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Not a non-believer yet...

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Posted by: Picturemember

I am not actually a "non-believer" but someone who never questioned. At this point in my life I am questioning because it occurred to me that through all of the years of blindly believing.... I've come to realize that I have never called out for help and had any come. I have never had a prayer answered. I have never "felt" the presence of God. So I question because a lot of the choices made in my life were based on religion... things I gave up and things I stuck with no matter how badly they affected me... all based on the bible. Something has to give and I don't want to continue being a door mat for nothing. And yes... I've heard all the pretty stories and don't care to hear more... I need reality and so far all I've witnessed in 42 years is that the reality is that I am alone... I can't feel what isn't there. So every single day I come to this forum and search through these boards looking for something to "grab" me... something that speaks to just me... something to show me that it wasn't all for nothing... to make me believe that maybe... just maybe... the bible really is the truth. So far... I've found no truth in it. I've asked for help... I've asked for hope... I have searched for God... and not even a miniscule amount has come. So no... I am not a non-believer... not totally yet anyway.


Posted by: Rachel R

I can really understand that. If I had followed a belief that long without evidence, I would question it, too.

It only makes sense to keep track of your own life and analyze what is working and what isn't.

My own Mother, who had served the Lord for many years, sat down at 40 and searched the Bible in depth. She said she had to be sure that she was following God and not some church or some man.

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you in your search. I am really interested in knowing what you find.

Thanks for your honesty and candor.

Rachel R


Posted by: MarkSentMe

I grew up Catholic, so I can totally relate to the giving up things and blindly believing. And after I left the Church of the Pope and decided to wing-ding my way through life, I found that yes, I was alone. I thought I could do it on my own. I did not know how to pray, other than rote prayers that really weren't comforting nor productive. I know now that God was with me, but you couldn't prove that to me back then.
I discovered that for the most part of my life I was RIPPED OFF spiritually! I was following a religion whose core values rested on Vatican Counsel papers, pagan rituals, fear and misguided rules.
I attended church, but never felt the Holy Spirit or God's presence in my life. I saw everything through mud-colored glasses. I knew I needed a change.
I "met" some very nice Christian people on the net whom I have had some good conversations with. They answered the questions I had regarding God and Jesus Christ. I had more questions than a 4-year old! Most people I chatted with gave me answers or at least could point to a Bible passage as to where to find them. It set the groundwork for my being saved. I wasn't just told that it's in there and made to feel dumb for not knowing where.
I have had prayers answered, for myself and others I have prayed for.
It is good to have questions; so long as in your quest for the answers you are open-minded. Some things will fit into a scientific category and some things, well, you're gonna have to go on faith.


Posted by: Picturemember

Same here... Catholic born and raised. We went to Catholic school and had mass every day and then Church on Sunday and Sunday School. We even went to summer School which was in the Convent. LOL. It was a way of life but blindly believing felt like faith in its own way. After 40 years I called out for help and realized that none came... and then I realized that none ever had. I was just accustomed to accepting whatever life threw at me.


Posted by: MarkSentMe

BUT! It doesn't have to be that way!! Oh, me oh my! I found a church "home" about 6 weeks ago. If someone would have told me last year that I would actually look forward to getting up on a Sunday and going to church, I would have laughed my head off!! And if they would have told me that I would actually be giving up 10% of my family's income to the church as a tithe, I would have laughed louder. But, these past 6 weeks have been the turn around my family needed. We are attending, have joined, been saved and this Sunday will be baptised in a Christian church. My family doesn't get the whole "saved" idea and really thinks I went off the deep end about being born again.
We have an outstanding Pastor who not only reads from the Bible, but encourages us to follow along, has some Bible study worksheets to do in church and explains how what he is preaching is relevant to the here and now! What culture shock! The people are friendly and inviting. That's the RULE of the church- be friendly! Imagine that!
My denomination is Southern Baptist, a far cry from the rigid Catholicism I grew up with. They encourage people to ask questions. During service also. The Pastor came by my house for a visit with my husband and me. I told him if a priest came by the house, someone was dying!

