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hi there
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Posted by: Soh Soh
hello, I am glad to come to know about this site. I hope someone out there can help me out. I am lost and full of shame at this moment. I have been date raped twice by an old high school mate of mine. After the 1st time, I was thinking it was my fault because I got myself drunk. I was scared and I didn't know what to do. So we maintained as frens. Then the 2nd time, it was the same exact hole I fell for. Drunk.
A week later, I went to the cops, they said that I don't have enough evidence against him. 2 weeks after, I was on the verge of stabbing him for the past week since I can't press charges. And I found out that I didn't go through the right protocol for rape victims. Now, I am so lost. Can't turn to the cops for sure. But I know God is always here just that I can't sense him giving me directions.
Is forgiving an enemy means I shouldn't press charges? Since I don't have enough evidence, God is telling me to forgive and forget?
Alone Soh
Posted by: Rachel R
It may help to go through your rape crisis center.
There is probably no way for you to file charges concerning these events, but they may have ways to leave a record of the event.
Part of getting predators off the street is that law enforcement looks up their profile. Even accusations are shown there.
It may help protect someone else.
The other thing is to become an activist to defend women.
Volunteer at the local non-profits who are helping and protecting victims, and training young men and women about what NOT to do.
Becoming a part of the solution can be a very good part of the healing process.
Helping other women recognize and identify predators before they are harmed is a wonderful goal.
Be sure to have good medical care. Predators carry many sexually transmitted diseases.
That is also true because they are not only promiscuous with women, but sexual addicts often participate in homosexual activity.
Work through forgiveness so that you can RUSH toward healing.
God offers LOTS of healing.
Rachel R
Lord, please help her forgive and release him into the hands of God.
Help her forgive herself and become a blessing and an empowerment to others.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Posted by: Soh Soh
Thanks for your reply. Sometimes I do wonder why does God forgive rapists after they repent. Seems like these people do know what they are doing is so so so wrong but yet they still do it. And then when they are caught or in some point of time something struck them that they did something wrong, then they repent and ask God for forgiveness. Sometimes the saying,"what goes around comes around" doesn't seem to happen most of the time.
On top of that, my r/ship with my bf is on the line because of this. We haven't been talking to each other. His work might be one of the cause. I pray for his well-being and his way to success in his career which means a lot to him. If we do work out, I hope for a stronger r/ship with him. If we don't I believe I have gathered enough courage go on with God.
I guess I have to quit questioning and concentrate on my upcoming exams. I believe I am in the mist of forgiving but the scary events keep haunting me. I pray for the strength to fight the devil's work so that I can stop questioning and move on with my life.
Thank you so much again. This place means a lot to me. In Jesus Name, Amen!
Posted by: Rachel R
"What goes around, comes around." is just a saying.
But there is a scripture that applies here. "You reap what you sow."
To me, that means that he can go to God and be completely forgiven, but that will not change the seed that he has sown in his life. Those will still come up, to his regret.
When you forgive him, it releases him into the hands of the Lord, and you get to walk away free.
"Vengeance is mine." the Lord says. I think he reserved vengeance for himself because he is better at it than we are. He knows where they live.
And I think it is his because if it were my beloved child I would want an hour in a room with the guy. And God takes more than an hour.
God will make it right. It is not your job.
And God will set you free.
Please use your freedom to guard and inform others of the traps set by these guys.
Rachel R
Posted by: Soh Soh
For sure I will warn gals about such things do happen. But then I am at the stage where I am isolating myself from people. Basically I only go to school, study with a couple of frens in school and go for my sessions. I still feel weird when frens ask me out to party or even go for dinner. Honestly, I like this isolation.
I believe our Lord works in mysterious ways. Because I can feel that I am not broken yet after I was attacked twice by the same person. I believe it was my stupidity to maintain as frens and tried to move on thinking that it was my mistake after the 1st time. The 2nd time really shook me and I took desperate measures to stop being nice. Because the hurt was intensified.
Thanks again for your reply. You don't know how much this means to me.
Soh
Posted by: Rachel R
My Dear SohSoh,
I think isolation might be a healing thing for now.
Setting yourself aside to repair and restore seems like a good thing to do.
It must be so painful to be betrayed and to face the darkside of people!
God DOES NOT WANT bad things to happen.
He hates it and I think he weeps over our sorrow.
But the fact that he doesn't want it to happen doesn't mean he can't use it to bless you.
Remember s__t makes great fertilizer.
This selfish person took from you and harmed you.
God will give to you and help you.
As you grow into who you will be, these events can be powerful building stones in your life.
God bless you as you approach your future.
Rachel R
Posted by: Soh Soh
Yup, I agree the isolation is good for me but I can't stop the flashbacks of the sad past. Also I just started talking to my bf, somehow the topic about me gotten rape resurfaced in our telephone converstation. I know he is as angry as I am too. But because of bringing it up slows down the healing process. Not forgetting I am in the mist of my exams study break.
I want to thank you for your replies to me. They all are seriously precious to me as they help me day by day to start my day so that I can study. Although it is not as fruitful as the last semester, at least I am doing some studying. "God doesn't want bad things to happen", that is why you are the good thing that is happening to me now.
By the way, I hope you and your husband's team mates will have a wonderful time in Utah.
God bless you all
Soh