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please pray for me

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Posted by: Copper

pls pray for me,
i haven't been on here in a while,
i've been tempted left and right
and just all together frustrated,
been involved in church immensely,
and just trying to live for Jesus,
and finally heard something from husband
and now, he is quiet again.
i'm just tired,
and growing angry and sick and tired of this ********,
pls pray,
God would send me an answer soon-
i am tired.
worst ever,
actually worst ever.
thank you,
copper


Posted by: christythompson

I lift her up to you, Lord Jesus. I raise her head, I pick her arms up. I wrap my arms around her in protection. Give her rest, give her peace, give her a vision of hope. Bring her husband home to her. Father what ever this man is doing stop him in his tracks, humble him, restore him to his wife and save him. Bring him into a full relationship with you. Teach him to walk in Christ. All distractions be it a job or people remove them. Father bless this woman with JOY. She needs to smile and laugh and right now she just does not have it, so you'll have to give it to her. Give abundantly to her finances. Give her supportive friends and let her do some things for just plain fun. It has been a while. Help her to live and grow, not just exist. Surround her with your Angels and protect her from temptation. Fill her with a righteous anger over anything that would separate her from you. God bring your will to pass Amen!!


Posted by: A.Sturgill

Kimberly, please see my prayer in when you need a breakthrough forum. Hang in there! We are praying for you...........Love, Ann


Posted by: spacecowby76

Be strong Kimberly!!!! Just when you find rest in God,Satan will come at you full force.I know it's old & cliche but DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God answered my prayer & He will yours too.


Posted by: jlfirefighter207

Dear Father,

Please keep giving Kimberly strength to fight off the devil and his demons. Someone once told me that You will never give us more than we can bear or more than we can stand. Please show Kimberly that she cannot give up hope or looking to you for your will.

Lord, I pray these things in your name, Amen and Amen...

Keep the faith, Kimberly!!! Many thoughts and prayers are with you everyday in a big way...

JL


Posted by: Mrembo

Dear Cooper,

In praying and standing in the gap for you and asking for the mighty hand of God to upon you and what you are going through. God knows whats in your heart and what you are in need of. He also knows what His perfect will is in your life. Please keep praying and wait upon Him.


Posted by: JeriRose12

Kimberly, the thing to pray now is the thing Jesus prayed, "Not my will but Yours be done." Then, REST in God. Get your eyes off the problem and onto Jesus, and rest in Him, knowing that no matter what happens, He is working this for your best and for His glory.

~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004


Posted by: FriendOfGod

Oh dear gracious God, please mercifully provide a breakthrough for this dear hurting soul. Please soothe her with your comforting love. Give her the strength to get through this trying time. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.


Posted by: Copper

thank you so much everyone, when i saw my husband yesterday, first time in more than two months, it was so odd. it doesn't even seem nor feel like it is him. he looks so different, so sickly. i pray God protects him, from whatever it is he is going through. i can't say details, out of respect, but just know i saw him for a brief time- no changes yes, but i pray God's will be done, i'm ready to do whatever God wants me to do, i just need closure or reconciliation, but the Lord is giving me strength in the storm. i have changed so much, oh so much, during this time and thank God for this seperation. i am better inside, all the pain the hurt the anger is gone, and i think God can use me more now. thank you Lord Jesus.
me- pls cont to pray. thanks you so much. i just pray the Lord's will be done, i just don't know how in the world God will fix this, but am excited to see how He does it.

pls pray for today, as i will be around him for three hours today, he has invited me to a family function, i pray the Lord will use me, my mouth, my body, for His ultimate purposes.


Posted by: Copper

thought i would update you all, still no word, i'm so sad and just trying to be patient, i pray every day just for the Lord to take over from here on out, i've said enough, i've said all i can. now it is in God's hands.

thank you all for your prayers, i just wish i could get to see my sweet husband in love with the Lord again.
thank you for praying , thank you.
copper


Posted by: GoldGrace24-7

May the Peace of God with you!

whom wait on the Lord shall renew his/her strength!

I am praying for you!


Posted by: Copper

thank you.

i'm still praying, and waiting for a Damascus experience, just for something to happen, anything. not hearing anything at all is murder, i have to trust God.

i love you all,
me


Posted by: Kristie

Kimberly,

Quote:
Get your eyes off the problem and onto Jesus, and rest in Him, knowing that no matter what happens, He is working this for your best and for His glory.
~JeriRose~


I have also not been on the board since about August, but I am a bit dismayed that you are still in this and still struggling and tossed about. This is why I quote JeriRose. I have been off on my own spiritual venture, and God just led me back here to give a word today, and He had placed you on my heart today along with another who sought me out back in October and I had not responded to, and others unknown who are struggling or hurting. I just now decided to look around and see if you were here, and found this post which obviously from it, you have been gone and just come back here two days ago. When God gave me the word this morning that I have posted here this afternoon, when He was speaking to me a specific statement within the message, that is when you came upon my spirit, and maybe that is because you are still struggling with the same ol waves of emotion, one moment stabilizing and the next taking you under.

I point out:
1st post on the 5th: just all together frustrated; i'm just tired, and growing angry and sick and tired of this ********, pls pray, God would send me an answer soon- i am tired. worst ever, actually worst ever.

2nd post on the 12th: i'm ready to do whatever God wants me to do, i just need closure or reconciliation, but the Lord is giving me strength in the storm. i have changed so much, oh so much, during this time and thank God for this seperation. i am better inside, all the pain the hurt the anger is gone, and i think God can use me more.

Let me go over these two posts before I move on. On the 5th you were frustrated, tired, angry, sick and tired and the worst ever. On the 12th, you are better inside, changed so much, all the pain, hurt and anger are gone, you have strength in the storm and ready to do whatever God wants you to. Kimberly...I think that you may need to look within yourself and ask yourself why the up feelings on this day ...did this turn around come from your setting your eyes on God or did it come from seeing Tom the day before and him inviting you to a family function?

3rd post on the 29th: i'm so sad and just trying to be patient, i pray every day just for the Lord to take over from here on out, i've said enough, i've said all i can. now it is in God's hands. (It should have never been out of His hands and in yours..He should not be taking over from here, He should have had it all along-its no wonder you are still in the same boat tossed about on the same waves)

4th post on the 4th: waiting for a Damascus experience, just for something to happen, anything. not hearing anything at all is murder,

This is a pattern that I have seen in you. You are up when you have a interaction with Tom, but when Tom disappears, you are floundering and hurting and hopeless, desparate for something to happen. The thing is Kimberly, it appears that the up times are not founded in God, they are founded in Tom, and when Tom is gone..everything is down again. You remain in this battle for so long because you have not been able to tap into your real source, God. You have not made Him your first love and your true joy and peace, all that you need. You continue to make Tom your first love, your source, and this is why you are strong and feeling good when he is there, and in turmoil and hurting when he is gone.