I encourage you to find a new church. I saw a Pastor on TV who has a congregation of 4400 in nearby Tennessee. His name is David Foster, and he has written a few books. His philosophy is: "If your religion doesn't change the way you treat people, then change your religion!" I love it.
I don't attend his church, but the philosophy among true Christian faiths is the same: One God. Jesus is His Only Son. Jesus died for our sins. God forgives all of our sins.
No Hail Mary's, No Our Fathers. No Penalty Box, No Acts of Contrition. No Pennance. No Statues. No Saints. No ornate buildings. No creeds. No archdiocese.
It's like religion reduced to the least common denominator- God.

You need to shake up your life a little and get fired up about God! Good things are bound to happen for you!Let Go and Let God!
Have a Blessed Day!
Sharyn


Posted by: Picturemember

Hi Sharyn,
Thank you for taking the time to post something... you've got a great outlook on it all and I'm happy that you've found a place (physical place and spiritual) that makes you happy. I'm going to go now. I'm sure everyone here are really great caring people but I haven't found any help or hope on these boards. Quoting the bible is great and all but that's not really what people need when they're struggling. We have to get a little past the hopelessness before we're ready to listen to scriptures... they don't make sense to us when our world is swirling out of control. So thanks for answering and trying to help.


Posted by: Rachel R

We will miss you.

Thanks for listening to us.

I hope that you find all the answers that you need.

Come by now and then and let us know how you are doing.

Rachel R


Posted by: cgirl

January 27, 2005: I speak to you who have been jaded by religious exercise. You have heard and seen too much and have grown weary of performance. This is the season of resurrection power, but you will only be resurrected to true spiritual life as you seek Me in earnest. You will not attain to life by depending on other people. Your relationship with Me must be one on one. Spiritual reality comes through personal experience rather than through sympathetic participation in the experience of another. Stop and shake yourself awake and seek to be resurrected by the power of the blood. Resurrection life is only available through the Cross of redemption. Now is the time to make it personal and real. If you seek Me, you will find Me, says the Lord.


Posted by: JeriRose12

The reason scripture doesn't mean much to you or seem to help you is becuase you don't know Jesus. Jesus is The LIVING Word.... Okay, that won't make much sense to you. But, in having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, The Bible will come alive to you. There are times, like recently, when my "world is swirling out of control," and I will get ahold of a particular scripture -- something simple like "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me" -- and by dwelling on that Word, I will feel so encouraged and hopeful. You see, you don't know The Author of the Bible, so you don't understand His words. If you were to pray to Jesus, ask Him to come and change your life, He would. You would start the most beautiful, life-changing relatioship you have ever known. Then, you could go get a Bible and you could pray, and the Holy Spirit -- Who was sent into this world after Jesus went to heaven to help Christians live this christian life -- would explain to you what it means. You would find in God's Word a wealth of truth and knowledge never before realized.

Don't give up on God; He hasn't given up on You!

Lord, please bring Picturememeber to complete and total salvation. Let her have a life-changing experience with You. In Jesus Name, I pray, amen.

~JeriRose~
Finding HIM in 2005


Posted by: MarkSentMe

we'll leave a light on for ya.


Posted by: Sunny03

Sharyn: I loved all your posts. I can relate. Or should I say my dh can relate. I would have converted to Catholicism but by the grace of God I saw through it when we were about to be married. I have always felt close to Catholics and the faith they are so devoted to until dh and I met with a priest that told us we had to pay umpeen dollars to have an annullment before we could be married. (Dh had the problem of being married in the Catholic church years prior.) Dh was so put off he decided we should search out another church with forgiveness. It was done. In the past Dh was an alter boy, eucharist minister, etc., so for him to make the decision to use his own mind was a block-buster for sure. I praise God for this day and for searching the scripture finding the Truth. Religion is NOT the answer but JESUS IS! Thanks so much for sharing.
You have made my day!


