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Okay, request for help from my brothers & sisters..pleassseee! :-)
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Posted by: Kristie
I need a breakthrough on this thing because I am being tormented at this point. I have went through two plus weeks now of an anger at my husband and just an obsession with what he is doing, and it is totally out of character for me and making me crazy! He keeps asking me why I am always so angry at him and please ease up on him, that I have him afraid to even shave. Now he seems like he is getting even more distant from me, so whatever is plaguing me is not helping us.
I went to my Pastor last week, because here I am leading others, leading a intercessory prayer group, and I am struggling this hard and cannot seem to get past, over or around this mountain. I told him that I could not even explain it or have no clue where this is coming from, or why, but the things I had forgiven long ago with ease, as forgiveness comes easy to me with the transformation God has made in me, but those things suddenly are hounding me and I feel so angry. I feel so angry over all Kevin has done, and from morning to night I am plagued with feelings of just wanting out of it all, wanting a divorce and to move on. Driving down the road, it just pops into my mind of things he has said to these other women, things he has said to betray me. Now it is nightmares of him cheating and they are so oppressive that it is like a blanket of sadness over me all day long after I have one, I even have feelings of suicide come upon me and I have to rebuke it all over and over again.
I told Pastor that I needed help with this because I was not overcoming it easily as I normally do and maybe it was just the not being able to indentify with any certainy the whys of these feelings. Yes, I am sure that the enemy is behind it of course, but I have to wonder if it is not more then that. Like maybe the fast approaching anniversary of my fathers death and the fact that I missed and have forever lost precious time with him catering to Kevin last year, just for Kevin to fall away yet again. And the loss of my son because of taking Kevin back yet again, and Christmas coming at me, a Christmas without my father and my son. I wondered if that was the problem subconsciously.
Pastor smiled when I told him all this, and he said that maybe it is the breakthrough...maybe God was getting ready to do something really big in this situation, and the devil was putting up that last battle and doing it in my mind. That all I had prayed, stood and battled for was about to manifest finally and if the devil could convince me that now I do not want it, he can try to stop it. He said that maybe I need to be rejoicing about that. I keep reflecting back to the prophecy spoke over me last January when it was said that this past year would be a very blessed year for me. It was only a couple weeks later that I lost my dad to negligence of hospital staff, lost my son in April, Kevin cheated yet again, my drug addict daughter had another child for the state to take away, and ironically...this has been the most cursed year of my entire life, one I will never ever forget. I have been holding on to that prophecy though..telling myself that this year is not over until the last day in December, so that blessing spoke of is not hopeless until that last day is gone and done. So, I had to think about that when Pastor spoke what he did. My Pastor has prayed over Kevin, the whole church has, and it is like I told someone the other day, I have yet to see my Pastor utter a prayer, make a request, that it has not manifested just as he believed it would, did not matter what anyone else believed, his prayers seem to come forth right on the money. A couple months ago in front of the church, he laid hands on me and spoke that Kevin and I would be come closer then we have ever been and that Kevin would be used in the music ministry, he asked God to bring this about. So this stuff keeps surfacing up through this oppression.
Anyway, I dont know. I know that as God told me long ago, the situation with Kevin is not mine, it is His, Gods vision, and it would come to pass according to Gods will regardless of me or a single prayer I have uttered. I laid that down, Kevin, back in June and told God I was done, he was all His to do with as He willed. All I have prayed for is a helpmate, be it Kevin or someone else. I would not pray for such except being disabled and having this house that I do, I need a helpmate, I need what God intended me to have when I married Kevin.
I do not know if Pastor is right, or if I truly am feeling a resentment due to my dad, or if I am just plain tired of it all. I just know that the feelings and the nightmares are getting very opressing. I do not care how many times the enemy would pass feelings of suicide over me, that will never happen, I am stronger then that, that is just a demon poking at me and it wont work..but it is just the being plagued day after day all day long, the other stuff...it is getting to me and I just need this to end one way or the other. I am begging God to end this thing, I do not care how, His will be done all the way, change Kevin for good, or take him away, whichever, just that it be done once and for all and be over. And I ask that He just not let Kevin hurt me again, take him away, but not in adultery, just let this be a God thing and not a devil thing, if Kevin going out of my life were to be Gods will.