I am sensing in my spirit that when he came around on the 12th, and possibly for some period of time between the 12th and the 29th, you took things into your own hands, you tried to fix things by depending on your own resources and not Gods, you probably said things to Tom that should not have been said because they were not God orchestrated but Kimberly orchestrated. You went after Tom as the source to fix your circumstance..if you can just say the right thing that will get through to him, touch his heart, change his mind, make him love you, make him love the Lord, then he will stay and all will be fixed. But, instead it just pushes him away. I sense this because I know you have struggled with doing this all along and because in your next post on the 29th, you state you have said enough, have said all you can say. You have said enough and said all you can say to whom?

Now you are waiting again in silence and it is murder, you are so sad and desperate for God to give you something, anything to build up your hope again. But you see, you are not making God your source, you are merely pleading with Him to bring back the person that you are trying to make your source, then you once again pull from that wrong source, just as the devil hopes you will do, and he is off again. I would not even be so sure that it is God bringing Tom around, since God Himself knows you stumble and fall when he comes around. I don't think God would set you up for a fall. He might test you, but the enemy is winning a stay of execution from your marriage every time you see Tom. I do not think that is really Gods plan, but the enemies tactic. If you kept your eyes on God, if you were grounded in Him as your source the way you should be, the devil could drag Tom around you all he wanted and you would plant a seed instead of winning him a skirmish. Seeds cannot be planted when we are not in control and rooted in God, solid as a rock and a pillar of strength. The only thing Tom should be seeing, mind you seeing, not hearing...is a strength in you, a joy, a peace and contentment, a astounding love of God, a dedication only to God, with a carefree attitude about anything else. a change in you so outstanding that he does not recognize you. You do not need to speak anything to Tom except that you are highly favored, incredibly blesses and living large in the Lord..life is wonderful and abundant in Christ, that He is your husband now, and provides all you need. This is what makes him, and everyone else, thirst for what you have. Then they will seek you out, seek God out. You have to be someone that he has never seen or known before, and you do not have to pretend when you make God your first love..you will truly be all that and a bag of chips.

When you truly make God your first love, your only source, you will feel peace and joy and up times all the time, even when Tom is nowhere around, even when you have not heard from him for however long. When you can praise God, dance and laugh in the laughter of the Holy Spirit, and walk ten feet off the ground and sing songs of joy out from the dark pit of your circumstance, when you have light in the Lord in the midst of that darkness, when you feel strength, a change, and all the hurt and anger are truly gone and no more to be while you stand knee deep in the muck of your situation, then you have made God your first love and your only source, and then..and only then, will you have the victory that God wants to give to you.

God gave me that statement in the message today for you I feel. The portion of the message where you came upon my spirit and heart was the word that your spouse in not your source, God is your source. When he gave it to me in the midst of the message, I felt at odds with it, like it was a accusation in the middle of a hope filled message. But this is Gods show and His message, I am merely the delivery girl. Now I know now that maybe I felt that way and you came over my spirit, because it was a possibly a direct answer to you...as well as a warning for others. I do not know, I do not propose to know the mind of God or His intents, if He was directing this at you in any personal way, I just get these senses in my spirit, but I do not declare them as the truth....but you will know if God is speaking directly to you.

What I do know though, is that what I have said to you above..about how you will be transformed when God is your first love and your only source, is the truth...and I am not seeing that in you here, and in fact am seeing the opposite. Your only up time in the four posts was the day after you saw Tom and he asked you to a family deal for the day you were posting, then you felt strong and changed, free of pain and anger. All the other times of posting you were frustrated, tired, angry, sad, feeling like this is murder, down and desperate. Need I point out why you feel so frustrated and angry, sad, tired? Because you are making Tom your source and when your source has failed you and is gone, you are all these things. But, he is not your source Kimberly...he is your downfall, he is the enemies weapon to make you stumble. When are you going to stop giving the devil leeway to use Tom as a weapon against you?

Tap into your true source with all your heart Kimberly, lay it down once and for all and then get up, turn away, and leave it there in the best hands you could leave it in. Set your eyes on your source, your Lord and Savior, the only one that can help you, that can fix this thing, turn it around. Give all of yourself over to Him and Him only. Make Him your husband, your everything and do not look back again. Tom is more then fine in His hands, God is more then capable of taking care of him without your input or help. You have to give it all up Kimberly, all of you, sacrifice it all, submit yourself totally unto the Lord, belong to Him and Him only, and you will find Him to be your joy, your peace, your light, your hope, your only desire. And then...when you least expect it, when you no longer 'truly' hurt or feel anger, when you no longer dwell on anything but basking in the Lord, when you seem to be eating, drinking and breathing Him in, totally consumed in the fire of His love, suddenly out of the blue He will give back to you what the enemy stole away. Suddenly He will set Tom down before you, and it will be nothing like these other times he has come around, because it will be God orchestrated and His plan and His way. As I told you before, by this time you will be so consumed with the Lord, that when it happens, you will even feel like you are not sure of this bringing him back home event. It will catch you off guard and you will feel kind of protective of what you have going without him around, like you may not have the ability or desire to devote time into him and the marriage, because you just want to remain consumed in the Lord all the time. You will feel a bit worried about how is him coming back going to affect what you have going with the Lord, that you have made the Lord your husband, so is there even room for Tom anymore?

You may be amazed at how fast your miracle manifests itself if you get your spirit where it needs to be. All I can advise you is, you need to seek God like you have never sought Him before. If you have to get on your face 24-7 and cry like a baby, crying out for Him non-stop, if you have to dance in the streets, or stand out in a rain storm and raise your hands to Him and dance and cry out for Him, like I did that night He came into me and consumed me, and you might have to look the fool in front of your neighbors or your church congregation, whatever it takes, then you do it. It is time to get up off the pew and find God, really find God.