Posted by: Christian Commando

Picturemember- Christ had a "Doubting Thomas" as a Disciple. Still, Christ obliged by letting him see and touch Him- Christ, after ressurrection. Thats why I believe, even tho we are to "believe by faith", God still has provided many tangible proofs His Word is true, thus He is real also. I suggest God did this for those who just couldn't believe, as you say, wihout tangible proof. Let me know. Maybe I can share some with you sometime. Take


Posted by: Picturemember

I had never ever been a "doubting Thomas"... like I said... I blindly believed and never questioned why. I stayed with a gay husband for years being made to feel like ****. He'd take off for weeks at a time running to Toronto to be with men he met. I stayed and prayed and I risked contracting AIDs which is what he ended up with... but the bible is against divorce so I did everything I could to try to make it work. Never once did I ask why me? I just figured it was some kind of test and God wouldn't fail me. While this man was running around in Limos, going to Disney World with his boyfriends and wearing $500 suits and I was scrubbing toilets and horse barns and babysitting 6 extra kids and living in a rundown bachelor apartment with my two little sons and not eating because there wouldn't be enough to feed them I didn't ask why me... I just blindly believed that God wouldn't let me down.
When something happened in my life and I cried out for help... for the first time... no help came. When I was in need no help came. I prayed for hope and there was none. Its only once in my entire life that I asked for something for myself. Why was that wrong? How long does it take for God to answer? Its been a year and a half. I haven't left this house in five months. I barely leave this little room I'm in... only long enough to get a coffee or use the washroom. I sleep about 2 or 3 hours a day. I look out the window and the world I thought of as beautiful holds nothing at all. I look out the window and my heart starts to race and I start to choke and I just can't do it... there is nothing out there for me. There isn't anything left in this world that I want now.
And then people say stuff about the devil.... lol... I'm sorry but I thought that way once too. But in reality the devil didn't promise to love me, the devil didn't promise that I could call out to him for help, the devil didn't promise to be in the lion's den with me, the devil didn't promise that he wouldn't give me more than I could bare... the devil didn't lie to me... the bible did. God gave me more than I could bare.


Posted by: MASZOO

My friend, I will be praying for you. And I believe that God is standing right there next to you, waiting for you to call out to him. And you are right, the devil didn't promise you those things but he did lie to you and he still is lying to you. Satan came to steal, to kill, and to destroy. And that is what he is doing to your life right now.

Remember, we love you very much.
We will do our best to answer your question if and when you decide to ask.
We are here for you.

Jessica


Posted by: Picturemember

I just wanted to go home.


Posted by: MarkSentMe

Quote:
but the bible is against divorce

EXCEPT in the case of adultery, which is obviously what has occurred. The Bible also says "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination" (LEV 18:22)

I just found out this Sunday, by reading my Catholic Bible, that an abortion I had 20 years ago is grounds for ex-communication from the Catholic church. Would have been nice to know a few months ago, my decision to convert would have been a no-brainer. Many Christian faiths (Lutheran, Methodist, Baptist and others) are heretics according to the Catholic church. The Catholic church believes they are the only true church.
There are good Christian churches out there that teach from the Bible and bring God's Word to life. The people will lead you to Christ and they want to sincerely help you, no gossip behind your back or spread rumors or condescending looks. A lady I just met this Sunday in Sunday school (we have to attend that as adults!) called me yesterday and we talked for 3 hours! Just when I think that I have baggage out the wazoo, someone gets up before the entire congregation and tells their terrible life story and their testimony of how God worked in their life. And NO ONE is horrified; no gasps of shock or disgust! They embrace this person with love as their brother or sister in Christ. They are not shunned or avoided. I am constantly humbled by the fellowship I have experienced.
I urge you to take the first step outside. Go to a denomination other than Catholic. Talk to the Pastor or minister; ask him to pray with you. There's no confessional. No Acts of Contrition. No life sentence of shame, guilt or being treated badly. Once you are a child of God it's forever; He keeps His promises. Let Go and Let God.

Dear God,
Please send an angel to invite Picturemember to Your Word. Please help her to see that Your church is not the church she or even I grew up with. We were lied to and You do not lie. Your Word is the truth. Please help her seek the truth and align her with positive, loving Christian people who will help her to seek Your love, forgiveness and mercy. Please help her to shed her old life and to be born again into Your family. Please help her to know that it is by the death of Your Son, Jesus Christ, that we have everlasting life, not the permission of any human or the performance of any rituals. Please help her to know that it is by Jesus' death on the cross that our sins are forgiven- every one of them- and all sins are equal. Please help her to let go of old resentments and hurts and to breathe new life. Thank You. In Jesus' Name I Pray,
Sharyn


Posted by: MarkSentMe

Quote:
I stayed and prayed and I risked contracting AIDs which is what he ended up with...