It has been about five years now, and it seems that with this thing hanging on day after day after day, we just get further and further apart. Truly and for a real fact, God is the only one who could salvage anything of this marriage, there is no doubt about that in my mind now. It has been in spiritual ER for years now and has had a foot in the grave for quite some time. One little shove and it would topple in. Many have seen it as hopeless for a long time, when I knew it wasnt, but now I know it is..totally, if God will not fix this, then it is a dead thing and we need to just go our separate ways. It gets very wearing walking day in and day out in a dead thing. I just need some life here, be it with Kevin or without Kevin.
As Paula White said, when you pray and pray and things are not happening, it is because you are lacking the intercession of others...everyone needs intercession and should make sure they have at least two people praying for them in the situation. So I am asking for help in this. I try to concentrate on helping others and not seeking it, not for myself anyway, but I think and have been feeling all day that I need some prayer support at this point. Thank you all and God bless!
If God gives anyone any wisdom or insight into this, please share. He often speaks to me about others, and He has spoken to others about me, I have gotten some of the greatest revelations in a situation through God speaking to others. Love all of you! 
Posted by: JeriRose12
I am praying for wisdom. I know the scripture says to let the unbeliever depart, but I also know God can fix anything. When I tell anyone maybe it's time to let the unbeliever depart, I am afraid they think I am saying we should not stand for marriage. You can let him go, and STILL stand for the marriage.
On the other hand, Your pastor gave you that word. If that word is for real, I pray God will show you that plainly. See, I feel He gave me a word about a man I would some day marry. Some times I totally believe it's from Him, some days I pretty much doubt it. Then, suddenly I'll have a dream or see a new vision, and I will believe it all over again. So, if that word is really from God, He will keep it alive in your heart.
One reason I am leaning toward letting the unbeliever go is that we are supposed to be soldiers in God's army, but how can we be good soldiers if we are bleeding all over the battle field? Mates that are acting so strange and WANT to leave, it's best to let them go, so you, as God's soldier can get WHOLE. As long as you keep letting him/her upset you, the wound will be open and bleeding. This hurts me, to see God's army in such horrible shape. The Bible says we are to live at peace in such situations (where the unbelieving mate wants to go). To me this speaks of getting whole EMOTIONALLY. You see, letting him leave physically is not all there is. You must emotionally let him go.
I have not shared this on here much, because I know it will not be popular. People will accuse me of saying we shouldn't pray for marriages to be healed. That is not what I am sayiang. Really, they are just afraid of losing their mate. No one realizes that by letting him/her go, he/she might come back, and that by hanging onto him/her they are driving them away faster. It's called tough love. I suggest people read "Love Must Be Tough," by James Dobson. That mate chose you freely; he must choose to stay of his own free will. If he doesn't, don't beg him to stay. You only treat youself with disprect by doing so, and God does not want his children treated so poorly. God loves you; you are the apple of His eye. Run into His arms; let Him love you!
No one else can make you complete or whole. No one but God can be your SOULmate. Don't expect your mate to make you happy. God must be the only one you look to for satisfaction and fulfillment. If your mate is in the process of leaving, go to God, and let him heal you and make you whole. He does not want you bleeding and wounded. Whatever you do, don't be chasing your mate; be chasing God! Don't beg and grovel before your mate; cry out to God. Tell your mate calmly they can go if they choose, it's up to them. But DO NOT let your mate decide how you feel, how you react, how you live.... Go to God and let him dictate your life. Don't let the straying mate be the one who controls your emotions. Take those emotions CONSTANTLY to God, and let him give you His love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentelness, goodness, faith, temperance and meekness.
As the counselor expained to my sister, "You have to put God before saving your marriage and your mate's wlefare before saving your marriage." In other words, just to make the marriage "work," she could refuse to confront his sin. She could say that the cult teachings he was into were fine, and she could refuse to draw boundries. He could end up in hell, because she just wanted a "happy" marriage. As far as putting God first, was the marriage so important to her, she would risk the chance of losing her soul or her children's souls? The counselor told her she MUST draw boundries where he was blatently sinning, and if he decieded to leave, let him leave.
And what about the children? If a person is fighting to stay with someone who is having an affair, is that right? The Bible says they have the right to divorce. Is this not saying to the children that what the sinning parent did is okay, when it IS NOT okay? To keep wanting and taking that person back, doesn't seem right.