A little story. There is a woman in our church, has not been there very long, but she had become the brunt of many peoples jokes and the looking down the nose attitudes and comments. Those so called "religious" people who are in every church, who show up every service, carry on airs like they are the ever righteous and deserving of sainthood, but actually would not know God if He was standing right in front of them wearing a sign. I personally have from day one felt an admiration of her. I could see Jesus all over her, she was consumed. She would cry out to Him every service. During praise and worship music, she would go up and clutch the podium, hands raised, doubled over in the spirit, crying, wailing, she was show of great love for God..it radiated off her. She was in the words of the religious people, making a fool of herself, making a scene, a fanatic specticle. Well, this past week, the pastor called her up front and asked her to tell her story, and he bore witness to the truth of this. Turns out, she was beaten all her life by her father. He used to beat her with implements that left her back and buttocks cut to shreds. She had been severely scarred all her life and not just emotionally, but physically, her back covered in layers of knotty discolored scar tissue, scar upon scar, hideous scars I am told. She was telling her story of her abuse and how she came to our church seeking, seeking God with all her heart and mind, seeking a healing of her mind and emotions that were crippling her in all aspects of her life, the anger, the lack of love, the feelings of worthlessness. She said that even though she knew people mocked her, laughed at her, made her the brunt of their jokes, felt she was a embarrassment to herself, a specticle, she did not care because she has been seeking God with all her might and that is all that mattered, reaching Him. She would have done anything anywhere in the effort to reach God in a way she has never known, to touch Him and get a healing. She said that the last service the week before, in her seeking up on the pulpit, He came upon her, consumed her..(and I know that experience myself, it is like no other when He totally encompasses you), and she felt Him come into her and heal her completely of all pain, anger, emotional handicap, that He set her free for the first time in her life, she was free of it all..it was totally gone from her. She said she went home consumed in Him, healed, whole, new, and she finished out the day. That night she got ready for bed as she always does, and she pulled her shirt off to put her gown on, and when she did she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and something was different. Upon going to the mirror and really checking herself out, she found that her back was smooth and pretty, there was not a single trace of a scar anywhere, gone completely..normal skin. Well, I dont know how anyone else felt at that moment in her testimony, but all I could do was jump up and down praising and thanking God, and I was crying so hard. I was just overcome with it all. I just went and hugged her and told her that I have always loved her spirit and loved her, and that I was so overwhelmed with joy for her, that she gave her all and she of all people in that church deserved this touch of God and I just wanted to touch her even..a miracle before my eyes..and such a awesome miracle of God, and I just had to touch this miracle, tap into it, draw from it, experience it and pray it would touch me back! The druggies talk about their rushes...they have no idea what a real rush is! :-)

So Kimberly, you have got to seek with all your heart, seek and seek, and seek some more, until He consumes you. You will never ever be the same again, I promise you that. Your walk with God up to that point will feel like a religious doldrum. I look back at myself prior to seeking and being consumed, and I was a person who felt I was very close to God, wise in His ways, obediant and humble, well serving and in His favor, I was very good with the Lord, saved and on my way to Heaven, the good Christian woman. After my experience of being consumed by Him, I saw that old me as nothing but a "Religious pew warmer". I can remember how alright I thought I was, how much I thought I knew God and was close to Him, and it is laughable...I did not have a clue who He was, what He was like, what a real encounter with Him was, and how there was no escape clause in the real encounter. Meaning that before my experience, I struggled just like you, impatient, strong in faith one minute, floundering the next, whining the next, why me, why me, God where are you, please hurry and help me, I cannot bear this. Then back to complete joy in the Lord, on the mountain top and full of joy, then down in the valley again and whimpering and groveling for mercy, up and down, up and down, sometimes questioning if it was all worth it, maybe I should just be bad like the rest of them, they seem to have it smooth going, the devil leaves them be, then back to I will never turn my back on God, never. Shoot, I felt like I could not bear hubbys ex calling on the phone to talk to him about their daughter. Why God, why do I have to put up with her, take her away from us, give her a life so she will get out of ours. I was such a whimp crybaby! Ever since He consumed me, all that junk is gone, I do not feel frustration, anger, impatience, lack of faith. I have went up to my husbands mistresses and told them I forgive them and hope they come to know the Lord, that I will pray for them. Forgiveness comes easy. I have not whimpered since, and the most predominant thing in my transformation, not only do I not ever even think about doing the old things I used to do, like doing something to pacify someone else or keep the peace that I know is not kosher (used to do that a lot with hubby, compromise my feelings to please him or guard our marriage (like sitting in bars while he played music to keep women off him), making excuses for this or that, now I cannot do it. I cannot walk in a bar, I cannot stand and listen to cursing, I cannot watch a somewhat even unwholesome movie, I cannot even listen to rock music, only Christian music. It all turns my stomach and repels me. I have to escape from it immediately. No matter how bad things get, no matter what is thrown at me, I never question my stand in the Lord, that I could ever turn away from Him, that I could ever not be consumed by Him and in Him. No matter what, He is my anchor, my peace, my life..nothing else adds up to that and I do not and cannot exist without Him. It all just is, I have no control of it, it has become me...I am in Him and He is in me, we are inseparable. That is why me and Kevin are strangers now and have been since God consumed me and I really came into a real relationship with God. I am not the me he met, fell in love with, has known all these years and so on. I am someone he does not know even though she looks like me on the outside, and bottom line is, he is uncomfortable with me. I am a stranger to him, one he does not understand and does not have anything in common with. Everything he is, does and desires repels me, and I intimidate him, or maybe make him feel condemned. He will remain uncomfortable with me as long as he is lost. The devil cannot dwell with the Lord, cannot connect, interact in closeness, there is no tie that binds us except God Himself, the fact that He holds the ties in His hands and is working to tie them back together, that He will transform Kevin and then He will merge us again when it is time, His time. Until then, He..God..is my husband and my eyes are upon Him only, I do not care where Kevin is or what he is doing. God knows all that and He has His hand upon Kevin, so I have no reason..let alone desire, to put mine upon him again, to try to convince him of this or that, to try to fix him. God is much better then I at it, and He does not need my help, likewise I do not feel I need to help Him. I just need to dwell in the Lord and let Him fill all my needs, emotions and days/nights. He is my source and my strength, and wherever He leads, I will follow in love and peace..be it away from Kevin or wherever. Wherever He leads me is right for me, and is going to bring me joy and peace. Kevin cannot harm me, and the devil cannot use him to harm me, I have immunity in the Lord. :-)

I hope you can find the desire to seek until you obtain and tap into your true source of love and power. Trust me, Tom cannot even touch it, there is no comparison.

Okay, done with the book here and off to soak in the bath with baby.

God bless all of you. Oh, and if you don't mind, intercede for me on my finances and repairs desperately needed to my home, my bathroom is about to fall through into the cellar. I know God will provide the means and the way. All my love to all of you....


Posted by: GoldGrace24-7

This is absolutely truth!
I was struggling the same thing in my relationship,
I know the Lord tell me
delight in him
and he will give me my desire

I choose to die with Jesus to my sin
and I give up myself totoally on the Cross
Now I am set free
I have the Victory Jesus give to me over satan
I let God be my master
and My joy is so great!!!

God is bringing my love back to me!
He can act so quick, praise the Lord!

I give alll the authority and Power and Honor and Glory to HIS Name!

He is your source of everything!


