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Ephesians 1:11
In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:
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This is Topic: Laughing is fun
Following are the News Items published under this Topic.
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Posted by: JG on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 03:04 AM |
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An Atheist's prayer was answered by God
My Dear Friends:
After three weeks of prayer and intercession. After all the prayer request and praise reports from Charley, Frances and Ivan. After the heart ache of what is going on in the world today I needed a break. I hope you like this. Now unlike the GrandMa funny story this one is a little different. I just though we needed a break. I hope you enjoyed this one.
An Atheist and God
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. He said to himself:
What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!"
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look.
He saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him,
reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
The Atheist cried out: "Oh, my God!..."
Time stopped. The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a booming voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist,
and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light,
"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps you could
make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The bear dropped his right paw,
brought both paws together and lifted his head toward heaven and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food,
which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord,
Amen."
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Posted by: JG on Saturday, September 11, 2004 - 06:53 PM |
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A new minister in a small Oklahoma town spent his first four
days
calling on the membership, inviting them to his first service. The
next Sunday, there were few in attendance. He desperately tried
several other approaches, but failed! He placed a notice in the
local
newspapers, stating that as the church was dead, it was his duty to
give it a decent Christian burial. The burial would be held the
following Sunday afternoon.
Morbidly curious, the whole town turned out. In front of the
pulpit they saw a high coffin, smothered in flowers. The minister
read the obituary and delivered a eulogy; he then invited the
congregation to step forward to pay their respects to the dearly
beloved who had departed.
The long line filed by; each mourner peeked into the coffin and
turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.... for in the coffin,
tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror. Everyone saw
HIMSELF!!! The next Sunday, the clever new minister preached to a
full house!!
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Posted by: JG on Friday, July 16, 2004 - 04:58 PM |
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26 Beautiful One-liners 1. Give God what's right -- not what's left. 2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope. 3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing. 4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone. 5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period. 6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period. 7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift. 8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty. 9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church. 10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us. 11. The church is prayer-conditioned. 12. When God ordains, He sustains. 13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning. 14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. 15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position. 16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
There is a lot more.
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Posted by: JG on Sunday, July 04, 2004 - 12:06 AM |
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Don't Mess With Grandma:
This is a true story ...
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it!
Get out of the car!" the four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, some what shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove
to the Police station..
The sergeant to whom she told the story
couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
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Posted by: JG on Monday, January 12, 2004 - 02:52 PM |
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Please Click read more to see larger photo
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Posted by: Shawn on Saturday, May 17, 2003 - 07:56 PM |
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Ever wondered what your computer is up to when your not paying attention?
I thought I had problems, but check out what this poor computer is up to.
Click read more to see what I'm talking about
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Posted by: JG on Thursday, February 27, 2003 - 01:06 PM |
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Please click read more for larger pic
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 24, 2003 - 11:42 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 06:21 PM |
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Hey Dad:
Here is a funny for you!
Dave
An old man lived in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it
was very hard work. His only son Bubba, who used to help him, was in
prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.
Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant
my potato garden this year. I'm just
getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my
troubles would be over.
I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad........
A few days later he received a letter from his son.......
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried
the BODIES.
Love Bubba
At 4 A.M. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and
dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to
the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.....
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and
Please click read more for rest....
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 07:32 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 07:31 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 17, 2003 - 07:29 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 05:32 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 05:31 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 05:29 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Tuesday, February 11, 2003 - 03:02 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Tuesday, February 11, 2003 - 03:00 AM |
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Posted by: JG on Tuesday, February 11, 2003 - 02:58 AM |
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A few minutes before the church services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.
Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying,physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
Click read more for rest...
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Posted by: JG on Tuesday, February 11, 2003 - 02:56 AM |
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A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he
read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would
take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his
wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own
cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa,
did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God
made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa,
did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said,
"God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their
respective faces again, she observed,
Click read more for rest of...
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Posted by: JG on Monday, February 10, 2003 - 02:59 PM |
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Posted by: JG on Friday, February 07, 2003 - 03:34 AM |
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Posted by: Shawn on Sunday, February 02, 2003 - 02:21 PM |
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Posted by: Shawn on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 04:45 PM |
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Posted by: Shawn on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 04:40 PM |
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.
The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."
"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"Pastor McGhee, what is this?" Alex asked.
"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked,
Click read more for rest...
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Posted by: Shawn on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 04:34 PM |
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
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Posted by: Shawn on Monday, January 27, 2003 - 04:33 PM |
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Posted by: Shawn on Friday, January 24, 2003 - 03:24 PM |
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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly,
Click read more for rest...
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Posted by: Shawn on Friday, January 24, 2003 - 03:22 PM |
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A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
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Posted by: JG on Thursday, January 02, 2003 - 11:49 PM |
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This is just something special I hope you like it. I dare you not to press play. You must have a sound card and you must have it turned on..
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Posted by: JG on Wednesday, January 01, 2003 - 02:45 PM |
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This would be one way of getting help
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Posted by: JG on Wednesday, January 01, 2003 - 01:29 PM |
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What happend to Santa on the way home?
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Posted by: JG on Tuesday, December 31, 2002 - 11:20 AM |
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Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed
supervisor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's
business.
Several residents were unappreciative of her
activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused
George, a new member, of being
an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck
parked in front of the town's only bar one
afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone
seeing it there would know
that he was an alcoholic.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a
moment and just walked away.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George, quietly parked his
pickup in front of Sarah's
house...............
AND he left it there all night.
I am not sure anyone is reading this stuff. So I am putting a test here to see if anyone is. Did anyone find this funny... Post a comment to let us know. I really like the feedback
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