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For better or worse
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Posted by: angelofthelord
Marriage is God's Holy Institution between a man and a woman for life.Other than your relationship with Christ, it is the most important
relationship a person will have during this lifetime. God's plan for
marriage is one man, one woman, for one lifetime. Anything else is a
perversion of that plan. That is why no matter how man may try, marriage
will never be between two people of the same sex. God's definition of
marriage will always be a man and a woman.
Another perversion of God's plan for marriage is divorce. The most
important thing to understand about divorce is that it was never, is not
now, nor ever will be part of God's plan for marriage. God clearly
expresses His feelings on divorce in Malachi 2:16 by simply stating that "He
hates divorce." Divorce is a sin, period. The biggest misconception about
divorce comes from the poor teaching that there are Biblical reasons for
divorce. This is mainly due to a misunderstanding of the passages in
Matthew chapters 5 and 19 where it appears adultery is a legitimate
reason to get divorced.
Let me say this as clear and concise as I can. There are NO, ZERO, NADA
reasons for divorce. Marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. In all of the
weddings I have performed over my years in the ministry, I have never yet
said "till death do us part... unless." There are no "unlesses" in the
marriage vows you make to your spouse and to God. The exception for
adultery is NOT from God, it is an exception from man. It comes from the
Jewish laws of marriage and divorcement and is a MAN-MADE reason for
divorce. That is why Jesus said in Matthew 19:8, "Moses permitted you to
divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way
from the beginning."
That is why when you say "for better, for worse" you better understand the
commitment you are making to your spouse and to God. Of course nobody ever
has a problem with the "for better" part. We all look forward to and enjoy
the "for better" days of marriage. A husband and wife sharing the
accomplishment of doing well in their careers, making
the home you live in a special place, taking time off to travel, the
incredible blessing of having children, the joy of seeing each other grow in
your relationship with the Lord, and just sharing your love with the one you
have committed to spend the rest of your life with.
It is the "for worse" days that people struggle with. Nobody stands at the
altar on their wedding day thinking for a moment that "for worse" will ever
happen to them. I want to encourage you today that if your spouse has left
you, if your spouse has committed adultery, if your spouse is in bondage to
alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, or anyhting else, if your spouse has
become ill and you are their primary care giver, if your spouse is not
working and finances are a problem, if your spouse is not following Christ
and living for Him, if the intimacy and love is missing from your marriage,
if you and your spouse can't agree on raising your children....these are
some of the "for worse" days that you promised to endure when you made that
vow to your spouse and to God!
It is during these "for worse" days that we need to find our hope and
strength in the Lord and make our faith real since only He can sustain us.
Let me share a powerful truth with you today. The same God who is God
during the "for better" days, is the very same God who is God during the
"for worse" days. The same God who sees you through the "for better" days,
is the very same God who will see you through the "for worse" days.
You are making a lifetime commitment to your spouse
and to God. That is why I encourage you to take it slow when you are in a
relationship that may lead to marriage. Don't rush into anything. First of
all, don't ignore God's warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 by getting involved
with a non-Christian. Take the time to build a spiritual foundation to your
relationship. Get to know the other person over TIME. So many of the
problems
I see each day in marriages could have been avoided if people would have
only
been patient and taken the time to get to know their spouse BEFORE they got
married.
I am well aware that this does not insure you will have a perfect marriage.
There is no such thing. People make choices every day. Sadly, even people
who know the Lord make the choice each day to live in rebellion to God. You
are NOT responsible for the choices your spouse makes if at some point in
your marriage they choose to rebel against God. However, you can be much
more assured of who your spouse is if you are patient and build a spiritual
foundation to your relationship prior to getting married.
My heart breaks today knowing how many people are going through "for worse"
days in their marriage right now. I will be praying for you. If you are
having problems in your marriage today, please know that God is your hope
and strength. He is still a God that changes lives and can bring healing
and restoration to your marriage. It is satan who is lying to you, telling
you to just give up. It is God who speaks truth when He says, "But he said
to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I
delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in
difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9,10
NIV)
May God's blessings be upon you as you honor your vows "for better, for
worse."
The other side of the coin:
Divorce is not part of God's plan for marriage.
As you can imagine, one of the issues I get thousands of prayer requests
about every day is divorce. Well over 50% of marriages end in divorce, and
sadly that percentage is no different for people who are in the church.
