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Free will and forgiveness

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Posted by: TonyaL

I was not sure where to post these questions I have. I am so very confused...

My husband left me and I have been praying faithfully to God for his salvation of sins and to return home to me.

My questions are...

God allows free will, but we are supposed to pray for our marriages and spouses to return to us as God hates divorce. So if this is the case then our spouses won't be able to use their free will and God will win the battle over the enemy?

God says to ask for forgiveness and all will be forgiven. So if my husband asks God to forgive him for abondaning me, for living how he is living now. Then does God forgive him? Even though my husband is living a life of sin?

I hope these questions make sense....I am trying to have paitence in my stand for my marriage but I find confusion on some things.

Thank you.


Posted by: GODS Grace

Forgiveness and repentance are different,... so is reconciliation.
People often mix-up these words.
God tell us we need to always forgive others, it is for our good as well.
Forgiveness means to cancel out debt owed...let it go.
It doesn't mean your husband changed (repented) or that there is reconciliation.
You're correct, God offers forgiveness to everyone and He gives men a "free will" to choice to receive His forgiveness.
Your husband must choose to recieve God's forgiveness and yours for himself.
God may give you strength to pray for their mate, but individually each of you separately will eventually stand before God and give account to Him for your lives and choices. We can not pay our mates debt for sin before God, only Jesus can.
Some people ask for forgiveness and say...opps, I'm sorry. I got caught (lip service)...and they may not have experienced godly sorrow that leads to them desiring change (repentance).
Sometimes people say "yes" I want to change but act out "no", I'm enjoying sin. They don't feel regret nor have they owned the emptiness in their hearts.
Forgiveness has to do with past. Forgiveness isn't denial nor does it mean we are to always rescue others from the consequence of their destructive behaviors or choices. Jesus is the savior, and not us.
Matt. 3:8 tells us that true repentance produces fruit. Forgiveness doesn't always bring reconciliation. Reconciliation involves two people. You need to determine if your husband is producing trustworthy fruit before you open yourself up again to someone who has acted destructive towards you.

This is why I believe that the bible say...hardness of heart are grounds for divorce...God has set up free will as you mentioned.

I'm not trying to discourage you from standing for God to restore your marriage. I do pray that God to bring your husband to godly sorrow for his choices, so that God can be in control of his life instead of "his" will. Hope this is helpful...Grace


Posted by: Christian Commando

TonyaL-

First of all, God knows if a person will be receptive to His leading or touch by the Holy Spirit. We don't. Therefore, He will know, if this is done, wether that person will, of thier own free will, accept it or not.

We can pray for God to change someone's attitude etc as He had done with those King Saul sent after David to kill him that time. But, thats an extreme case in which God was protecting another Child of His.

Truth be known, answers to prayers God does not guarantee will happen in our life time. Some may be answered at Judgement Day when people's attitudes will be truely changed coming before God for this. God has a timing and purpose for all things, but He is not a puppeteer of man either.

Since our ways are not God's, we do not comprehend all God can, since He is all knowing, all powerful and everywhere at once.

Most couples, where a spouce has left, point a finger at the other one being wrong. In Truth, the couple, wether its the one spouce or both, need to be praying for God to make them the kind of spouce they should be and have God heal the marriage thru this means.

No spouce, wether the one who stayed or the one that left the marriage, is wthout sin in the marriage somehow.

If were me, I'd ask God to show mw where my fault is, to make me the kind of spouce befitiing the partner He Blessed me with, and also to make us both see our errors and help us change them, then to bring us back together.

If you each come to the Father and repent for your sins committed and ask Him to help you change them and improve to be the partner He wants you to be for the other, God will forgive.

God will forgive sins we've asked to be forgiven for, but will also, because we show this atribute, work on other sin(s) in our lives to change them over time.

Explain praying for your husband's "salvation of sins and to return home to me". Do you mean forgiveness of sins or is he not saved and reborn?

God Bless!!


Posted by: TonyaL

Thank you both so much for your replies...My husband believes in God, he use to read the bible, and pray often, he was never baptized though.

I do forgive my husband, I am very hurt but I do forgive him. I know I cannot force my husband to come home, and neither can God because of his free will. I also know that my husband can not come home and we would not be able to reconcile our marriage until he gets the help he needs....I just love and miss him so much.

I know I am not perfect, I know where my faults lie in this. I suffer from depression and health issues. The last year it became bad to the point of me thinking I was going to die....When my husband left my eyes were open I am now doing 100% better

My husband and I have been married for 14 years, he was a very kind, loving, sweet, hard working, all around nice man. He is now cold, into porno, perversions, walked out and moved 1000's of miles away, doesn't work and hasn't paid a dime to any bills since April. From what I have been hearing and what I noticed before he left, he is in a midlife crisis?

My husband isn't well and is living a very sinful lifestyle...thats why I have been praying for his salvation, and to repent his sins. I of course want him to come back home because I love him, but I know he would have to get better first....

