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Husband left me and our kids (2 yrs and 2 mos old) to have another woman living w/him

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Posted by: beauty4ashes81

What's happening? Hello, I'm glad I found this forum. I feel I should share with everyone what is going on in my marriage right now and perhaps I can gain a better understanding through mature Christians about my marriage, self, and husband.

Me and my husband have been married for 3 years and 7 months now...and have been physically separated for almost 4 months. We have a 2 year old and I just gave birth to our 2nd child at the end of July '07. Myh usband seemed to be a firm believer of God but seemed to also "straddle the fence" and wasn't and still is not walking in line with the Word. He says he has a calling to be a Pastor and is a Prophet. Then why is this happening:

In March my husband was involved in a shooting that claimed a young man's life. My husband shot back in self-defense and was really affected that he killed the young man but didn't know he did 'till later on. So we all end up staying at his brother's house in a near-by city b/c he felt it was unsafe for us to be there. At first he was with me and my son at his brother's hosue sleeping with us, then he started sleeping over his sister's house (about a mile away) b/c he didn't want to stay there b/c he felt his brother's wife did not keep the house up. Then gradually he started only sleeping with us like 2-3 times a week...claiming to be over at his sister's house sleeping. We were still paying bills at the otherhouse and when the lights went out, he decided to stay there to guard our belongings and the house.

I had suspicions that through all this he was having an affair. I asked God to reveal it to me and confirm it. He did. I admitted myself to the hospital to get checked out and the doctor gave me a pelvic exam and told me I had an infection, and that it was an STD. So FOR SURE Iknow I didn't give it to myself and the only person I have contracted it from was myhusband. I was so devasted how he claims to be holy and goes outside of our marriage and passes on an STD to me and our unborn child. I call him and he tells me to get out of "his" (at this time we are back at our house but he's staying elsewhere syaing it isn't safe for him to be there) house. So basically he kicks me out (I'm 6.5 months pregnant at the time) and of course I take our almost 2 year old with me.

We end up staying with a friend from church for 2 weeks, during those 2 weeks he didn't try to contact me or wasn't even concerned if I had money or food, diapers, etc. Then when he did contact me he told me to call his mom so we could stay with her...basically he didn't want anymore repsonsibilities.

Before that he would be so critical of me, making me feel bad and guilty for things that I shouldn't even be feeling guilty about. It was b/c of his own guilt that he was treating me bad. I remember he was driving me to work and he told me that it burns his soul when people lie. (When he was doing the lying all along) Cuz he thought I was lying about going places (when he was). Then I tell him that I married him b/c I believe he is a good guy and he says "I am" and then comes back with "I though you were a good girl but I learned other wise." He was transferring all his guilt on me and just basically abdoned and rejected me and the kids and I say the kids b/c he doesn't call toknow how they are doing. He didn't even call me when I gave birth to our 2nd child.

Over the next weeks/months me and the kids relocated to be with family. I try to talk to him about us working it out and he tells me we are not getting back together and that it's over. I keep asking him why. And he says I just don't want to be married I don't have to have areason to not want to be married. He was always pushing me and demanding me to go ahead and file for divorce. So next time I spoke to him I asked him if he wants it so bad then why won't he file and he says that I can do more in the state I'm in than the state he's in b/c we got married in the state I'm in now. (which is another lie)

I spoke to him very recently asking again and that it's not all about him, he has a family--a wife and kids. Then he confessed that he already has a girlfriend and she is living in the house with him that's why he wants a divorce. Then he told me I don't know why you're waiting on me...you need to find yourself a job and a place to stay. And I say you're just going to leave your family for "her" ? He couldn't say anything.

I am praying for him and that woman...(believe me not easy, I was so angry and still am)

What is happening here?
Is this marriage even save-able? (is that a word?)
Will God put this marriage back together?

I told him I'm not filing and since this is what he wants, and that he's the one that rejected and abandoned his family, and decided to go outside the marriage and give me and our unborn child at the time an STD that he will have to do it.

In the meantime I'm doing what I have to do as a mother to provide for these children.