There is so much weak and watered down teaching on this issue that involves
well over 1/2 of the people in our society that I want to deal with the key
points today.
The most important thing to understand about divorce is that it was never,
is not now, nor ever will be part of God's plan for marriage. God clearly
expresses His feelings on divorce in Malachi 2:16 by simply stating that "He
hates divorce." Divorce is a sin, period. The biggest misconception about
divorce comes from the poor teaching that there are Biblical reasons for
divorce. This is mainly due to a misunderstanding of the passages in
Matthew chapters 5 and 19 where it appears like adultery is a legitimate
reason to get divorced.
Let me say this as clear and concise as I can. There are NO, ZERO, NADA
reasons for divorce. Marriage is a LIFETIME commitment. I have performed
dozens of weddings over my years in the ministry and have never yet said
"till death do us part... unless." There are no "unlesses" in the marriage
vows you make to your spouse and to God. The exception for adultery is NOT
from God, it is an exception from man. It comes from the Jewish laws of
marriage and divorcement and is a MAN-MADE reason for divorce.
One of the sad issues many men and women face in marriage is abuse.
Physical, verbal, emotional, mental, and sexual are all forms of abuse. Let
me be clear on this. God DOES NOT expect a person to stay in a living
environment where they are being abused in any way. That is never His plan
for people to live their lives under those conditions. I counsel people
daily in abusive situations to leave the home and separate. Note that I
said separate, NOT divorce. Also, I do not recommend that anyone who has
had to separate due to abuse of any kind, goes back until their spouse has
received professional help and is living a committed life for Christ.
Unless Jesus transforms their life, they will never change.
Marriage is a serious issue. It is for LIFE. The vow is "for better or for
worse." You are
making a lifetime commitment to this other person and to God. That is why I
encourage you to take it slow when you are in a relationship that may lead
to marriage. Don't rush into anything. First of all, don't ignore God's
warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 by getting involved with a non-Christian.
Take the time to build a spiritual foundation to your relationship. Get to
know the other person over TIME. So many of the problems I see each day in
marriages could have been avoided if people would have only been patient and
taken the time to get to know their spouse BEFORE they got married.
I am well aware that this does not insure you will have a perfect marriage.
People make choices every day. Sadly, even people who know the Lord make
the choice each day to live in rebellion to God. You are NOT responsible
for the choices your spouse makes if at some point in your marriage they
choose to rebel against God. However, you can be much more assured of who
your spouse is if you are patient and build a spiritual foundation to your
relationship prior to getting married .
The other issue I want to address is getting married again after you have
been divorced. Please understand that if you are divorced, you are single
and free to marry anyone else who is single. Again, the passage that talks
about a person committing adultery if you get remarried after a divorce is
tied into the Jewish laws of marriage and divorcement. The fact is, if you
are divorced you have sinned against God since in a divorce BOTH parties
have to bear the responsibility regardless of the circumstances. The key is
to repent, ask God to forgive you, and stand on His promise in 1 John 1:9
that you ARE forgiven. You are then free to remarry. God is a God of the
second chance!
The biggest mistake I see people making every day is getting divorced and
before the ink is even dry on the divorce papers, even before in many cases,
involved in another relationship. Please listen to me carefully. A divorce
is no different than if someone takes a butcher knife and cuts a 12" gash
into your chest. It is a SERIOUS wound that needs time, often lots of time,
to heal. Getting involved in another relationship is the most foolish thing
anyone who has just gone through the pain of a divorce can do. You are NOT
ready for it emotionally or spiritually! Please, take time to heal and
spend time with the Lord before you even consider getting involved in
another relationship.
I love you and care about you so much. My heart breaks today knowing how
many people are living each day in a difficult marriage. I will be praying
for you. If you are having problems in your marriage, please know that God
is your hope and strength. He is still a God that changes lives and can
bring healing and restoration to your marriage. I will be praying today for
those marriages that are in trouble, believing God to make your marriage
whole.
For those who have been through the pain of divorce, I will be praying for
you as well. I went through a divorce early in my life when I was away from
the Lord so I understand what that pain is. God loves you very much and if
you will simply ask His forgiveness, He will forgive you for the sin of
divorce. God still has much for you to do with the rest of your life as
well as many blessings for you to enjoy. I will pray today that in His
perfect timing, He will bring into your life a Godly man or woman to share
the rest of your journey with in His Holy Institution of Marriage,
for better, for worse!