God spared you this horrible disease so you could find people who care! Just as He intervened when I had a loaded gun to my head (the bullet somehow lodged in the chamber sideways!) He has a plan for you.


Posted by: JeriRose12

As Catholics, you are not allowed to read the Bible, are you? Then, you would not know that hope is right there in the Bible. Jesus said divorce is permitted in cases of fornication. And there is The Truth! You can free of this situation! Divorce this man and move on! You don't have to put yourself at risk of AIDS. You can protect yourself and your children. It is not God who did this to You, it is this man who married you. Why is it God's fault that he is a sinner? God offers salvation freely to all. This man did not accept God's offer; he accepted, rather, to continue in his sin. God gets blamed for so much stuff that is not his fault. God offers a way for this man to be delivered and be a Godly example to his family. Don't blame God because this man refuses to accept that free gift of life. But YOU can accept it; You have free will, too. Don't reject Jesus. He is the best thing that ever happened to ANY person! Call out to God, cry unto Him for salvation. He will save You, through Jesus Chrsit His Son!

~JeriRose~
Finding JESUS in 2005


Posted by: prophecy

There are non-denominational spirit-filled churches. Maybe you could look for one in your area. I have been going to one for almost five years now, and have learned more and had the most support than ever in my life. There is a church where you may be able to talk to someone on the phone or internet. It is called Shekinah Freedom Christian Center. It is in Rock Hill, S.C. The people, and pastors here really CARE! They have a conference every year around the middle of November too. They speak the truth, and are humble about it too. If it's not in the Bible, they don't preach it. And they don't twist words in the Bible around to suit what people want to hear. The web address is www.thegloryishere*****. Hope this helps!


Posted by: jms

Dear Friends,
I am so moved by the posts from all of you for dear Picturemember. So much emotion is stirred up inside me, but I really don't know what to say. I feel that on my right foot I wear Picture's shoes, and on my left the shoes of the rest of you. I almost can feel the frustration, anger and despair of P and I wish I could help. May be I should just rumble on the possitive side of things.

Dear P, I am an old man but I am still not a Christain in all the traditional sense. But I am certain there is God. I used to carry out voluntary welfare and charitable work, and the compassion and passion of Jesus touch me very deeply. It is the very same emotion that enables me to relate to your feeling of despair. When you posted your message expounding your feelings, I can say a few positive things. The most important is that you are a thougthful person. Thinking and thinking is the key to living. You already have that key. Yes, P each and every one of us are alone in this over crowded world. Remember the saying," When I laugh the world laughs with me, when I cry, I cry alone"? It is the same with every one of us. But as you can see here, people do care . Understanding our predicament and sympathising with us, and us to them, is actually already stepping out of line under the unwritten rule of "every man for himself". We all feel " I am alone". To me this has become a challange which I like to confront head on. There is only so much others can do for me. The real battle has to be fought by myself. To me there are two pointers which indicate that with a very slight change of perception, you are actually going to win that lone battle. The first pointer is that you know your husband is living in a dream - he is not in the real world where he has you and the kids to take care of. You are being realistic. Secondly, you love your children and have been slugging it out for them. Meaning you have the correct value system, the correct moral perception. Dear P, I do not doubt that you already have the essential quality to live a meaningful life. Meaningful without money? I don't know how to answer that. But let me tell you, my idol Elvis Presly had it all - every single thing that money could buy, he had them all. But so much so, everything became so meaningless to him. This tells me a lot about money. No, material wealth has nothing to do with the quality of our nights and days. I am not a wealthy person by any measure, but every little thing I earn BY MYSELF FOR MYSELF makes me HAPPY WITH MYSELF. When I am happy with myself, I become a better friend to my friends, and best of all I can become a better member of the community. Dear P, I promise you this, if you find it useful, I will share my views with you. Just write to me. Meanwhile, hang on there friend. And for the others, please continue to pray for P. Thank you and God bless.