What should I do?

Please pray for God to honor my marriage and restore it...please pray for my husband's salvation and that the Holy Spirit won't stop chastening him and will convict him...


Posted by: Sulten

First of all I want to say sweetheart; I am so sorry that you are going through this injustice, but you have taken an important step in desiring to turn this matter over to prayer. Prayer is such a powerful tool and it is not by chance I believe you are guided to enlist others help in praying with you too. Always remember, you are never alone. You are never powerless when you have God and the means and ways he can work in your life through the power of prayer through yourself and others. We see your husband is laboring under a pack of lies and allowing the adversary full power over his mind and heart. The sins have hardened his heart and he seems almost past feeling except for his own selfish wants and desires. He is no doubt telling the o/w a pack of lies as well. Do you have a clergy you can talk to and receive some special guidance and counseling through all this? I would recommend that and especially find a good church where you can go (if not already) where you can get the love and support of others to stand with you. The scriptures tell us to be “equally yoked” in our lives partnerships. Every woman (or man) who goes through this kind of ordeal in their marriage must ultimately decide through the help of the spirit, if they are to try to hang in there with the hope that there will be a change of heart down the road. My dear mother was in such a relationship with her first husband. He became such a rock around her neck and so destructive in her life and that of my half-brothers that it was with great difficulty and agony she made the decision that she never regretted in divorcing him. He never did change and she was able to build a better life for herself and my brothers. She also found my father who was a Godly man later down the road. There may be some who are convicted to remain with their spouse I realize. We even have friends over here where the husband left his wife for a time for another woman and lived a sinful life for a time. Yet he eventually did repent and came back and they are now stronger than ever. So only you can determine through the power of prayer and your own personal inspiration what is right to do. Those are my beliefs for what it is worth to you. I am so glad that you came here though and know that there is great power in prayer and living a righteous life. Miracles happen in this way, but still people have their free-agency and can choose if they will listen to the enticings of the spirit. I am so sorry for all you have endured for an unrighteous husband and will pray with you, you can find the answers you are seeking. Hang in there and know that God is over all. He can help you in any circumstances, no matter how difficult and dark they seem at this time. He will raise up friends and open doors for you and even heal you of the mental anguish you are suffering and bring new opportunities into your life. It is natural to feel anger towards your husband. He can help you too to overcome that with time. Know that you can come back here and keep posting your needs, so we will know how to continue to pray for you. I wish you all the best!

Dear Lord in heaven who is over all these earthly circumstances, I pray that this man and the o/w will be brought down to recognition of the sin and awful wickedness and pack of lies they are living under. May this husband’s eyes be opened to the grievous state he is in and the great suffering he is causing to his precious wife and small children. He is being cleverly deceived by the father of lies and I pray that these chains he is allowing to bind his life may be broken and he will be brought down into the depths of humility and repentance. I pray that he will have a change of heart. May this wife receive the power of inspiration in how she should proceed with her life and all she should do in the days to come. I pray she will be given peace and comfort to know that she is not alone, and the burdens these circumstances have placed upon her shoulders will not overcome her, and she will be added upon to know all the things she should do for herself and the sake of these children. Help her to find answers and lead her to a better and secure place, emotionally, spiritually and temporally. Lead her to an inspired minister who could help console and give her guidance in the decisions she should make. May these little children be shielded from the insecurity of their present state and the mother be strengthened in being their mother. May she be healed of the STD that her husband brought upon her and I cover her and these children in the power of prayer in any way they are in need, and ask in Jesus holy name, amen.




Posted by: Christian Commando

Lord-

We pray you will intervene and bring the husband back to following you and realizing his need to change. We pray you will bring this couple and family back together as you see fit, be it thru a miracle or thru a good Christian Councilor for both of them. We pray healing and restoration for this couple and marriage. We ask for healing and restoration of thier first love, both for each other and for you Lord. In Jesus Name- Amen!!


