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under spiritual attack

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Posted by: rainbow788

Yesterday turned out to be the most horrible day. I am very discouraged with just about everything in my life right now especially my health and my marriage. All I feel is condemnation. My husband and i separated several years ago and have been trying to reconcile but i am losing hope that this will ever be possible. Last night he came over and we were supposed to go out but he was in a bad mood over something and i was not feeling well....he was being very critical and we ended up in an argument. He says he loves me but his actions dont show it most of the time. I have many health problems and am in constant pain. Right now I'm trying to taper off one of my medications and the withdrawl symptoms are terrible. Instead of trying to be supportive he is critical and judgmental.

I used to think it was God's will for us to reconcile but now i am having doubts and wondering if its time to give up and face the fact that its hopeless because we are unequally yoked. I have prayed so hard for our marriage and for his salvation. For awhile i was encouraged because out of the blue he said he would like to go to church with me and he did go for a short time but then he stopped. His excuse now is that he is too "busy". I think part of the reason he stopped was because our pastor retired without much notice and its taking longer than expected to find a new pastor for our small church. We both really liked our former pastor and were sorry to see him retire. I suggested perhaps looking for another church but my husband said he has no desire to go to another church. For many years he stopped going to church completely because of painful experiences in his youth which he feels arised because his parents were divorced and he did not feel welcomed and accepted at church. For years he has maintained that "the majority of Christians are hypocrites" and he likes to call me a "fundamentalist" when he is angry with me about something. I was raised in Baptist church which he considers to be "fundamentalists". I get so discouraged and frustrated because I pray and pray for my husband and our kids and for the salvation of my entire family and instead they are all further from God than ever and are deceived concerning the Truth. Out of our whole family only my mother and I are believers and my moms faith seems to be wavering lately and now mine is as well. It seems that the harder i pray for others and the more i try to witness to others and share my testimony that satan attacks more violently by attacking my relationships and my health. My health is on a real downhill slide and I am weak and dizzy. I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to, no one to pray with me....all of my close friends have moved away and now both my pastor and my counselor have retired. My kids seem to avoid me as much as possible. yesterday i found out that my daughter has gotten back with her former boyfriend which has really upset me also because i know he is no good for her. He drinks too much and has had a DUI in the past. I was relieved when they broke up and prayed that was the end of that relationship. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?? HOW HAS SATAN MANAGED TO BLIND THEM ALL TO THE TRUTH??

I am starting to wonder....am i not praying right? IS everything my fault like my family says? my husband blames almost all of our marital problems on me and does not seem to see his role in anything. For a time things were going well and i had hope for our marriage and then it all just fell apart and i dont know what to do now. All the stress is ruining my health which is already fragile. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I am so lonely because all my friends are gone and i can no longer work and am on disability. I used to have a wonderful career, a job i loved, a family....until satan stole it all. Now I feel I no longer have any purpose. I feel like God has forsaken me. Why does He want me to be alone and sick? I have prayed for friends and for improvement in my health. Why does He leave me in this desert so long?
I am confused about everything and close to giving up.

I would appreciate prayers very much especially for the salvation of my loved ones and for my marriage and my health. I really need guidance. I feel I am at the end of my rope.


Posted by: Nessa

Lord give this lady the Word, Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God, Romans 10:17 and Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not yet seen, Hebrews 11:1. Lord, give her protection and wisdom in her body and in her self. Help her to walk in a way that is pleasing to her husband both in behavior and in attitude and help him to do the same. Be central to them Lord, bring them back together. In Jesus Name. Amen.