Posted by: Picturemember

I'm sorry to have given people the wrong impression. I've referred to my ex-husband as my ex-husband a few times so I didn't think to mention it again. Also, I never blamed God for what my ex-husband was... and yes, even Catholics can read the bible... lol. I can't name scriptures but I know them.. I've probably read the bible cover to cover 5 or 6 times. In a nutshell it says God hates divorce but because he knew people's hearts he made certain laws pertaining to divorce to protect the innocent party or whatever. But God hates divorce and allowances for it doesn't mean it should be the first thing you do. Jesus sacrificed a lot more than a bruised ego and emotional hurt so yes, I stayed with a gay husband and prayed for him and for my marriage. It didn't happen but no, I didn't blame God... I moved on and I've been separated for 22 years and divorced for 14 years. I was trying to say that even during all of that time I never asked "why me" and I never lost faith. I only started losing faith a year and half ago. And the Catholic church really doesn't have much to do with it... I haven't been there in years but it did served its purpose... taught me of God. I've been to other churches. My nephew is a minister at one of these non-denominational ones. The bottom line is that I did have faith, I believed with all of my heart and I don't know how to do that any more. I did ask, I did call for help, I did believe and all I was left with was nothing. Its been more than I could bare and I don't know how to feel safe anymore.


Posted by: Picturemember

... and right now... I can't explain what or why because its a long story and doesn't matter anyway but do you know how it feels to get 50 or 60 emails a week from people that don't matter to you anymore anyway telling you what a wonderful person you are and how thankful they are because of you... and just sit there and all you can think is "ya great who cares... I wish I was dead." I keep talking because I hurt and there isn't anything else I can do but to actually want to do anything... there just isn't anything left out there for me.


Posted by: GA5966

Quote:
Originally Posted by Picturemember
... and right now... I can't explain what or why because its a long story and doesn't matter anyway but do you know how it feels to get 50 or 60 emails a week from people that don't matter to you anymore anyway telling you what a wonderful person you are and how thankful they are because of you... and just sit there and all you can think is "ya great who cares... I wish I was dead." I keep talking because I hurt and there isn't anything else I can do but to actually want to do anything... there just isn't anything left out there for me.

Ok I just read your replies not other peoples answers but this says to me picturemember needs some help and you are crying out for it from your letters. I don't know where you are in the states or another country but I hear your cry and there are people who care. You need someone in the physical realm to help you. I hear you saying you are lonely and isolated. I don't know why as you haven't said. But could you promise us one thing you won't end your life until you let the outside world in to try and care for you. I am not here to tell you what the Bible says at this moment but to earnestly try and help you. There are people trained to help you and as I am not able to know your whereabouts you must seek them out for yourself. Look for a Biblical counselor in your area and see them. I myself am taking some courses in the area and this is why I believe one could help you. They are there and sweetie no one knows what you are feeling but we can care about you if you seek one of us out and tell them about your feelings I just hope you will do this. Feel free to Private message me. I will check the messages everyday just so I can do my best to help you.


Posted by: Picturemember

So you're saying the only real hope there is is in pacifying yourself? What good is that.
I keep looking at this thing...
Jesus said he would crush satan under my feet so I am standing on his promise.
.... and I'm just so tired of being the one to get crushed... I didn't do anything to deserve it.


Posted by: jms

Dear Picture member,

Reading your words today makes me feel you are talking in my face. We are really wishing well for you, and you are making me feel desperate....we want to help you! Please go back to GA5966 post. He has spoken all that is right and need to say. I am sure he is sincere. He is reaching out for you and you know you really have to do your part. Grab the hand that is stretching out to you,please.