Posted by: beauty4ashes81

I talked to him recently and it has not changed. There were 2 signs I believe God was giving me about not giving up on him. I don't know whether it's not to give on him b/c in God's time my husband will repent and come back and to not file for divorce first or it means don't give up on him whether there is a divorce or not.

It really hurts when we speak and he acts like everything is okay and that what he has done never happened! I have to thank God that he didn't give me HIV/AIDS. He even called himself a man of God said he is saved and that he has been a Christian longer than I have so I can't tell him about God.

Please pray that I will be given the strength and courage and emotional healing to go on in life and take care of me and my children while I am waiting for more directions from God. Please pray that I can forgive my husband completely and work on what needs to be worked on inside of me.


Posted by: Desiderata

Father God, We praise and glorify you. Lord fill this woman with peace and serenity as she deals with a very difficult time in her life. Fill her with your wisdom Lord that she may know how to handle all that comes before her in regards to her marriage. Father protect this family from Satan who has come to steal and destroy. If it be your will Lord claim this man back as your own and lead him back to his wife and family. Fill them with love and forgiveness for one another. Lord if it is not your will let this woman see your hand in her life so that she may know which direction to go and give her financial favor and good parental skills that she may rise above Satan's destruction. Thank you Father for hearing this prayer. In Jesus Name. Amen


Posted by: beauty4ashes81

Thank u for everyone's prayers. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. I tried to tell him I am planning to go overseas with my parents and take the children with me. But he just hung the phone up on me. I heard from his mom that he's moved out of state. I told her I needed an address or something so I can send him a notarized letter by certified mail about me taking the kids overseas. (incase immigration questions me) I haven't heard from him in a week. I am planning to go a month or two after new year. I've decided to fight for my marriage. When she told him what I said, he said I was lying but then he asked when we are leaving.

I continue to pray...I feel like I need to fast. Sometimes I'm crying (literally) my heart out to God asking him to show me what to do. A lot of times I feel like I can't hear Him. I told my husband that I wasn't going to file. But I will if God tells me to.


Posted by: MarkSentMe

You will need a passport for the children and yourself.
Go overseas with your parents and enjoy your time! Your husband is obviously enjoying his time controlling you.


Father God,
You know the situation here. I ask that the truth be revealed and that there be healing and repentance. Lord, please burden this husband for a relationship with You. Please send a witness who will share Your Word with him. Lord, through You all things are possible. Lord, You see our deeds even when we think we are hidden. Please expose the truth in this situation. I ask for complete healing for our sister. Please rid her body and the baby's body of this disease and let there be no complications from it. Please provide for the needs of our sister and her children. Please send an angel to watch over them. Please shine a light where there is now darkness. Please wrap Your loving arms around this family and draw them close. Thank You, Lord. Amen.

Sharyn


Posted by: BrendaMagana

Lord Jesus, please intervene in this matter. Send the miracle of reconciliation and forgiveness.

Solidify this marriage witha fresh breath of love and seal up all cracks in it.

Please mow down plans of divorce by the power in Your mighty Name.

Amen


Posted by: Forgiveness23

I pray in agreement and also ask Lord that you please restore this marriage. Please remove the other woman from her husbands life and let him know how much his family loves him. I ask for frogiveness, peace and love for this family. I know how it feels when a spouse keeps saying they wont come back, and that they dont love you, so finally I ask that you give beauty4ashes81 strength to keep going. THank you LORD AMEN....


Posted by: diamondcreates

Dear sister in Christ. My heart goes out to you and your young ones. Before you can even remotely think about having your husband again as a 'husband', work on yourself first. YOU still have allot of healing to go through first. Take care of you and your children first let that be first priority in your life and if it is GOD'S will and only God's will, then he will allow your husband to be in your life as your husband and not just the father of your children. This is a healing and growth process you have to do on your own accord. If he is the one chasing after you for the divorce allow him to take those painful steps and go down to the courthouse and file those papers. If he is man enough to lie to you and man enough to bring home an STD -then sweetie let him be man enough to file those papers. And if he does -- he does. When one door closes GOD always open up another bigger, and better door for HIS children.