Posted by: rainbow788

Thank you so much Nessa for your prayer, I really appreciate it. Yesterday was such a bad day for me and when i posted my prayer request i felt so beaten down and discouraged, ready to give up. I know God heard your prayer for my family and I because today I am feeling a bit better and things have settled down somewhat. I apologized to my husband for the unkind things I said last night. When I am in pain I dont cope with stress very well and there has been so much stress the past few months. WE had to sell our house that we had for many years due to financial problems since i can no longer work and i feel that my family blames me for this. I feel so much guilt about being sick in the first place. since i got sick and had to stop working everything has spiralled downhill. and since all of my friends moved away I have felt so lonely. Because of my illness I can no longer do many of the things I used to do and I feel very useless most of the time which fuels the depression. Its a vicious cycle that i dont know how to stop. where i live there are no support groups or services for people with chronic illnesses. I feel that I could use some sort of support system. I have always been the one trying to lend emotional support to others but find that when i could use some emotional support myself there is none to be found. And lately God feels very distant....perhaps this is because i am so depressed and discouraged.

Thanks again for praying. God bless you.


Posted by: Sulten

Dear Glenda,

You're words spoke to my heart today as I read them. I am also on disability and unable to work after working all of my adult life. I am an American married to a Norwegian living in Norway. I have only been here for 2 years. It seems like forever. We do plan to retire in America, but that is 15 years away. I just try to take it one day at a time. My husband is away a lot with his job. He is working 2 jobs now so I know how it is to get lonely. I have prayed for friends since coming over here to. I guess I can relate to your lonliness. I would like to be your friend and pray for you. I will write your name down and remember you personally in my prayers every day as long as you need me to pray. How are you feeling today? I just want you to know that there is purpose in our infirmities. They administer to our growth and development and teach us compassion for others and patience and teach us to be more like Jesus. Don't think that the only time your life is worth anything is when you're healthy and well and out in the world. I know the Lord is aware of you and has a plan and a future for you in all this. I will pray for you about your husband so you will know what to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you dear Glenda. I know the Lord knows you and loves you and it is often through others that our prayers are answered.

God bless,
Bonnie

Dear Father in Heaven, I lift dear Glenda to You today in the power of an intercessors prayer. She is going through so much right now, it all seems too much for her with no where to turn. I know You are there and desire to help her. I pray that You will help her to feel that her load is lighter and she will know that You love her and be able to feel of Your spirit especially during times of physcial and mental suffering. I pray that You will lead her to answers about this relationship and whether to reconcile. She needs friends who will support her in her trials and people to give her unconditional love. I pray for that blessing in her life. I pray that You will lift her spirits today and let a silver lining come through in her life. Heal her health problems and bless her to be supported in all her trials. Dispatch Thy holy angels to administer to her in all her wants. Help her to feel that she is not alone and that her life is worth so much. Send answers and inspiration and friends into her life and all the help she is in need of, I pray in Jesus Holy name amen.


He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: He shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom… Isaiah 40:11




Posted by: rainbow788

Dear Bonnie,
Thanks so much for your prayers and for the lovely note of encouragement and understanding, it means so much to me. I have been going through a difficult time and its nice to know someone cares and to be able to come here and receive encouragement and prayers and friendship. I would LOVE to be your friend and to pray for your prayer needs also. I have lost many friends over the years due to friends moving away out of town and also because of my health problems friends seem to drift away, especially friends from my former place of employment. So I can understand how lonely you must feel living in a different country and your husband away from home working 2 jobs. The days can be quite long especially if you are not feeling well and unable to get out much.

I havent been able to go online that much lately but whenever I get the chance to I visit this website, it has been a real blessing to me and I know God led me here for a reason. I do believe God has a purpose for my life even though I can no longer work. Sometimes I just miss working so much and I get frustrated with my physical disabilities and sink into depression. I know its not my fault that i am sick but I still feel a lot of guilt sometimes because of what my family has gone through since I got sick. I have been praying that my health will improve enough that I could maybe do some volunteer work. I would love so much to be able to help others again. I have been feeling discouraged because instead of improving, my health has been worsening over the past year. I worry about being a burden on my family. My parents are elderly and my father is in poor health and I feel terrible about not being able to help them more with things.

Sorry to ramble....i can be long-winded sometimes! I look forward to getting to know you Bonnie. God bless you.