Posted by: Copper

thank you kristie, i agree.

totally.

the past few days, i can see this, i even prayed on the way to work this morning, that i'm threw with worrying about tom and am just going to give this all to the Lord, that i was His, He was my true Husband and that I would sacrifice myself to Him. i have been in tears every night this past week, gut wrenching ones, just begging God's forgiveness, and my prayer is that i realized that i have not been unfaithful to tom, in all actuality, i have been more unfaithful to God. i have been more faithful to tom than my own Lord and master. once again, God has confirmed through you what He is saying. thank you, for following His leading again, i am not upset, actually thankful. i know that i have to place God first, i am just having trouble learning how to do it. how to not let the man in my life be everything to me. and satan is trying to get me off track in every way. i have men asking me out left and right, friends trying to , well, not friends but people, trying to steer me wrong, oh so much pressure, but the sermon yesterday was on God chooses people who dare to be different, who obey no matter what, and who risk it all. this is me. i want to be all for Him, i can't go back, i get sick at the thought of seeing others and i get sick at the thought of seeing tom i'm at that point that you speak of, scared of him, and his return, and i see that, but i still hold onto memories and the fleshly desires of needing him. i also see satan stirring my dreams and there have been chance encounters in public with him, seeing things i shouldn't that bring back anxiety. i know, you are so right, i must give this all to the Lord, i am just trying to learn how. i have always been married or with someone, never truly single, just spending tim with God, i know God is jealous, i feel it. i guess i just have to do what you say, seek Him out, and really try and find what it is He wants of me, how to give Him my all, before this will be worked out. i'm scared of it working out, but i know that fear is not of God. satan continues to throw the past up in my face, i wish i could move, for my home has so many memories. anyway, i have to go, i'm at work, i cherish your thoughts kristie, andpray for you and kevin often, i pray God heals your marriage. there is nothing worse than divorce, the pain is greater than when i lost my parents. i have never felt so torn, when he does bad things i feel it, i understand God's pain, when we take Him through sin, i understand how we take him with us, tom takes me with him as well.
i love you,
and thank you for your prayers everyone else. i love you all.
copper


Posted by: Kristie

Kimberly,
I just care about you. I have taken you under my wing so to speak, and I truly expected to come back here and find you either reconciled or very transformed into a strong warrior. It hurts me to see you suffering, knowing that pain and anguish myself having been there, and it has went on much too long. I was not in that state very long and was able with Gods urging and grace, revelation, to move out of it and be transformed. I had hoped the same for you, because I cannot imagine being in the anguished and tossed about state for as long as you have, no wonder you feel like murder, anyone would. You have really got to step out of it, it can destroy you if you stay wallowing in it. I would rather see you move on and find peace in a new life, new love, then to keep tormenting. God does not want you to torment like this, to hang on to someone and make them your life. God taught me a long time ago that sometimes we love too much. I used to think I was good, I had agape love for Kevin..soul mate love, a love that can only be given by God and that is so wonderful. But it is not agape love and it is not healthy. Any feeling you have for someone that is consuming of your mind, body and spirit, is capable of destroying you as well. It is not a Godly agape love, it is a addiction, a co-dependency. I have learned that agape love is a not a feeling for any one particular person, it is a spirit of love that is within you, that comes from a deeply rooted relationship with God and a transformation of yourself by God. It is a love for all people, for your enemies, to have a spirit of forgiveness for anyone that harms you, instead of feeling anger or hurt, you feel a genuine concern for those who persecute you. It is the feeling that I get now, since reaching that level of transformation in Christ, that makes me want to hug the other woman and pray for her, that makes me cry for her lack of God in her life and being lost, that enables me to call her and tell her I forgive her and hope that God will touch her and break her free from sin and that I am praying for her. It is the feeling that I can meet and sit with her and have lunch and witness to them, that when they walk into my church and give their lives over to God, I am overwhelmed with joy and tears and love for them as a fellow sister in Christ. It is total lack of letting satan use what they did to hurt me. And it only comes from God..His love for all people, even the sinners and persecutors. You want to see a seed planted in a person, go up to them and hug them, tell them that you forgive them, care about them, and are praying for them, right after you have found out that they came to your door and seduced your husband and had an affair with him. They are expecting to get swung on, a fight on their hands and possibly getting hurt, and then you hit them instead with a hug and loving words. Watch their faces, because what you have done is allowed God to touch them through you, and it affects them deeply. The last one went from a angry defending of everything she did and blaming it all on my husband, to thanking me and expressing how she had to face herself and what she had done, and that she was unable to lie anymore, had to go to her own husband and tell him the truth, what she had done - coming to my door and being the pursuer, and ask forgiveness, and also come clean with me and ask forgiveness. She felt she could love her own husband again, a desire to build that relationship again, which she had already filed for divorce, bought another house and was moving out, which she said they had not even touched each other for years, that the divorce had nothing to do with the affair, that was already in the process. She also expressed a curiosity about God, which she had not really thought of God much since young, saying she was Catholic raised.

But..this other love, it is not of God. I had that kind of love and know what you are dealing with. There is no balance to it. I think when you are healed of this unhealthy love, you will find that you have never loved Tom as much as your parents, and the pain of his loss is not the greater pain. That it is the love for your parents and the pain of their loss, that has cumulated into this unhealthy love for Tom which is not what it appears, not as strong as you think it is, but actually an addiction and co-dependency that looks and feels like love. Just like severely abused children sink within themselves and a substitute comes out to handle the abuse and pain, your love and pain of the loss of your parents, and at the age you were when it happened, was too difficult to face and deal with. It has come out seeking a comfort replacement as a co-dependency and addiction for another person. You can go through several relationships and not have this happen, but someone comes along that has something about them that triggers this to come out. In many cases this is why with other relationships there was not a comfort zone and lasting element like there is in this relationship, it was because they did not have that something. Maybe a trait of your fathers that you have not even realized he has. This is maybe why you are not dealing with the loss of Tom, not healing, consumed by it, because you lost once greatly and something in or about Tom triggered the co-dependency that was carrying you through that, bringing you a comfort fix even if it was a false fix, and now it is gone too, leaving you worse off then before..you are doubly in the loss and pain. You are just consumed with getting back the fix, agonizing over it. But, back then...at the loss of your parents, as well as right now, God is your only fix, your only healer. Sometimes you just have to get down on your face in that agony and beg God to reveal what is hidden deep within you, that you do not even know is there, that is hindering you spiritually. That God bring it out of the darkness and into the light and birth it out of you. Release you from it. Set you free, so you can heal and spiritually transform. I don't know if this what is going on with you, I am only typing what is coming to me, be it from myself or from God. God tends to have this way of the messenger never being sure, but the receiver being hit by it, a revelation to help bring them to a place needed to go. Like I said last post, if this is from God and something He is wanting to reveal to you, you will know. Any healing comes from desparate and deep seeking of God. You have to thirst after it, not stop until you get it. You can only agonize so long and you have to seek the relief in the only place it can come from. And..this is not to say that you do not truly love Tom. I truly love Kevin, but my love for him is a normal love now, it is not all consuming and my existance does not depend on him, not my happiness, my peace, my joy, nothing is dependant on Kevin anymore. I am my own spirit, free, and my dependancy is on the Lord, everything else can fall away and I could go on. It is the freedom in Christ that carries you through the worst devastations that life can bring you, the loss of a parent, of a child..which is so touchy a thought that it is one of those things that I would not be convinced of until I reached the other side of it and knew I made it through. But yet I know that I would reach that other side.