Father God, grant my sister the favor of healing over this tramatic marriage dear Lord. Grant her healing over the lies, and the deceit that her husband has brought to this marriage. Anoint her footsteps dear Lord to provide for her children with or without her husband dear Lord. Anoint her head to be strong with knowledge, her back strong to carry her children through good times and as well as bad, but to never fall from YOUR presence. Anoint her footsteps, that they shall direct her and her children to safety dear Lord, anoint her hands that she shall find work, anoint her mind and her heart dear Lord, that she forgives but not forget where YOU have brought her from. Anoint her tongue as it shall be filled with wisdom and not hate or anger towards her children or her husband. Anoint her mouth that she shall not speak ill of her husband in front of her children or to her children. This I pray in YOUR holy and glorious name Father God, to grant this woman, this mother, sister, this friend, favor, and victory upon her head and her children's head. Amen,Amen,Amen.... Be bless dear sister in Christ. For GOD hears all your cries, all your tears have been wiped away by HIS gentle hands.


Posted by: Sulten

I am praying you will make the right decisions for your future and that of your little ones. God knows the sure path that is right in all this. Trust Him only. Sounds like some time out could be a blessing right now. Some time to pray and meditate. Take care dear sister. Keep us updated...


Posted by: Forgiveness23

I keep including you in my prayers, hang in there..


Posted by: Ruah_Flames

I agree with prayers here and advice



God help this lady to know you better, that in the midst of trouble, she can stand still and wait for your deliverance.

Lord provide to all her needs and thanks for the family and friends around her. Keep her heart safe in you and heal the broken heart. Teach her to know that we are the children of God and to trust you that you are well able to keep her and even bring back this man back to her. Keep her heart set for blessings from above and to train the little ones to trust in you



Amen


Posted by: beauty4ashes81

God is GREAT and my circumstances ARE NOT bigger than Him. No weapons formed against me and my children shall prosper.

This is what's been happening

now we've been separated for 6 mos and if you haven't already I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you to look through my posts and read my first several posts about my situation.

she (girlfriend) called to talk to me to tell me everything. how he was with her at the hotel room almost every night after the shooting. how they're going to be together tonight. She's 6 years younger than me. She knows about OUR TWO childrenand she told me he denies our daughter.

She told me that she wanted to be woman to woman about it and wanted to share with me and I told her I appreciate it. She also was like how are you going to work on your marriage when you're not toggether and I told her because of my faith and patience and let it be the will of God.


Then she told me he said that God is showing him everyday how they're supposed to be together and I told her that is not of God. God wouldn't sway you to leave your wife and children for someone else, and committ adultery and fornication.

I also told her what makes you think he's going to be committed to
you when if he does divorce me and marry you, you will be his 5th wife and that how will you know he son't do what he did to me to you when he left me for you?

She was also like well I got him taken care of he's going to be alright with me. He loves me and I love him...we're going to be together.

BUT then she was like yeah well I told him I was leaving him if he wasn't going to get a divorce. She is wasn't sure what she wanted.

I told her he likes to mess with young girls because he knows they are easy to manipulate and they put up with a lot of **** than dating an older woman his age (43).

i was planning to leave the country with our kids so i can make a much better life for them upon my return and i needed him to sign some papers for me and get them notarized....i don't think he'll do it.

Any Godly advice?


Posted by: save_us

Dear sister,

Jesus says Your mother will desert you but I will never leave you.

have trust and be patient God will make a way where there seems to be no way.

Just pray for all those who are in your position he will most certainly lift you from your misery.

Lord Jesus,

I pray for my sister here help her my Lord.
give her the strength to take care of her children.
give her your grace to forgive and pray for the person.
I know my Lord you have better plans for her.
You yourself have said Lord that the two become one.
Let not Lust destroy your plans for this family.
I make this pray through Christ our Lord.

AMEN


Posted by: FriendOfGod

O dear Lord, please convict this husband of his wrongdoing. Please intervene and interject on behalf of this marriage. Do whatever it takes to have this man repent and turn from his wrongful ways. have Your will and way in all of this. I plead of You.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.