thoughts, and then i just break down and cry and cry and say God , only You can do this, onlly You can, and i know fear is not of God, so how could this fear come from Him? unless it is a notice like kristie said of tom returning, today the pastor preached from i think it was samuel where david was annointed and the hand of God and annointing was taken from saul, saul was given an evil spirit by God to torment him for the next 20 years, i never knew that God would do such a thing, and then i thought perhaps my hsuband has been given this evil spirit as well, his annointing is gone, because of his not following the Lord, and i just feel it every time he is around, and i hate it, i love being in the Lord, and just wrapped up in him, i feel safe, we have 50 cents to our name, and i'm not afraid,
anyway, i'm blabbering again, but yes sweet debi, i am with you. on the one hand my heart says it is over, and the other it loveshim still, and then the other i want him back and then the other i could care less if he ever comes home, but i do not wish to have to see him, i prayed all morning to not see him in church and praise God i didn't
i fear, that God is letting me move on,
but then, God's word is not telling me that,
except the last two nights i have received verses on God's hand coming against those whom do not obey him, and i keep feeling that God is going to send some bad stuff or judgement to tom, and i hatet his for him, i am fearful for him,
but i am so happy and content where i 'm at, and i feel so selfish,
i ahve prayed and asked forgiveness for my selfishness, for praying that God would keep him away, i feel so awful, i know i can't live on an island ,and i know i have made a promise to have and to hold for better or worse, and that means i need to be here when my husband wants to come home,
lately i feel like God keeps telling me to get my home ready,
this happenedlast time tom left,
it was so weird, and sure enough, he called and wanted to come home.
so debi,
all i can say is we must justwait, continue praying and hope the Lord sends us a rhema word soon,
i have even prayed that someone in kristie's church would send us word, she seems to go to a dynamic church, i wish i could find one like that here, one where i could go get prayed over and some tongue talking, i don't know what you call it,
i did that once when i was younger, just praising God and started speaking the coolest stuff, alone in my room, but i never knew what it meant.
anyway,
yes, we have alot in common as well, just like me and kristie,
i hope God heals all of our situations as well,
i just keep asking Him what else must i learn, what else must i do,
before i have closure,
just some closure would be nice,
i hate limbo.
i am an all or nothing kind of person,
have always been.
gotta run finish mowing,
we have an acre, and i haveto push mower it,
yuck.

see you,
kimberly

oh one more thing, just hit me, about your heart, and my heart,
all i know is that obedience has nothing to do with our hearts,
just trust and obey , that is what they say, you know,
so i think the heart thing would come back, even if not here now,
and i also think it is a way of guarding your heart, from more pain, i think God helps ease the pain, so to speak when we are trusting him,
i think perhaps God is helping us not feel so much right now,
let's just wait on Him, ok?
once your husband walks through that door,
it'll be like childbirth,
we will forget all of the labor pains,
youknow?

luv ya


Posted by: Debi16

Kim,
I, too, pray not to see UB. It hurts to see him or even just his car, around town, and knowing he doesn't want to see me except for one day a week. I have to keep being thankful for that, though! But I do pray not to see him in town. Sometimes God will honor that and sometimes, God will throw so many things in my path that will remind me of UB, and finally I will see him, and it justs hurts so much. I know God has a reason for that, but it still hurts.

The only time I feel alive is when I am totally immersed in God!!! I CRAVE it!!! I could never give that up for anyone, but I do still wonder how NOT to put UB before our Lord. I did that when we were together, and because UB was not walking with God, I stopped, too. That is the biggest reason I am afraid for UB to come home. I want God more than him! But I want to love UB the way a good wife should, and I'm not sure I know how, without reverting back to that dysfunctional way I used to!

I wish I knew when to prepare for UB coming home. God has not given me anything in that way. I am okay with that, except I do wonder if it will be a really long time. I am not sure I can wait too long.

I do wonder if my heart is in self-defense mode. Maybe God has taken the majority of the pain and my heart is mis-reading it as giving up. I just need to go where God leads me! He is my only hope! Take care sis!
Debi


Posted by: Copper

kristie,

'i know when u get back this will be alot of reading for you,
but i feel the need to ask this, now.

i need to know,
what you need to tell me,
you know what it is,
advice on what to do and not do when tom comes home.
this is heavy on my heart.
heavy.
i know you will have the answer.
i love you,and am praying for you,
i have no children tonight,
and am fighting the urge to call tom,
i prayed and just told God that if it was His will,
he would come over, and if not, then He still wants tom out there,
i'm fighting hard,
so gonna spend the whole night in prayer till i fall asleep,
anyway,
just feel the need to ask that question,
bigtime.

thank you-
i'm fearful i will let God down again,
when tom returns,
i have such a big mouth.
like a lawyer, snap snap.
lol.
luv you tons,
going to pray now- me


Posted by: Copper

WELL,

i'm fighting the devil hard,
the urge to call or write him,
to take this into my own hands,
i went to bed last night with the distinct feeilng that tom was gonna come by
all night i felt it,
would wake up and get excited and then nothing,
was the weirdest thing.
maybe he just drove by
i don't know
just kept giving it all to God,
anyway,
got my kitchen reorganized this weekend,
and the lawn all mowed and manicured,
gonna clean out the basement tonight
having a yard sale saturday,
getting rid of alot of stuff,
cleaned out tom's closet and just place hid box of things in the floor of it,
left the door open ready for him,
cleaned the whole house top to bottom,
oh how i want to write him,
kristie,
should i write, or no?
oh gosh,
plus, the last four days now, i keep getting verses on God's wrath and anger coming upon those whom disobey Him,
i'm kind of frightened for tom.
i haven't gotten anymore positive verses,
this is so hard!!!
leaving it up to God!
i keep remembering the last time he was over, and he was letting me love on him, just briefly, i want to hold him,
oh gosh, i can hear you now, kristie, my flesh, yup, it's my flesh.
gotta get in prayer and give it to God,
anyway, i got alot done this weekend, preparing for tom, and i prayed alot as well, my pastor preached the most wonderful wonderful message on annointing Sunday, and tom was supposed to be there, i hope he was, but it was neat i had never heard our pastor preach on annointing, i have been praying God would show me where to go to get prayed over.
i need a prayer partner.
well, here i am just blabbering, i miss u kristie,i hope all is well on the homefront! i am praying for you!
gotta run work!
kimberly