Posted by: Picturemember

I've done a lot of thinking this past year and so... yes, I know I probably do need help and in all honesty... yes, the police and doctors are aware of it too. The nice policemen took me to the nice little hospital last year around this time and I spoke with the nice doctor who sent me back to this nice little room in this nice little house that I can't stand. LOL. I'm being a bit sarcastic but... yes, I'm disappointed and I'm disillusioned and I don't know how to rebuild a life that I don't even want and I don't know how to find faith or hope in anything anymore... and its between me and God... I believed... wasn't I supposed to believe? Wasn't I supposed to trust? And now... its not God that I'm supposed to seek but a shrink? LOL. Sorry but that is kind of hypocritical.
Two years ago if I wrote a list of pros and cons for all the things in my life to live for I wouldn't have had even one thing in the con column. Today... I don't have anything in the pro column. I've already lost everything that was important to me. Sure, I had problems just like everyone else but I had faith so I wasn't worried. I remember that it was almost exactly a year and a half ago that I was standing outside of the church thinking that if I won a million dollars it wouldn't make me any richer than I was at that very moment. I thought I was where I was supposed to be and I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. After everything started falling apart I tried to cling to the stories of the Devil trying to destroy things because he was trying to stop me from doing what I was supposed to be doing. But I was alone... no one spared me anything and no one came to help and all I was left with was nothing... no help, no hope, no God. The bible promises that He won't give us more than we can bare, promises to be in the lion's den, promises to be with us, promises that we can ask for help or anything and its already done by faith... its a lie. I had faith. If the devil did come to destroy me then God let him win. Its already done and I don't know why. All I know is that there was nothing else in this entire world that I have ever wanted but what I already had... there is nothing else for me. I know people can look at like... you just go on... but for what? I waited for over 20 years to be where I was. I waited, I believed, I had faith... and now its too late... not even God can fix what's been done and there is not a single other thing I ever wanted. I just want know how I could have been so stupid as to believe that God would have protected me. If there was a God and a Devil then the Devil won... and that's why that saying on someone's post.... "God promised to crush the devil under my feet... I stand on that promise".... LOL... make me feel like I'm the one who got crushed. I believed and I got crushed.


Posted by: cgirl

http://ft111.com/deliverance.htm

Deliverance Outline:
Jesus gave His life that you could be free; He came to set the captives free. What we do when we need deliverance from the enemy's attack is repent for opening the door to the enemy and then command the demons to go.

Repent of fear...confess all of your fear before the Lord and ask Him to forgive you for entertaining this demon. Then, get a hold of it and cast it out. Make it go by the strength of your will.

Repent of rebellion...confess it and ask God to forgive you. Then, cast out a deaf and dumb spirit, you can identify it by the confusion it brings to your mind.

Repent of rejection (receiving rejection and for rejecting others)...confess it and ask for forgiveness. Then, cast out a spirit of the antichrist--this spirit is against everything that is pure and holy.

Repent of unforgiveness...confess all unforgiveness and ask God to forgive you and then release and forgive everyone who has hurt you or come against you in any way. Then, cast out a spirit of infirmity which keeps you hopeless, helpless, disabled, unable, sick, etc.

Repent of resentment confess all areas of resentment and ask the Lord to forgive you and release you. Then, cast out a spirit of jealousy.

Repent of witchcraft confess your desires and efforts to control others through your attitudes and behavior.

If you have ever been involved in the occult, even reading horoscopes, playing with ouija boards, or anything else, repent and ask the Lord to forgive you. Then, cast out a spirit of divination.

Repent of pride. Cast out a haughty spirit.

Repent of hypocrisy and deception. Cast out a lying spirit that has caused you to live in fantasy.

Repent of idolatry confess all areas where you have put people or things ahead of God. Then, cast out a spirit of whoredom.

Repent of lust, whether sexual lust or greed or desire for approval and attention. Then, cast out unclean spirits. These usually come in groups, so make them all go.

Repent of defilement for the ungodly places you've been, things you've seen, heard or read. Repent of entertaining pornography and all that goes with it. Then, cast out a perverse spirit.

Repent of bitterness. Release all hurt and injury from the past and ask God to forgive you for being a victim of life's circumstances instead of taking your proper position of being victorious in Christ. Then, cast out a spirit of bondage.

Repent of discontentment. Cast out a seducing spirit that has seduced you into wrong attitudes and behavior.

Repent of depression, discouragement, disappointment. Cast out a spirit of heaviness.

Repent of laziness, procrastination, a desire to die, for wanting to give up, etc. Then, cast out a spirit of death.

Now, ask the Lord to fill all the empty places with His precious Holy Spirit and forbid those demon spirits to come back. Then, you MUST keep the doors of your flesh closed, i.e. don't entertain the things that you repented of again. Stay clean. Feed yourself on the Word of God; stay in prayer; turn from all evil.
http://ft111.com/deliverance.htm