I also wanted to say to you that you need to leave a legacy for your son. You need to conquer this for him, if not yourself. Co-dependency is not something you want to leave him, so that he can suffer in his life. No generational curses, do not do that to him. You want to leave him a legacy of a strong walk with God, a strong woman in Christ, rightousness, peace, joy and abundance in life. You lost your parents, and that can carry down in many different ways, do not let your son feel like he lost his mom somewhere along the line, in spirit, because she was consumed with someone else. He needs you, and He needs a legacy of strength and love, perserverance, and all good things in Christ :-)

Love you..and I know you will come forth a conqueror, if I have to drag you through the fire..lol! Just kidding, you need no one but God, He is the way through and out. :-)


Posted by: Copper

i know u r right.

i am so lonely, this has been my great problem this past week and satan is hitting me with a certain man, trying to dangle him in my face. so much has happened lately, my car broke down , took all my $ to fix, but yes, God DID provide, men bothering me, my fleshly desires, i am just going to start seeking God like you said. i told Him this morning, that i am willing to give up tom if i need to in order to get closer to Him. i have so many emotions swirling, and yes, i just keep laying on my floor at home crying it out and telling God, i don't understand, i don't understand why this is happenig, buti know that it is for my own good and tom's and i have to trust Him. i read the book our covenant God by kay aurthor, and have realized nothing happens that has not been "sifted through his hands" i know tom is making the choices to leave and not try and fight but i also know that i was not ready six months ago to be the wife he needs and upon reflection i am much more ready now, to not only be that, but i am allowing God to use me daily, for my friends and others in church. i am more involved in church, and i am very much at that point you speak of, fearful of his return, because he was so very controlling, and would not let me attend so many church functions and stuff, because he never trusted me, i don't want to lose my freedom, i just pray that God will bring him home ready to let go of the evil again, free of the evil, i deep down inside believe God will bring him home, i think the devil keeps bringing up the time issue, making me feel like well it hasn't happened yet, and the statistics say that it is unlikely the longer the time goes by, yaddayaddayadda. and the more i pray for him, the worse i feel, it is as though satan is sitting upon my back, literally. i feel him. i have to constantly pray against him, it is easier to not pray for tom at all, or think of him. it is easier to pretend none of it happened, to just go on. i know i am dealing with a huge giant devil here, i know it, and only God is big enough to defeat him. i think that is why this has been so hard, i just know that i am dealing with evil. and yes you are right, i have to center on my children, but you know, they are learning alot through this, they pray with me, and they ask over and over why God hasn't brough tom home, why they can't see their step bros and sisters. it is so hard. i just tell them God will work it out His way and in His time. everything you say is right, everytime i get close to God, whammo, ******** happens. you are right. so right. i have even prayed for God to not bring him home, for fear of losing my newfound joy in Him. anyway, i think i'm just a little tired. am so impatient. i'm learning so much and making so many new friends at church, i just wish i could share it all with tom, he doesn't want to though and that hurts. nevertheless, i know i must learn how to be happy in Jesus and not need a man. this is true. and i think the reason it feels like it hurts worse sometimesthan losing my parents is because tom is attainable and he chose to leave, my parents aren't and didn't. they didn't leave me on purpose, and also because God has allowed my heart strings to remain intact, and for me to dream things i wish i wouldn't dream and still feel what he does which is not good. also, i have hundreds of people who won't leave me alone about it, noone understands and they make it a daily thing to bug me about how nuts i am, but i have been thinking i'm just going to tell them to stop. i'm gonna focus on God, now, and leave tom to Him. i have realized all of this is because i have had such small faith. it is as though i have already decided down deep that he isn't coming back, but yet i believe God, but yet i think i don't want him back, that is the issue, i need God to change my heart and help me forget the past so that i will believe that He will make a new future.
many issues. i think i can simplify it by just looking to God and gettting closer to Him and forgetting the rest.
i luv you kristie, thank you, for your honesty and standing strong.
have to run, working,
copper


Posted by: Kristie

Quote:
and the more i pray for him, the worse i feel, it is as though satan is sitting upon my back, literally. i feel him. i have to constantly pray against him, it is easier to not pray for tom at all, or think of him.


You know what sweetie, maybe you do just need to stop and put it away from you. Meaning, when we pray repeatively for something, the same thing over and over, we are doing it more for ourselves, to feel like we are doing something, we are not giving up, we are fighting for this thing..but truth is, God heard you the very moment you prayed over for the very first time, and He took it in His hands, and He responded, did what He was going to do with it. The very first time you prayed, God answered that prayer, it was already done in Heaven. That is why His word says that faith is believing you have already received what you have asked for. To call things which are not as if they are. This is because God does answer prayers immediately, but the answer sometimes lays in wait in the Heavens and manifests in the physical world when it is able. There is a scripture concerning this in Daniel if I remember correctly, where Daniel fasted and prayed, but no answer seemed to come forth. He went something like 40 days fasting and praying without stop. Then the archangel Micheal showed up and he told Daniel that the very moment he spoke his prayer the first time, it had been answered, but it took Micheal 40 days of fighting the enemy to get it to him. This scripture is very real and pertinent to our prayers, it tells us why we do not see the answer manifest in the physical when it is already done in the Heavens the moment we ask. We hinder the manifestation, satan does not want our prayers to be answered, so immediately he begins the battle to hinder it getting to us, and we do the things we do in response to him that keeps it from coming on through. Like Michael said, it was answered immediately, but he had to fight to get it through to Daniel, satan was fighting the delivery of the answer. And..Gods word lets us know that we only need to ask once, He hears us, and He answers right away..He says it is already done if you just believe..meaning it is done, but it cannot manifest if you do not believe He has done it already. That is satans main goal, he goes after your faith..your believing..and he can hinder the delivery, and is successful probably 99.9 percent of the time because we are human and creatures of emotion, and he is the master of manipulating those emotions. God says to not be repetitive with our prayers, to ask once and then pray the Lords prayer from then on. He does not need to keep hearing the request over and over, does not need to hear it again at all if it is already done. Repeatitive prayer is a sign of lack of faith, but I also feel God made us and He knows that we are also creatures of works, and to keep praying is working on our situaton for us, more then lack of faith many times, so He has patience with us and lets us go on. But seriously, think about this....what happens if we just stop praying? If we lay it at the foot of the cross and walk away? If we could truly do that, because it is where it needs to be and is already done in Heaven, and put it away from us, out of our minds, and move forward into a new life, basically forgetting about it ourselves...the devil would no longer have a weapon against us, could no longer play on our emotions, and therefore he stops the battle and the way is cleared for it to manifest in the physical. Oh if we just had a little on and off switch built into the back of our heads! lol!