Posted by: Copper

i posted this prayer in the breakthrough forum,
and am reposting here,
in the hopes that someone
can help me -tell me what is wrong with me,

thank you so much-kimberly


Lord,
God, i have given my situation over to You, Father,
why do i feel so tormented, though, Father.
Father God, i know you are working in my situation,
I know You are working in my husband's life,
so Father God, please place your annointing upon my mind,
upon my heart that i will not take this into my own hands again,
Father thank you for testing me,
for teaching me patience,
God, please take this feeling of unrest from my soul,
Father God, this feeling is horrendous,
of something gone awry, amiss in my husband,
Lord i lift him up to You, oh God of heaven and earth and my soul and my husband and all who call your name Holy One Jesus,
I am visualizing lifting my husband to you now, Father, God, and i just know that only You can touch him,
Only YOu can have the glory,
Lord, take this feeling from me, i beg you father,
i feel sick within my soul.
Lord, even my hands palms are sweating today,
FAther i feel this deep unrest, i can't explain it, within me,
Lord, i feel like he is coming home , but yet he isn't ,
Lord, i oh so want him to come home to you first, God, i am so unimportant,
so very unimportant- God what is this within me?
Father , please see fit to at least take this burden from me, Lord, i know something is wrong with tom, and Lord ,i know only You can fix it, so father God, why am i feeling this, when i have given him to you.
Lord, heal my confusion, help me to release all to you,,ALL,
I hate this Lord, i feel the blood quickening within me,
I feel awful.
Lord, am i missing something,
Lord, i am tryihg to place You first, and not worry-
Lord please i'm begging you take this from me,
last night I felt him, Lord i felt that you weere bringing him home,
and then nothng,and God i do not want to go by feelings, no Lord,
I only want You to do this, not my feelings, but so often God, you have given me a heartstring to tom, Lord, i know when he hurts, so Lord, it is both a blessing and a curse,
Lord, i feel him and i feel something awful within him,
Just please God help him- Lord, i am begging you, to release us and fix this quickly, please,
And Lord, take away this adrenaline rush type thing upon me.
thank you Jesus,
I know whatever it is happening is Your will,
amen.


Posted by: Copper

Quote:
Originally Posted by Copper
i posted this prayer in the breakthrough forum,
and am reposting here,
in the hopes that someone
can help me -tell me what is wrong with me,

thank you so much-kimberly


Lord,
God, i have given my situation over to You, Father,
why do i feel so tormented, though, Father.
Father God, i know you are working in my situation,
I know You are working in my husband's life,
so Father God, please place your annointing upon my mind,
upon my heart that i will not take this into my own hands again,
Father thank you for testing me,
for teaching me patience,
God, please take this feeling of unrest from my soul,
Father God, this feeling is horrendous,
of something gone awry, amiss in my husband,
Lord i lift him up to You, oh God of heaven and earth and my soul and my husband and all who call your name Holy One Jesus,
I am visualizing lifting my husband to you now, Father, God, and i just know that only You can touch him,
Only YOu can have the glory,
Lord, take this feeling from me, i beg you father,
i feel sick within my soul.
Lord, even my hands palms are sweating today,
FAther i feel this deep unrest, i can't explain it, within me,
Lord, i feel like he is coming home , but yet he isn't ,
Lord, i oh so want him to come home to you first, God, i am so unimportant,
so very unimportant- God what is this within me?
Father , please see fit to at least take this burden from me, Lord, i know something is wrong with tom, and Lord ,i know only You can fix it, so father God, why am i feeling this, when i have given him to you.
Lord, heal my confusion, help me to release all to you,,ALL,
I hate this Lord, i feel the blood quickening within me,
I feel awful.
Lord, am i missing something,
Lord, i am tryihg to place You first, and not worry-
Lord please i'm begging you take this from me,
last night I felt him, Lord i felt that you weere bringing him home,
and then nothng,and God i do not want to go by feelings, no Lord,
I only want You to do this, not my feelings, but so often God, you have given me a heartstring to tom, Lord, i know when he hurts, so Lord, it is both a blessing and a curse,
Lord, i feel him and i feel something awful within him,
Just please God help him- Lord, i am begging you, to release us and fix this quickly, please,
And Lord, take away this adrenaline rush type thing upon me.
thank you Jesus,
I know whatever it is happening is Your will,
amen.
does anyone know what this is,
anyone?
tonight, i asked God for a rhema word,
and He took me straight to the parables in Luke 15,
the one where the parable of the lost son, the lost sheep and the lost coin.
so i still believe He is telling me tom will come home,
He must just do work in him first,
but, today, i felt such a rush of adrenaline and burning and scared and apprehension and then acceptance, so many feelings like for five hours straight,
and now, i just feel nothing.
so weird.
anyone out there?
experienced this/
i mean gosh, i had to work while it went on.
and such a huge burden for tom,
it was awful,
just awful.

thanks,
me


Posted by: mknalp

I am here for you - I'm sorry that I cannot help you by explaining your feelings, but I hope the prayer I say for you helps. Your doing the right thing - lift it up to God. Let Him take it from you.