I don't know, maybe I am not doing this right? I am still learning, I have always believed and prayed to God....but I have stumbled along the way and over the last 3 months (since husband left) I have been trying to strengthen my faith and I get very confused about some things at times.


Posted by: Christian Commando

TonyaL-

Water Baptism is but a ceremonial Law of God, commanded of us, but not required for Salvation. Therefore, that, being "works" does not save a person. We are saved by God's Grace thru faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.

Well I would have to say, until you have recieved healing as well and saw any errors you have that conflict with your relationship with your husband, he could recieve help but the marriage still won't work. You both need some changing in your lives, attitudes, etc. Trust me, its never just all one partner's fault a marriage falls apart, its because of both.

Forgiving your husband is a very good step, but, like told me in early years of my life, if forgive someone and meet them on the sidewalk, can you walk up and talk to them with no regrets, animosity, anger or hurt towards them, or would you still have to avoid them to an extent or limit your time with them because of that?

Its good that you understand the faults you have. But pray to God to open up any others you may not see or realize and seek Him to help you overcome them also. You and I are neither smart enough or wise enough to always know all things we may be doing or thinking wrongly. Sometimes we can believe some things we do are acceptable for various reasons in this world, but may not be to God.

Amen and Amen to your doing so much better, thats great. But do not let yourselves get to thinking you or your partner is bad. Satan has merely brought in circumstances that occurred, which have simply divided you two. What needs to be found is what caused the discention to bring enough frustration for the division, share them with each other in Counciling and use God's Word as a foundation for resolving those differences to bring resolution and acceptance, healing and restoration.

That could be what he is experiencing. The best thing is Counciling for you both, to find out where all this discention first started, to find the "root" of the problem. Good solid Christian Counciling would do a tremendous benefit for you both in learning what needs to be done for readjustment for each of you, to be able to come together once again in a fufliflled marriage before God.

Mind you my friend, you both will have to get better before the marriage can be right again before God. You've admitted your hurt, that needs to be dealt with. You've dealt with depression, that needs to be kept held strongly against with God in your lead, plus more.

Everyone thru out thier walk with God stumbles, trips or falls, do not let that negatively effect you. Just get up, shake the dust off and start walking forward again. Thats all God expects of us, to have the faith to believe He is always there, heling us when we are weak, for thats when He is strong for us. Understand?

Lord-

I continue to pray for this couple, that you will touch both thier hearts to draw them nearer to you and bring out by your Holy Spirit, things you know they must accept are detrimental and need to be changed, to bring thier marriage right and solid in you and before you. Uplift thier spirits, strengthen thier faith, seperate eil influences from them and replace that with your every good thought of only those things of good report. Return love, compassion and caring to them, only for each other and following you Jesus. In Jesus Name- Amen!!


Posted by: TonyaL

Thank you for talking with me.

Yes I agree it is never one persons fault, this was a huge eye opener for me. I have been in therapy for 3 months for my depression, I have been working, taking care of me, my health and the house. I am doing so much better. I truly do think this saved my life, I was very sick.

If I saw my husband on the street I would have a hard time not hugging and kissing him. I do forgive him, but I do have regrets and hurt....but I will not let the hurt consume me. I know my husband is not well, it does not excuse his life of sin he is living, but I understand more.

I do pray to God for him to help me become the woman he wants me to be.

I am doing much better my husband is not, he is self destructing pretty fast. I know my husband is not a bad man, he is a very good man who is lost to the enemy right now.

I do agree we have to work on ourselves individually and work on our marriage together through counseling and faith. I am already in counseling, he is not. I am dealing with the hurt and I will never let my depression get the better of me again.

Thank you again for your prayer and talking with me. I am truly worried for my husband, and for us.


Posted by: Christian Commando

This is all wonderful news, Amen to what you are doing to allow God to help you heal and become more prepared as a wife.

Alot of marriage partners want to see quick results from prayers offered to God for thier marriages. Know that some have seen quicker results than others. Some have taken quite some time. I don't know why, except to know, God is the best judge of how to help each person individually be ready for a renewed relationship satan had broken up before.

We will continue to uphold you and this situation in prayer until hear otherwise, but only God knows when you both will be ready once again to be reunited. Don't let this depress you, but instead strengthen your faith in God to know He will answer, but the more each person strives to put Him first and grow in Him as He wants of us, the sooner a relationship can be resparked and rejoined.

Ubderstand too tho, while you may not be seeing outward signs of change yet in your hubby, God most certainly has started working on him in his heart and mind. Most times, change for the better has to start from the inside to work out eventually being witnessed by others in the end.

Keep up your vigilant focus to become the woman and wife God wants you to be. God is already and will continue to help you improve grow and gain strength and greater faith. Your doing wonderfully. Just don't focus so much on watching your husband. Put all your attention unto God and what He wants of you. ok ?

God Bless!!