In your case, you have already let it go. You have said "Let it end or let it be healed." But let the pain be over. That is the right idea. You must GIVE IT TOTALLY UP. That is what I have had to do in a number of situaitons this year. Just throw my hands up, look up to God and say, "I give up!" Not in a bad way; in a good way. In a way of saying, "I can't fix this! Only You can! I give it to You! I take my hands off!" You see, we HAVE to quit trying to "fix" things. Fixing things is God's job. When we try to "fix" things, we are relying on the arm of flesh.
That is enough for you to chew on right now. I am in no way trying to discourage you or anyone from standing for their marriage. But I do see a scripture that says to let unbelieving mates go if they WANT to.
~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004 
Posted by: JeriRose12
Dear Lord, I was not entirely sure if she said Kevin wants to leave. If he does, she has all rights to let go of him. Also, becuase of the affairs, it's okay to divorce him. I pray that whatever happens, it is only Your will. I pray You will make Your will plain in this situation. Do not let her suffer needlessly, if she should be letting him go. Do not let her give up, if You are going to heal the marriage. There was a word on here, that said to get quiet before God and get a word form Him, and whatever that word was, whenever the devil told you your marriage was over to hold onto that word. Kristie's Pastor had a word, and if that would is right, let it be the word she holds onto. Help Kristie to quiet herself before You in the secret place and to wait on You until You tell her what she needs to hear. Give her peace that the word is from You, and let her stand strong in You, based upon the word you give her.
I pray all interference of Satan is gone out of this situation. I pray the blood is over her mind, so he has to stop tormenting her with suicidal thoughts. I say, "Satan, the blood of Jesus is against you!" I pray, Lord, that You send angels to minister to her. I pray Your Holy Spirit gives her peace. Keep her in a hedge of protection, in a mighy wall of fire created by the Holy Ghost. Do not let any weapon formed agaisnt her prosper! I pray no matter what happens, she will be a STRONG soldier in Your army.
She spoke of a disability. I pray, Lord, for total healing. Let Your healing virtue flow through her body. Let it contine to flow until she is totally healed. Release that anointing now, and let her get better and better and better.... or let her be instantly healed.
In Jesus Mighty Name, I pray for breakthrough!!!
~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004
Posted by: Kristie
Thank you so much JeriRose, I pray those words in total agreement with you. No discouragement here, I have been in this so long and counciling so many others in the same situation, God has taken any fear or any drive for my own personal desires from me. I was quite the fixer four years ago, but I do not try to fix anything and have not for some time. The Lord is my first love, and is above all others, and I just do my best to hear Him and be obediant and have for a long time now.
Kevin does not want to leave. In fact, we had a little conversation just a few days ago when he went off to work and forgot his cell phone at home. It rang and that is when I found he had left it. I missed the call, so I listened to his voice mail. There was a message from his boss, who called that morning, and another from a very angry woman. She was screaming "How could you let that whore answer the phone", and then called him many choice things in reference to his manly part, and said he would need his cialis, which I found odd (my husband does not take cialis). He showed up a few minutes later to get his phone and I asked him who the woman was this time. He seemed very perplexed and asked what I was talking about, so I rang up his voice mail again and let him listen. Anyway, it turned out that this woman got his cell by mistake, she thought she had her own husbands cell, and I was able to verify this, but he asked me why I was being so hard on him. We had some words, because he brought up my fall (when I had the affair after he had two of them and then shut me out for over a year). I told him that people make mistakes, the first time he cheated, I accepted it as a mistake, one time is a mistake, but two, three, four, five, six...those are not mistakes, those are intentional...so there was no comparison between the two of us. I made a mistake, but I learned from it and it never happened again..unlike him. I told him that I did not want anymore of the cheating, and it was not even the being hurt by it, but more the humiliation, being the laughing stock of all the idiots he hangs with because they are right there in on it everytime. He asked me if I wanted him to pack and move out and I told him that if he has cheated on me again, if he is cheating on me now, or if he is ever going to cheat on me in the future, that yes..he needs to move out and I will help him do it. I told him that I know he does not love me, that I am not positive of what it is he is here for, but it is definitely not because of love. He walked out but then called me five minutes later and told me that he does love me and he is not doing anything, could I just please ease up on him a little.