I can tell you this much, if you remember, back in June I declared that I was done praying for Kevin, that I would not utter another prayer over him and our marriage. Annointed warrior may remember that. I have stuck to that, and I have not uttered another prayer for Kevin since, I wont. I simply told God that Kevin is His problem, because I cannot do anything to change him, I am powerless over what happens to Kevin, only He can do anything with Kevin, and Kevin is His child. He accepted the offer of salvation, the blood of Christ shed for him, and that sealed him as Gods blood bought child. And that He says in His word that He will let one of His children go, that He will transform them, it does not matter if there is no one in the world praying for Kevin, he is Gods and God says He will transform him because it is His will to do so, not mine, not anyone elses, not even Kevins, but His. So you know what, He doesnt need me to worry about Kevin or ask Him to do things with Kevin that He intends to do anyway just because Kevin accepted His Sons blood covenant ten years ago. Kevin is not my problem or worry, he is Gods creation and Gods to contend with. So I just said, "God, take him, hes yours, not mine, you deal with him, do with him as You will. Number one, he is not my first love, You are. Number two, my life is not contingent of him, it is only contingent on You. I do not need him to breathe, see, hear, walk, eat, sleep, live, I only need You. The only thing I am accomplishing by worrying and praying over him, is the playing of havoc with my own spirit, and I will no longer allow satan to use Kevin as a weapon against me. I will no longer allow satan to use Kevin to try to interfere with my relationship or walk with You, because that is the most important thing I have and not worth anything or anyone. I have went through the fire, I have been on the potters wheel, I have submitted and suffered through the growing pains of transformation in You. I have done my best to be obediant and do all You have told me to do at all times, I have come unto my own in You willingly. Kevin needs to come unto his own. I cannot do it for him and I cannot carry him to Heaven on the tails of my own salvation. I am helpless in this situation and there is nothing I can do. You know my heart and You know my desires, better then I even do, and You know what is best for me. You already have my life mapped out, have had it mapped out before I was even birthed, You knew me, and You had a claim on me, and You had a plan for me. Only I have diverted from that plan. Any wrong paths I have gone down, I have chose to take. Any heartaches and struggles I have encountered have come from my own bad choices. I do not know what is best for me, but You know all, and what I do know without any uncertainty is that what You have for me is the only thing and way that is going to bring me real genuine joy and peace in my life. I am ready for that joy and peace, I am done with bad choices, with trying to guide my own steps which always take me the wrong way. I am more then ready to just wait on You and go where You take me, do with me what You will. Therefore Father, I have nothing to fear, and there is nothing that can harm me,and I am free to just release Kevin and lay him at the foot of the cross and leave him there once and for all. Free to walk away and not look back, free to not worry anymore, free to not feel pain over his choices and things that he does, free to not feel responsible for what happens to him, free to not feel like I have to save him or this marriage, free to not make him my worry or problem anymore, free to be all I can and desire to be for You, to be used however and wherever You wish to use me and not have to worry or care about what Kevin thinks or wants because he does not understand or does not desire the same relationship with You right now, free to not feel alone and out of sorts because I do not have a helpmate that prays with me, worships with me, shares in You with me. Free to know that I am entitled to a helpmate, a good husband who is truly a husband to me the way You intended it to be, and to know that You want that for me also. Free to just let go and know that You will bring that to me, if it be Kevin or someone else, You know what is best for me. So from this moment on, I lay Kevin at the foot of the cross, and I leave him there. I will no longer pray and agonize over him, he is in Your able hands and care, as You love him more then I do, want a relationship with him more then I want that for him. It is all about You Lord, not me. You will do what is best for him as well. I just leave him with you now and whatever happens, happens, I accept it with peace.

I just talked to God like that, and then I truly stopped praying for Kevin, stopped worrying about Kevin, stopped worrying about what he is doing, where he is, stopped caring about any of it. I care about him getting right with God of course, very much so, but have stopped caring about all the negative he has done and may do, I will not let it touch my spirit anymore, let it bring me down. God could take him out of here tomorrow for good, and I probably would just shrug my shoulders and say, "Where You taking me now Lord, lets go!" I have just let go. I love him, he is my husband, and I treat him as such, but he will no longer affect my life negatively. I have stepped forward into whatever God has ahead for me and I am just trying to stay on that course, keep my spirit open to His instruction and be obediant, follow where He leads. Well...I tell you this because I truly expected for bad things to happen when I stopped praying for him. I truly expected things to get worse. That was five months ago, and all that has happened is we have seemed to stay on a steady flow in life, no ups but no downs. It almost feels normal outside of the distance sexually we seem to have developed and neither of us know how to get past. I know it comes from the adulterys in our marriage, a residual effect that only God can heal, and He will. Kevin has actually changed or the better if any change has occurred. At least since I stopped praying he now has taken a concern for the house. He started acting like a husband in that way, started mowing the grass again, doing repairs to the house, put up the big fireplace mantel I bought 8 years ago and I could never get him to put up. One day I just asked him to watch the baby while I ran to the lumber yard to get some things. He asked what I was going to do, and I told him I was going to put up that mantel myself, and he said I didnt need to mess with that mantel, he would do it, go get the stuff and he would do it as soon as I got back, and he did. I have not seen this Kevin for about 6 years. He calls me several times a day and tells me he loves me. Comes straight in from work and to me and asks about my day. He is still not hanging out or contacting any of his old friends that are not good for him. He is kind of loning it instead, the only other guy he really fellowships with is my closest friend in church, her husband, and he really likes him, which is weird in itself because Jeff is everything that Kevin withdrew from, the clean cut, very short hair, always dressed preppy, very well mannered, straight laced, Godly man. Kevin would normally run fast to get away from this kind of person, would make fun of him. But..he has a bond with Jeff. For the first time ever we go to dinner with another couple, have another couple over for dinner and fellowship. Jeff comes over and helps Kevin work on the house, or a piece of furniture. So it is strange, it is like a cross between a backslidden Kevin with the nice Christian guy disposition. His temper is completely gone, he does not react to things, is very passive like he was when he was close to God, but he is not seeking God in any way, not attending church, not reading his Bible, still the same as he was back in June when I stopped praying, but better in other things like being helpful around here, acting like a husband minus the intimacy, which that alone is weird. Its all just weird, better but weird....but it is not by any means worse as I expected it to be.

