I ASKED THE LORD TO JUST LET ME DIE, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WOULD MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY Articles / Testimony Letters Date: May 28, 2002 - 06:06 PM ALL AT ONCE I REALIZED THAT THE PAIN WAS GONE! DO YOU COMPREHEND WHAT I AM SAYING? IT'S GONE! I FELT SO FRESH AND CLEAN -- I WANDERED AROUND IN A DAZE ALL DAY....... Dear Jerry and Jan, I just have to write and share with you the good things that the Lord has been doing for me! I don't know if you have comprehended just how much has happened or not -- I'm not sure I do! All I know is that God has blessed me beyond measure and I want to tell you and thank you for your time and prayers for me. When the meetings began, I was very skeptical. During the three days that you were here in March, Rich kept asking me why I didn't go forward for prayer because he knew all too well that I was struggling with various issues. I told him that, because of a couple of bad experiences in the past, he would never see me up there! When those three days were over I thought I was safe -- but then you came back! During the first week's meetings, I did some MAJOR struggling. I made a point of coming to the morning meetings because I knew that I really did need some help and I also knew that this was MY time- it was now or never! I had been in such pain for so long-- I didn't really comprehend how I had come to such a place, and worse yet, didn't know how to get out of it. I HAD, ON A COUPLE OF OCCASIONS, ASKED THE LORD TO JUST LET ME DIE, BECAUSE I KNEW THAT WOULD MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY. The best that I could hope for was a little Holy Spirit Neosporin and a band-aid. (Yeah, Jan!) In my wildest dreams I wasn't prepared for what was to happen! During the morning meetings, I would just sit there with my eyes closed and worhship the Lord. I began to see a picture. It was a dirt path with green grass on each side. Standing in the path was Jesus, His hands outstretched, with the kindest half-smile his eyes twinkling. Running toward him was a small child. The thought went through my mind continually, "Run to Jesus! Run to Jesus!" The child ran and ran and ran but never got there. I wondered about that a lot, until the Sunday morning you prayed for me. At the time, you said something about becoming a child again. That afternoon, the thought came to me that I was that child! On Monday morning at work, I realized that the picture had changed. Now the child had reached Jesus; her arms around His neck, her legs around His waist and His arms around her in the biggest of all bear hugs! When I saw that, I knew that I had arrived! That evening, I came forward for prayer for my neck and a headache I had been struggling with all day. When I closed my eyes for prayer, I saw that picture and that bear hug felt so good, I just doubled over and laughed. Rich came by and asked me if my headache was gone and I said not entirely, but now it was a happy pain and I didn't care if it hurt or not! About two days later, I saw the picture again and this time Jesus and the child were walking along, hand in hand, at the child's pace, just enjoying each other's company. I'm learning once again how precious it is to run into His presence with the excitement and trust of a child! One evening, during the prayer time,, you came by and took my hand and prayed. You mentioned fear, lack of trust, and lots of pain. Your last words were, "God, forgive those who have hurt her." Then, on Sunday morning, the same thing -- much pain because of the past but no words of condemnation about my lack of forgiveness, etc. which was what I expected to hear. All of the sudden, I had really tried to forgive these people, and especially one particular person, but the words would catch in my throat. On Thursday morning, I was lying in bed just fellowshiping with the Lord, and the words just tumbled out of my mouth, " I forgive ......." I couldn't believe it. It felt so good; I tried it again and again. While I was getting ready for work, different issues came to my mind and I said, "I forgive him for that, too." When I got to work, as soon as I could, I went in to Darrell's office and told him that I wanted him to be the first to know that at 5:30 a.m. that morning, I had forgiven ..... We cried and prayed together. Since that time, other past instances have come to my mind and I have forgiven them as well. I figured that I had gotten by the really BIG one, these others are not worth hanging onto either! On Friday morning, once again while telling the Lord, "Good morning", I noticed that I felt so different. ALL AT ONCE I REALIZED THAT THE PAIN WAS GONE! DO YOU COMPREHEND WHAT I AM SAYING? IT'S GONE! I FELT SO FRESH AND CLEAN -- I WANDERED AROUND IN A DAZE ALL DAY. Later that afternoon, you know who came to visit? He wanted to know what I intended to do with a letter I had writen to .... as part of a counseling time. I was to write the letter, expressing my concerns, anger, etc. but no to mail it to him. It was a masterpiece -- six pages. I still had it three years later. I had read it several times, and must admit that as I read it, my anger and frustration turned to pity. I knew that this man needed help more than I did. I went home, found the letter, started to read it, thought better of it, folded it in half, wrote FORGIVEN, across it with the date and time, folded it and put it in a sealed envelope. Of course, satan wanted to know what I intended to do with it then. (You know, you really should read it to see if you have covered all of the bases, you do REALLY want to go through with this, etc.) I told him, that to make his day, I was going to take it to the church and give it to the pastor as a confirmation of what I had done. Rich and I did that together that Saturday night. I had also come forward for prayer that Thursday night telling you that I wanted what I had done that day to be set in concrete to me, everyone around me and also to set the record straight with satan......... God has been so good I FEEL LIKE A NEW PERSON. In fact, I told Rich that he has a new wife! If I sit around with a blank look on my face, I'm probably trying to figure out what just happened now! I FEEEL SO MUCH EXCITEMENT AND A STIRRING WITHIN THAT I CAN'T EXPLAIN. I feel that God has some neat things in store for Rich and me. That's one reason I drug him up to the altar on that final Friday night at our church and asked you to pray for him for the laying on of hands like you had done in the morning service. I had been there, but I told him I felt like our house was only half-covered and I wanted him to have the same anointing for service. WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER... In Christian love, Bonnie K This article comes from World's Largest Prayer Board Annointed.net News http://www.annointed.net/ The URL for this story is: http://www.annointed.net/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=66