Prayer Board Requests - Pray for Kirk Talley/former singer in Cathedrals

As we started our life together, the feelings of same sex attraction still came to my mind at times. At times it was most difficult to deal with. After about 7 years of marriage, I finally was honest with my wife and told her of my struggle. We quickly divorced. I again saw the negative effect that my struggle had on my marriage. . . and my life.

I was depressed for weeks. I would lay and cry all night long. One night I was reading in the book of James. "The effectual prayer of a righteous man availeth much ." I picked up the phone in the middle of the night and called an evangelist friend of mine, Phil Hoskins. I told him I needed help and I went to see him in the middle of the night. Phil was a youth evangelist at the time and he had never dealt with anything like same sex attraction. He worried about it so much that he became very stressed and distraught that he didn't know how to help me. So it was obvious again that I shouldn't tell anyone.

My sister became aware of my struggle and quickly estranged herself from me and our family. Since that day, I have only seen her twice. She won't come home for Holidays, she wouldn't even come to my parents 50th wedding anniversary celebration because I was there. So once again, there was someone else I couldn't talk to, and when Diane had the knowledge of the problem, there was again negative reactions.

From 1984 to 1993, I traveled and sang with the Talleys, usually very miserable, usually a loner, actually I was removed from most people simply because I was afraid that they would see my struggles and wouldn't like me, and again I was in fear of losing people and things that were close to me.

A few years ago, I discovered the Internet. It seemed like a safe haven, a place to talk to other people just like me who struggled with the same thing. I became interested in the chat rooms because I thought I could chat anonymously. I became online friends with a few of the people that I chatted with. I found myself chatting with them online most nights to pass the time when I was not on the road singing.

I met a few people from the chat room, actually became friends with a few of those people. I have learned that there are many many people who deal with and struggle with the same attractions as I do, people in churches, high ranking government officials, pastors, deacons, doctors, lawyers,. . . . . . . And basically they need someone to talk to that understands. I became a good listener and was sympathetic because I knew of the hurt and disappointment that many of them had been thru.

In 2003, I made online friends with a man who seemed to understand me. Someone online had told him who I was, so he set out to gather information about me and then to extort money from me, while he was making me think he was just wanting to be my friend. He created a lot of different names online in order to gain his information over a period of time. He then started following me from city to city, concert to concert. He would call me after the concerts and tell me what I sang, what I said, who helped me, what I wore, what time I arrived and left, where I stayed, even down to what kind of shoes I was wearing. He demanded money to keep me quiet. Later I found out that he had declared bankruptcy in June of 03 so he was in dire straits for money and he assumed that I would just pay him in order to keep him quiet. I knew that if I paid him the first time, he would be back in a month or two for more. I knew the consequences of going to the authorities, but I took my chances and contacted the FBI. We immediately set up a sting operation and the man was arrested. It was all video taped and recorded. The extortion was definite.

The extortionist's lawyer leaked it to the press and I became front page news. My picture was on the front page along with the entire story. Because extortion is a federal crime, the AP wire picked the story up and newspapers nationwide printed the story. It was all over the Internet, every gay newspaper ran it, most of them, front page with my picture. Naturally I was devastated. My booking agent started getting calls about it, so I started canceling the dates that hadn't already canceled.

Emotionally I shut down. I wanted to die. I begged my best friend to shoot me. I literally wanted to kill myself. My best friend and his wife, took me in and cared for me and made sure I didn't do anything destructive. They spent Christmas Eve at my parents home with me. I stayed with them for weeks. They fed me, gave me valium, made sure I was OK every hour. I am still alive today because of Rick and Buffie Lafollette.

January of 04 was a blur. I wouldn't answer the phone, I wouldn't talk to anyone, I wouldn't go out of my house. I sat and stared at the walls and cried. Daily I would stare out my window into the Smokey Mtns and cry and beg God to just let me die. I was so embarrassed and humiliated. I ventured out to Shoney's one morning with breakfast with some friends from NC that were coming thru the East Tennessee area. As I paid for my breakfast that morning, I got called derogatory names from across the dining room. I vowed that morning to not go out of the house again.

In the first week of February, Phil Hoskins called. He wanted me to come see him in Kingsport. He said he knew someone that could help me this time. I agreed to go. I had been given every ministry available that dealt with this issue but I didn't know any of those, therefore I didn't trust anyone. But I trusted Phil. So I went to Kingsport on Feb 12, 2004 and there I met a counselor from Atlanta. Roy talked to me all afternoon and asked me a lot of general questions and even had me take some written tests to determine my mental frame of mind. Later in the afternoon he began to pray for me.

Roy, Phil, and Shannon (Phil's assistant pastor) laid in the floor with me in an office at Higher Ground Baptist Church and prayed and quoted scripture and invoked the presence of God. Across the hall, there was a room full of women (Deacons wives) praying like I have never heard before. Roy asked me if I wanted help and I said "yes." Roy then took a crucifix out of his brief case and asked me to hold it. He asked me to rub over the body of Christ as I prayed. He wanted me to feel Christ on the cross and actually sense the work of the cross in a personal way. I did that as they prayed and read scriptures. I could sense that Christ died for me and for my sins and for my struggles and failures more than I had ever sensed it before. Roy asked me to lay down in the floor on my stomach and hold that crucifix to my chest. I did that. He asked me to vision myself laying on the body of Christ as Christ was on the cross. I did that. The Holy Spirit began to move in an unusual way in that room. I could feel the arms of Christ wrapping around my body. I could hear Christ saying, "I love you," I am dying for you" I was crying and asking God to be with me. After many minutes of praying, I sensed God take his arms away from me. All of a sudden we were standing up and I heard a clanking sound. I looked down at my feet and there were chains laying around my feet. I saw in my mind, as the Lord kicked those chains away from my feet. I began to walk up this narrow crooked path. The Lord was behind me pushing me, telling me all the time that he was behind me, I was not alone. At the top of the hill, I could see a mountain view that was so clear and peaceful. The most refreshing breeze was blowing across my face. I heard the lord say "I am with you"

As I shared what had happened with the pastors in the room, Roy asked me to roll over onto my back. I was still holding the crucifix, still seeing in my mind what was happening. He began to read the scripture about the living water and how it cleanses! As he read that scripture, he started pouring water on my body. From the souls of my feet to the top of my head, he poured water. When that water hit my mouth, I felt a freedom like I had never felt before. It was as though a pick up truck was lifted off my chest. I was crying and praising God as he was definitely working in my life. The depression and oppression was lifted from me that day.