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Need God's will to be done in my marriage-almost divorced!!!!
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Posted by: Janell
PLEASE HELP! I really need some serious prayer. These areas especially….for my salvation (I am in a backslidden state, my marriage (we have already signed divorce papers), just for God’s will to be done in (I don’t want to make anymore mistakes) and to let go of unforgiveness, anger, bitterness toward my husband and his girlfriend. Okay, now that I got the prayer request out can I tell my story that has unfolded the last 3 years….I am so confused, doubtful, and just plain messed up right now.
I am 27 years old. I got married three years ago at 24. At the time of getting married I had been saved & happily serving the Lord for three years. I was so in love with Jesus and was on fire for the Lord. I met my husband through some friends at my church. He had just lost his wife of three years to Lupus and had a 1 ½ old son. I was attracted to him but because of him just loosing his wife I was not trying to get into a relationship with him but he was so persistent calling me all the time always asking me to go out with him to dinner just for companionship. I finally gave in and went out with him after that we were always together and although I knew it was wrong I fell into sin with him having sex although we were not married. I tried hard to stay away from him and not to call him because it was like we could not stop….we knew it was wrong but we kept doing it. I was so guilty and felt like I was loosing the strong relationship I had with God. Looking back now it seems like we may have both had motives for marrying. He began to pressure me to marry him although I was telling him we should wait to get to know one another better he said either you are going to be with me or you aren’t. One thing that always weighed on my mind was that I was in sin…I did not want to continue in the sin so I thought the best thing to do is get married. Also, another factor in my decision was his son…..who I completely fell in love with. He stole my heart from the beginning and I really felt for him loosing his mom at such a young age, I wanted to be his mom. My husband and I met in May and got married 6 months later in October….very quick. After we married I realized that there was so much about him that I did not know because of course during the 6 months he showed me only the good stuff. I don’t ever remember having a “honeymoon” phase it seems like we just started fighting and not getting along the first couple of months after. Our relationship was horrible. We fought all the time, he was so possessive, insecure, and jealous for no reason basically I could only go to work and church and not have any friends. After being physically and mentally abused by him I did not even feel like the same person anymore that I was before I got married. I was so miserable and depressed and even my attitude about church had changed. We had started attending a new church because he felt like the church I went to was too big. I really liked my new Pastor’s preaching but terribly missed my old parents (Pastors) and my brothers and sisters that I had become so close with. My new church and church family just was not the same.
One thing I did not expect to happen in our marriage was for me to most of the time be the only income. He had 5 different jobs in a 3 year time span and sometimes 3-6 months at time was not working at all. This was hard for me because coming into the marriage I had good credit. I just filed Bankruptcy the first of March. I believe this was one of our biggest struggles not only because we hardly ever had money to pay bills but because I was always trying to get him to find a job, which he says I was nagging him and to obsessed with money/paying the bills. Even will I was pregnant and after I had our son he really was not working fulltime (our son is now 15 months old).
For awhile it seemed like things were getting a little better or maybe it could have just been my focus was not so much on our problems because of my pregnancy and after when my sweet baby boy got here. One thing I do remember however is that I would tell my husband all the time that I really wanted him to show me affection like he used to. It was at the point I would try to touch him, hug him or something and he would pull away from me. He would never hold my hand; tell me how nice I looked or anything. I really wanted his affection & attention but it just was not there from him. He was so cold not only to me but to the boys as well. Just not showing love or affection to us. He would come home and sometimes would not even say Hi or even speak to me. Eight months ago in July I had enough and felt like I could not take it anymore. I felt like he was not working, not being a husband or a dad so what was the sense of staying together. Also, it just seemed like nothing on his end was going to change especially after I found out the way he was in our marriage was the same way he was in his first marriage. Before this time 2 or 3 times I had told him seriously that I was leaving but I never did because I knew what God says about divorce and also because of our son (his son from first marriage) who is in Kindergarten this year and needs so much help and support that I knew his dad alone would not be able to give him. During our marriage I always questioned weather we were ever suppose to be together or not….if it was really God’s will since we had originally fallen into sin and I always had the question on my mind if I really loved him. Also, I would always wonder if I had married him because of his son to be a mom to him. After we separated I stopped going to church since he was there and very much apart of the music ministry. I know I should have went back to my old church but I have been too embarrassed because people knew I got married and left and now I am separated.
Anyway, to get on with it I became friends with this guy at work we starting dating and we got into a relationship. To make this situation even messier…I am six months pregnant and the baby is not my husbands. Over the past 6 months both of us have gone back and forth in our decision and have held off on the divorce papers up until about a month ago. Basically one week he would say he wants to go to counseling because he still loves me and he thinks we could work it out and he does not want our family apart the next week he would say I just can not deal with the baby and we would fight about something and then the divorce papers are brought up. About a month and a half ago he started dating this older lady from our church. I brought my son to his house on a Saturday and she was over there. I was so angry and hurt because she is someone that was a friend of mine and every Sunday all of us would be together at someone’s house eating dinner. I felt really betrayed and confused especially since she is someone who serves in the ministry. So ever since they started dating now he has pushed for the papers to be complete and I believe has filed them. The part that makes me crazy is I know they are having sex. I have caught her over to his house at 3 am in the morning and he is at her house every night after work. I feel so angry, vindictive, and so much rejection. I started counseling in hopes that it would help but he decided he did not even want to go. I just don’t know how to feel anymore…..he is still my husband. After everything that we have been thru should I continue to try and fight for our marriage or at this point let it go? He has told me he has moved on but although he has a girlfriend his actions don’t always show that he has moved on. I know we have both been deeply hurt in this marriage and desperately need a healing.
My confusion comes in because I know that God can take this shattered marriage this big mess that both of us have created in our own flesh into a testimony for other couples that may go thru something similar. I am fine with that because I know God will heal us and equip us with the love we need to feel for one another. But is this what he wants…is that his will for us. After all this has happened I just feel like I can not totally walk away from it….is this my flesh or am I suppose to be fighting for it? At this point I just don’t want to make any more mistakes especially concerning my life and where it is going. Before we got married both of us had received prophecy where God basically said he was leading our steps and soon after we got married. If that was true was our marriage suppose to be that hard and messed up and what about all this happening? I am really struggling with so much right now. Thanks you so much for listening and please please please pray for me. I feel like my life is so messed up right now.
Thanks, Janell
Posted by: HopeNFaith
PRaying for you Janell! Father God I lift up this siter to you, for you to cover her in your mercy and grace! Place a new song in her heart! LEt her know NOTHING is impossible with YOU! Lord touch her husband and pierce his heart with Love for YOU and for his wife! Restore Lord all the locusts have eaten! In Jesus name! Amen and amen!
Posted by: Christian Commando
Agreed- Give them a renewing of Your Love and compassion in thier hearts and minds to seek and obey Your Will for thier marriage. In Jesus Name- Amen!