I have never stopped him from going, and a couple times I have been the one who put him out. Likewise, I have never chased after him or asked him to come back..when he has left, I do not call him, look for him, or even ask about him..I just give him to God...it has always been him calling me and begging to come back. He breaks down and cries like a little baby and gets on his face to God and begs God for forgiveness and help. God puts us back together..as I can honestly say that each time I have been leary of letting him back in, just tired of it all, and God has made it clear to me to take him back and restore the marriage...but it never lasts with Kevin. He gets back in, he attends church and and acts right, but two weeks to two months later, he is right back at it again.
I do not want to do this over and over the rest of my life. But what I want really does not matter, I know that...it is only what God wants me to do that matters. It is just hard and I have prayed that God not let me have to go through this over and over anymore, for it to just end and because of exactly what you said. I have devoted my life to the Lord and serving the Lord. I devote myself to helping others in need in the Lords service. I need to be balanced and strong to serve Him. I need a peace and joyous nature about me, and as I have said so often, the enemy really uses Kevin to mess me up, and Kevin lets him. That is exactly what I told Kevin on the phone when he called me, I told him that I cannot have the devil using him to harm me anymore, and it has to end, I have to be free of that one way or the other, and if he truly loves me, then he needs to get it right with God or he just needs to let me go.
God is trying to use me in so many things, and the enemy is trying to make me stumble every step of the way with this marriage situation. That is why I say, this is totally a God thing all the way...it is totally hopeless outside of God fixing it, God is the only one who could fix this. He is not the only one who can end it, I could do that, but then I would be like Sarah when she disbelieved that God was going to give her a child and decided to use her handmaiden to establish her and Abrahams offspring. She believed God in that Abraham would have offspring that would be increased, but she did not believe she would be the bearer of such..and took it upon herself to decide how to manifest Gods promise to Abraham. For me to end this marriage would be trying to help God out when I am not even sure what His will in this is, I would be taking it out of His hands and into my own to decide the fate of this marriage and I cannot do that, but I am so weary of the waiting, and I know that. I just keep waiting and listening for God on it, have been for five years. So far, the past five years and all that has happened, God has made it clear for me to stand for this marriage, but I am getting weary and now whatever is going on with this mind attack. I have been pretty much immune to mind attacks by the enemy for quite some time, able to cast him off me...but this is a struggle for some reason and totally different then before and I have not left myself vunerable to him by a gap in my walk with God..have had that happen, but that is not the case either. This is just different. I have been pretty much good with Gods will on this matter for a long time, whichever way that may go, but this is the first time I have been angry and just feeling like I want to have divorce papers typed up and just out of it. This is a first, kind of a flip on those earlier emotions in the first year or so before God transformed me into the person I am now...those desparate feelings of wanting my spouse and the chasing you speak of. It is like the opposite feelings and the being comsumed in my mind by them...like I was in those early years being consumed with fear that I would lose my spouse. It is weird and not being able to shake them off, almost like I was then, yet I am not reacting to them like I did then..actually letting them take me to open displays of acting on them. But..that is what I am saying, I am secretly being compulsive, checking his cell phone logs, calling numbers on his log to see who it is he called, this is all so out of character for me....a ridiculous..I ask myself all the time, "What are you doing?! Just forget it, who cares! You got better things to do!" It is like I am obsessed with making sure he is not harming me again, and it came on suddenly and strongly...this was not something that has been and just built up to this level. It was nonexistant and then it just came flooding upon me and I am consumed by it. It has only been the past two weeks or so.
Again, thank you, I do need some wisdom from God, something to help me see what is going on and then deal with it in a healthy spiritual way. It is hard to fight against something when you do not have a clue what it is you are fighting against.