So...maybe it just means that since the devil cannot get me to fight over him anymore, or for him, he has lost the ability to do much harm. It would be pointless. Maybe God is working and doing things in Kevin that I have no clue is happening because I am not focusing on him anymore. All I know is I feel much better, free, secure and safe, immune is a good word which gives a new meaning to freedom! If it cannot touch you, it cannot harm you. Which is the revelation I had back in June one night right here on this board when I was pondering on how I had truly believed I had Gods protection from Kevin hurting me anymore..that He would not allow him to cheat on me again, something would happen to him first, so why did God not protect me and Kevin did it yet again. I was not angry, was not agonizing in asking, I was just like hey..whats up God, what happened? And it just hit me like a brick..He did protect me, because I was not hurt! Kevin did what he did, but this time it did not devastate me, it did not make me crazy, did not make me cry, did not make me angry, did not make me restless, I slept very peacefully in fact, almost like the bed all to myself was really nice. I was good and I was carrying on in the Lord like nothing happened, and was not really even conscious of that fact. So the realization bowled me over when it hit me! I realized that I had the ultimate protection, because if it cannot harm you, it cannot be used against you...it is rendered worthless for the devil to use anymore, he was rendered impotent and that meant I had the victory! Funny sometimes what form the greatest victorys come in, and they just blow you away when you realize what happened. It was kind of like being shot and I just knew that I had to be bleeding, had to have a big hole through my chest, that just goes with being shot...you are supposed to have a hole, bleed, it is supposed to hurt...and then when I finally looked down there was nothing there, no damage, no blood, no pain, and I just keep feeling for the hole in total amazement thinking its not there, what is going on, where is it, and a light bulb comes on that he can shoot at me all he wants and it cannot hurt me anymore, they bounce right off! I walked around for two or three days before I realized that I never cried, never lost in any sleep over it, never felt any pain and then it was like WOW! I WON, I WON! lol!

I dont know, maybe that is why it has been easy for me to lay Kevin down and forget about it. Maybe I went up another level at that time and God allowed Kevin to do what he did just so I could realize that I had the victory over satan using Kevin as a weapon to hurt me or break me down. If it took me two or three days to realize it after Kevin cheating on me again, how long would I have walked around not knowing it with nothing happening to me? So I feel like God gave me something much greater then what I had asked for, something beyond my greatest expectations. It was awesome.

If you could just lay Tom down at the cross and leave him there, and truly move ahead in your life, putting it all away from you with the mental attitude that he is gone and that is it, so be it, what my future holds will be good no matter what because God is setting it up. Release Tom and yourself, then maybe the dust of the battle could settle and make a clear way for a breakthrough. Leave the battlefield and satan will leave too, and then it can just come on through unhindered. In a way it sounds to easy, but it is not..because the biggest battle of all may be in the laying him down and leaving him there. That has been your struggle all along, but this would be in a much more extreme measure..there is a difference between not interfering in what God is doing and letting him go, yet continuing to hold on emotionally and praying on....and really laying him down and putting it away from you and moving forward. I guess I am hoping the more extreme would be easier then the other, like out of sight...out of mind kind of thing. I think that would be best for you though, because nothing is more important then your own spirit and relationship with God. I truly feel that anything that is a threat to that needs to be cut loose, done away with, removed. It is essentially choosing God over a earthly person. You need God more then anyone or anything..and there really is only one choice to be made..God. If you feel it is dampening your fire for God, breaking or weakening your spirit, making you angry with God, alienating you from God...moving you away from God in any way..then it is not right for you...nothing should cause that, and anything that does needs to be out on the curb and out of your life. God never shuts one door without opening another. I am against divorce, you know that...it does not line up with Gods word, but I can off the top of my head immediately pull up two couples who are Christian and no matter how hard they prayed and how long, they still ended up in divorce. And when it comes to God, divorce does not mean a thing...it does not mean the end of the matter if God says its not..its not over until God says it is over. You can remarry easier then you can divorce, and more cheaply too! Its never too late when it comes to God. But..for these two couples, it really was the end. In both cases, the wives were very abusive, mean spirited, resistant to God, rejecting a relationship with Him. Both cases the divorces went through...and...this is the closed door, open door part...we were praying for both couples at the individual times it was going on for them, and comforting the men partners who were the hurting parties in both cases, and telling them the door clause while we were at it. In both situations, it was no time at all, and I mean quickly, good Christian women were put in their paths, I mean good Christian women, like God dropped them down from Heaven in their laps, in fact the one man..the women who came into his life is the neice of John Hagee, born and raised in the church, tremendous woman of God. The other man is my brother-in-law. They both married these women, and they have both had wonderful marriages and God filled homes and lives, and they both thank God all the time for the blessing of the one door closing and the new door opening. So...as much as I do not believe in divorce, and I stand on Gods word, I think there is something to not putting God in a box. I think overall He will always do what is best for you. Anything or anyone that is harmful to you, that is causing you to struggle spiritually, hurting you physically, mentally...God does not want that and He will remove it/them and when He closes a door, He opens a new one. The main thing is, you just have to listen to God..you do not do anything, you make no decisions or take no actions, God will orchestrate whatever He wants to happen if you just let it go and let Him have it..and no matter what it is that happens, it will be wonderful and bring you the greatest joy, be the greatest blessing, because it is from and by God. You cannot go wrong.

Hugs to you..


Posted by: Copper

i would be able to do that, i have, but satan just keeps throwing other men and other things and then tom up at me, over and over.

i'm spending this week just praying to God to get me in line with Him. i think the problem lies in me, in being lonely and in missing companionship. i just feel as though i'm on an island, i'll be ok. God is here. i have also realized that every time i'm feeling this way, throughout this ordeal, is a time right before he begins to come home a little, a sign to me that something is up, i think i should prepare. so that i don't blow it again, and push him away, each time God has given me chances, i wanted restoration automatically, and it pushed him away, i believe God wants me to not try to rush it when the time comes again. i think that is what i am feeling in my spirit, satan wanting me to rush it. you know?
i love you kristie,
i can't wait to go to heaven and meet you.
my sister.
you are the sister i never had. thank you.
luv,
copper


Posted by: Street Preacher

Ask God to show you want needs to be change. when we are on the inside we can't see.

Aliite thought.

You can put a frog in a boiling water and he will jump out FAST.
You can put that same frog in cold water and let come to a boil he will stay and die.

This how were are in most our relationships.
with God
with our spouse
with ourselves
Our families.
We are to GROW from Strenght to Strenght, Never are we to be the same. Change is always needed.

Ask God


Posted by: Kristie

Sis,
Loneliness is normal, human, and we all deal with that. Honestly, the loneliest I have ever been in my life has been with Kevin right here in the house and bed. I think I recall you confirming that about you and Tom as well at one point. When you are single, there is loneliness until you find your mate, but there hope and a way out because that loneliness will end when your special someone finally arrives into your life. Being married and lonely is much worse, because it feels more like a life sentence of loneliness with no way out, unless you are willing to disobey Gods word, divorce and be the single again and remarry, etc. It is like a Catch 22. Be lonely or be a sinner, both seem horrible. Like I am sentenced to be in church alone seeing all the other married couples there sharing and worshipping together, arms around each other, you know the scenario :-( I have new singles coming up to me thinking I am a single too, because there sure is no signs of being married with me. I attend family functions alone, and all..all of my family members are there with their spouses having fun. I am the odd ball and they are puzzled why I am even married to him, they are not God centered, so it is ridiculous to them..divorce him and get someone good! I cannot even get anyone to help me with household things, things that Kevin cannot handle, like my bathroom about to fall through into the cellar. All of my family, my brothers, my nephews, son in law, are in construction, this is what they do for a living. I get "I would come fix it for you if he was not living there, but he is so he can do it, he needs to do something!" What they do not realize is, he is clueless to how, this is not his line of work, and I would be terrified to put out the kind of money it would take for material just to have him make as messed up as it already is. I need their help here, but since I am married to Kevin, since I put up with him and all he does, doesnt do, I am on my own, they wont help me.