Love you JeriRose, you have always been so wise and are a awesome lady, and I know God has a awesome mate for you, have felt that since the day I met you two or so years ago. :-)
Posted by: Kristie
Oh, and just for further insight on this. This morning, after suffering another nightmare, I counciled myself that I had to stop being so angry with him, I had to get a grip on that and act right and how I have always done despite what he is doing or how he is acting. Again, he has been asking me why I am so angry with him all the time and could I please ease up, he has actually tried to understand and just not react back. So when he came home today, I made myself act right, hugged and kissed him hello, told him I loved him, asked him if he wanted me to fix him something to eat, and all that wifey stuff, trying to keep the anger away and doing a good job of it. But, today..from the moment he came in, he has been distant, standoffish, not communicative, didnt want my help with anything, just brushing me off like he is angry at me. The total flip and it was not that way yesterday. Sometimes it feels like a devil orchestrated puppet show around here. And I do not give him any credit by saying that...I just know he is good a manipulating and I rebuke him in the name and under the blood of Jesus!
Posted by: ninababy73
Kristie, I really can't offer anything more than what Jerirose has written as it was, as always, sound. So, know that I will be praying in the spirit for you. Be Blessed. 
Posted by: Copper
kristie i'm praying for u
copper
Posted by: Kristie
Nina,
Thank you and so true, JeriRose has always been so sound in her advise and guidance. One reason I know that God has a perfect mate for her, she would make such a awesome wife and mother! :-)
Copper, update me on yourself, I have worried about you because I almost felt like I left you feeling like I was saying to just give up on Tom, which is not what I meant, I just meant a extreme letting go and releasing him to God, and walking forward with yourself, letting him stay there with God to be dealt with. You can never get too far away from something for God to not work in it. You could up and move to another state leaving no trace of evidence or word of where you went, and it would not stop God from bringing Tom to you when it is His timing. I experienced that personally. :-) I just felt with your struggle being so hard and for so long, personally being hard on you, that maybe you should distance yourself more emotionally if that it what it takes to let go and let God. So how are you doing and anything going on in your situation? Love ya sis!
Posted by: Rachel R
Lord, I cry out to you for this marriage!
I ask you to cover their home with your Presence and your Protection.
I ask you to shut the mouth of the enemy and run him off, in Jesus' name.
I break strife and anger and irritation and opposition.
Bless them with a new love and understanding.
Make a way for them and help them find the path.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Posted by: JeriRose12
I am glad you understand about the letting go. That is all I am saying: LET GO!!! Just totally get out of God's way, and let Him go to work, whatever He does in the situation. I know you get this, so I'm kind of preaching to the chior. Just been nervous as to how to share this with others who are SO wrapped up in their mate as being their source of happiness. But maybe they'll read this thread and something will speak to them.
As to the obsessive thoughts, of course, they're demonic. All we can do is keep telling satan and the spirit of suicide to go! I had that spirit telling me take to take a handful of Exedrins the other day. But, like you, I would never do it.
I will be praying for you, and thanks for the new thread about our need to post to others. That's why I haven't been back in here, so busy posting.... hard to keep up with who I posted to and getting back in for updates. I want to know EVERYTHING about EVERYONE, but it's just so hard to follow it all....
Anyway, God bless! Thanks for the encouraging words about my future mate! I gave an offering for him, so pray he comes in SOON.
~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2004
Posted by: shalu
Kristie,
I do not have anything to add that all other amazing people here have told you. God is so faithful, Kristie. He is merciful and kind and loving and amazing. He is our Redeemer, our Restorer, the lifter of our head. His mercies are renewed every morning. He is not a God that should lie, and he makes a way when there seems to be no way. Sometimes when the enemy tries to use past events to throw us off course, we have to rebuke the enemy and his lies and remind him that we have forgiven our beloveds for all that they have done. God has a plan, Kristie. He gave you a promise and he would not have brought you THIS far, and then not finish what was started. He would not give you a stone, when you are in need of bread. He has provided every need, and will continue to supply all your needs and Kevin's needs. He is so understanding, and compassionate. When I read the following Word, I thought of you. I hope that it is ok that I post it here, as it may be for many people as well. I see you and Kevin in the palm of the Lord's hand....
God Bless,
Shalu
JEANETTE RODGERS
NewWineToda****Aol.com
www.NewWineToday**********
It is time for Revolution!!
December 9, 2004
Revolution-
(1) a sudden, radical, or complete change (2) a fundamental change in the way of thinking about or visualizing something
A day to remember, A day to stand up, A day to arise, A day to be revolutionized, A day for revelation, A day to be One with Him as He is One with you, A day to say I can, A day to say He is the Great I AM, A day to push, A day to press, A day to say yes and Amen, A day to know, A day in which our Father has created for you to know His love for you, A day in which our Lord is alive in you, A day in which the enemy no longer has chains around you, A day for a new beginning, A day that you will be set free, A day that God Almighty has made a way, A day that was created for you to say He lives in me with Dominion and Power and Majesty and Glory and Life and Wisdom, A day to put one foot in front of the other and move toward your destiny in Jesus Christ of Nazareth who dwells in you, for you to walk in Him , in the Spirit, in Love, in authority, A day of new mercy, A day to be forgiven and A day to forgive others, A day to forgive yourself, A day to love, A day to let yourself be loved, A day to reveal who HE is within you, A day to say I am coming out, A day to say I am coming in, A day to say I am coming up, A day to say I am healed, A day to declare Jesus is Lord, A day for salvation, A day to shout HE IS RISEN, A day to say I can see, A day to shout I AM rich, A day to say I AM is strong in me, A day to remember that you are no longer a victim but victorious, A day to let go of the past and live in the present that God has given you, A day where you know you are the apple of His eye, A day your marriage is restored, A day your heart is made whole, A day that you will know if you are single that God is your husband, your provision, your protection, A day to know your children will come in, A day to let go and let God, A day to soar, A day to say IT IS TIME!!! A day to be revolutionized in Him and through Him and for Him. It is Time!!
Go forth; for it is high time to stand up , rise up, push forward, press on , look to Him, follow His steps, listen to His voice, look to the Lamp that lights the Way before you.
It is high time to be revolutionized. It is time to reflect on the revelation that He has shown, that He has spoken from the beginning. All things that He has spoken shall come to pass in due time. His spoken word became flesh...you were called upon before entrance into your mothers womb. You were not a mistake, you were not an accident, you were called here by God to fulfill a great purpose for Him in this earth. You were created beautiful in His eyes. Your name was spoken by God and you were brought into existence for such a time as this. There is nothing that can keep you down because the Lord Jesus Christ is holding you up. There is nothing you can not do because you can do all things through Him who gives you the strength to do so. You are not defeated because He is victorious in you. You are not broke down but being built up. For those who are crucified with Him live with Him.
2 Corinthians 4:7-11
7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. 8We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed-- 10always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.
IT IS TIME....The Lord is saying, IT IS TIME!!!! We must come up higher now , for the time of this season is drawing to an end and one that is coming will be one of great and tremendous and mighty, and strong growth. For this season has been a difficult one for many; but the Lord God Almighty has set forth a word for HIS remnant and He is saying;
IT IS TIME!!!
There is purpose in all that I have set out to accomplish in you and through you. There is nothing that you have endured that I have not seen. It is MY strength saith the Lord that has held you during this process of elimination of self, of motive, of agenda so that I could arise within you. For in this hour to whom much is given much is required. I have looked to and fro for those who have stood in the fire and have not run. I have watched where you could have taken the easy road but chose the narrow, the difficult , the humbling way to Me. I am calling for a chosen and faithful people who will lift up and hold MY banner unto all nations to declare MY name and reveal MY glory that has come from all that you have endured through, unto all people. IT IS TIME!!!!
Be ready!! Know your place, Know your position, Know where I have called you to stand. For I alone will do this great work through you and My glory will shine in darkness and MY light will remove darkness. For where I AM saith Adonai, there is no darkness. Let us go for as you abide in ME, I shall abideth in you. I will speak through you, I will heal through your hands, I will deliver through my authority and dominion through a spoken word that will breathe upon My people who call upon MY name and to every dry bone will come life. For I am calling a great and mighty army into place. I will hold you up, I will strengthen you, I will sustain you and keep you in places you would never imagine you could stand. You will know that I AM that I AM has sent you and kept you through this commission (co-MISSION). This CO-Mission is one in which we will walk together. This is... the great C0-Mission.
IT IS TIME!!! Greater Revelation, Great Revolution, to fulfill the Great Co-Mission in Jesus Christ. You may not be understood, its allright, you may think your alone but it is a mission between you and Jesus. He is there with you right now. Walking with you. Yes, He is the One who enables you to walk in Him. Don't try to explain it, don't try to justify it, don't try to even understand all of it. Just do it!! Fulfill all that He has called you to do.
IT IS TIME!!
IT is the Day!!!