But...I have to give a testimony right here! I have been praying all week for God to help me, to supernaturally send me the money, the person, to fix my bathroom before it is too late and someone even gets hurt, like the baby when she is in the tub. About an hour ago my mom showed up on my doorstep. She never comes here, I am a hour away from her and she cannot see or hear well. She tells me she has come to talk to me, and then she tells me that she is giving me $5000 to fix my bathroom. (Singing right now - God is good, all the time, puts a song of joy in this heart of mine, God is good...) Thank you Father God, and right in the midst of some heavy attack by the enemy and using my daughter, step-son to do it, Kevin. Been a rough couple days. I also declared a miracle over my daughter 4 days ago, gave her a leaf that was sent to me from the Holy Land, and told her to keep it, it was my seed of faith for a miracle in her life. Remember, my daughter is a serious iv drug user who lost her first child at birth, the courts took her and gave her to me, so I have raised her..baby Paige. She had another child on October 11th, little boy, they tested her in the hospital, tested him, postive for drugs, family services swooped in and put her and baby in my guardianship. Which this has had me in turmoil, it is not a good thing, me and her. Last time she tried to choke me to death. I have prayed and prayed for God to take her somewhere else, anyone but me. This morning she came downstairs, my church sister was here visiting, and she was in tears. Said that she has had TBN on the tv upstairs 24-7, and for the past three nights and days has been tormented, no sleep, her mind just seeing over and over all the things she has done to others, the stealing, the violence, and feeling devastated and so horrible, so sorry..and seeing the two kids and what she is to them and has done to them, and she can not take any more, she knows that she has two choices and has to do one or the other, either get help and change her life or suicide. She said she is putting herself into the rehab center tomorrow, and she went to arrange care for the baby while she is gone with the other grandma today. After telling us this, she picked up the phone and called the other grandma, and she told her what was going on with her, what she told us and then told her that she had to confess to her that she stole $50 from her last week, and she was so sorry, etc. I about fell over. This is not my daughter! So we will see how this plays out, if she really signs herself in tomorrow. I have never seen her like this, so it has to be a God thing.

Anyway, I understand loneliness, I think you struggle more with the flesh thing then I, but you are much younger too. Everyone says that you should not be lonely because you have God, your kids, but it is a different thing, the missing helpmate that God created us to have. Like He made Eve from the rib of Adam, so Adam, a part of him was in Eve, and I think we are just made to have that helpmate, that companion that God made for Adam. If he felt Adam needed one, I am sure He made all of us to need one. It leaves a empty spot.

Love you...maybe we can meet before Heaven. :-)


Posted by: Kristie

Quote:
You can put a frog in a boiling water and he will jump out FAST.
You can put that same frog in cold water and let come to a boil he will stay and die.

This how were are in most our relationships.
with God
with our spouse
with ourselves
Our families.


That is good, and so true about human relationships! I have to ask, are you serious about the frog, will a frog really do that?


Posted by: Copper

oh kristie

i'm at work, and don't have internet at homeanymore, finances too tight.
i feel as though i have given up, inside. i think i have finally totally released this to God. i finally don't even feel like reachng out to him anymore. it is weird. i guess ifinally figured out only God can fix it. he acts like he hate me. anyway, at work will get in trouble, will write when off at 5.
copper


Posted by: Street Preacher

At this point God wants to know if you will serve him no matter where or what you feel.

The enemy has been watching you too, seeing if you are the man of God, the Mighty Man of Valor. That God has Made.

Now Put on that Armour.

And STAND YOUR GROUND.

I will be Praying


Posted by: Street Preacher

I can't tell if this a Women or Man of God,

So excuss me, it still fits,

We got to stand.

The only other choice is hell


Posted by: spacecowby76

Kim,
My heart goes out to you because I feel the same way.Just when I think things may turn around...it falls apart & I honestly don't know how much longer I can hold on.I knoe God doesn't want us to suffer forever but I also know He wants us to stand firm.Question I have is.......How long is too long?
Somebody please help me?!?!?!?!!?!?


Posted by: Copper

spacecowboy'

i don't mean i have given up on my marriage,
what i mean is
i give up on trying to fix it in my own strength
no more reaching out
no more emails
no more tex messages
no more anything,
just prayer.

i'm done.

only God can heal us, and i have to just wait.
i guess it took me wearing myself out to realize some things are truly out of my hands
some things i just don't understand
read romans 11-33 through 36.
this helped.

anyway,
i give up in my power on fixing this,
and just give it all away to God.
i will still pray for him
always
but i'm done reaching out

only God can do this, He is all powerful andknowing

i don't think we should ever give up, on praying for our spouses relationship with God, especially you, since u are the man, and you are responsible for your wife's spiritual health, the BIble says so,
but for me, i'm done with the physical world, reaching.

anyway.
hope that helped.
me


Posted by: jlfirefighter207

Kimberly,

I wanted you to know that you continue to be in my prayers. I cannot say any more than Kristie has said. Her advice, as usual, is sound and straight from God our Father.

Just don't give up on yourself...and keep the faith regarding your life and the life of your child...

Take care,

JL


Posted by: spacecowby76

Hey kim,
I didn't mean to turn your post into my personal whining section.I didn't realize what I had done until today & I wasn't implying that you were giving up.Sorry about that.

I meant to say that I TOTALLY understand where you are right now because I share the same feelings & thoughts you do.Please know that you continue to be in my prayers & I know God will pull you through.
Rob


Posted by: Copper

thanks guys

still no word,
also,
just lost my job.
they let me and many others go,
it just keeps happening,
the more i pray,
the worse things get,
but my faith rests in Jesus.
thank you for praying,
i can only trust Him now.


Posted by: ninababy73

Father, I lift my sister, Kimberly up to You in prayer. Father, so much is going on in her life, right now. I just pray for Your hand to keep her upright in the face of all of these trials. I pray for You to lead her to the job that You have for her soon. I pray that in the meantime, that You will cover and protect her mind, spirit and body. I pray that all of her bills are met as she has children to take care of. Let her not worry about anything, may she rest completely and totally in YOU! Refresh her Lord. Give her strength to get through the day. Saturate her in Your unfailing and perfect peace. Bless her, Lord and then Bless her again continually opening doors for this woman of God. And lastly, Father I lift this marriage to You and leave it there. I thank You for the blessings to come in this marriage. You are firmly in control and I praise YOU!! Amen